Shelby reclined back on her couch.

Her curly brown hair hung in ringlets that cascaded over her shoulders, ending just below her brown nipples. She had her share of men, but at the age of 23, she made her mind up that all her playing was over. She would become a one man woman. Or so she thought. Six years later, that one man could not hold her interest any longer. She knew once she started looking at other men as if they were something she could play with, she needed to end the marriage. Isn't it funny though? The life I tried to run away from, the life I tried with all my might to forget, is the life I live. I watched my mother run through men as a child. She was the one who raised me in a poly household. She was the free spirit who had sex when desired, with whomever she desired, and however many she desired that night. To think that I'd be the same. Shelby glanced through her screen door. Those people see the cute single woman who lives across the drive. They have no idea who I really am. They complain about their children, their wives, their lives and then they look at me. Sweet innocent me, and they desire it. They fantasize that if they were my man, they would have it easy, they would have it all. Ha. I almost want to yell to them that I'm not as innocent as I look. I wonder if they can hear my screams, my moans and sobs when he's here. If only they knew, would they desire me more? The ends of her hair tickled her nipples as she reached for the cup of whiskey. Shivers coursed through out her body. She would never show that side of herself to the outside world. She would never relinquish all of her control to others. Inside her apartment, inside her bedroom, she was free to be as she wanted. No one could judge her, no one's opinions mattered. There's nothing wrong with a healthy sexual appetite. Nothing. So what if I like to be tied up and whipped. So what if I like to gag on a cock as it's being forced into my throat. So what if the only way I'm able to achieve a powerful orgasm is through rough and highly kinky sexual play. Give me the tender with the rough. Give me the hard and the soft. I want a spectrum of pleasures, and not just one side of the coin. Where is the man who desires the same? Where is that man who desires more than one kink, who needs more than one and who can keep imagining more? *** "Bradley, you of all people know how hard I've worked to bring this division around. I did this! Me! How can you look me in the eye and tell me I'm not ready?" Shelby paced across the wool rug of the office. Her hands clasped into fists at her side. She knew she was acting like a child who had her candy stolen from her, but she didn't care.

All the years she worked for this company, the hours she put in, to be told she wasn't ready? Seriously! If she wasn't ready, then what the fuck has she been doing all this time? Learning the ins and outs of production. Learning and improving on skill sets that would bring her to this point. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks, her heart pounded harder in her chest. She was on the verge of tears from being so damn mad. She wanted to punch something, someone, and Bradley was at the focus of all that rage. "Shell, It's not me, it's Barbara. She just doesn't think your ready to take on a Management role. Honestly, the way your acting right now has me second guessing if you are as well. "Calm down, I'm not saying you aren't a great employee. Hell, there's no one else in this damned office I can count on, but relax we just need a little more time to turn her around. I promise, I'm not hiring someone to replace you. The new hire will be a 'sudo-boss', in name only." Bradley, ran his hands over his face in frustration. "Shell sit down." Shelby swung around, strode up to him, and slammed her palms on his desk. She closed her eyes and wished she hadn't as tears erupted from the corners and began cascading down her flushed face. Thank the god's that they helped to cool her, to bring her back down. She opened her eyes and stared straight into his. "I feel used. Used by this company, used by Barbara, and used by you. Under appreciated, under paid, and over worked." Straightening her back, she took a couple deep breaths and sat in the couching of the leather chair facing his desk. "As my friend, I'm telling you to fuck off. As my boss, I understand. If I'm not ready, I'm not ready." "Are we ok?" Bradley reached across his desk to snatch a tissue up and pass it to Shelby. "Fuck if I know right now!" She snatched the tissue and wiped her face. She needed to regain her composure before stepping out of the office. She could not let others see how upset she was over all of this. Ammunition was all they needed. She took another deep breath before standing up, and squaring her shoulders. "We're good." Smiling, she turned on her heals and walked out of Bradley's office. Fuck him, fuck the company, and fuck this whole damn system. How in the hell am I not ready. I built a division from scratch, I brought a failing division back to life. I bring in more sku's, more fucking money on time than any other division. Fuck 'em. Let's see how they get along without me making shit easier. I'm done. Brandy swiveled around in her chair as Shelby passed. She noticed the puffiness in Shelby's eyes and noted the crease between her brows. If Shelby was pissed, it had to be something huge. Brandy had trained under Shelby when she arrived to take over the Accessories division. Of all the people in the building, if someone knew how to do anything, it was Shelby. Although Shelby's laid back attitude annoyed her, she knew Shelby worked hard and helped all that needed it. She cared. She cared about the department, she cared about the product, she cared about every little detail. "Shell, you ok?" Shelby grinned at Brandy, taking her seat across the walk way. "I'm great. Why?"

"It just looks like something happen just now in Bradley's office. You sure you're ok?" "Fabulous as usual." Shelby turned to her computer and began working. Hours passed in a blink of an eye. All emails were answered, problems resolved or on their way to being so, and all her costs were turned in. The clock in the corner of her screen read "6:00PM". Shelby sighed, shut down her computer and put her phone in her purse. Maybe he's right. I'm lacking. I'm not ready. If that little temper tantrum today was any indication. She strode past the security guards, showing the contents of her purse as she exited. She waited in line for the van to take her to her car. She sat with her hands in her lap, her head straight during the short drive to the parking lot. She walked to her car. She sat in the seat and cried. Cried until her head hurt and her chest felt like it would explode. She cried because she felt used. She cried because she wasn't enough. She cried because after the day she had, she had no one at home to cry on. *** An hour later she arrived home. The routine of arrival followed. Purse tossed onto the couch. Cat's fed and fresh water put in their bowls. Cigarettes and phone taken out of her purse before hanging it on the chair. TV on, speakers on. To the bedroom to change out of her work clothes and into her bed wear. Bathroom to wash her face, pee, and back to the kitchen to pour a glass of whiskey. Shelby sat in silence as she checked her personal emails. She scanned the personal sites looking for someone new to appear on the screen. She answered back to few of the guys who contacted her before checking to see if anyone she knew was online. She browsed the online sites in search of a TV show or movie to watch. Then she peered across the drive. Families doing the family thing, some with guests over. Most of her neighbors were not home. She heard music drifting from another apartment some where close. This was her life. This was her sanctuary. She didn't have to worry running damage control, or finding strategical ways of getting things done quickly and right. Everything was in it's place, everything was perfect. Nothing to do but relax. She had watched half of a Korean drama when her phone chirped. Smiling as she reached for it. It had to be Richard. Text Message 1/1700 From: Richard What are you up to tonight? Richard was the recent Dom she was seeing. Their relationship was more friends with benefits than actual D/s, but the sex was amazing. He knew somehow the right time to inflict pain and the right time to be gentle. His hands did amazing things to her body.

If only they were both in the same place, she could see herself falling for him. He stimulated her mind, he stimulated her body, he was into exploring every and all possibilities he could find. At the time they began seeing each other, she couldn't have wished for a better partner. Now she wanted more of a relationship and he was still figuring out where he wanted to be. Shelby paused the video and hit reply. Shelby: Nothing :) What are you doing? Richard: Imagining my hands around your neck while I fuck your pretty ass. Shelby: Real life is better. Richard: I know it is. Shelby: Come over. Richard: What's on your mind? Shelby: I want to taste your cock on my tongue. I want to feel your hands on me. Richard: is that all? Shelby: no. i want you to grab my hair with one hand and choke me with the other as you fuck my ass. i want to gag on your cock while your come shoots down my throat. Shelby: i want to feel the sting of your hand across my face. i want you to bite me hard. fuck me hard. Richard: I'll leave in 10. Shelby ran her fingers along her legs and felt the heat rising between them. Fuck. The 30 minute drive was long enough to pick up her clothes, make her bed, shave, and give herself an enema before he called to say he arrived at the gate. It was the same routine with them. Texting for days, finally he'd plan to come over, they'd sit and talk before going into more sexual territory. He'd hurt her, please her, fuck her, use her, then they'd relax in bed and talk again before one of them was ready to do more. A couple hours and then he was on his way back home. He never stayed the night. Although he had mentioned bringing a woman coffee in the morning, she assumed now that he meant on his way to her house if it was in the morning. Shelby wasn't sure she wanted him to spend the night either. That would just complicate their relationship and move it into another direction. Richard was straight forward, and she liked that. He made it clear from the beginning that he wasn't looking for a committed relationship at this time. Monogamy with the occasional girlgirl-guy threesome was about all he would commit to with her. Dating was a constant, but sex was agreed to be between them exclusively. Shelby's subs weren't allowed to touch her sexually either and she was OK with that since she preferred to be dominated. Richard agreed to be there until she found what she was looking for. But what was that exactly? A relationship that wasn't long term. With someone who controlled her with a strong hand, played her stings like a guitar, pushed her buttons to the point of total submission. She needed to be cared for, for someone else to make the decisions. She couldn't be all hardassed and on top of shit all the time. She wanted to be able to be the woman she was at work and the sexy slut at home. Was that really too much to ask for?