Helpful Hints for Self Monitoring

"The ERA Process"

INDICATORS OF NOT BEING IN THE PROCESS
WHEN SENDING
The Sender is Being Critical.
Examples:
Blaming "You started it!"
Shaming "I can't believe you stole my
one opportunity."
Judging "Anyone who would do a
thing like that is weird."
The Sender is Attempting to Manipulate an
Outcome.
Examples:
Being Selective "I bought your dinner twice this
week." (Fails to mention that you
bought her lunch 3 times last
week.)
Is Unclear "That is an epistemological
methodology of thinking."
(Purposely uses words and
abstractions that are unknown to
you.)
Exaggerating/ "You are only interested in yourself
Minimizing .- everything for Mary and no
thought about anybody else."
(Paints a distorted picture by
inaccurate emphasis.)
The Sender is Making Assumptions that
s/he knows the Receiver's "truth."
Examples:
"I... Know... You" Any "You" statement, such as "You
always liked him better,"
"I... Know... You... "What you really
Better... Than... mean is you don't want
You... Know... You" to do it."
WHEN RECEIVING
The Receiver is Demonstrating Reactivity
because s/he is focused on Self rather
than on Sender.
Examples:
crying, frowning, audibly
sighing, intentionally looking away, crossing
arms, rolling eyes, shaking head, glaring,
and verbally interrupting.
The Receiver is Thinking.
Analyzing
Interpreting
Examples:
Thinking "You just don't want
to take me out to dinner
because you are in a hurry to
get home to watch the ball
game."
Thinking "You're only saying
that to me because I remind
you of your mother."
The Receiver is Being Inattentive to the Sender
in other ways.
Distracted
Interrupting
Has difficulty
Mirroring
Examples:
Daydreaming, watching TV,
reading. (Becoming engrossed
in something other than the
Sender's immediate "send.")
Blurting out, "That's not the
way I remember it!"
Mirrors inaccurately or
incompletely.
INTERNAL DYNAMICS OF BEING IN THE PROCESS
WHEN SENDING
The Sender is Being Authentic.
This exists when the Sender is expressing his/her "truth"
in an appropriate and constructive manner.
The Senderis Being Respectful.
This occurs when Sender is aware that his/her "truth" is
limited by personal perspective, and communicates this
awareness by using "I" statements only. The Sender is
eager to be known even at the risk of being vulnerable.
WHEN RECEIVING
The Receiver is Being Empathic.
This is accomplished by the Receiver paying full
attention to the Sender. The Receiver's
attentiveness is driven by his/her desire to
understand the Sender's perspective.
The Receiver is Being Respectful.
This manifests when the Receiver is being
nonjudgmental, open, eager to receive, curious
and vulnerable.
Each of us is' instrumental in making it possible for the Other to stay in the Process.
We Are One Another's Context!
Developed py Joyce Buckner, Ph.D., Psychologist.
2004 By Joyce Buckner, Ph,D. All Rights Reserved.