Serve First One of the Keys to a Healthy Family is Holding to the Value Serve First!

I have come to learn that the best thing I can do to lead my family, is to first truly serve my wife and children. It all begins in the home, with those closest t...o us. Tragically, they often become the ones that get the brunt of our anger, dissatisfaction, and selfishness. I want to turn that trend upside-down and see our homes as the birth place for life and community transformation. This emphasis has renewed my family, relationships, work and calling. I encourage you to follow in these ways. Practically Do not keep score, defend your rights, or become enraged when you feel wronged. Rather, become the servant of your family, your husband, your wife, your friends, your co-workers, and even your enemies. Go out of your way to find an unexpected way to serve everyday, and watch the atmosphere around you be transformed. Ask God to help you with thisand He will. Backing it Up Jesus said, Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. -Matthew 20:26-28
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How do I date my Spouse? Dating is something of a lost art form in our society today especially as it relates to married couples. It seem like all the creative ideas, the things you see in movies, were gone the moment you said I do. We g...uys used all our good ideas to actually get our wives to say yes and set the bar so high for ourselves that we could never measure up on our best day. Our wives used to think we were the best thing since sliced bread and let us know about it both verbally and non-verbally in how they responded to us. There is something about getting into the regular rhythms of life that cause us to abandon one of the most enjoyable and fun parts of our relationship with one another. While we may never go back to the days of husbands who think they are poets and wives who actually think the poetry is any good, we certainly can revive the excitement of dating one another and making that time as important as any other appointment or activity in our lives. Research shows that time together is one of the leading indicators of whether a marriage is going to survive or not so making time for one another is not a luxury you add from excess time you happen to find, it is a necessity if you want to have a healthy relationship. So what do you do on a date? What do you do together once you make the time? Well I dont pretend to have all the answers for every couple out there because we are all

different. For some jumping out of an airplane together is fun. For other, more normal people, dinner is just fine. Whatever it is that you enjoy as a couple here are a few things to consider: Pick a Regular Time and Block it Off Your Calendar This whole dating thing cannot be something you get around to when you have time. Just like any other important appointment you would never miss for fear of getting fired or missing a huge opportunity, your date life needs to be a high priority. For Cheryl and I our date time is during the day on my day off while the kids are in school. It works best for us and is a time we look forward to. Figure out what works best for you and make it a recurring event. Talk Together About What You Want to Do Instead of putting the pressure on one person who has to determine all the details and might or might not get it right, talk together about what you want to do. If you like the idea of coming up with new things and really want to have one person take the lead, trade off each date time on who will plan the day. Whatever you do make sure you have time to talk and connect together. A date where you only face forward and never interact with one another is not a date. That is happening to have someone near you while you do something else. Make your date a time to connect. For Cheryl and I, we go to Starbucks in the morning and spend time talking together and usually go to lunch together. We leave the time in between flexible so we can decide what we want to do week to week. Check in with One Another and Reconnect In your date time together talk about life and use it as a time to catch up with one another. This is not a time to bring up all the things your spouse is doing to make your life miserable. That is not a date but an interrogation! This is a time to enjoy your time together and focus on the other person instead of what the other person can do for you. A few things you could ask each other would be: -How has your week been? -What are some of the challenges you are facing right now? -What has God been saying to you lately in your time with Him? -What things are you excited about? -What plans do we need to make together as a couple?

These types of questions allow you to explore one another and enjoy talking together. Remember not to use questions to manipulate your spouse or lecture them. This is a time to enjoy one anothers company. Do Some Kind of Activity Together Explore some things you like to do together. It may be as simple as going out to eat all the way to bike riding together. Whatever it is pick something you both enjoy and find a hobby you can do together. Kindle your Sex life I know just putting this one out there some of you just let out a cheer and some of you want to stop reading. I put this out there not to say that every date has to end with sex. In fact that would be the wrong reason to have a date if the whole thing is just a set up for sex unless you both agree that is where you are going. I put this out there because the physical part of many couples relationships is something that can be left unattended. Over time sex becomes less and less an expression of the relationship and more and more a looming expectation or an experience laden with fears of disappointment. Like anything else, sex is something that we need to be intentional about if it is to be an enjoyable part of our relationship. With so many misunderstandings and hurt feelings that can surround our physical relationships, talking about it and making time for it are vital. Sometimes just scheduling when you will have sex can take the pressure of guessing when the right time would be away and can create a great opportunity to connect. In a future article I will talk about how to talk about sex but for now, consider how you will tend your physical relationship together whether that is during your date time or not. Hopefully this gives you a place to start in thinking about your dating relationship. Guys remember your wives like to be pursued and what you did to get her to say yes to marrying you probably would still work today. Ladies remember your husbands liked it when you showed that you appreciated them and what they did had an impact on you and doing the same today for your husband will have a profound effect on how he pursues you. Now get out there and start dating each other and remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place!
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If Im not honoring my wife, I cannot possibly claim to be growing spiritually. Neither can you. Im planting and pastoring a church. I write articles for Christian blogs and websites. Im Editor of one of the worlds leading websites for P...astors. I also consult with

ministries on social media and communication strategies. Ive spoken in a conference or two. But if I dont honor my precious wife, I could count all of that other stuff pretty much worthless. Heres how the apostle Peter put it: In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in Gods gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 NLT Notice the last line, where Peter lays down the gauntlet. If you dont honor your wife, your conversation with God will be hindered. Your spiritual growth will be stunted. Success in the secular world often demands an inflated ego and self-confidence. Success in marriage, which is prerequisite to successful spiritual growth and therefore ministry growth requires death to self and a self-sacrificing servants heart. Honoring your wife means assigning value to her. The word honor is used elsewhere to describe how we worship God. No, we shouldnt worship our wives the way we worship God, but there is a similarity in which we lay down our wills, our agendas, and our egos at the feet of those who deserve our sacrifice. She is Gods gift in this new life we share in Christ. Im going out on a limb here. Im going to offer advice in the form of ways to honor our wives that I have personally struggled with. My wife graciously loves me, and she means more to me than anyone else on the planet, but I have a lot of growing room as a husband. These are areas Im determined to address in my life and my marriage, and you may struggle with these as well. So consider this a list of gentle reminders to me and to you. Be Honest I struggle with this along with many other men in the sense that I often hold back my feelings and failures for fear of being criticized by the one person whose opinion I value most. But heres the brutal truth nothing destroys intimacy more than deceit and dishonesty. Honesty is the only path to trust and closeness. You cant stay connected to your wife if youre arent open, honest, and transparent. Be Thoughtful Im addicted to a solid daily routine. I like to wake up early, have my coffee, do some studying and writing, have some interaction with the world, get my work done, hang out with the family, lock all the doors and go to bed. Thats a safe routine. The problem with safe routines, however, is that they require little thought. Im sometimes ashamed that I try to be so creative in my approach to ministry leadership, but I fail to apply my creative abilities in the realm of how I show love to my wife.

Be Attentive My wife wonders sometimes if she should be worried about my health because I forget so much. I can remember stupid and pointless details (did you know that wasp stings contain pheromones that signal other wasps to sting?), but I sometimes forget whole conversations that Ive had with my wife. What stinks is that a fellow Pastor can suggest an idea and I excitedly tell my wife who reminds me that she shared the same idea a week before while I was staring into outer space or at a computer screen. If this doesnt seem like a big deal, think of it this way failing to tune into what our wives are saying is essentially declaring their words of little or no value. To honor is to convey value. So listen up! Be Gentle My wife and I have had arguments. In fourteen years of marriage, sometimes weve said things that cut fairly deep, and when things get intense and my blood pressure goes up, I struggle with the tendency to blow up. No, Ive never been physically abusive, but I have made the terrible mistake of thinking that if I yell loudly enough, Ill win! Wrong. Every time Ive ever yelled, Ive lost. Why? Because even if I proved a point (which is rare), Ive stripped away my wifes sense of being cherished and protected. If another man yelled at my wife, Id spring into action to defend her, but I dont always stop myself from hurting her in this way. To honor her as the weaker vessel (Peters words, not mine), I need to lead with gentleness. Be Affectionate Im not a hugger. I dont mind hugs, but its not my natural way of relating to people. But I read a statistic today (wish I had the source) that said the average married couple kisses for five seconds per week! In King James language, brethren, these things ought not to be so. There is something electric about human touch. Babies need to be touched to develop socially and emotionally, and grown-ups are just the same. Hug her. Kiss her. And hug and kiss her for far more than five seconds per week. Be Her Biggest Fan My wife followed my to college (okay, I pretty much followed her on that one). She has followed me from one ministry to the next. She followed me to southern California and back. She has changed careers and resigned positions to follow me. Why? She loves me and shes my biggest fan. But I dont have half the giftedness of my wife when it comes to things shes good at. Shes been a social worker, therapist, teacher, and womens ministry leader. And as God opens doors for her to serve, lead, and excel, Im going to be cheering her on. Im her biggest fan. Her identity isnt wrapped up in me or my ministry. Shes awesome on her own accord. Be Her Lover I know what youre thinking he finally mentioned sex! Nope. I dont think youll be hurting for sex if you truly honor your wife in the ways Ive mentioned. Instead, Im talking about understanding how she receives love. I have a tendency to say nice things about my wife. While she appreciates this, words arent really the way she receives love. Instead, she responds when I show my love for her in unexpected ways and spend time with her. Its not enough to love her in the way that comes easiest for me. To honor her, I

need to value the way God wired her to receive love. Be Her Leader I believe that God wired women to respond to the servant-hearted leadership of their husbands. And God wired husbands to lead at home. Because of depravity, some women dont want to be led. And because of depravity, some men are either wimps or overlords, neither of which was Gods intention. But when we find our biblical roles and really lead well spiritually, financially, and socially, we create an awesome climate for connection. So lead, just the way God intended! Honoring our wives means more than saying the right words. It requires that we be willing to stretch beyond our comfort zones, to think, to be intentional, to be a bit radical, to be honest and transparent, and to step up to the plate to lead! When we honor our wives the way God intended, our spiritual roots can grow down deeper than we ever imagined. - BC
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Words are weapons in a relationship, Weapons of either love or damage. They can either help or hinder, encourage or discourage, tear down or build up. Let no evil word or unwholesome or worthless talk ever come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
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HOW TO EXPRESS LOVE One of the critical things to develop in a marriage is a sense of emotional safety and security in the relationship. A good way of doing this is by frequently expressing love in tangible ways. Here are some suggestions. ... Touch them - prefer your spouse, sit next to them, hold hands, hug, touch them as you walk by, make love, snuggle, take a bath together, take dance lessons, do anything that requires a certain amount of touch ... Spend time with them - find common interests, make dates, travel together, minister together, pray and study together, shop together, go for walks ... Talk to them - say something nice or kind, make a point of sharing your day, learn something new every day and share it, compliment them, read to each other, verbally encourage them in pursuing their dreams, say "I love you" a lot... Do something for them - polish their shoes, pick up after the children (even if it's not your job), change a diaper, look for something practical to do that will bless your spouse ...

Give them something special - It might be something practical that they need or something foolish and romantic - a book, a handful of flowers, a mushy note or card (or a silly one, or a sexy one) ... Paul bought me a grease screen on our 1-month anniversary and I loved him for it! (yes, I'm the practical one) :) As an aside, you might listen carefully to your spouse. Listen to what they ask for. Listen to what impresses them about others. This will give you a clue as to what they want and need in terms of loving expressions.

If I ... do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal ... I am nothing ... it profits me nothing ... 1 Cor. 13:1-2 Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Cor. 13:4-8a - Lori
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Back again to basics, what is love? Scripture says; "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" 1 corinthians 13:4-7
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Extramarital affairs starts as a joking matter but soon turns deadly and destroys everything valuable including the gift of life itself. Everyone eventually suffers!As we said before, sexual thought life needs to be carefully disciplined. Do not permit an intimate friendship with an opposite sex to grow without tight boundaries. Prevention is better than cure
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Extramarital affairs;everyone eventually suffers even if the affair is only an emotional and

never culminates in physical sex! Keep all sexual fantasies focused on your partner.Sexual thought life needs to be carefully disciplined. Do not p...ermit an intimate friendship with an opposite sex to grow without tight boundaries. Please do not spend unaccounted time together with opposite sex colleagues. Ladies and Men enjoy interacting, and there will naturally be attraction.Prevention is better than cure - Christian Sex Manual
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Love should always be freely given. Love cannot be demanded. No one likes to be forced to do anything. We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything. Request gives direction to love, but demand stop the flow of love.
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This week we go back to the basic. Starting with Kissing. Daily kiss is very essential in a family. It enhances the bonds of companionship. Every couple everywhere in the world can afford to have it daily! It's binding, it's lovely, it's sexy and it adds protection to your relationship! Give him or her a kiss daily!
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It's friday!!Enjoy letting your romantic side out and be honest; "Cuddle up on a lonely park bench and tell him your deepest, sexiest fantasies. Get specific. Where are you? How is the mood? What position are you in? Where are his hands? Where is his mouth?" Have a blessed weekend and remember to go to church!
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The mystery of love lies in falling in love with the same person over and over again through the years. It's the beauty of two lovers sharing their whole lives together 'til heaven welcomes them home!
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Do you have a Christian sex manual? Get advice on not just prayer alone in the bedroom but also the science of arousal, oral sex, jump rope, vibrators, masturbation and more, with detailed drawings of a penis, clitoris and labia, as well as... several sexual positions (wife on top, side by side, husband on top, crosswise, rear-entry, and standing).Christians need to

reclaim God's wonderful gift of sexuality! Our sexualities are a gift from God for us to enjoy and celebrate, not to deny and be ashamed of. And as long as we follow God's biblical guidelines for sexual intimacy, our marriages will be tremendously rewarded.
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Strengthening marriage requires less talk and more action! It requires that i totally share my life with my better half(wife). I hope you will do the same.