Peer Pressure The Good & the Bad...

Peer pressure is when "friends" persuade you to doing something that you do not want to do. But maybe you want to do it, and you just don't have the courage to do it and your friends talk you into it. Peer Pressure can be broken down into t wo areas; good peer pressure and bad peer pressure. Bad peer pressure is being coerced into doing something that you didn't want to do because your friends said that you should. Friends have a tendency to think t hat they know what is best for you, and if your friends are like some of ours, t hey always offer their opinion whether it is wanted or not Well, if friends are going to tell you what to do, what can you do about it? The most basic thing tha t you can do is to say "No, I don't wish to do that!" or if you want to do it, s ay "Yes, give me a try!" For instance, if one of your friends offered you a cigarette, you might say "No, that just doesn't interest me." But being able to say no may not be the problem ; the real problem arises when your friends repeatedly ask you to do something. This is where you have to be able to say to yourself, "I made a decision and I t ruly feel that my decision was the correct one", and then be able to express tha t repeatedly to all of your friends, and have enough respect for yourself to sta nd up and not give in. This seems like a difficult task, doesn't it? It takes a tremendous amount of will power to be able to stand up to the people that you kn ow, trust, and respect ... your friends. One of the major problems with peer pressure occurs when you get sucked into som ething that you really didn't want to do and subsequently, become addicted to it . Usually, people get backed into a situation to try illegal drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes and more times than not, these behaviors can become habit forming. If and when someone comes up and offers you one of these substances, it is your decision whether you want to try or continue to use these substances. You should be prepared to make these decisions and to make a good decision you must be edu cated on that topic. For instance, say you were going to buy a stereo. You would n't just go out and pick the one that looked nice, you probably would go to the library and look into it. You might do some research in a few magazines, ask a f ew friends what they thought, go to the store and listen to each stereo through multiple speakers and finally make an educated decision. Before engaging in a sp ecific situation, you should take the time to read about each one and the possib le drawbacks before you decide to try or not to try anything. Our reasoning behind not telling you what to do with each decision is because th rough out school, we were always told "Say NO to drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. " You see, we may have always been taught other people's opinions. We think that it is better that one finds out what will happen, how it will happen, and get w hatever information that you need to make an educated decision. So, arm yourself with wisdom and knowledge and some decision making skills, so you can live your own life and finally accept the consequences of doing or not doing something. Good peer pressure, on the other hand, is being pushed into something that you d idn't have the courage to do or just didn't cross your mind to do. However, as y ou think about it, it seems like a good thing to do. Good peer pressure can also be a situation when your friends convince you not to do something you were goin g to do because it wasn't in your best interest. Some people say that good peer pressure is when you get pushed into something that you didn't want to do and it turned out well. Well, this may be nice, but ask yourself this question: how do you know "ahead of time" whether what you are doing will turn out good or bad?

Can you? Most people can't, but if you can, your problems may be solved! When th e time comes for you to make these big decisions, it is important to think befor e deciding. Take as long as you need just to think about whether you want to do it, think about whether you should, and finally think about the consequences. Th ese are the important things that must be done before any big decision is made. Also, knowing who is asking you to do something helps you make the decision. If the person is not your friend, you should really consider what they want you to do, but if you know, trust and respect this person then you might seriously cons ider what they ask. But how do you know? For each person, deciding who is your friend or not, is a d ifficult decision. It might be of benefit for you to develop some sort of person al grouping system of your friends and depending on what group they fall into wi ll determine how strong an influence you allow them to have in your life. One po ssible classification scheme might be as follows: Not Your Friend - People you usually don't associate with under normal circumsta nces. Acquaintance - This group of people includes those that you might see in school, but you don't associate with out of school. You might occasionally cross their path out of school, but you wouldn't normally seek them out. Wannabe Friends - These are people you might want to be friends with for some se lfish reasons, such as hoping to be more popular. People who fall into this cate gory are never your true friends because the foundation for the friendship does not have a solid basis. True Friends - These are the ones in the small, close group of people that you c onfide in and you know that they have your best interest in mind. The people in this group are those whose influence on your life makes you a better person. Knowing who to listen to and who to avoid is the biggest step in fighting unwant ed, negative peer pressure. Remember, it's your life and your responsibility for determining what you make of it! Peer pressure is one thing that all teens have in common. You can't escape it; i t is everywhere. No matter how popular you are, how well liked you may be or how together you feel, sooner or later you will have to face peer pressure. Whether it is pressure to conform to a group norm or pressure to act a certain w ay peer pressure is something everybody has to deal with at some time in their l ife. How successfully you handle peer pressure depends a great deal on how you f eel about yourself and your place in the world. Peer Pressure Risk Factors There are certain risk factors for peer pressure, personality traits that make y ou more prone to give in to pressure. The traits that put you at higher risk for falling in to the peer pressure trap include: low self esteem lack of confidence uncertainty about ones place within a given peer group no personal interests exclusive of one's peer group feeling isolated from peers and/or family poor academic abilities or performance fear of one's peers lack of strong ties to friends feeling that friends could turn on you close bond with a bully Handling Peer Pressure How do you prepare to face peer pressure and win? There are many things you can

do. Prepare a mental script of how you would like to deal with uncomfortable sit uations. Script out the reaction you want to have in a given situation and play that script out in your head over and over again. Know where you stand on key issues like sex, drugs and alcohol and do not allow anybody to make you deviate from your position. Never be afraid to speak up and let others know your boundaries. You may get a bit of teasing at first but most people respect the boundaries of others when they know what they are. Never take part in any bullying. Making other people feel bad or sad is a terrib le way to try to fit in. Flatly refuse to take part in anything designed to caus e harm or distress to another person and speak up if such a situation arises. Yo u do not have to be angry or confrontational but one person standing up for what is right is usually enough to inspire others to follow. Think of yourself as a leader and act accordingly. The more you see yourself in a leadership role the more comfortable you will feel asserting your own opinions and feelings. Always Be Comfortable With Your Choices When ugly situations arise and peer pressure kicks in to high gear it is very ea sy to get caught up in the moment and forget that you will have to live with the choices you make. If you give in and do something that is contrary to your char acter or core value system it will cause you distress later and you will feel re gret. When peer pressure rears its ugly head try to focus on how you feel about what i s happening rather than getting caught up in the crowd. Always stand up for what you think is right. Some people may not like it when you go against the group but doing the right th ing is rewarding. Peer pressure only works if you let it, if you refuse to let i t intimidate you it loses its power. The secret is to be assertive without becom ing preachy or self-righteous. Stand your ground but refrain from standing on a soap box. Remember, peer pressure can only win if you let it.+ Peer pressure Contents What is peer pressure? Peer support Peer pressures Dealing with it Resources Everybody, no matter what age, is faced with pressure to 'fit in'. In our teenag e years this pressure can be even stronger because no one wants to feel like an outsider. Peer pressure can sneak in and take over your life choices. There are things you can learn to help you deal with it when it is a problem. What is peer pressure? Peer groups are people who you hang out with that are your age. They can be people you think are really 'funky dudes' (you would really like to be like them), or people about the same as you in age and ability. They can be people you know or people you see on TV, in movies, in bands or arou nd the place. Peer pressure is when you feel you 'have to' do something that you might not usu ally choose to do. It is when you choose to do this to fit in, or 'be cool', amo ngst your peers. This might be: "come on don't be weak , "you are When people try to persuade you to do something just chicken", "you're straight", "you are frigid", etc. Being expected to look or be a certain way to "fit in" you might try to wear the 'right things' to fit in with the 'popular group' or do things so you don't get teased.

Peer pressure can be pretty sneaky. Sometimes you don't even know it is happenin g or that you are choosing to do things because of it. Sometimes people might us e the fact that they know you want to fit in to make you do things you don't wan t to. Peer support To many people's amazement, peer pressure is not all doom and gloom. It can actu ally be a really positive influence in your life. It can be a way to: get to know your limits and what you are willing to accept improve your ability to make your own choices understand who you are as a unique and special individual - you are like no othe r! introduce you to positive things like interests, music, friends get you involved with positive people doing something worthwhile, eg. youth grou p, Green Corps, community helpers, sports team, church, drama or music group. Your friends and peer group can offer you lots of things like: feeling like you belong and are valued for who you are increased confidence and a sense of security, because you know that your friends understand what is going on for you a safe place to take positive risks, and to test out ideas a way to get to know other people and what they think about things learning to negotiate, accept and get along with others sharing interests and introducing you to new ideas. Peer pressures Everyone has pressures to 'fit in', no matter what their age. Some people might feel it more than others. You might feel it more in some situations than others. This can mean making choices that you don't really want to or that are unsafe. H ere are some examples. Wearing 'the right' clothes - this might contribute to fights with your parents, not having money to do other things you like to do, or even doing things like s tealing to get the gear you need to 'look right'. Trying smokes, alcohol, dope or other stuff - these are not so good for your hea lth and can lead to accidents, fights, and trouble with the police. Missing school - this can lead to trouble at school, with your parents and maybe with other friends too. Teasing, bullying or hurting other people - you can end up feeling bad about thi s, not to mention how the person who is the target might feel! Too much dieting or body building - trying to be 'thin' or 'muscular' to get peo ple to like you doesn't work and can actually harm your body. These are just some examples of the pressures and life choices that you and your friends might face every day. Dealing with it How you deal with peer pressures can be different for everyone. There are a few things you might think about. Most importantly, be true to yourself. Make your own choices. Get to know who yo u are and what is good for you and your life. Our 'Self-esteem and confidence' t opic can help with some tips. Think about what someone gets out of pressuring you to do something. Is this rea lly for your benefit? Or for theirs? What do they get out of forcing you to do s omething you don't want to? Think about what you are getting out of the choices you are making. What would y ou like for yourself in the future? How are the choices you are making now going to help or hinder your ability to achieve these goals? What might you do to get there in the most successful way you can? Learning skills like assertiveness can help. This can mean using messages like " I think ", "I feel ", "I will " or "I want ". If someone is pressuring you to do something you don't want to, talk to someone you know will listen and help you. Keeping it inside and carrying your worries a

round can make things even harder to deal with. Find things you are interested in. Hang out with a range of different people and listen to what is important to the m. There is no one way of doing or viewing things. Think about what is most impo rtant to you and who you are as an individual! You might find that a different g roup of people is more like you. Give it a go and find out! Giving it a go can m ean you learn more about what is good for you whether you decide that you think they are people you wouldn't want for your friends, or 'groovy hipsters' (you've found a group that just suits you)! Learn from your mistakes and learn from your peers - their successes and their m istakes. This can help you make positive choices about your own, swinging, fun-l oving life!