Running head: Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent parents

Aggression From Anxious/Ambivalent Parents: A Vicious Cycle Muhammad Dinie Bin Sudiyono U1130039H Wee Kim Wee School of Communication & Information

Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents Aggression from anxious/ambivalent parents: A vicious cycle.

Children learn about attachment, love and security from their early caregivers, typically their parents (Inman-Amos, Hendrick, and Hendrick, 1994 p. 456) As supported by the authors mentioned above, it is likely that parent's attachment style would have a significant effect on their children's eventual attachment style. Parents are the most direct source of learning for these children. Hence, they will tend to adapt or take up the various types of interactions from their parents (Inman-Amos et. al.). There are numerous positive and negative interactions that children can adopt from their parents. Therefore, this study aims to narrow down on the negative interaction influence of aggression. Aggression is defined as the infliction of injury (Berkowitz, 1989, p. 61). Nevertheless, there are different types of aggression that can be looked on such as non-verbal and verbal aggression. Non-verbal aggression can be regarded as physical harm or violence. On the other hand, verbal aggression can be seen as a communication intended to cause psychological pain to another person, or a communication perceived as having that intent (Vissing, Straus, Gelles, and Harrop, 1991, p. 224). These forms of aggression are related to the charactheristics associated with the raising of children from anxious and ambivalent parents (Levy, Blatt, and Shaver, 1998). Hence, this study hopes to see the impact of aggression, be it verbal and non-verbal, on whether a parent with an anxious and ambivalent attachment style would raise a child with similar attachment style. H1: There is a likelihood of a recurring usage of aggression amongst generations of anxious and ambivalent parents with regards to raising a child. Over the years, there have been many experiments done to find out more about the impact of various types of aggression, the significance of a parent's attachment style and how it affects their children and other forms of parent-child relationships. Nevertheless, it is important to discuss about the characteristics of an anxious and Aggression

from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents

ambivalent attachment style before describing the effects of aggression. Levy, Blatt and Shaver (1999) carried out an experimental design which explored the correlation between a child's attachment style with the subject and makeup of the child's perceptions of his or her parents. They used attachment measures from Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991) in their study. An important result of the study to note was that the anxious and ambivalent people who performed the experiment portrayed their parents as retributive and punishing but, at the same time, kindly and compassionate. These are characteristics that describe how people who are anxious and ambivalent are likely to be. With regards to the attachment measures used in the above-mentioned experiment, Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991) performed a series of quantitative and qualitative studies in order to come up with a new method to find out about the attachment styles of different people by using references of positive or negative outlook of one's own self and the positive or negative outlook of others on one's character. This attachment measure has been widely referred to and cited by numerous studies after it has been introduced. Hence, the results of the experiment performed by Levy, Blatt, and Shaver (1991) supports the hypothesis that parents with an anxious and ambivalent attachment style tend to raise children with similar attachment style due to the nature of the treatment they provide to their children. Charactheristics such as being retributive, punishing, but yet kindly and compassionate will rub onto their children as they grow up to become adults. With regards to punishing one's child, Roberto, Carlyle, Goodall and Castle (2009) examined the consequences of parents' verbal aggression and responsiveness (p.90) on children's future attachment styles in their amorous relationships. They also compared those forms of interactions with the level of contentment that the children have with their parents. Results suggested that the children's understanding of their communication with their parents has a substantial effect and the end results of these damaging forms of interactions are grave and Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents 4

enduring. This indicates that children who experience these forms of psychologically affecting maltreatments of verbal abuse will be affected and more likely to bring it with them into their future amorous relationships. Therefore, it supports the hypothesis that verbal aggression is an important factor when it comes to child bearing, especially for families with an anxious and ambivalent attachment style background. In addition to verbal aggression, physical harm has also been considered for this study. Vissing, Straus, Gelles and Harrop (1991) conducted a study to see the consequences of constant verbal and non-verbal aggression from parents on their children. Results suggested that children who went through these forms of destructive interactions whilst growing up were most likely to portray negative characteristics and influences such as violence, dereliction, and relational problems with other people. This clearly shows that aggression has numerous negative effects with regards to raising a child. Therefore, these studies pointed out how impactful verbal and non-verbal aggression can be to shape the development of a child, especially for children from anxious and ambivalent parents who are prone to these forms of interactions. However, it is also important to note that these forms of communication between parent and child may not be the determining factor that contributes to the child's development. O'Neil, Murray-Johnson and Fay (2004) conducted a study to find out more about family communication and love patterns. Participants that were made up of students and their parents answered questionnaires that use the Love Attitude Scale from Hendrick and Hendrick (1990) and the Revised Family Communication Patterns from Ritchie and Fitzpatrick (1990). The Love Attitude Scale by Hendrick and Hendrick is an extensive measure used to gauge the love styles of different people. On the other hand, the Revised Family Communication Patterns model by Ritchie and Fitzpatrick (1990) was introduced to understand and predict the effect and manner of which families handle their arguments and the influences that shape the orientation of the child of the Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents 5

family. The results indicated that despite verbal communication amongst family members, the level of openness may be questioned by young adult children. Thus, it showcases the confining effects of their family's conformity-orientation which is referred to how obedient the young adult children are to their prarents. However, it was also noted that the conformity-orientation of the family does not impact the development of the young adult's love style. Concurrently, parents may not be the determinant factor that shapes the orientation of the child. There are other people other than one's parents such as his or her romantic partner that contribute to one's development. The experiment conducted by Le Poire, Chepard, and Duggan (1999) required participants made up of couples to go through series of interviews and questionnaires with regards to the theory by Ainsworth (1991), that attachment styles are unique to one's own style and the attachment style will last on its own. It also referred to Le Poire, Haynes, Driscoll, Driver, Wheelis, Hyde, Prochaska, and Ramos (1997) notion that people who get into a relationship tend to have a universal tendency and perception to their own attachment. Hence, the outcome of this particular attachment style and it's impact on other people are formed by the interaction of people who are in a relationship. With that, an important result from the experiment to this study would be that partners' romantic attachment style directly affects one's interactions whilst the effect of one's parental attachment was watered down. However, the focus of the study by Le Poire, Chepard, and Duggan (1999) was solely directed on the attitude of interaction with regards to people in amorous relationships. It does not totally relate to the focus of this study which concentrates on aggression used by parents on their children. These children with anxious and ambivalent parents will be more influenced to aggression that has a lasting psychological effect as compared to direct interactions with their romantic partners. Therefore, it is understood that we should not put the impact of parent's attachment style Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents aside even though one's romantic partner can have an impact on one's well-being too. 6

With that, it is evident that aggression from a parent, regardless of it being verbal or nonverbal, contribute to a detrimental and long-lasting effect on his or her children. It also supports the concept that an anxious and ambivalent attachment style leads to a vicious cycle if these forms of destructive interactions persists. Despite having other factors that contribute significantly to one's character formation and psychological well being, parent's aggression on their children cannot be ignored. Thus, the result of this experiment would assist parents to realize that their aggression towards their children which might prompt them to avoid such interactions in the future. Based on research findings and analysis, it can be affirmed that a parent with an anxious and ambivalent attachment style is more likely to use aggression with their children. The form of aggression could be either verbal or non-verbal. Thus, it will lead to the children receiving these forms of destructive interactions to adopt similar attachment style with their anxious and ambivalent parent. Methods The proposed research method would be a quantitative study that includes a series of questionnaires to find out whether a group of anxious and ambivalent attachment styled parents have used aggression when they raised their children and to take note if there is a pattern of occurrance. The questions that will be used for this study are attached in Appendix A, C, D, and E. These questionnaires are appropriate as it addresses the various issues regarding child bearing and the effects that attachment style and aggression have on the development of the child. An important aspect of this study is to differentiate the anxious and ambivalent parents from the rest. Hence, a modified version of the Four-Category model by Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991) will be used to find out what are the participants' attachment styles as seen in Appendix A. Consequently, the comparison of the results will see whether the parent's and the child's attachment Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents style will match. This will help to see if the child has picked up his or her parent's attachment style. Another test that will be used for this study is the Parent-Child Conflict Tactics Scales 7

(CTSPC) by Straus and Mattingly (2007) which is reflected in Appendix C. It is a short, succinct and straightforward survey that addresses verbal and non-verbal aggression associated with disciplining and raising a child. The likert scale of this test gives options and varying degrees to measure the amount and type of aggression that have been used to raise the parent's child. Conversely, the experiment also aims to find out about the perceived aggression from the child's point of view. This coincides with the notion that aggression from ambivalent parents is a pattern. Therefore, the reversed version of the CTSPC, as seen in Appendix D, is necessary for the parent to recall whether he or she went through a similar type of childhood. In addtion to that, it is also appropriate that there should be a comparison with how the parent viewed his or her parent and how their children view them. The study aims to find out whether the child has gone through an aggressive form of childhood that is similar to what his or her parent had gone through during the parent's childhood. Hence, the reversed version of the CTSPC that is reflected in Appendix D will be given to the child for his or her completion. This will further support the hypothesis of aggression being a vicious cycle by anxious and ambivalent parents. Apart from that, there will be survey questions that will require participants to provide standard demographic information about themselves such as their age, gender, race, marital status, employment status, education level and family size which is reflected in appendix E. With that, the parent will be answering the questionnaires that is reflected in Appendix A, C, D, and E while the child will provide feedback for the questionnaires that is seen in Appendix A, D, and E. Overall, the time spent on answering these questionnaires will take a rough estimate of fifteen to twenty minutes from each participant, for both parent and child. Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents 8

Ideally, the target participants will be a parent who has an anxious and ambivalent attachment style and his or her child. The target age for the child, however, would be 16-25. A child of this suitable age will be able to gauge and give proper feedback for the study. It is also preferred if

the child is not in a long-term romantic relationship. This is because romantic partners can play a role in influencing the child's attachment that may be different from what the parent has brought up thus far as suggested by O'Neil, Murray-Johnson, and Fay (2004). Nevertheless, it is almost impossible to find this group of people in any given location at one time. Hence, the questionnaires on Appendix A, C, D, and E will be randomly sent to numerous households in Singapore until 20 pairs of an anxious and ambivalent parent and child have responded back to our mail. The reason for randomly sending out the questionnaires to various households is that child-raising by parents is mostly done at home. Therefore, a home setting would make the participants more familiar with their surroundings when it comes to recalling the methods of child bearing used in the household. The mailed package of questionnaires will also include informed consent forms for both parent and child as seen in Appendix F and G. The form will explain that the study aims to find out about the effects of child bearing and that their contributions to the study is voluntary. It will also include instructions such as the parent and child are advised to perform the questionnaires separate from one another. This is to ensure that one will not influence the answers of the other participant. There will be a stamped envelope with the address of the researcher that will allow them to mail back the questionnaires along with the signed consent forms to the researcher. The consent forms will also highlight that both parent and child will receive $10 each via mail upon receiving their feedback within a month and that all the information they provided for the study will be strictly confidential. Apart from receiving $10 remunerations each, the reply letter that the participants of this study will receive will also include a debrief letter to explain the aims of the study so they would be Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents more informed about the study itself which can be seen in Appendix H. Areas for further research It is unavoidable that it may take time to collect the required amount of 20 pairs of anxious and ambivalent parent with their children. Furthermore, the remaining collected data will include 9

inputs from parents that are from other attachment styles such as secures, dismissives and fearful that can be seen in Appendix B which is an adaptation from the reference scale of the interview from Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991). These data will be rejected as it does not coincide with the hypothesis. Therefore, future research can use the remaining data to see the correlation of aggression with other types of attachment style to find out if there are other interesting patterns.

Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents References

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Ainsworth, M.D.S. (1991). Attachments and other affectional bonds across the life cycle. Attachment across the life cycle, 33-51. Bartholomew, K., Horowitz, L.M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: a test of a four-

category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61 No. 2, 226-244. Berkowitz, L. (1989). Frustration-aggression hypothesis: examination and reformulation. Psychological Bulletin, 106, No. 1, 59-73. Hendrick, C., Hendrick, S.S. (1990). A relationship specific version of the love attitude scale. Journal of Social Behavior and Personality, 5, 239-254. Levy, K.N., Blatt, S.J., Shaver, P.R. (1998). Attachment styles and parental representations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74 No. 2, 407-419. Le Poire, B.A., Haynes, J., Driscoll, J., Driver, B.N., Wheelis, T.F., Hyde, M.K., Prochaska, M., Ramos, L. (1997). Attachment as a function of parental and partner approach-avoidance tendencies. Human Communication Research, 23, 413-447. Le Poire, B.A, Chepard, C., Duggan, A. (1999). Nonverbal involvement, expressiveness, and pleasantness as predicted by parental and parnter attachment style. Communication Monographs, 66, 293-311. O'Neil, N.B., Murray-Johnson, L., Fay, M. (2004). Passing the love along: an intergenerational study of family communication and love styles. Family Communication and Love Styles, 1, 1-32. Ritchie, L.D., Fitzpatrick, M.A. (1990). Family communication patterns: measuring intrapersonal perceptions of interpersonal relationships. Communication Research, 17, 523-544. Roberto, A.J., Carlyle, K.E., Goodall, C.E., Castle, J.D. (2009). The relationship between parents verbal aggressiveness and responsiveness and young adult childrens attachment style and relational satisfaction with parents. Journal of Family Communication, 9, 90106. Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents Straus, M.A., Mattingly, M.J. (2007) A short form ans severity level types for the parent-child conflict tactics scales. Family Research Laboratory. CTS38T7 web.doc, 24-Sep-07, 1-22. Vissing, Y.M, Straus, M.A, Gelles, R.J, Harrop, J.W. (1991). Verbal aggression by parents and psychosocial problems of children. Child Abuse & Neglect. 15, 223-238. 11

Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents Appendix A With 1 being the least and 7 being the most, 1) How would you rate your Self-disclosure in friendships? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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2) How would you rate your Intimacy of friendships? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 3) How would you rate the amount of Balance of control in friendships? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 4) Have you been in a romantic relationship? Yes / No 5) If yes, was it a long-term relationship? Yes / No 6) If Yes to Qn 5, How long was it? _______________ 7) If Yes to Qn 4, how would you rate your Balance of control in your romantic relationships? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8) How would you rate your Self-confidence? 1 2 3 4 5 9) How would you rate your Emotional expressiveness? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10) How would you rate your Crying frequency within a year? 1 2 3 4 5 11) How would you rate your Warmth with others? 12 3 4 5

Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents 12) How would you rate your Reliance on others? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 13) How often do you Use others as a secure base when you are upset? 1 2 3 4 5

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14) Would you consider crying with other people around you? Yes / Maybe / No 15) Do you have this urge to be caregiving? Yes / Maybe / No

Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents Appendix B Self-Report Attachment Style Prototypes

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Secure. It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don't worry about being alone or having others not

accept me. Dismissing I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me. Anxious and Ambivalent. I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don't value me as much as I value them. Fearful I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others. Note. In subsequent revisions, the word relatively has been deleted from the secure prototype and the words somewhat and sometimes have been deleted from the fearful prototype.

Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents Appendix C Discipline problems

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Children often do things that are wrong, disobey, or make their parents angry. We would like to know what you have done when your child did something wrong or made you upset or angry. Here is a list of things you might have done in the past year and we would like you to tell us whether

you have: done it once in the past year, done it twice in the past year, 3-5 times, 6-10 times, 11-20 times, or more than 20 times in the past year. If you haven't done it in the past year but have done it before, we would like to know this too. 1 = Once in the past year 2 = Twice in the past year 3 = 3-5 times in the past year 4 = 6-10 times in the past year 5 = 11-20 times in the past year 6 = More than 20 times in the past year 7 = Not in the past year, but it happened before 0 = This has never happened 1) Put him/her in "time out" (or sent to his/her room) .................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 2) Hit him/her on the bottom with something like a belt, hairbrush, a stick or some other hard object .....................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 3) Shouted, yelled, or screamed at him/her ...........................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 4) Hit him/her on some other part of the body besides the bottom with something like a belt, hairbrush, a stick or some other hard object ...........................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 5) Spanked him/her on the bottom with your bare hand.............................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 6) Swore or cursed at him/her ...........................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 7) Explained why something was wrong ...........................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents 8) Threw or knocked him/her down ...........................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 9) Had to leave your child home alone, even when you thought some adult should be with him/her.......................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 10) Were not able to make sure he/she got the food he/she needed .......................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 16

Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents Appendix D Disciplined problems Recall events that happened in the past year and during your childhood days when you were disciplined for doing something wrong. This is a list of things you might have gone through and we would like you to tell us whether you

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have gone through any of these discplined methods: experience it once in the past year, experience it twice in the past year, 3-5 times, 6-10 times, 11-20 times, or more than 20 times in the past year. If you haven't experience it in the past year but have experience it before, we would like to know this too. 1 = Once in a year 2 = Twice a year 3 = 3-5 times a year 4 = 6-10 times a year 5 = 11-20 times a year 6 = More than 20 times a year 7 = Vaguely remember it happening 0 = This has never happened 1) Put in "time out" (or sent to your room) .................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 2) been hit on the bottom with something like a belt, hairbrush, a stick or some other hard object .....................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 3) Shouted, yelled, or screamed at ...........................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 4) Been hit on some other part of the body besides the bottom with something like a belt, hairbrush, a stick or some other hard object ...........................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 5) Been spanked on the bottom with your bare hand.............................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 6) Swore or cursed at ...........................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents 7) Explained why something was wrong ...........................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 8) Been thrown or knocked down ...........................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 9) Been left home alone, even when your parent thought some adult should be with you.......................................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 10) Were not able to make sure you got the food you needed ...............................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 0 18

Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents Appendix E Demographics questions What is your age? What is your gender? What is your race? __________________ M / F __________________

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Are you married, single or divorced? Are you currently working? What is your highest educational level? How many members are currently living in your household?

__________________ Yes / No ___________________ ___________________

Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents Appendix F Parent Consent Form

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A team of students from the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information at the Nanyang Technological University is conducting this study. The Principal Investigators of this study are Muhammad Dinie Bin Sudiyono, Evonne Ong, Muhammad Kamaredzwan bin Kamarudin and

Wanda Loh. In this study, we are interested in establishing the relationship attachment styles with regards to raising a child. It is thus a requirement that you, as a parent, have a child within an age range of 1625 years old that is willing to participate in this study. The both of you will be presented with a series of questions that will require you to recall past events. Please try your best to recall as accurately as possible. The study will take approximately 15 minutes to complete. Both you and your child will receive $10 each for your participation after you have mailed your feedback to us with the enveloped that is attached to this letter. We will send your remuneration, along with a debrief letter within a month after you have sent your feedback. It is highly encouraged that you and your child answer the questionnaires that have been given to each of you separately. No significant risks have been known to the investigators at this point of time. We do hope that you will benefit from this experience and be able to learn more about the research process by participating. Data collected from this study will contribute to a greater understanding of raising a child. As in any study, your participation in this study is strictly voluntary. You may withdraw by not replying to our mail. Your refusal to participate will pose no penalty and will not have any effect on your status at or future relations with Nanyang Technological University. The information you give will be kept strictly confidential. All data will be stored on a secure, password protected server and computers that only researchers have access to. Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents 21

If you have any questions later, please contact the representative investigator at DINIE1@e.ntu.edu.sg (email) or 92737685 (phone number).

By participating in this study, you certify that all of the following are true:

I understand that participation is voluntary. Refusal to participate will involve no penalty or loss of benefits to which I am otherwise entitled. I understand that I may discontinue participation at any time without penalty or loss of benefits to which I am otherwise entitled. I declare that I am at least 16 years of age.

Name: ________________________________ I/C No.: _____________________

_______________________________ Signature

Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents Appendix G Child Consent Form

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A team of students from the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information at the Nanyang Technological University is conducting this study. The Principal Investigators of this study are Muhammad Dinie Bin Sudiyono, Evonne Ong, Muhammad Kamaredzwan bin Kamarudin and

Wanda Loh. In this study, we are interested in establishing the relationship attachment styles with regards to raising a child. It is thus a requirement that you are a child within an age range of 16-25 years old that is willing to participate in this study. You will be participating in this study with your parent. The both of you will be presented with a series of questions that will require you to recall past events. Please try your best to recall as accurately as possible. The study will take approximately 15 minutes to complete. Both you and your parent will receive $10 each for your participation after you have mailed your feedback to us with the enveloped that is attached to this letter. We will send your remuneration, along with a debrief letter within a month after the both of you have sent your feedbacks. It is highly encouraged that you and your parent answer the questionnaires that have been given to each of you separately. No significant risks have been known to the investigators at this point of time. We do hope that you will benefit from this experience and be able to learn more about the research process by participating. Data collected from this study will contribute to a greater understanding of raising a child. As in any study, your participation in this study is strictly voluntary. You may withdraw by not replying to our mail. Your refusal to participate will pose no penalty and will not have any effect on your status at or future relations with Nanyang Technological University. The information you give will be kept strictly confidential. All data will be stored on a Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents secure, password protected server and computers that only researchers have access to. If you have any questions later, please contact the representative investigator at DINIE1@e.ntu.edu.sg (email) or 92737685 (phone number). 23

By participating in this study, you certify that all of the following are true:

I understand that participation is voluntary. Refusal to participate will involve no penalty or loss of benefits to which I am otherwise entitled. I understand that I may discontinue participation at any time without penalty or loss of benefits to which I am otherwise entitled. I declare that I am at least 16 years of age.

Name: ________________________________ I/C No.: _____________________

_______________________________ Signature

Aggression from Anxious/Ambivalent Parents Appendix H Study Debriefing Thank you for participating in the study.

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Studies suggested that children tend to take up their parent's attachment styles and aggression has a lasting negative effect on children with regards to raising a child.

Hence, the purpose of the study is to examine the effects of aggression on child bearing and whether it repeats itself within generations of families, with a focus on those that with anxious and ambivalent attachment styles. Please kindly refrain from discussing about this study with other students, as it would possibly bias the results of the study. We greatly appreciate your participation. We hope that this has been an interesting learning experience for you. The researcher will be glad to answer any questions you have. We want to assure you that the data will be used by qualified scientific personnel and by students who are thoroughly briefed in their responsibilities as researchers and in the importance of confidentiality. If you have any questions about the study or your rights as a participant, you may contact the representative investigator at DINIE1@e.ntu.edu.sg (email) or 92737685 (phone number). Once again, we thank you for your participation in this study.