Taking Revenge

Getting Revenge is ? Ggood, as it makes your life better.(Nathan Stern) In my opinion, tTaking revenge on a bully is the right thing to do. When people take revenge My reasons are that it makes your life better, it is fair and it makes you feel relieved. Firstly, taking revenge makes your life better. The victim after being bullied will have symptoms like night mares and stress. The victims life will go down mentally. When the victim takes revenge he or she will be cured of the symptoms. Also the bully after being taught a lesson most likely will not come back and bully the victim again. Taking revenge makes your life better and yet makes you feel relived which leading to s to my the next reason. Secondly, tTaking revenge makes people you feel relieved. After you taking e the revenge you will stop worrying and stressing about the bully because you k now that the bully will not bully you again. Also, by feeling reviled you can go on with your life. When you take revenge you feel relived which makes it fair. Lastly, it is fair to take revenge. It is fair because the bullies did it to you and why not do it to back to the wall, it is fair. He or she deserves a lesson. I In concluconclusion de that it is fair to take revenge it makes your life better, and it makes you feel relieved. I am talking from personal experience. When I got bullied my life went down until I got my revenge. My life got better and the bully never came and bullied me again.
Comment [JH1]: Interesting hook, but it needs to be more clearly written. Comment [JH2]: Your reasons are clear, but you could work on added more details to your introduction paragraph. Also you need to avoid using personal statements like I or my.

Comment [JH3]: These two paragraphs need to have more details in them! You need to support your topic sentence by having supporting details. Comment [JH4]: Good conclusion Nathan. You have summed up your points and added a bit more details on the topic.

Nathan, The 3 points in your essay are clear; however you need to have more details to back them up. This related to the criteria of content. When you have only one or two sentences about a point, it is not enough for a paragraph. You can improve by expanding your ideas further and try to use examples that you or your friends have faced (but do not write in first person) (6)
- Your essay gives at least one reason to support your opinion - It gives some detail to explain each reason. It generally engages the readers interest.

Organization Your essay is written using the hamburger model, you have a clear intro, middle and conclusion, again more depth to your points could be added it order to help your transition statements. You have greatly improved on righting topic sentences, but now just need to support your topic sentences with more details! (6) - Your essay has a beginning, middle and end. - The presentation of ideas is generally smooth/logical. Paragraphs are attempted, and include topic sentences.

Language and grammar is improving! Keep working on expanding your vocabulary, use different words for revenge, in order to have more diversity in your word choice. (7) - Your essay may have occasional errors in grammar, spelling and/or syntax that rarely hinder the communication of your ideas. - The vocabulary is mostly varied and appropriate. There is a consistent awareness of audience and the register used is appropriate.