Dillon Simpson Ms.

Caruso ENGL 1102 2 April 2012

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Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 9:50 AM Comment [1]: Final Proposal REVISION 5 revisions: Tone Clarity Word Choice Unnecessary Ideas Choppy Sentences

Final Proposal/Pitch The End of Terrorism is a movie script about the life of a U.S. Navy Seal Jack Killman, who worked his whole life to fight for freedom and finally achieved his justice by killing Osama bin Laden. The movie is relatable to many Americans that were affected by the dreadful day of September 11, 2001. That day had a direct impact on the U.S. economy, our armed forces; people that lost loved ones, and a sense of American pride. It was the beginning of the war on terror and Americans were in need of a hero who would end terrorism. A depiction of the journey of Jacks life after that dreadful day, the day he lost both of his parents in the World Trade Center, will be displayed through the movie. The logistics of the movie would be easy and cost friendly. It would be filmed in New York City and at an Army base. These two locations relate directly to the September 11 attacks and to the attack on bin Ladens compound. New York City could use the sight of the Twin Towers and it is where Jack grew up. An army base would capture the audience with the authentic feel of the Middle East and bin Ladens compound. The actors will be athletic, handsome, and muscular like the stereotypical Navy Seal. They will express patriotism for their country and would do anything to protect it. The inspiration of this movie spawns from the American reaction to the death of the worst terrorist of modern time, Osama bin Laden. The movie shows a painful memory for so many Americans, where also showing their sense of relief when bin Ladens life was ended. It all
Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:27 AM Comment [8]: Explained why it would be a good location and gave quick insight on what the actors would look and act like; Tone Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:06 AM Comment [9]: WC Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 9:50 AM Comment [2]: Italics because it is a movie title Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 9:51 AM
Comment [3]: WC omitted

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 9:51 AM Comment [4]: Unnecessary Idea; repeated myself

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 9:52 AM Comment [5]: WC Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 9:53 AM Comment [6]: Fluff taken out Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 9:53 AM Comment [7]: Clarity

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started on September 11, 2001 when hijackers took over four planes planning to hit the World Trade Center towers, the Pentagon, and lastly landing in a field outside of Shanksville, Pennsylvania. The last plane didnt hit the two prospective targets, the White House and the Capitol Building, thanks to American heroes. After the attacks, Osama bin Laden claimed responsibility for the attacks and his terrorist group Al-Qaeda helped him initiate September 11. Ever since, bin Laden has been hiding in fear for his life because the United States was pursuing him. The main idea of the movie came from his death inside of a compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. The U.S. Navy Seal Team 6 raided the compound and killed bin Laden on May 2, 2011. It was a monumental day for the United States; pride filled the nation and Americans felt better knowing that such a horrible man was no longer out there. This is the origin of Jacks story. The main character in the story, Jack Killman is an ordinary kid living in New York City. His parents were both accountants who worked in the World Trade Center. At the age of 18 Jack enlisted in army, he always thought it was an obligation to fight for his country. After being in the army for three years, Jack was in New York City, on his time off, grocery shopping when he looked at the television and saw the planes hit the World Trade Center. He knew he parents were towards the very top of the building and knew there was a chance he would never see them again. Days later he found out that his suspicion had become reality; Jack would be without his parents for the rest of his life. Jack had vowed from that day forward he was going to do everything in his power to be the one that killed Osama bin Laden. He had worked his way up in the ranks and was near becoming a U.S. Navy Seal. Five years on the exact date of the death of his parents, Jack was

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:09 AM Comment [10]: WC Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:09 AM Comment [11]: Clarity

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:16 AM Comment [12]: Restructured sentence Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:21 AM Comment [13]: Clarity

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:22 AM Comment [14]: Clarity & WC Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:23 AM Comment [15]: Extra wording

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:25 AM Comment [16]: Choppy sentence; restructured to sound and flow better Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:25 AM Comment [17]: Informal and need to be direct. Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 11:19 AM Comment [18]: Flow Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:27 AM Comment [19]: needed new sentence Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:29 AM Comment [20]: flow

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:30 AM Comment [21]: WC

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:31 AM Comment [22]: Clarity & WC

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promoted to become a U.S. Navy Seal. His hard work had paid off and he was beginning to see the benefits. Another four years had passed, the nine year reunion was about to be mourned when Jack got a call telling him to fly to Washington D.C. for a very important meeting with President Obama and his best friend and C.I.A. director Leon Panetta. Jack had known Leon from his early days in the army and had become close over the years. Jack got on a plane and was there on September 11, 2010. This was one of the biggest days of his life because the news he was about to receive was going to be life altering. He was going to be told that he was the man going to be leading the attack on Osama bin Laden. This is what Jack had been waiting for his whole entire life. April 28, 2011, Jacks U.S. Navy Seals Team 6 got on the plane to head to Abbottabad, Pakistan. This is where the planning of the mission went on, and the mission date had been settled to May 2, 2011. He was hopefully going to avenge his parents death. The day fell upon the team and Jack led them inside the compound. While inside the compound, he split up with his team and found bin Laden in a room with one of his wives. He was about to shoot when bin Ladens son attacked him with a knife. This gave bin Laden ample time to try and escape for one of the getaway cars. Jack killed bin Ladens son just in time and pulled out his sniper and hit bin Laden in the head. Bin Laden's death is an extraordinary moment for Americans and all who have lost loved ones in horrifying, pointless acts of terrorism (DOOBL par. 11). The American reaction would be the pride and joy for their country and the whole world would be a better place without Osama bin Laden. This was a short synopsis of the story. There is only one main character with three costars. Jack Killman and Leon Panetta are practically identical other than the blonde and brown hair. Jack is six foot, largely built, brown hair; brown eyed and is one the scariest looking man
Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:42 AM Comment [28]: Flow & more formal Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:40 AM Comment [29]: Extra words omitted Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:39 AM Comment [30]: Omit informal wording Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:35 AM Comment [25]: Combine to make stronger. Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:37 AM Comment [26]: Flow & WC Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:32 AM Comment [23]: Clarity Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:33 AM Comment [24]: flow

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:43 AM Comment [27]: Excitement

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that many people have ever seen. It is very modern because its between 2001-2011 not much had changed, other than the economy going sour. This movie is aimed to give the audience the most accurate depiction of May 2, 2011 and the events that led up to it. This movie should have no problem attracting a very broad audience as it relates to many Americans throughout the country, if not every American. This movie will be life altering for people and could change the way they viewed the death of Osama bin Laden. It is essential to educate the children and adults of the United States on what really happened on the day of May 2, 2011. It is a day that will always be remembered and never be forgotten. Forever, Americans will feel that they have found justice in the death of Osama bin Laden. America will always be strong, it will always be the best, and this movie will be a demonstration of this.

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:43 AM Comment [31]: Word

Dillon Simpson 4/22/12 2:44 PM Comment [32]: Literally the worst error Ive ever made on a paper. I missed it and o did my friend who helped me peer review it before I submitted it.

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 9:43 AM Comment [33]: Same as before

Dillon Simpson 4/23/12 10:42 AM Comment [34]: Done with REVISIONS for the final proposal.

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Works Cited "The Long-Awaited News: The death of Osama bin Laden reflects strong leadership and painstaking intelligence work." New York Times 03 May 2011: 22. Newspaper Source Plus. Web. 12 Feb. 2012.