Francesca E. Ciampi English 1102 Ms.

Caruso April 2, 2012

Francesca Ciampi

Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:47 PM Comment [1]: Put your name in the filename

Guilty Until Proven Innocent: Amanda Knox Amanda Knox became a household name in 2007 as a suspect during the atrocious murder of her flat mate, Meredith Kercher. Ms. Knox never fully proved her innocence due to the Italian Postal Police tarnishing the only existing evidence. Now it is time for virtual justice. Turn back to that fateful November with Merediths sidekick to bring justice back to the remaining living flat mate with this online murder investigation game. The murder of Meredith Kercher caused uproar of with every type of media imaginable, mainly because it was an American girl in Italy being charged for a British girls murder. It was absolutely unheard of. However, video games have not yet been represented in this homicidal case. This video game is one of a kind because it is about a real victim. For starters, people love to give their opinion. The murder of Meredith Kercher was a very difficult case to solve because the evidence was tampered with, everybody was accusing one another, and the case was worldwide. The harder the case was to solve, the more involved civilians were in the unraveling of the case, the more opinion the people have about who the real murderer was. Also, people like to play games that have meaning behind them. There are hundreds of new games about current events that are making revolutionary changes in the gaming business, and this will undoubtedly be one of them. The video game will open with a scene at a veterinarian office with Meredith Kerchers and Amanda Knoxs fictitious, newly adopted dog, Ollie. Meredith and Amandas dog finds out

Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:47 PM Comment [2]: Change the date and page number format.

Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:48 PM Comment [3]: Wordy. Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:49 PM Comment [4]: Work to better incorporate this into a sentence and change the wording to make it less conversational. Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:49 PM Comment [5]: What is the name of it? Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:50 PM
Comment [6]: Conversational. Also, Im uncertain as to why this matters.

Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:50 PM Comment [7]: Transition back into the game, rather than just talking about the event. You seem to jump back and forth in this paragraph.

Francesca Ciampi

the news that his owner, Meredith Kercher, has been murdered and the main suspect was his other owner, Amanda Knox. Ollie will go into survival mode, from his street roots, and his mission is determined in that instant. He feels destined to prove Amanda Knox innocent and find out who really killed Meredith Kercher. Ollie will be the main character and the super hero of the game because he goes beyond what is expected of his capabilities. After breaking out of the Veterinarian office, Ollie will collect evidence, with his detective kit, at the cottage where the girls stayed. This scene will be timed because the postal police will be arriving shortly after him and if they find him then they will send him to the pound. From there, Ollie will investigate every individual involved. This includes, Patrick Lumumba, Rafaelle Sollecito and Rudy Guede. Ollie will also have availability to five days prior to the murder and five days after, streaming simultaneously, anywhere in the world on a screen in the corner of the video game. This television screen streaming will be similar to the technology seen in the movie DeJevu. The game will be difficult, and it will take more then one time for the player to win. The player might even know who the murderer is coming from the crime scene, but they must collect enough footage from the semi-live streaming television screen to catch them or Amanda Knox will be sentenced to life in prison. For example, witnessing Rafealle Sollecito looking at the lock on the door in Meredith Kerchers room would be considered significant evidence against Sollecito because the door was locked from the inside when Ms. Kercher was killed. However, if the player is watching anything else at the time, then they missed the opportunity for the valuable evidence. The semi-live streaming television can see anywhere in the world in those ten crucial days but if the player wants to win then they will be focusing on the three main suspects, Patrick
Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:52 PM Comment [10]: How do they do this? Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:51 PM Comment [8]: Italicize movie titles. Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:51 PM Comment [9]: Sp.

Francesca Ciampi

Lumumba, Rudy Guede and Rafaelle Sollecito. Lumumba was Ms. Knoxs boss and will be there to throw the dog off course because he is so dumbfounded to mixed up in a murder investigation he gives false leads. Rudy Guede lives far away and his prints are found on the scene but do not match the weapon used to kill Ms. Kercher. Rudy Guede sounds guilty and acts suspicious. Rafaelle Sollecito was Ms. Knoxs boyfriend at the time of the murder. Rafaelle wants to blame it on Amanda and acts surprised and innocent when apprehended by Ollie. The target audience is quite large. It varies from teenage boys who love gaming, to college students who immersed themselves in the murder case, to even adults with a thirst for justice for a young American girl. Since the video game will be bought online, the gamer will not be required to buy a console. The only two items required will be a computer to play the game and a credit card to buy the game. For marketing purposes, the game will be focused towards the millions who enjoy watching crime scene dramas; for example, NCIS, Law and Order and CSI. This will give those people a chance to actively participate and solve a murder themselves. It is obvious there is a demand for this product on the online gaming market, because nobody has ever done it before. Keeping in mind that the plot, characters and audience have already been thoughtfully planned out this should already be heading to the graphics department. This video game will bring justice to the only surviving member of Perugia cottage duo. This video game is for more then just entertainment; its rightful justice.
Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:53 PM Comment [13]: How? What points will be highlighted? Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:57 PM Comment [14]: Francesca, You have certainly put a great deal of thought into your concept, and it has certainly paid off. As for revisions, Id like you to work to more closely relate what happened in real life to what is being posed in the game. Make the connection for your reader. Also, you mentioned in your memo that youd like to work on being more formal, and I think that would be worthwhile for you to work on, but position it as strengthening and tightening your language. Work to combine shorter, choppier sentences as you do this, since sentence structure can have a great deal to do with the ways in which we word ideas. Work to become more succinct. Look to comments 3, 4, and 6 for places to begin. Im looking forward to seeing what youll revise in your portfolio! -Ms. C Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:53 PM Comment [11]: Show how the information in this paragraph connects to what happened in reality. Beth Caruso 4/16/12 1:53 PM Comment [12]: Transition.