MENAGE A TROIS

(Work in progress) Characters Richard Openhouse (an NGO director) Laura Openhouse (his wife, who owns an art gallery) Alex De Stallion visibly younger) (Lauras assistant,

The Openhouses living-room comfortable suburbian house.

in

their

(LAURA and ALEX enter the living-room. There is a feeling of intimacy between them, but at the same time we can notice a certain embarrassment) LAURA: Here we room) Richard! are (towards another

RICHARD: (from another room): Ill be right there! ALEX: Well, youve got a nice nest here (formal smile)

LAURA: (almost irritated) Yes, it is nice, thank you Now, Alex: try and stay calm Im going to handle the whole interaction Just take a seat ALEX: (sitting on a couch)Ooookay LAURA keeps, visibly restless, standing ALEX: My congratulations Laura for being able to keep everything under control Now, for the nth time: do you realize the absurdity of all this? I mean, informing your husband about our shall we call it affair? And at the same time proposing to him that I come and live here This is LAURA: And for the nth time, Alex: do not worry! I know Richard very well and youll see: everything is just going to be as smooth as a babys ass Yes, of course, there might be some resistances at the beginning, but then (she sits on the sofa and tries an embrace with ALEX.. But he stops her) ALEX: Exactly! I feel that babys asss got some rushes.. Sure, from all what youve told me and from what Ive seen

briefly, Richard seems to be a cool dude, but Anyway, its me, Laura: Im not so sure I can accept this kind of mnage LAURA: (quite passionate)Listen, honey, weve discussed and re-discussed this shit and we both agreed there are no alternatives Right? I cant lie any more Otherwise lets just break up and forget it And please, find yourself another job ALEX: (tired, almost to himself) Mmmh, what a pain in the This lovely conversation is interrupted abruptly by Richards arrival He appears a bit breathless. RICHARD (smiling amiably) Im so sorry, but at times when I get on FB I just lose myself (he goes straight to kiss LAURA and right afterwards shakes Alexs hands) We met briefly at the last vernissage, right? ALEX (super smile) Right, Mr. Openhouse RICHARD: Come on, Alex, you can call me Richard I must say that of all Lauras

assistant you are the cutest, including that sex-bomb from three months ago (to LAURA) What was her name, honey? LAURA: (tolerant smile) Rebecca RICHARD: Yesss, Rebecca I knew there was something terribly biblical about her Unfortunately Laura decided to sack her after only two months Actually she was quite nice to look at LAURA: Yes, actually that was her only talent RICHARD: Right Anyway, looks apart, I feel Alexs doing a good job LAURA: Yes, Richard, he is ALEX (smiles a bit embarrassed) Well, thank you Mrs. Openhouse LAURA (scolding) Alex, you can call me Laura, by now ALEX: (a Laura bit infantile) Ok, thanks

LAURA: (smiling) Thats better

RICHARD: (to LAURA) Youre taking care of the aperitifs, right honey? Dinner is almost ready to be served LAURA: (while getting out) Sure Campari and grapefruit juice okay for everybody? RICHARD: Splendid! ALEX: Great! LAURA: (on the door to the kitchen) Richard is such a terrific cook, youll see Alex (she attempts a wink to ALEX, but she ignores her frustrated she exits) RICHARD: (smiling to afraid shes right ALEX) Well, Im

ALEX: Great Well, I must admit Im very hungry tonight RICHARD: Dont worry! Weve lots of chow for a big boy like you... But tell me: are you happy with this new job? ALEX: Oh, yeah! Im pretty passionate about it I really feel art is my life RICHARD: Sure, sure And then Laura

ALEX: Well, yes, Im working very well with her RICHARD: (with a smirk) referring to work only ALEX: Oh, person yes, Laura is a Im not

very

good

RICHARD: Oh, cut it out, Alex, you know full well what Im referring to ALEX (totally Openhouse embarrassed) But, Mr.

RICHARD: Please, try not to offend your intelligence besides mine And Ive told you already: you can call me Richard ALEX: Well, Richard LAURA (entering with drinks) Well, well, well I can see you two are becoming friends Well, thats just lovely! (she offers the drinks and sits down) Alex, you know something? Youre the first assistant Im inviting for dinner Actually, it would have been unthinkable with the ones I had before, right Richard?

RICHARD: (way sardonic) Yesss, absolutely unthinkable, darling Ive immediately felt that Alex here had how could I say a special edge on LAURA (a bit nervous) Yes, right (smiling a bit forcedly) well, lets drink to this RICHARD (exaggeratedly festive) Yes, to Alexs special edge The glasses clink and everybody smiles, but Alexs smile is inevitably forced. RICHARD: honey! Fabulous Camparis Good job,

LAURA: Oh, thanks!....(to both) Ehm, what were you guys talking about, if Im not too inquisitive? RICHARD: (sarcastic) You know, just shooting the breeze, right Alex?... ALEX remains as mute as a fish and just gulps his Campari down. RICHARD: (to the ceiling) By the way, I

was also trying to inform Alex here that Im aware of your liaison.. LAURA: (almost spitting her drink out) What?! RICHARD: (relentless to ALEX) Well, to be honest, not because good young Alex spilled the beans, but simply because Ive had an inkling of it ALEX looks imploringly at LAURA, as if begging her to get him out of such an awkward situation. LAURA Bravo, right on target! (gets up and starts walking nervously) I cannot deny RICHARD: Ah, that would be the last straw if you denied it Im always right on target I always knew when you had a relationship with an assistant Alex, perhaps you dont know that the demographics of Lauras employees has always been strangely partial to young men Actually, Rebecca was a white fly in the bunch, although she happened to be black (to LAURA)Anyway, I fail to understand why this time around youre bringing one of these young gentlemen

to our home A bit os, dont you think, daaarling? LAURA: All right, since weve reached this point, I might as well anticipate what we were planning to tell you, Richard Agreed, Alex? ALEX: (smiling with some irritation) laughing a bit hysterically) Well, do I have any choice? RICHARD: Anticipate, Laura, anticipate, but do it while sitting down Doesnt her walking make you nervous too? ALEX: Well, as a matter of fact LAURA (sitting forcedly) Ok, Ill sit down, but the substances not going to change RICHARD (to ALEX) We do hope so LAURA: I feel that sarcasm in general and especially in this case is out of place RICHARD: Ah, we even play the offended ones now

LAURA: (ignoring him) Okay, Richard, however absurd it might sound, what I meant to offer today, along with Alex, was a gesture inspired by love RICHARD: Wow! Im moved LAURA: Will you please stop this and let me talk, for Christs sake?! RICHARD: Okay, okay LAURA: Its exactly out of the fundamental respect I feel for you and for our love, that I wanted to bring this situation into the open. I admit my relationship with Alex and I dont want to hide it any longer Ive explained to him that you are a modern person and I wanted to try something new an ehm experiment RICHARD: Whats new? A new face? fact that youre taking him home? The

LAURA (exasperated) Richard, whats wrong with you? I understand that this is coming a bit abruptly, but try and control yourself, if only just for a few seconds

RICHARD: All right (smiling) I only feel its healthy to express ones rage LAURA: Okay, okay now that youve expressed it, listen and I hope, we hope, youll realize theres nothing to be angry about, in reality RICHARD: (sighing) Okay, shoot LAURA: Heres Alex here the experiment: having

RICHARD: How do you mean? Living here? LAURA: Well, yes Dont forget we have a bungalow, besides a guestroom Our son lives in Shangai and shows up every blue moon He will understand RICHARD: Yes, hes father, isnt he? as modern as his

Silence, as LAURA and ALEX look at RICHARD, waiting for a response ALEX lowers his eyes as he drinks the last drops of Campari left. RICHARD: Well, double wow! Our Laura is quite creative, dont you find, Alex?

ALEX: Richard, listen Im the first one to admit this situation is quite embarrassing Not only for you, but for me too, believe me RICHARD (laughing) I believe you ALEX: Thanks And actually I didnt want to do this in the first placeIt would have been better she told you privately first, but she insisted She had this obsess this idea that we had to come out in the open together RICHARD: I understand When she gets an idea into her mind Anyway, lets cut to the chase: what do you think about this quote/unquote experiment? ALEX: Well, Im somewhat confused I I have a strong feeling for Laura and I find you a nice person and.. RICHARD: (ironic) Thanks! ALEX: I heart mean it It comes from the

RICHARD: It comes from his heart

LAURA: Thats enough If you go on like this, Im going to quit and I mean it! Let him finish! ALEX: Ive never asked Laura you I dont believe in families Im not that type of rather prefer to renounce to disappear Thats all (looking somehow tenderly) to leave breaking man Id her and at LAURA

RICHARD: Rather! (laughing) So, you have some experience with married women LAURA: Richard, Ive warned you already This sounds almost like an interrogation Can we pleeease concentrate on the substance of the matter? RICHARD: Lets! You were telling me that youd like to place forgive me this terminology youd like to place our Alex in the garden bungalow and then let him share the rest of our life with us LAURA: Well, yes, something of that sort Then its just a question of technical details

RICHARD: Yes, technical details, like: how many times per week you sleep with him and how many with me Well, since a week is made of seven days, an odd number, we cannot actually split them into two Right? (almost to himself) Well, we can do alternate days for six days and then toss a coin for the seventh one or sleep all three in our big comfy bed(to the other two)What do you think? RICHARD: (springing on his feet) I cannot take this any longer.. Laura, call me a cab, please Tomorrow Ill simply resign and disappear from your life Im terribly sorry, Richard