Fox Got Onioned: An Idealistic View of a Pretty Funny Hacking Heist By Eric Fischer Eric Fischer

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Cast of Characters Jim Barnett: Andrew Shapiro: Eric Holdner: Jack Rowling: Kim Jong Un: Main Reporter FBI correspondent Director of the FBI Embedded with FBI field team Isnt it obvious

FOX GOT ONIONED: AN IDEALISTIC VIEW OF A PRETTY FUNNY HACKING HEIST SCENE: 1 INT. RADIO STATION - DAY MUSIC: REGULAR NEWS MUSIC JIM BARNETT (RELAXED) This is the 12:00 news from NPR: National Public Radio. Im Jim Barnett. Starting with sports: The Chicago Whitesox smash the New York Yankees 17-5. Meanwhile in Hockey the Blackhawks defeat the Bruins 3-1. Meanwhile in Basketball the Bulls lose to the Celtics 111-110, one of the most exciting basketball games in history. And now in the big story of the week, the hacking of Fox News by an outside party continues. As many listeners will know, only a short while ago Fox News was hacked and is playing North Korean propaganda. Authorities are stumped at who might be hackers. For an update on this story we go to Andrew Shapiro, our FBI correspondent at the Hoover Building. SCENE: 2 INT. FBI HOOVER BUILDING, WASHINGTON D.C - DAY SOUND: REPORTER SOUNDS (PAPER SHUFFLING, CAMERA SNAPPING) ANDREW SHAPIRO (RELAXED) In a few seconds we will hear the Director of the FBI Eric Holdner address the assembled reporters. He will be speaking of the efforts taken to find the hackers of Fox News Network. He is at the podium and begining now... ERIC HOLDNER (SERIOUS) Ladies and gentlemen, as all of you probably know, yesterday at thirteen minutes past six in the morning Fox News, a national television network was hacked. It is currently displaying North Korean propaganda, with slogans such as "Long live Kim Jong Un" and "Kim Jong Un is the greatest". We have no clue who has hacked the network but we have people working around the clock to find these people. REPORTER If it is playing North Korean propaganda, couldnt the hackers be North Korean. ERIC HOLDNER That is impossible. this. Next. There are no hints suggesting

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ANDREW SHAPIRO What actions are being taken to find the perpetrators. ERIC HOLDNER Excellent question. Our electronic specialists here are attempting to find out where they are hacking from. They are working with one of our field teams, which has an NPR reporter attached to it. That is all on this matter. JIM BARNETT A short and sweet speech from FBI director Eric Holdner. We will be back in a minute with more on this issue. Commercial Break COMMERCIAL MAN (AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) NOW FOR ALL OF YOUR SNAKING NEEDS, TRY GOLDFISH! Theyre not real goldfish, that would be inhumane, but they taste just as good. Try cheddar, our only flavor. SOUND: GOLDFISH JINGLE (THE SNACK THAT SMILES BACK, GOLD FISH) SCENE: 3 INT. (CAR) FBI FIELD TEAM, DAY (SHOULD APPEAR TO BE PEOPLE ON A MISSION IN CARS) JIM BARNETT NPR is back with our coverage of the hacking of Fox news. We now go to Jack Rowling, our man embedded with the FBI field team tasked with finding these hackers. SOUND: WITHIN A CAR SOUNDS JACK ROWLING Hello, Jim here I am. I am currently driving in a direction which I cannot reveal. I can also not reveal where I am but I can say this. Myself and four FBI agents dressed in black and are the second Buick Escalade in our convoy of five identical black Escalades. We are on our way to check a house which might be causing this hacking. JIM BARNETT Jack could you describe the atmosphere in your car right now?

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JACK ROWLING All of us are keeping the chitchat to a minimum. A few minutes ago, via radio, the FBI agents discussed their searching strategy. They are all going through the plan in their minds now and you can feel the tension rising. JIM BARNETT What do the Agents think about this hacking scenario? JACK ROWLING Well many of them are democrats so they are laughing that such an outspoken conservative TV station was hacked. Besides that, they are serious professionals with serious attitudes and they are ready to do their jobs. JIM BARNETT Thank you Jack, keep us posted. Scene: 4 INT. Radio Station - DAY REGULAR NEWS MUSIC JIM BARNETT We are back here at NPR covering the big story this week, the hacking of Fox News Network. As many listeners will know, Fox is currently playing North Korean propaganda. People around the world as well as authorities are stumped and clueless about who might be perpetrating these actions. There simply arent any clues to aid investigators. We now speak to an expert on this subject, Brandon Mitchell. Welcome Brandon. BRANDON MITCHELL Thank you Jim. JIM BARNETT Good to have you. doing this? Now tell me Brandon, who could be

BRANDON MITCHELL Honestly, no one knows. All we know is that it has been hacked and now it is playing constant North Korean propaganda. The most recent message being played is "long live Kim Jong Un." Everyone is dumbfounded by who could be doing this JIM BARNETT Interesting. Now, when do you - Wait. whats that? Ladies and gentlemen I have just received word that there is an urgent live request from Jack Rowling, our man attached to the FBI field team. Lets go to him now.

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Scene: 5 INT. (CAR) FBI FIELD TEAM JACK ROWLING Hello Jim. As you know I am with the FBI field team right now and we are about to raid a location where we think the hacking is coming from. (AWAY FROM MIKE) UNKNOWN Lets Go. SOUND: KICK IN DOOR, SHOUTING ETC. JACK ROWLING We are here at the editorial offices of the Onion News Network in New York. The Onion is a satire news network but here we have a shocker. Here also is North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. There were no clues pointing towards his involvement. JIM BARNETT Are there any motives Jack? JACK ROWLING So far, when i asked Kim Jong Un his reaction was a shrug, and a response "saying just for giggles." We are unsure what this means. JIM BARNETT Could it mean he did this just for kicks or gratification. JACK ROWLING No. We really dont know why we did it, it will haunt us to this day. JIM BARNETT Well now we go to Andrew Shapiro. Our man at the FBI headquarters in Washington. Andrew, SCENE: 6 INT. Hoover Building DAY ANDREW SHAPIRO Hello Jim. In a few moments we will hear an anouncement by FBI director Eric Holdner. This will probably confirm the capture of the hackers of Fox news, now known to be Kim Jong Un. He is begining now. ERIC HOLDNER Ladies, Gentlemen, and all those who dont fit into either category, I am now glad to announce the solving of the Fox news hacking scheme. Only a short while (MORE) (CONTINUED)

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ERIC HOLDNER (contd) ago, an FBI field team raided the editorial officies of the Onion news network. Where they found Onion editors working with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. Charges are now being pressed. But I mean hey cmon this was pretty awesome I mean, the onion hacking Fox. Priceless. SOUND: LAUGHING BEHIND SCENE JIM BARNETT (LAUGHING BUT TRYING TO CONTROL HIMSELF) Well folks thats this segment of news. Tune in next time for an exclusive report of Alfalfa crops in Burkina Faso. I am Jim Barnett SOUND: LAUGHING BEHIND SCENE