My Life with Markie August 26th 27th 8 a.m.

. Markie comes home after spending the entire night at mysterious location with youth minister who is roughly 25. She tells me they may be starting things up again. This is apparently nothing new Markie has once dated a 32-year-old. August 27th 8 p.m. Hall Orientation: Tell us your name and three things about yourself: Hi my name is Markie. Im an ex-mormon, I foster homeless ferrets, and my father is a mortician. August 27th 28th 12 a.m. Markie comes into room with unnamed female at midnight. Very loud, very disruptive. They get ready to party. They leave. 3 a.m. Markie and female come home. Highly intoxicated. They go to sleep together in the same bed. 7 a.m. Female leaves. Her name is Emily. 10 a.m. Markie tells me that she and Emily are not a couple, although Emily is bisexual. Markie then proceeds to tell me that Emily and she once hooked up for one of Markies ex-boyfriends. He watched the entire thing. Markie also took absinthe the night before with Emily while they were out partying. 11:30 p.m. I get drunk in the vicinity of Markie and Emily. They touch my boobs. Not ok because we are not at camp. August 31st 12 p.m. Markie brings back a metal spoon from lunch. She says its a present for me. Its now sitting next to my laptop. 5 p.m. I am playing Kid Cudi on my iHome. Markie asks if Im wanting to have a gang bang or something? 8 p.m. Markie shows me a purple nalgene in our fridge filled with orange juice and lemon vodka. The same one that she had partying at Sig Eps last Sunday. She says Im more than welcome to take a sip anytime I need to before classes. September 1st 6 p.m. Markie is sitting at a booth at the hall dinner. Rather than asking everyone to stand up so she can climb back in, she crawls under the table and shimmies her way up into her seat. Everyone stares.

7 p.m. So what I am bipolar and you know what I DID spend a month in the psych ward last March. No big deal. Were all a little crazy on the inside, right? September 2nd 4:30 p.m. Markie: Oh, thank GOD! Jaime: Why? Markie: Oh thank god I just found it! Jaime: What? Markie: I thought I lost my grandpas urn!! Jaime: Um what? Markie: When I moved in I thought I lost it but I just found it! Oh, thank GOD. 4:31 p.m. I begin writing this blog. September 4th 9:00 p.m. After returning from Ohio Pyle and telling Markie I almost died: Yeah, my uncle used to be the coroner there, he would pull like three dead bodies out of the river a summer. 9:15 p.m. Markie is buying a ukulele. She offered to wake me up with it every morning rather than my cell phone alarm. 10:00 p.m. Markie states she will only go to the dance on the Gateway clipper if she has a man to waltz with. She then waltzes around the room for five minutes while I curl my hair. September 5th 12:30 a.m. While I am trying to sleep, Markie is making calls on her cell phonewhich is permanently on speaker phone because its broken. She is calling the ukulele hotline, but decides she likes the waiting music better and listens to that for a significant amount of time (a.k.a. forty-five minutes). I have class at 7:40 a.m. September 6th Grandpa is found. September 7th 2 a.m. Markie begins groaning in bed. 9:30 a.m. Markie now has vertigo and another prescription. September 9th 5:00 p.m. Markie exclaims she cant wait until her ukulele comes. I tell her if she plays it after sunset Ill throw it out the window. She laughs and says she knows me better than that. No she doesnt. September 10th

2:00 p.m. Markie is explaining to me how she has a friend with a horrible roommate. Her friend, and potential new love interest watch out youth minister is named Ben. Bens roommate comes home high, granted at a reasonable hour, every single night. He also sometimes wears Bens clothes. Ben is so distressed that he has to schedule meetings with the school psychologist. Markie laughs and says to me arent you happy that Im not a crazy roommate like that? September 11th 2:30 a.m. I drunkenly pee my pants in front of Markie ultimate low of my life. 2:40 a.m. Markie is mad because her ukulele still hasnt shown up. September 12th 7 p.m. While walking to a sorority tea dressed business casual everyone is very dressed up, Markie is wearing a pantsuit. One girl, wearing a skirt says she thinks she will just wear the same outfit to an interview for work tomorrow. Markie says yeah, that would be a great idea. Theyll probably tell you to bend over and show them your credentials. Everyone stares. No really, I think they would. 9:30 p.m. A hall-mate comes into our room and asks us what channel the Miss Universe pageant is on. Markie: Oh, sorry, I dont know, but let me know how it is because Im especially partial to Miss India. 11 p.m. Markie complains she still hasnt received her ukulele. 11:30 p.m. I walk into our room and catch a glimpse of Markies computer screen. Chatroullete. Shes chatting with some middle aged man. Theres at least a page long of conversation. September 13th 6:30 p.m. Markie receives her ukulele and sits in front of her computer to begin learning Somewhere Over the Rainbow. 10 p.m. I return from a presentation. Markie is still sitting in front of her computer learning ukulele songs. She also named her new ukulele: Violet. Lily was a close second. I havent seen her this happy ever before. September 14th Markie: Yeah last night I woke up and the top half of me was completely naked. I guess I like to get naked in my sleep probably some repressed urge or something. Be prepared, Jaime.