Behold Him

New England Ladies Seminar May 29-30, 2009

The Work of a Godly Wife: Learning to Speak in Your Husbands Native Tongue
Synopsis: A language school for wives! Translate your speech so your husband hears the language he desires most.

PRAYER Introduction~ If you have ever traveled on foreign soil, you no doubt have felt adrift amid people speaking a language you could not understand. And then someone near you, perhaps a stranger, begins to speak in Englishyour native tongue. Suddenly you smile, and you automatically sense you will be understood! This may not be news to you, but you and your husband neither speak nor listen in the same language. You speak one language, and obviously understand that language. He speaks an entirely different language..and hence understands that language best. So living in the same household, provides a challenge as well as great potential for conflict, when two people need a translator to understand one another. And where can you find that translator? According as his divine power hath given unto us

all things that pertain unto life and godliness,

through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:
2 Peter 1:3

Very few women fully grasp the idea of the sufficiency of Scripture. Gods divine power has given you all things you require to live life and to do so in a godly manner. And the source of this all sufficiency is obtaining more and more knowledge of God. And you obtain this increased knowledge of God by listening to Him when He instructs and when He speaksand you will not hear His voiceyou will read it. Gods Word is the Translator, as well as the Teacher to bring you to a full understanding of this man with whom you share your life. Today we will embark on 3 levels of language studies, which will advance you to fluently speak your husbands native tongue. The third level is the most important, and therefore we will find our study there the deepest. So, as we have just discovered that the Great Translator of husband/wife language difficulties is the Word of God, lets approach this Master Teacher. This Master Teacher must first~~~~

I. Translate: From the Language of the Little Foxes This first level of language classes are for the beginner. Though you may no longer be a new bride, you may have never even pondered you are speaking in the language of the little foxes, and your husband does not understand you.

Lets quickly observe~~~ A. Three Little Foxes That Spoil Some of the most intimate & beautiful language describing the love between a man and a woman is contained in the Song of Solomon. Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.
Song of Solomon 2:15

It does not take much to trample a tender grape, nor does it take much to trample the feelings of a spouse who seeks only to please his beloved. What is it that God says can spoil these tender grapes? A wild stallion? Marauding tribes? A destructive fire? No..a little fox. And you will find in a marriage it will not be the huge crises that will spoil the tender vines of love, but rather the small problems. Small Problems. Little foxes. Listen to the language the little foxes are attempting to teach you as a wife. Perhaps you already speak the language of the little foxes fluently.and you have done so for years. Fox #1~ My Way This little fox is an open rebel. This fox says, No, I am not going to do that. Or, cloaked in kinder terms, but a rebel just the same, Ya know, Hon, I dont think that is such a good idea, so I am going to have to say, No, to that. The first little fox is a women whose way is always right in her own eyes. Fox#2~ Some Day This little fox seems compliant and sounds submissive. This fox says with his actions, Your way, but in my time. That is why he is called Some Day. The little fox named Some Day has ruined more relationships I have personally witnessed than you could imagine. A husband asks for a relatively small request in the home: a certain schedule to be kept; certain housekeeping standards; a child training request; sticking to a particular budget,...all really small requests.but all turn out to be little foxes that spoil. Whether the wife has every intention of doing it when she says she will, the jobs do not get done. Or they get half done. Or they get done once and never again. Or they get done some of the time. Submission means we do what our authority has asked of us, if it does not go against Gods commands. As those husbands came home each day and saw that the one thing asked of their wives had not gotten done AGAIN.the husbands begin unknowingly to harbor bitterness and resentment in their heart. Soon, what is in his heart comes out his tongue. And Fox #2, Some Day, has begun to spoil the tender grapes and the fragile vines of a beautiful marriage. The wife cannot understand why the husband seems to be harboring anger against her. One of the first questions I ask a wife who comes to me with a husband treating her unkindly is this: Has your husband made any request of you, no matter how small, or how long ago, and you have not complied? So very, very often the wife says there is such a request.

So we have met two little foxes. Fox #1 is My Way. He is an open rebel. Fox #2 is Some Day. He does it when he feels like it or when nothing else he wants to do conflicts. Fox #3~ If You Say This little fox does submitand quickly. But the wifes tone and her face itself shows contempt and distain. Since this is a language class, let me translate for you this little foxs, If you say. I am submitting but only because I am commanded to do so, not because I have any respect for your role as the head of our home. These three little foxes will certainly spoil the vines of your marriage. The Formula for Selfish Love= My Way + Some Day + If You Say There is one last fox I would like you to meet! Listen to the language this little fox speaks. We have come to meet~~~ B. One Little Fox That Spares But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle,

and easy to be entreated,

James 3:17

full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. Fox #4~ Okay I have emphasized a part of the last verse on your outlines~and easy to be entreated. That means in the beautiful original Hebrew, easily obeying; compliant. What does that sound like? It sounds Selfless: Sure! Whatever youd like! This little fox has not said My Way. It sounds Serving: Sure! Whenever youd like! This little fox has not said Some Day. It soundsSubmissive: Sure! If thats what youd like! This little fox has not said If You Say. But this little fox, aptly named OKAY, simply says, Sure! The word SURE can be such a comforting, delightful wordwhen someone asks us to do something. Practice using the word, Sure, in your life and be surprised how you bless and blossom your husband, showing him he is respected. The Format for Christlike Love= Selfless + Serving + Submissive You have just completed the beginners language class taught by Fox #4. It is time to move on to the next level. But if you choose to remain a beginner in this language class for wives, I do give you a WARNING: FOX #4 HAS NOT YET TAUGHT YOU TO SPEAK YOUR HUSBANDS NATIVE TONGUE.

For those of you wanting to advance in our very special language school for wives, it is to the Intermediate Language Class that I now welcome you. In this Intermediate class, you will be learning to translate from your own language of love. II. Translate: From Your Language of Love That they may teach the young women to be sober,

to love their husbands,

Titus 2:4

to love their children,

The next point in the outline is a somewhat confusing phrase that says: A. Adding the AS THEY Confusion Now, listen carefully. We have just read Titus 2:4. Does Titus 2:4 say, That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands as they love their children,? No, it most certainly does not. Yet we, as women most certainly do love our husbands in the same way we love our children. In their context, both of these words love actually have different nuances. The love for their children means a maternal fondness. The love for the husband is an affectionate fondness as a wife. As women equipped with natural, sacrificial, maternal love of a child (whether our own child, or one in nursery, or a in class we teach, or a niece or nephew), we show that love by feeding the child when he is hungry; caring for the child when he is sick; wiping the childs face when his is dirty; making sure the child is dressed warmly when it is cold outside; and warning the child to be careful; to call when he arrives at a destination; and to buckle up! B. Adding Conflict When we have added the words AS THEY to Titus 2:4, when God Himself does not include them, we therefore will also add conflict to our marriages. I am going to give you an amazing piece of information, gleaned from my vast experience as a wife for almost 34 years: YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT YOUR CHILDand he most certainly does not want to be, nor does he like it when he is treated as your child. When you cannot climb out of your role of mothering when you relate to your husband, he will resent it.and he may not even understand why. This passage in Titus calls on us older women to teach the younger not only HOW to love their husbands and their children, but the differences in these two types of love. If my slip is showing or I have lipstick smeared on my tooth, please tell me. If your husbands tie is crooked; his hair is messed; or he has misquoted an unimportant piece of information, he usually does not want to know. God has created him to protect; be strong; command respect; be honorable; and for leadership. That is how God has created a man. Even if your husband is failing completely in all of these God-given characteristics, he intrinsically knows he should be doing them, and he will deeply resent the insinuation against his role when you cannot switch gears from your children to your husband. You have been created to love, nurture, and with instinctive emotional sensing. But you have not been created to be your husbands mother. As mothers we need to tell children when and how much to eat, but not our husbands. As mothers we need to tell our children to pick up after themselves, but not our husbands. As mothers we need to scold our children when they do not follow directions, but not our husbands.

The word for love here in the Titus passage is not derived from the Greek word agape, which is sacrificial love, but it is from the Greek word phileo. This is an outward brotherly kindness, not a sharp corrective tone. This is the affection our husbands hear in our voice and read from our body language. We women can get stuck in a cycle of negativity about everything. I have been in the presence of wives reprimanding their husbands in front of others for forgetting to do something she had asked, or for picking up the wrong brand of a supermarket item. Doesnt he KNOW what brand we use? No, he does not.and ladies, it is not important. Here is a POP QUIZ in this Intermediate Language School for wives: Question #1 Would you speak to your boss or your husbands boss in the same corrective manner you speak to your husband? Question #2 Would you speak to your Pastor in the same corrective manner you speak to your husband? Question #3-for extra credit- When your own son is grown & married, would you want your daughter-in-law to speak to your son as you speak to your husband? How did you do? Language classes are difficult, arent they? They are discouraging arent they? So before we move onto the next level, I want to first be~~~ C. Adding Comfort We speak naturally in our own language of love. When my husband says, Be careful, the roads are a bit icy, or he says, Drive carefully, I feel loved and protected. It is normal for us then to assume that when we say to our husbands, Be careful, the roads are a bit icy, or we say, Drive carefully, that he also will feel our love. But God wired him differently. God did not wire him incorrectly. Differently. Remember how I said you were wired to love, nurture, and care for others? Whether your correction of or concern for your husband needs to be tempered, it is springing from a heart of love. It is not wrong to love, but do guide yourself away from mothering your husband. You feel it is loving. He knows it feels demeaning, but is not even sure why. You speak in your native tongue of love. And if you go on with me, you will find, surprising as it sounds, that LOVE is NOT your husbands native tongue. It is not his primary, first language. Now you have two levels of language school under your belt. The beginner class was taught by the little foxes. The Intermediate class was taught by the many faces of the word love. And for those of you who feel you have had quite enough of language school, I do give you another WARNING: EVEN LOVE HAS NOT YET TAUGHT YOU TO SPEAK YOUR HUSBANDS NATIVE TONGUE.

It is time to move to the advanced level.but only for some of you. When I went to high school the foreign language I enrolled in was French. In French 1, I received all As. In French 2, I received all Bs. In French 3, I struggled to make Cs, and I dropped the class because it became too difficult. 5

For those of you who are satisfied with level one or level two of our language class for wives, I do want to mention this. When I received all As in French 1, I knew the correct words and phrases, but could not speak in full French sentences. When I received all Bs in French 2, I was learning haltingly to speak in full, short French sentences, though I could not understand conversational French. When I struggled in French 3 and dropped out, I lost most of what I learned in the first two years. Those who continued in French 3 completed that year able to speak and understand the French language. Who will come with me to the advanced level of todays language school? I will not drop out this time, no matter how difficult it becomes. The Lord Himself is instructing this class. Though none go with me, yet I will follow. It is finally time to begin to~~~~

III.

Translate: To Your Husbands Native Tongue

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself;

and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

As Christian women, sitting in church services we have heard Ephesians 5:33 addressed often. But if you pay close attention, it is as if the verse ends with the word himself. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; In the past 3 years, I have become tremendously burdened to teach this second half of Ephesians 5:33 to women, and I have encouraged them to teach it to every married woman they meet, or those young women about to be married. My own life, my own tongue, my own manner of speaking to my own husband has changed dramatically as God has both instructed and convicted my heart. A. Language School Demands Memorization!!!!!!! It does not matter which foreign language you may want to learn. There will always be by rote memorization necessary, whether you are learning conjugation of foreign verbs or the male and female articles accompanying a foreign noun. So learn this verse, Ephesians 5:33. Write it on index cards & tuck them in your Bible, by your desk, on the kitchen counter. Meditate on this verse daily so it becomes a part of your renewed mind on this topic. And when we learn new words, it is wise to learn their meaning. Reverence is from the Greek word, phobeo. It means to fear; to venerate; to be in awe. Your husband..is this how you see his position before you? I would venture to guess that far more Christian wives hold their husbands in contempt and distain, readily willing to challenge their authority; and gossip about them to others. And when this happens, your husband is aware. He knows the sound of contempt and he surmises the possibility of gossip. And it causes a rift that may take Gods supernatural healing to repair.

Please believe me when I say the husband is aware. My husband is a pastor, and I, a pastors wife, and husbands are so shamed by what they know others have heard about them, that it keeps them out of Gods house. And Gods language is very strong in Ephesians 5:33, without exceptions. As wives we readily accept the concept of unconditional love.we expect it from our husbands, and if our husbands are to be pleasing to God, their love for us should be unconditional. In other words, they should treat us in a loving manner even when our behavior is anything but respectful. So unconditional love is something with which we are very familiar, for God makes no conditions on the husbands love in Ephesians 5:33no excuses or exceptions when our husbands do not have to love us unconditionally. But look again at the last part of Ephesians 5:33, ladies:

~and the wife see that she reverence her husband~

Absolutely no exceptions, no excuses, and no escape clauses. I am going to introduce to you perhaps a very new concept: Unconditional reverence. Your husband may not deserve respect in the eyes of the world. Your husband may not be treating you in a loving manner. But your reverence must be unconditional And your reverence is commanded. I want to make that clear, but I also want to encourage your hearts. When you begin to reverence your husband --truly & biblically reverence him--you will find that amazing things begin to happen. When we do things Gods way, we get Gods results. So! Not only does language school require memorization, but~ B. Language School Demands Good Listening Techniques This next part will really separate those wives serious to glorify God and reverence their husbands today, from those who are waiting for their husbands to first show them more love before they show their husbands respect. Natural to women is the desire to verbalize and relate all that is in our hearts. So it is equally natural to desire full resolution of conflict with our husband. But he may not engage in the level of emotional disclosure we desire. He may not want to talk about it. Why is this? Have you ever wondered? If there is one fact you will have imbedded into your minds after this study, it will be that men & women are different, especially in the areas of problem resolution and verbalizing emotional conflict. We are masters at this, and mistakenly assume our husbands do not love us enough to talk or to resolve our conflict. And when these conflicts arise over and over and over again, you are not necessarily right and he is not necessarily wrong..but you and he are different. Who has created us with these differences? Who has wired us to be more verbal and more emotional? Who has wired our husbands to be less verbal and less emotional? God has. Has God made some gigantic error for which we are paying the price? We must stop talking & expressing ourselves as much, and take some time to listen, really listen to our husbands. He will have priorities in his life which God Himself has instilled. So come with me and explore your husbands world, and be very quiet as we first enter ~~~~

1. The Garden God has revealed to us in Gen. 2:15, And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. That is the first job description in the Bible. The garden was Adams place of work. God gave the husband the command to work, and has perpetuated this principle throughout His Word. God has said, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. (2 Thess. 3:10) God also said (1 Tim. 5:8), But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. God commanded and thus expected the husband to work, and therefore has placed into the heart of man the desire to provide for his family, and the desire to focus on his job. He is not putting his job before his family as much as he is doing what God has called him to do. It is not a competition between you and his job, though many wives make it such. As soon as the husband begins to talk of the job, the wifes eyes glaze over, and her disinterest in what is so important to him, speaks volumes of disrespect to him. And I warn you, there are women at his workplace who will respect him and listen to him.and your lack of respect can begin eroding your marriage in ways you never thought possible. Listen to your husband when he speaks of his job, and comment in a positive way about this huge element of his life and God-given duty. Tell him you respect what he does and how he provides for his family. As he relates challenges and conflicts at the workplace, listen well, but dont jump in with how to correct the problems. This was a great fault of mine for years, and it caused many tensions when my husband related his workplace challenges. Our interested listening, our respect for what he does, and our allowing him to fix his own problems, communicates to a husband reverence. And ladies, before you judge me of living back in the 1950s with the Cleavers in Leave It to Beaver, I know that some husbands stay at work too long; are workaholics; or the opposite, do not apply themselves enough. But I am getting you to see your role as a woman who ministers grace, while encouraging your husbands workplace endeavors. It is time to leave the garden, and walk into ~~~~ 2. The Throne Room Oh! I can see all kinds of sparks going off about now. Before you shut me down, or shut me off, or before you roll your eyes at the picture of the man as being king of his castle, hold on for a bit and hear me out. As God has created man with the internal work ethic, he also has given him the duty & therefore the desire to lead. He may not be as intrinsically as intelligent as you. He may not have the same talents or abilities as you. You may have very strong leadership qualities. However, God has established a hierarchy in the family, and the One to whom you should complain is God, not your husband. Do you desire to complain to God that it was not fair that God in His wisdom has established the man as head of the home? All well organized institutions, whether governments, offices, or homes have structured leadership. The problems occur when those who are not in the position of leadership to assume that role. So when we have a dilemma and your husband seems to be

giving you orders how to fix it, listen for the insight God has given him, and do not take offense. And dont play defense either. He is in the role God gave him as headship of the home. Respect it, and listen to the advice. Follow it, even if it goes against your female intuition. Remember who was deceived in the garden.Eve. We are not always right. Tell him respectfully you are thankful for his advice and you plan on doing it. See him blossom as you say the words he desires to hear. Ephesians 5:24 teaches, Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. What are we going to do with that? Ignore it entirely? God has given him duties in the garden, and has given him responsibilities in the throne room. Now it is time to walk with me into ~~~~ 3. The Bedroom This will not be graphic, nor overly descriptive, but listen to Gods Word on the topic of the physical relationship between a husband and wife: Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Heb.13:4) God will judge the sexual practice of prostitution. He will judge adulterers. It is in marriage and only marriage that sexual activity is honorable. Sexual practices outside of marriage are dishonorable and they are sin. I did not make this up. I am not old fashioned, but rather God fashioned, and so are you. But one place which is holy and undefiled is the marriage bed. The answer to why your husband thinks so much about the sexual relationship is because God created him to be a sexual being, stimulated by sight. And you show respect, and speak to him in his native tongue when you openly, willingly, and frequently are an interested partner in supplying his physical needs..those very needs that God created within every husband. When this is withheld by the wife, the Bible teaches us this is defrauding your husband. What is the definition of defraud? To cheat out of a right to do something. To take something
from by fraud; swindle:

Why do wives resist what they are commanded to do, and what takes so little time to do? This displeases the husband greatly and displeases God even more. I have heard it said many times by a hurt and love starved wife: It is so difficult to respond in the bedroom when I am so emotionally starved all day. And I believe the wife who says this is being transparent and honest and simply does not listen to what she is saying. Let me translate: I will respond better in the bedroom, when I have my emotional needs met first. Sounds like conditional respect. I will obey God when my husband fulfills my needs. Would you have to guess what God thinks about this line of reasoning? So you have learned to listen to your husbands native tongue, as he speaks it in the garden (his place of work); in the throne room (his office of family authority); and in the bedroom (the honorable fulfillment of marital intimacy.) Your language lessons are almost over. You need only remember that C. Language School Demands Daily Practice

This is the part of the study where I am going to begin to lose the attention of some of you, and in fact, I may have already lost some of your respect. You are thinking I do not know your husband. This is true. You are thinking your husband is in a category all his own. This is not true. Peter gives us some advice and also great insight into how to conduct yourself before the husband who is either unsaved or acting in a disobedient manner toward you, his wife Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your

chaste conversation coupled with fear.

1 Peter 3:1-2

That phrase chaste

conversation coupled with

fear.

means your holy life is coupled with respectful behavior. You must never lie, and say, I respect your addictions or your anger or your neglect of me, but rather your lifes message to your husband is that you show him respectful behavior at all times.unconditionally. Dr. Nell Collins explains it this way Responsive to his office in reverence and respect. This is a language class, correct? Well if you say you cannot show your husband respectful behavior, let me translate that for you, for what you are saying is this: I will not show my husband respectful behavior because I choose rather to disrespect God and disobey His Word. I will not show my husband respectful behavior because, leaning to my own understanding, I think that will reward him and make him think I approve of his actions. Peter has already taken away these excuses by covering the fact that he is talking about a disobedient husband. This husband is sinning, either by rejection of Christ as Savior, sin against his wife, or both. And if in your heart of hearts you believe you cannot practice this language of respectful behavior to your husband until your circumstances change, I think I can call three past students of this class who thought the same thing..and found out how wrong they were. 1. Eve Did Not Practice! Eve is a perfect example for those of us who believe it is our circumstances which prevent us from speaking in our husbands native tongue of reverence. Eve lived in Paradise. Not figuratively. Literally! She and her husband were perfect human beings, created in Gods image, and never knew illness or sorrow until that time. God gave Adam his work orders, which included not eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Adam told Eve about this, one of his work related responsibilities. Eve did not practice speaking in the language of respect, and stand behind her husbands diligence in his field of work. In fact, she complained to another person.satan himself! And she undermined her husbands position so much; she induced him to sin against God. 2. Rebekah Did Not Practice! 10

Rebekah overheard her husband Isaac telling her eldest son Esau to prepare venison and come into Isaacs chamber so Isaac could bless Esau. You who feel you would respect your husband if he showed spiritual leadership, should look at Rebekah. God was directly dealing with her family, and instead of supporting her husband as spiritual head of his home, she undermined his authority, and got their own son Jacob to lie & say he was Esau to his nearly blind father Isaac. And she undermined her husbands position so much; she induced him to sin against God. 3. Martha Did Not Practice! And finally for those of us, who truly believe we will reverence our husband WHEN he begins to love us as Christ loved the church, listen in for a minute to Marthas conversation with the Lord Jesus Christ. But before I tell you what Martha said, let me ask a question. While Jesus was at the home of Martha & Mary that day, was he sinfully negligent of Marthas feelings? Even if you do not recall the story, you know the answer to that is positively, No! Well, listen to Martha speaking directly to the Savior of the world: Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. First she actually rebukes Christ: Dont you care about me? Then she orders Him: Tell her to help me. Some of us have thought before that Martha has gotten a bad rap. She was working hard and seemed to be working alone. But we know Christ was not in any type of sin, and she walks up to Him and accuses him, and then rebukes Him. Soooo..though Eve, Rebekah, and Martha did not choose to practice respect to the men in their sphere of influence, 4. You Must Practice! Secular psychologists without a bit of love for the Bible state that the cycle of negativity and always placing the spouse in the position of wrong doing in the heart & mind of the wife, cause the great divides in todays marriages. I want to give you a precious tid-bit that will help you immensely in this topic of reverencing your husband. Assume he means to do well, not sin against you. When Paul was weighing the pros and cons of marriage during the religious persecution of the early church, he says something very simplistic, but very foundational. (Back to outlines) But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how

he

may please his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:33

Though you may not believe me, most husbands desire to please their wives. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, a Christian author who writes on the topic of marriage, calls this good will. If you assume your husbands good will, you will save yourself the bitterness, the arguments, and the lack of respect for his position. He is not trying to make your life miserable. He does not select the wrong product at the food store to make you angry. He has underlying good will. You will never learn this from the world. Women of the world say that they deserve equality. The feminist movement and politically correct womens rights have sought to degrade men at every opportunity. Is that how equality is reached? I read a T-Shirt which had printed across the front, My next husband will be normal. Men are not immune to hurt. They hurt deeply. When 11

you begin to speak to your husband in terms of respect, you will find miraculous things begin to happen in your marriage. How can you practice? Listen to him when he speaks, without interruption and without being negative. Avoid the tone of contempt or disgust in your voice when you respond to your husband. Build him up in front of others, and tell others the good things he does. I do not believe that he never does anything good ever. Use the word respect instead of the word love when you speak to your husband, when you sign a note to him, or a card. All My Respect for all you do for us, JoAnne Honey, I respect so much that you stay at your job every day, no matter how difficult, because you care for me. Thank you. Wow, Hon! I really respect your wisdom in what you just suggested. Ladies, get ready, those of you seriously considering speaking a new language. A wife showing her husband unconditional respect will find her husband responding to her in a more loving manner. A wonderful revolution is about to happen in your home! WONDERFUL: REVERENCE HAS TAUGHT YOU TO SPEAK YOUR HUSBANDS NATIVE TONGUE !

Back in my high school there were a small number of students who, in their senior year, took French 4. French had become their passion. The most advanced students took a senior class trip to France. Some returned in later years to take university level studies at the great educational institution, the Sorbonne. There is a level 4 in speaking your husbands native tongue. It is the language of Christ Himself.

not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.
1 Peter 2:24

Who, when he was reviled, reviled

Now, ladies, I have been a pastors wife for many years. I know that many of you are not dealing with husbands who occasionally show you unkindness. Please, if you are experiencing abuse on any level, or your husband is entrenched in addictions of any kind, speak to your pastor and pastors wife. Some of you are living in a daily prison of hurt; yelling; accusations; and verbal cruelty. You may be living with husbands involved in deep sin of secret and immorality. Nevertheless, you are still able to please & glorify God in the worst of circumstances. Each of us has suffered in ways perhaps even our closest friends do not know. Christ does know. And perhaps God is teaching you, as He did the Apostle Paul, the fellowship of Christs sufferings. When even reverential behavior on your part seems not to be working; when the most respectful words are characteristic of your tongue, and yet your husband seems unmoved, look to the Christ.

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When he was reviled~~~ railed at, He did not return harsh retorts. He never reacted, but always responded in ways pleasing to God. When He suffered, He did not threaten those causing His suffering. But He did not stop there, and seethe in silence, as wives often do when bitterly sinned against. Christ committed the offense to God. When being spoken to in an unkind or even cruel manner; when yelled at; or falsely accused; in your heart of hearts, pray, Lord, You hear this & I commit it to You. May I have a heart to forgive and bear this patiently. That last prayer is advanced language school indeed. Very few other students are in your classroom with you.but One very notable Student is always present.The Lord Jesus Christ Himself..and He not only knows all of your pain; He is holding your hand; and overseeing all. Nothing pleases God more than when we imitate His beloved Son. Learn to speak Christs language as your trials conform you more & more into His image. Those of you in front of me today are in many different life seasons. But all Scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, reproof, correction, instruction in righteousness both for you and for those you can help & influence. There is an entire younger generation who grew up listening to the contempt and distain of their mothers directed at their fathers. Few young women today have ever witnessed true, godly reverential behavior of a wife for a husband. So we must teach them these truths. When God commands a wife to reverence her husband in the last 9 words of Ephesians 5:33, much is shown to us about the character and nature of both God and of men. We are shown that reverence is a command to wives because it is basic need of their husbands, just as love is a basic need of wives. We are shown by the very brevity of the commandment, that reverence is unconditional. There is no list of conditions stated by which your husband forfeits your reverential behavior. There is no list of conditions stated by which you are right in holding your husband in contempt or distain. If Jesus Christ returned kind, loving, and forgiving behavior even to those who abused him in word, accusation, and deed, and we are asked to follow His steps, you will see in Christ the model for the strength that is yours in being reverential to your husband..especially in those times when it is particularly difficult. Begin today to speak in your husbands native tongue of respect. Of reverence. Build him up, and in so doing help him to grow into the man God desires him to be. And as you trust God, giving reverence to your husband, you will find more and more you will hear your native tongue..the language of love you long to hear. May God encourage your heart that whatever He has commanded us, He gives us the grace to perform. May none of us fail from this grace of God in the area of speaking the language of respect..our husbands native tongue. And if, if you rarely hear your own native tongue of love spoken to you by your husband, or even if this is a season of life without a husband, I leave with you these closing words from the Lord Himself: For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name (Isaiah 54:5) For thy Maker is thine husband!

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Listen to Him speak your native tongue, the language of love: Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. (Jeremiah 31:3)

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