MODERN FAMILY "Surprised Party" by Jeremy Shuback

Jeremy Shuback 9023 Alcott Apt 101 Los Angeles, CA 90035 me@jeremyshuback.com (248) 496 - 1099

ACT ONE INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY Jay is reading the paper and Gloria is cooking. Manny enters. MANNY Do I look all right? GLORIA You look beautiful. Beautiful? MANNY

JAY Manny, you look fine. Relax. MANNY I should have worn my dinner jacket. What was I thinking? The doorbell rings. Manny straightens his jacket and heads to the front hall. Jay and Gloria follow. Manny opens the door to reveal LESLIE, a gorgeous 15 year old, way out of Mannys league. Shes focused on texting. MANNY (CONTD) Do you want to come in? LESLIE Not even a little. My moms waiting in the car. Come on. Manny and Leslie exit. JAY & GLORIA INTERVIEW GLORIA Why would I be surprised? Of course Manny can get any girl he wants. JAY Yeah. Id say Im surprised. Thats a good word for it. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY Claire is half heartedly refolding a towel, eavesdropping on Haleys conversation, muffled behind a closed door. A keg? HALEY (O.S.)

2. Claire bursts into Haleys room. Haley puts the phone away. A keg? CLAIRE

HALEY How long were you spying on me? CLAIRE Im asking the questions here. HALEY What did you hear? Enough. CLAIRE

HALEY Thats funny, because I didnt say anything. CLAIRE You spend a lot of time not saying anything. A keg? HALEY I dont know what youre talking about. CLAIRE Give me your phone. Haley hands Claire her phone. Claire presses something. CLAIRE (CONTD) (on phone) Hello? Doesnt matter who I am. Who are you? Dont you hang up on me. (to Haley) Whos Jim? HALEY (silent) CLAIRE Is Jim maybe someone youre planning to drink a keg with when were gone tomorrow night? What? HALEY

3. CLAIRE Im on to you. PHIL & CLAIRE INTERVIEW PHIL You see, four months ago I booked us a night at Amelias. Im starting to think Claire is looking to invent reasons not to go. CLAIRE Thats crazy. INT. DUNPHY CAR - DAY CLAIRE Heres the truth, Phil. The Maitre D is a guy I dated in high school, and Ive avoided him ever since. PHIL If we avoided every place where someone you dated now works, wed never go anywhere. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY CLAIRE I was thinking instead of going out, I put this on and we have some fun here. Claires holds up some lingerie. PHIL I say we do both. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY Claire is juggling the phone in one hand and laundry in the other, rushing towards the kitchen. Luke and a friend are on the steps. LUKES FRIEND I just think its way too bloody. LUKE Dont worry. Theyll be gone that night, and I already have all of the knives.

4. PHIL & CLAIRE INTERVIEW PHIL And of course the whole naked episode. CLAIRE Fun fact about Amelias? $100/plate. Maybe I am looking for reasons. Is that so bad? EXT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - DAY Cam is loading football equipment into the car. MITCHELL (on phone) Gary, its Saturday. Im not coming in. (beat) Thats not it. (beat) Fine. Ill be there. Mitchell hangs up the phone. MITCHELL (CONTD) Sorry Cam. I cant go. CAMERON Its the finals Mitchell. The finals. MITCHELL For Stefans team. Youre only in this game because he got sick. It shouldnt be a big deal if I miss it. CAMERON And yet, somehow it is. MITCHELL & CAMERON INTERVIEW CAMERON The last time Mitchell was at a game he didnt look at the field once. MITCHELL I was cheering with everyone else.

5. EXT. FOOTBALL GAME - DAY Cameron misses a tackle, letting the other team win the game. Mitchell, playing with Lily, boos with the crowd. Cam glares at him from the field. MITCHELL INTERVIEW MITCHELL So heres the thing. There wasnt anyone on the other end of the line. I just dont want to go. CAMERON INTERVIEW CAMERON So heres the thing. There is no game. MAIN TITLES INT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - DAY Cameron is packing a day bag for Lily as she runs around the room. CAMERON Just take her in to work with you. MITCHELL Cam, I need you to watch her. I havent had a weekend to myself since you started going out as Fizbo. MITCHELL & CAMERON INTERVIEW MITCHELL Yes, Cams worked as a party clown the last four Saturdays. For kids we dont know. Im very proud of him. CAMERON He made me stop. MITCHELL It was time to stop. CAMERON And I did. For you. MITCHELL It was time to stop.

6. INT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - CONTINUOUS CAMERON I cant watch her when Im in game mode. MITCHELL Or clown mode. Or diet mode. Or planning mode. OrCAMERON I see. You dont want me to go to the game. MITCHELL Its fine Cam. Im sure Gloria can watch her. CAMERON You forgot director mode. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY Phil is on his iPad. Claire enters. CLAIRE We have to cancel Amelias and you need to talk with Haley. PHIL Whoah there. What happened? CLAIRE Shes planning to throw a party. I heard her say a keg on the phone. PHIL And you just happened to be standing next to her whenCLAIRE A keg Phil. That could mean a kegger. PHIL Haley wouldnt do that. CLAIRE You think you know Haley better than me? PHIL I wouldnt say that. Maybe. Probably.

7. CLAIRE Great. So you can talk to her. PHIL Guess I walked right into that one. CLAIRE & PHIL INTERVIEW CLAIRE Its just, I did a lot of partying in college and dont want her to. PHIL You and me both. CLAIRE They used to call me the Human Cup. Dont ask. PHIL They used to call me the Philer. Dont ask. (beat) I bartended. Mostly I called myself that. Need another cup from the Philer? I thought so. Perhaps The Philer could Phil up the Human Cup? No. CLAIRE

INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY Mitchell is holding Lilys hand. JAY At least hes not a clown this weekend. How come youre not at his game? Work. MITCHELL

JAY Thats the best lie you could come up with? MITCHELL Lie? I actually have-

8. JAY Face it Mitchell, youre a terrible liar. MITCHELL Im a lawyer. JAY And youre gay. What did I do wrong? MITCHELL He doesnt want me there. He got really upset when I put my foot down on Fizbo. Im sure he just needs some time on his own. JAY You should tell him why youre not going. Hell understand. MITCHELL That doesnt sound like him. Gloria enters and takes Lily from Mitchell. Mine. GLORIA

EXT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mitchell takes out his phone MITCHELL Hey Cam. I just want you to know Im really sorry I wasnt able to make it. I know how important it is to you. CAMERON (O.S.) Its all right. You have work. It happens. Next time. You sure? MITCHELL

INT. GREY ROOM WITH SHRUB IN CORNER - CONTINUOUS Five clowns, including Cam, dressed as Fizbo, stand around a table. On the table is a military schematic map of a birthday party. One of the clowns, MELOFISTO, pushes little army men with tiny party hats from Sector A1 to Sector D4. In Sector D4 is a miniature Fizbo doll at a miniature candy booth.

9. CAMERON (on Phone) Absolutely. END OF ACT ONE

10. ACT TWO INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - HALEYS ROOM - NIGHT Haley is on her cell phone. Alex enters and turns off Haleys phone. ALEX I know about the party. HALEY How did you find out? ALEX You just admitted it. HALEY What? Well, youre not invited. ALEX Oh, that makes sense. Guess Ill just stay in my room and do homework the whole night. HALEY Thats what youd do anyway. ALEX Not if theres a party downstairs. HALEY Just stay out of it. ALEX Guess Ill tell Mom then. HALEY Alex - these are my friends. You wouldnt even have fun. ALEX Then Ill invite some of mine. HALEY Since when do you have friends? Heres $20. Take Luke to the movies or something. ALEX You cant buy me off. HALEY You wouldnt know what to do at a party like this.

11. ALEX Fine. Im telling, then. HALEY All right. You can come. Just no friends. ALEX Three friends. HALEY One friend. ALEX Two friends. Deal. HALEY

INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT Lily runs to Cameron. Hes dressed in a white t-shirt and pants from a football uniform. CAMERON Thanks again Gloria. Cameron exits. Manny enters with Leslie. Leslie is talking on her cell phone. LESLIE (to Manny) On second thought, its a little late for tea. Could you get me a cup of water? (on phone) But thats not the best part Peter Yeah. Butterflies. Manny goes to the sink. Jay and Gloria watch. LESLIE (CONTD) (on phone) Yeah. The chubby one. I dont know. Anyhow, when we got to the - one sec. Leslie covers the receiver and takes a sip. LESLIE (CONTD) Do you have anything colder?

12. MANNY

Sure.

LESLIE (on phone. giggles) Thats not right. Youre dirty. Manny puts ice in water and returns. LESLIE (CONTD) (to Manny) I dont like ice. Manny dumps the water into the sink and pours from the pitcher in the refrigerator. Jay and Gloria exchange glances. Manny returns with water. Leslie takes a sip, and then puts the cup on the counter. She covers the phone receiver. LESLIE (CONTD) You know what. Im not thirsty. If you want, you can go out with me tomorrow night. Ill pick you up at 7:30. Ive got to go. Leslie gets back on her phone and exits. GLORIA So this is that girl you chase for the last year? MANNY I think Im in love. What? Calm down. GLORIA JAY

GLORIA No son of mine willJAY Its Mannys choice. GLORIA Mannys ch- Fine. INT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - NIGHT Cam enters through the front door with Lily hanging off him. Hes wearing a full football uniform.

13. CAMERON Im sorry Im late. We won so a couple of the guys insisted we grab drinks to celebrate. I wish you could have been there. MITCHELL Yeah. To be honest, ICAMERON Get this. Because we won, were playing again tomorrow. You can still come out! MITCHELL The truth is... I still have a lot more to do at the office. CAMERON Theres no way out of it? MITCHELL Believe me, if there was, Id take it. I wish I could be there. CAMERON I know you do. Cameron exits with Lily. Mitchell picks up his phone. MITCHELL Hey Stefan, I just wanted to thank you. Cams really enjoying filling in. What? STEFAN (O.S.)

MITCHELL At the game. What game? STEFAN (O.S.)

Mitchell starts walking towards the hall closet. MITCHELL The football game. The one youre too sick to play in. What? STEFAN (O.S.)

14. MITCHELL Wait. My bad. It wasnt you. I... Lets catch up soon. Ive got to go. Bye. Mitchell hangs up. His hand wavers over the closet door handle. Cam! What? MITCHELL (CONTD) CAMERON (O.S.)

Mitchell opens the closet door. The Fizbo costume is hanging there in a laundry bag towards the back, clearly unused. MITCHELL Never mind. INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - MANNYS ROOM - NIGHT Manny is in bed reading. Jay enters and sits on the edge of the bed. JAY Can we talk? MANNY Think I can reuse a poem I wrote for another girl? I just feel it applies all over again. JAY Manny, it isnt right how Leslie treated you today. MANNY What do you mean? JAY You cant let yourself get walked over just because a girl is pretty. You need to have certain boundaries. Take me and your mom. We work because she understands my boundaries. If she asks for something, I can always say no. I dont have to do everything she says. Thats important. MANNY Is this still about me?

15. JAY Pay attention tomorrow. Ill show you what I mean. MANNY Please dont. INT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - MIDDLE OF NIGHT Mitchell gets up with a start, and looks over to Cams side of the bed. Cam is not there. Mitchell walks to the living room. Cam is missing. He picks up his cell phone. MITCHELL Where are you? CAMERON I couldnt sleep. nervous about the Its been so long (O.S.) I was just so game tomorrow. since I played.

MITCHELL So where are you? CAMERON (O.S.) I had to go on a little walk. Ill be back before one. Another guys voice can be heard muffled in the background. CAMERON (O.S.) (CONTD) Ill be right back. Okay? All right? MITCHELL

Silence on other end of the phone. INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING Manny is sipping a cup of coffee and doing a crossword puzzle. Gloria enters and sits next to him. GLORIA Manny, you know you can get any woman you want. MANNY And I have. GLORIA Is she really what you want?

16. MANNY Shes the whole package. Jay enters and gives Manny a knowing look. JAY Gloria, could you make some eggs? Jay starts to exit. GLORIA If you want eggs, you make them. JAY Me? Id burn them. But you make great eggs. GLORIA Because I have nothing better to do? JAY If you say so. Jay gives Manny the same knowing look. Manny averts his gaze. Jay exits. JAY (O.S.) (CONTD) Pancakes would also be nice. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FRONT HALL Theres a knock on the door. Phil and Luke go to answer it. GUY AT DOOR Hey, did Jim get here already? PHIL I think you have the wrong house. LUKE I let someone in earlier. Hes in Haleys room. PHIL (to Guy at Door) Excuse me. Phil runs up the stairs, taking them two at a time, tripping on a shaky step. He throws open Haleys bedroom door. Alex is inside, doing homework. Whos Jim? PHIL (CONTD)

17. ALEX I dont know. Who? PHIL Do you know if one of Haleys friends was here earlier? Its not a big deal if there was. Just asking. ALEX I didnt see anyone. Claire enters. Whos Jim? CLAIRE

ALEX Im trying to do homework. CLAIRE You know something. ALEX Mom. Really? PHIL Claire, I dont think she does. CLAIRE You think you know Alex better than me? PHIL I wouldnt say that. Maybe. Probably. CLAIRE If I find out anyone was here... She starts to walk towards the closet. ALEX Mom. Youre pyscho. Just let me get some work done for once. Claire flings open the closet. No ones in there. CLAIRE Im on to you. Claire PHIL

18. GUY AT DOOR (O.S.)

Hello?

Phil and Claire leave, closing the door behind them. Alex gets back to her homework. The door flings open again. Claire looks around, stares at Alex and closes the door again. Jim comes out from under Haleys bed, exhaling. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Claire takes out her phone. INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Jay is watching TV. His phone rings. JAY Hey Claire. Whats going on? CLAIRE I was wondering. Junior year when I planned to throw a party. How did you know? JAY I picked up on little clues. Also, whenever you took the phone into your room, I listened on the other end. You what? CLAIRE

JAY See, my trick was covering the receiver so you couldnt hear me. CLAIRE How often did you do that? JAY Once or twice a week. Thats how I knew your friends called you the Human Cup. Whats this about? CLAIRE I think Haleys throwing a party. I heard her say keg on the phone. JAY You were listening to her phone conversation?

19. CLAIRE Not on purpose. Mmmhmmm. JAY

CLAIRE And just now, some high schooler rang our door bell asking for Jim. JAY Tell you what, if it makes you feel better, Ill get Gloria to check on your house later tonight. CLAIRE Thanks Dad. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY Claire and Phil are at the table with all three kids. CLAIRE If I find out anything happened tonight, there will be big trouble. HALEY Dont worry. You wont. CLAIRE Good. So it shouldnt be a problem if Gloria stops by for a bit later. ALEX Were a little old for a baby sitter. CLAIRE Yeah, I thought that too. ALEX Mom, if you trust us, you dont need to get Gloria coming all the way over here just to check on us. CLAIRE Thats true. INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - FRONT HALL - DAY The doorbell rings. Gloria answers it and Mitchell enters with Lily.

20. MITCHELL I really appreciate you watching her. Of course. GLORIA

JAY (O.S.) Gloria! This better not mean the end of massage time. MITCHELL (to Gloria) Mind if I talk to him alone for a second? INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Jay is on the couch watching football. Mitchell enters. JAY To be honest, Id prefer if Gloria did it. MITCHELL Dad, how did you know when Mom was cheating on you? JAY I accidentally overheard a couple of her phone conversations. Is everything all right? MITCHELL I just found out there was no game. Now Im not even sure if Cams been clowning the last few weeks. JAY I wouldnt worry about it. Even if Cam wanted to cheat on you, what are the chances of someone being interested in him? MITCHELL (sarcastic) Thanks dad. JAY Just talk with him. The longer you sit on this, the harder it gets. Jay! GLORIA (O.S.)

21. MITCHELL Dont mention this. Of course. Mitchell exits. INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Gloria is making sandwiches. Manny is playing catch with Lily. A football game is heard softly in the background. Jay enters. GLORIA I need you to head to the store. Here. She pulls out a grocery list, and Jay shoots Manny a look. Manny shakes his head. JAY Could you go this time? GLORIA Ive got Lily. Jay looks at Manny again. JAY Ill watch Lily. I was really hoping to finish the game. Id appreciate it. GLORIA Okay. I can go. Great. JAY JAY

Jay nods at Manny. Gloria glares as Jay exits. GLORIA Whats going on? MANNY I think Jays trying to prove to me that relationships are built on each persons ability to stand up for themselves and say no. He told me last night thats important.

22. GLORIA

Oh. It is. Jay! Jay enters. What?

(to Jay)

JAY

GLORIA Im watching Lily. You go finish these and then get the groceries. Gloria hands Jay the butter knife for sandwiches and the shopping list. Jay looks at Manny. GloriaJAY

GLORIA (to Lily) Lets go play dress up. Okay. LILY

Gloria exits with Lily. Manny shakes his head at Jay. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - HALEYS ROOM - DAY Haley and Alex stand above Luke, whos sitting in a chair. HALEY You promise? LUKE I wont tell. ALEX You may go. Luke exits. ALEX (CONTD) But what are we going to do about Gloria? HALEY I bet she did stuff way worse than this when she was a kid. She wont tell on us.

23. ALEX Thats your plan? Hope she wont tell? What if we create a decoy party? HALEY What do you mean? INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT Jay lays down the groceries. Gloria, Manny, and Lily are playing Shoots and Ladders. GLORIA And thanks for making dinner. JAY Gloria, I just got back. Could you do it? GLORIA But dont make eggs. Youd burn them. JAY Tell you what, Im not that hungry. No need for dinner tonight. GLORIA Im not hungry either. ImMANNY

JAY Fine. No dinner. Listen, I told Claire youd stop by their house tonight. Shes worried Haleys throwing a party. GLORIA No. I dont think I will. JAY Well, one of us has to. GLORIA Yes. One of us. JAY Im not going.

24. GLORIA

Nor am I.

Jay picks up his phone. JAY Hey Claire. Im really sorry, but Gloria cant head over tonight. (beat) No I cant either. (beat) Its complicated. (to Gloria) There. GLORIA One of us should go. JAY Sure. I can call her again. GLORIA Im not going. JAY Me neither. INT. PHIL & CLAIRES CAR IN DRIVEWAY - NIGHT Claire hangs up the phone. CLAIRE We cant go. Gloria cant make it. Why not? PHIL

CLAIRE I dont know. Here, Ill try Cam. She dials him. CAMERON (O.S.) Its Camerons voice mail. A message? Your choice, pal. Claire rolls her eyes as the voice mail beeps. CLAIRE Hey Cam, I think Haley and Alex mostly Haley are throwing a party. (MORE)

25. CLAIRE (CONT'D) If you could check on our house in about an hour, Id really appreciate it. While Claire is on the phone, Phil attempts to pull out of the driveway. An unknown car pulls in at the same time, only to use the driveway to reverse directions on the street. CLAIRE (CONTD) (on phone) Hey Mitch, could you stop by our house in about an hour? MITCHELL (O.S.) Yeah. Thats no problem. Thanks. CLAIRE

Claire hangs up the phone. PHIL Stop worrying. CLAIRE Even if Im wrong about the party, what about that whole knife thing with Luke? PHIL Dont worry about Luke. Hell be fine. CLAIRE You think you know Luke better than me? PHIL Maybe. Probably. Probably. CLAIRE

END OF ACT TWO

26. ACT THREE INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT Jay, Manny, and Gloria are eating a meal of fast food. JAY Could you pass the ketchup? GLORIA No. You can get it yourself. MANNY All right. Enough. I get it. I know how to stand up for myself. JAY So then will you pass the ketchup? As Manny starts to pass it, the doorbell rings. Manny rushes off screen. A door is heard opening. MANNY (O.S.) We need to talk. Gloria and Jay exchange glances. LESLIE (O.S.) No we dont. There isnt time. Lets go. The door is heard closing. Gloria throws a few ketchup packets at Jays face. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Haley is filling a red cup from a keg. 45 high schoolers are there. Born this Way plays in the background. Alex is on the steps talking with two fellow nerds and one of Haleys friends. Headlights can be seen through the window. Alex looks out. ALEX (yelling at room) Places! As a group, all but the stairway crowd rush upstairs, and hide. The stairway crowd rush to the couch, where a game of Monopoly looks to be in midplay. They pretend to be playing it. The door opens and Cameron walks in, dressed as Fizbo the clown.

27. CAMERON Im pretty sure your mom said not to have any friends over. ALEX Im sorry. Its my fault. I just thought-why are you dressed as Fizbo? CAMERON Im asking the questions here. Cameron walks through the house. He lifts up a black cloth covering a keg. Huh. CAMERON (CONTD)

A cough is heard behind the closet door. He walks to it, and flings it open. Jim is revealed. His eyes grow wide. Clown. JIM

Haley and Alex are frozen. HALEY (under breath) Thats not Gloria. CAMERON This is unacceptable. Who else is here? All of you need to leave. Now. Cameron rushes upstairs. High Schoolers start coming down the steps. Although hard to notice, Lukes friend, covered in a red liquid, is part of this crowd. Get out. CAMERON (CONTD)

HIGH SCHOOLER Or what? You take us away in balloon hand cuffs? HIGH SCHOOLER 2 You beat us with an oversized hammer? HIGH SCHOOLER 3 You squirt us with squirt sauce?

28. CAMERON (to High Schooler 3)

Eww.

(to Everyone) I said out! Cameron grabs one of the kids, and drags him out of the door. HALEY Sorry guys. They start filing out. EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - MOMENTS EARLIER Leslie and Manny are walking. LESLIE But that was like after I finished dating Marcus - the one who was such a drag. You so dont know Marcus. Manny tries to pipe in, but she keeps talking. LESLIE (CONTD) I only knew him from skiing at Big Bear. I cant believe youve never been. Its kind of my whole life. Anyhow, Marcus was really also a total gentlemen. You have no idea. Here we are. Theyre outside the Dunphy house. The door opens, and a stream of High Schoolers walk out. The back of a clown is silhouetted in the doorway. MANNY Here? Leslie, I thought I liked you. Youre pretty and youre smart and youre popular, but I dont. I cant stand you. I cant go into that party with you becauseLESLIE Yeah, it looks like its breaking up anyway, so(to guy in background) Hey Peter. Leslie runs off.

29. MANNY (to himself) Because I can do better. As Leslie grabs Peters hand, Manny sits down on the stoop in front of the house. Mitchell pulls into the driveway. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Alex and Haley are on the couch. Cameron is standing by the door as the last High Schooler files out. He sees Mitchell in the driveway. CAMERON (high pitched yelp) Cameron runs into the front hall closet. Mitchell enters, looks at Alex and Haley, and then goes straight for the closet. His hand wavers over the handle, and then opens it to reveal Cam as Fizbo. CAMERON (CONTD) Im sorry Mitchell. Not for this. Im sorry for sleeping around... (beat) ...with the thought of doing more clowning behind your back. I never meant to cheat on you. Mitchell lets out a breath of relief as Alex and Haley exchange a glance. MITCHELL Not the best phrasing. CAMERON I know I promised you I wouldnt, but last weekend the Magnificent Melofisto asked me to join him. Me. I know I promised you, butCameron continues talking as the camera jumps to: EXT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - DAY Cameron stuffs his clown costume under the football gear when Mitchell is not looking. CAMERON (V.O.) Melofisto said I was one of the greatest clowns hes ever worked with.

30. EXT. GAS STATION BATHROOM - DAY Cameron walks out, carrying a duffel bag, dressed as Fizbo. CAMERON (V.O.) He said to join him again tomorrow. EXT. CHILDRENS PARTY - DAY Cameron and Melofisto juggle bowling pins. Melofisto is saying something, but all we hear is Camerons voice continuing to narrate Off Screen. CAMERON (V.O.) This was the Magnificent Melofisto, Mitchell. Of course I said yes. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - CONTINUOUS MITCHELL What about in the middle of the night? Cameron nods. WhatHALEY

Mitchell stops Haley with his hand out, and Cameron continues as the camera switches to more vignettes. INT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - NIGHT Cameron gets out of bed, sneaking past Mitchell. CAMERON (V.O.) He asked me to practice that night. There was an inner circle getting together. EXT. GAS STATION BATHROOM - NIGHT Cam walks out of the bathroom in full Fizbo gear. CAMERON (V.O.) If I cared, Id be there. Dressed. INT. GREY ROOM WITH SHRUB IN CORNER - NIGHT Cam and four other clowns sit in a circle in folding chairs as Melofisto holds a water spray can. One clown starts to say something, and Melofisto throws his spray can on the floor and points him to the door. Cam gets a cell phone call, hushes the others, but one of them speaks before he hangs up.

31. CAMERON (V.O.) And nobody says no to the Magnificent Melofisto. Nobody. This is just who I am. Its what makes me, me. And I knew you wouldnt approve, so I couldnt tell you. INT. CAMERONS CAR - DAY Cameron tries putting on clown makeup while driving with little success. CAMERON (V.O.) Of course it was wrong. EXT. GAS STATION BATHROOM - DAY Cameron walks out dressed as Fizbo. CAMERON (V.O.) But sometimes all of us need to make those hard choicesEXT. CHILDRENS PARTY - DAY Four clowns in full three stooges mode. Kids laughing in slow motion. Parents gasping in slow motion. Water spray gag in slow motion. Camera circles around Cameron as Fizbo laughing in slow motion. CAMERON (V.O.) -if we want to live life to the fullest. I knew Id have to fess up or be found out, but that doesnt mean it wasnt worth it. Is it better to lie to you or lie to myself about who I am? Sometimes its worth it Mitchell. EXT. CHILDRENS PARTY - NIGHT Cameron shakes hands with Melofisto. A ribbon comes out from Melofistos hand. Melofisto tugs on it. Theres a pin at the end of it that he pins to Cameron. They hug. CAMERON (V.O.) All I hope is that youll love me for my quirks and lies. Not despite them. INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - PRESENT Cameron is looking down at the pin.

32. CAMERON Is that all right? MITCHELL I can do that. Mitchell looks at Haley and Alex. MITCHELL (CONTD) Dont think youre off the hook. Mitchell pulls out his phone. MITCHELL (CONTD) (on phone) Hey Claire. Yeah. At your house. Dont worry. Nothings going on. CLAIRE (O.S.) (from phone) Really? PHIL (O.S.) (heard from phone,) Hate to say I told you so. CLAIRE (O.S.) Well, thanks. Mitchell hangs up. MITCHELL We wont tell. Thank you. HALEY

MITCHELL But you should. (beat) Now clean this place up. Mitchell and Cameron walk outside. EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Mitchell and Cameron see Manny on the sidewalk. CAMERON What are you doing here? MANNY Fizbo? Can I get a ride home?

33. INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS JAY Im sorry. You know I could never say no to you. GLORIA Thats right you cant. Jay goes in to kiss. Gloria rejects him. GLORIA (CONTD) Go make me some pancakes. END OF ACT THREE

34. TAG INT. GREY ROOM WITH SHRUB IN CORNER Four clowns, including Cam, sit in folding chairs. Melofisto is holding up a water spray can. MELOFISTO You have to understand theres nothing funny about just spraying a guy in the face. Anyone can just spray a kid. Its funny when the person is important. A parent. Someone in a suit. Thats where the humor derives. CLOWN #3 raises his hand. CLOWN #3 Whats wrong with just squirting people? Melofisto throws his water spray can on the ground. MELOFISTO You just dont get it. You think this is some sort of joke? Get out of here. Get. He points to the door, and Clown #3 exits exactly as seen in the flashback. Cams phone rings. CAMERON Sorry. Hold up. (on phone) I couldnt sleep. I was just so nervous about the game tomorrow. Its been so long since I played. MITCHELL (O.S.) So where are you? CAMERON I had to go on a little walk. Ill be back before one. MELOFISTO How dare you. CAMERON Ill be right back. Okay? Cameron hangs up.

35. CAMERON (CONTD) Im so sorry. Problem with the baby. MELOFISTO Henceforth you are Fizbo the Phoney. All right. CAMERON

MELOFISTO Let us discuss scarves. END OF SHOW