FIREFLIES

CORY ARCHIE
This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but a whimper. T.S. Elliot
This is the third time Jess has left without me. She wont get back before the siren. She never does. Not on her own. I fight my way to the counter, pushing past dancers and ravers, all too high to notice anything but the strobe lights overhead. Her mother made me promise to take care of her. She gave me twenty-thousand clicks and made me swear on my life. It wouldve been easier to make Jess listen to me to forbid her from ever leaving the shelter. But that didnt make sense. Not to them. The bar is made of metal. Its coated in glass. This is the best youth club in the city. The others are filled with men and women, dying to drug us and drag us home. I ring the bell and wait for the barkeeper. When he arrives, I get a knowing look. Im past sympathy now. She run off again? he asks. Yes, she did. He presses a button of the counter and a security ray appears. He rewinds to thirty minutes before. I spot Jess by the right wing. Shes with an older man. Shell never learn. You should ditch that girl, he says. I know. He passes me a drink. It tastes like acid and bile. Be safe. Youve got forty minutes. I nod and head for the security locker. She never checks out. Im tempted to leave to say I never saw her go. But I cant. Shes never left this late before. She wont get back without me. Check out is at ten. I give the officer my pass. My friend. She left. I need to get her. Her eyebrows knit together. How long ago? Half an hour. Name? Mine or hers? Both. Jessica Montoya. Thats her. Im Kate. Kate what? I dont know. She buzzes me through, giving me the look most women do when they scan my pass. They cant understand why a mother would abandon a healthy child. And why that child lives in the southern district. The streets are filled with lights and scum, all enclosed by gates and mammoth buildings. I cant see the stars. The cars drown out the music from the club. Theyre all headed in one

direction home. Above, a message fires in the sky. It glows red and leaves an aftermark. Jess could be anywhere. Do you have two credits? I look up. Theres a boy standing in front of me. His hair is cut short and his face is dirty. When he smiles, I see his teeth. Surprisingly, theyre clean. Hes tall and thin, wearing standard issue clothes. But theyre ragged and torn. I need to buy a shelter pass. I dont have a card. Its with my friend. Sorry. When our eyes meet, I recognize him, if only faintly. We went to school together before the bomb came. Kate, he says. Its Noel. From eight year. His grin fades when he realizes I dont remember. I cant remember anything but faces and even then. I thought you were dead, he says. So did I. He scratches his arm and follows me through the alley. Its too expensive to keep lamps lit at night. They absorb energy during the day. Then they glow. Its not pure light. Its more like an echo. Whatve you been up to? he asks. Not much. Im looking for Jess. Jessica Montoya? The very one. He continues to scratch at one area on his arm. Its distracting. Whyre you still hanging out with her? I wish I knew. Her mother was the first person I saw when I woke up. After that, there was nothing. Where is she? I dont know. Then how are you going to find her? I just do. Noel rubs the back of his neck. You just do? Yes. I do. We trudge through mud and paper. It litters the alley way. Except for the sleeping children, were alone. What are you doing out? I ask. He looks away. I lost my pass. How long ago? Three years. I stop. Youve been out three years? Yeah. Im undesirable. I was there when my parents died. Hence this. He rolls up his sleeve and points to a mark of his arm, the arm he was scratching. Its etched deep red and leathery, like a brand. Around it are various needle marks. What about you? he asks. I cant remember. Youre one of them. Exactly. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of gum. Want some? Not really. He shrugs and shoves the entire thing into his mouth. When we reach the end of the street, I stop at a building and pull down the fire escape. She up there?

Maybe. He pulls it down with me, his face trained on mine. Where do you stay? I ask. A little bit of everywhere. I lived with my brother for a while, then he kicked me out when his girlfriend moved in. Then I stayed with a friend, but her mother was insane. She had a million kids and she kept upping the rent. One day it was fifty clicks. Then it was oneseventy-five. I barely make thirty a week. Noel spits on the ground and lets me up first. What about you? Jess and I stay at a hostel. Wherere your parents? Her mum died right after her dad. Your parents, not hers. My mum abandoned me when I was in the hospital. Jesss mom took custody of me. He looks sorry. Weve all felt sorry for ourselves, and I suppose, with that little bit of empathy, we can extend that even further. I dont know how to feel. I cant remember my mom. I see faint flashes of her face when I sleep. They always hover above me, just out of my grasp. How much do you remember? he asks. Not much. My sisters the same. She cant even remember how to speak. I think hes crying, but I cant tell. Im above him on the ladder, climbing carefully, surely to the top. What do you do for money? Im a rent boy. He says it without shame. Like hes daring me to judge. For men or women? Men, mostly. And you? Jess mom left me money to take care of us. Lucky you. My hands are tight on the rail. I look down. Were fifty feet up. How is it? It pays. I get free food. Ive probably got a million diseases and I know Ill die in three months, If the radiation doesnt get me, Ill starve. I never thought Id say this, but I miss school. I cant even remember what school is like. I cried when they couldnt find you, he says. They said you died when the building collapsed. I didnt. Obviously. He spits again. I looked for you. We were friends? Yes. Yes, we were. Good friends. I cant remember. I know. No one does. He doesnt sound bitter. I wish he did. Then I could apologize. What is my last name? It isnt on your pass? Jess is. No one could remember mine. He laughs. The irony. What is it? Nothing. Your name is Kate Ash. It doesnt resonate. And whats yours? Your last name?

Austin. Noah Austin. We sat next to each other in first period. We continue our ascent to the top. It takes ten minutes. Jess is sitting on the edge, swinging her legs back and forth. I sit next to her. Noah stands behind. I beckon for him to joins us. You shouldnt run off, I say. She nods. I know. Then why? I hate it here. Noah waves. She waves back. They recognize each other. What was school like? Jess sighs. So much better than here. I wait for elaboration. But it doesnt come. Noah picks up where she left off. It was quiet, except at lunch time. We had teachers. And books. And grass. He pauses. Do you remember what grass looks like? No. Neither do I. Jess rests her head on her hands. Youre taking me back, arent you? Yes. I am. Across the city, the lights go out. In the horizon, I see a faint glow. Its orange, purple and red. We should get to the shelter, I say. Wait. Jess doesnt move. I look to Noah. Hes focused on the sky. Ive seen this so many times. But not from up here. It looks like a supernova, or the northern lights. But it isnt. Its a bomb. Hundreds of bombs. All going off a thousand miles away. Theyre so pretty, Jess says. I nod because theres nothing more to say.