The Mercedes Blogs II- Dealing with Disappointment On June 4, 2012 In Uncategorized With 24 Comments

Hi Guys, It s been a while. Sorry for the delay, was caught up in too many things workwise, and even with the family. The kids had their summer vacation, so we had to spen d more time with them too. What am I going to talk about this time? Well, Mercedes released a new video, ab out a Google employee, who talks about how the car saved his life once. The video is here: In a candid chat he describes how he wasn t paying attention while driving as he a pproached a static car in front of him. His Mercedes sensors kicked into action a nd automatically stopped the car from hitting another car in front. You can tell from his voice that he is being genuine, and grateful that he avoided a major c rash. Something about the video works; perhaps it is the real person, his family shots or the feeling that this could happen to any of us. Like I said, I am not obligated to talk about Mercs in this blog, but I really b elieve this is one cool feature to have in a car. But what touched me about the video was the fragility of life. We have a world a round us our jobs, families, aspirations and dreams, and in one moment it can al l change. We spend years trying to build something, but it could be gone in seco nds. A job loss, health issues, relationship break-ups can all change everything in an instant. Has that ever happened to you? The question then is, how does one deal with this disappointment? How does one a ccept a sudden, big loss? It is a question I grapple with, for even small setbac ks can cause a lot of distress. There are no easy answers. Neither am I an expert in handling disappointment. I am also learning, and would love your thoughts on how you handle setbacks in you r life. Here is what I can say based on my experiences so far. The fact is, when disaste r happens, one has to struggle to cope. There is a period of suffering that cann ot be avoided. It is an emotional time, and as they say in yoga, one has to breat he through it . That is to have awareness about yourself, and not trying to snap o ut of it. You cannot snap out of it. The only thing to note is that this is not a time to make big decisions. You have to let the emotions pass, or at least sub side a little. For eventually, the human spirit is resilient. It can handle the toughest of tim es. In history, humanity has suffered immensely due to natural disasters or wars . It just cannot do it in an instant. The time varies for people, but eventually , people come to terms with a situation. Once emotions settle, one has to reflect on what happens next. One needs to make a new path, based on the new reality. Whether it is a break-up, or a job loss o r you lose someone close your life has to discover new meaning. Once you accept this reality and want the answers they come. Slowly, life changes again. You mee t new people. You find other worthwhile things to do. Life goes on. Disappointment is one of the nastiest aspects of the human condition. Some say n on-attachment is the answer. It may be true. But to live a life devoid of all at tachments isn t quite possible too. Hence, disappointment will come into your life , at regular intervals. Accept it, and it becomes a little easier to deal with. You are welcome to put your thoughts in the comments section. Similarly, I d invit e you to read other people s insightful comments too. Lots of love, Chetan Bhagat 24 Comments Leave a Comment 1.

Mani June 5, 2012 at 9:10 am Reply Sir,you once came to my college,but by the time u came I was a pass-out Lovely article ..Going through one of the phases .it did motivate me. 2. Nandha June 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm Reply Every one of us dream to have a life that needs to be cherished, aggrandized wit h smooth and most happy moments with no downfalls and so does me. Is it wrong to dream so? Absolutely not. But as it happens, every tide has its ebb. As Chethan had said, the downfalls in life make a person get tuned to the most unseen circ umstances; shape him/her to a big feat-say a mature and a pragmatic guy instead of a conventional, emotional idiot. It s more usual to many of us to get accustomed to the phrase catch 22 situations . Y a, the phrase feel catchy to me either. One can infer from Chethan s view that the so called downfalls in life that he had mentioned here is an absolute reference to the biggest loss (in his view). Yes, I truly accept that. Yet I negate the v iew in one point or the other. Rather than negating the view, I can say, I shall extend that his judgment need not be restricted to the above said big downfalls . Personally speaking, it may seem so in the eyes of the above middleclass peopl e, but it may flunk to find its relevance with the common man, the middleclass t o below middle class people, as every now and then they face similar downfalls. In short, they are the people most prone to the so called catch 22 situation so often. Making the ends met, solving the financial crisis and passing each day somehowall these tend to adorn their ice cream of life. Does my writing make sense to w hat bhagath is inferring?, Yes I feel so. By the way the biggest losses and the ways one make up to recoup back to life need not be inclined with the weirdest l oss or downfall, but for common problems that a common man faces and how best he solves his entire crisis to bring back his life to track, here lies the trick. The way he plays the game candidly, moving the coins carefully to equate the emo tional, financial, physical and mental quotients in life whenever he faces a los s big or small, will be a lesson that we have to learn to. Yes of course, I accept that when we face the biggest downfall say a break up, a job loss, or the loss of a close person does make reverberations in our life. W e feel like we are lost out of the world and start using phrases like fish out o f water and stuff. End of the day, What I come to mean here is that these losses that makes us null and void, appears to be a one another problem in a common ma n s life. One need not refer to the most famous psychology books or the personal b iographies of big people, to learn the recouping ways, but yes one can do so fro m one s acquaintance with the common people making their livings on the roadside p archments. They have faced and they are facing the downfalls every now and then. Yet they are emotionally stronger, mentally sharper although they flunk to scor e so in educational front. How come they are attributed so? I think its their dr eam. A simple dream. Everyday they dream to be a happy day tomorrow . I feel that t omorrow have been and will be infinitely long, but within their reach. Won t they reach? And don t we need to learn from them?. The answer to both the questions . of course.. Sure confident.. One can lock YES . 3. SHARATH June 5, 2012 at 6:53 pm Reply hey chethan As it is said tat the cause of every mistake is the urgency in which the work is done.. I would just say dont worry about losing.If it is right,it happens.The main thin g is not to hurry.Nothing good gets away . 4.

SHARATH June 5, 2012 at 6:55 pm Reply hey chethan i just wanna say that dont worry about losing.If it is right,it happens.The main thing is not to hurry.Nothing good gets away.. 5. velayutham June 5, 2012 at 9:59 pm Reply i did exactly wat u said chetan ji relaxed .accepted .relieved .decided nd reflected 6. Rohit Yadav June 5, 2012 at 10:23 pm Reply Hello Sir, Read it, then read it again. Simply spellbounding. When i have setbacks in life i seek for things that makes me feel motivated & ha ppy and i do it. Be it be calling a friend, talking to parents or writing a poem . 7. bharat June 5, 2012 at 10:31 pm Reply when you actually get too much disappointed and think you are all alone you will have two stages. one you get all drowned down thinking that you are all alone a nd there is nothing you can do and second your really know what you should do ne xt and you are all charged up and get all the energy all of a sudden. I think ev ery one has to go through the first stage for a while as that is where you get a ll the energy and zeal from and then get in to the second stage. look at the peo ple around you, I am sure there are many who are in worst case than you are and are much happier than you even when they did not have any thing which you have o r had. life is all about how you make it and take it. 8. Gunjan June 5, 2012 at 11:07 pm Reply Hi Great fan of yours.Disappointments are hard to deal with. Sometimes they just te ar you apart.Going through a really bad phase of life.Not alone but lonely. Human emotions are hard to deal with.Once they are hurt it is really hard to get back to original self. Sometimes life falls short for the same.The more you get away from it harder it hurts.Life at every step teaches you a lesson.But in lov e you just fall n fall and never give those lessons a call.Dont knw how to deal with disappointments in relationships.They just bloody suck happiness and joy fr om your life. 9. Nilay June 5, 2012 at 11:12 pm Reply I wish there was a link here to share all your blogs on facebook. Nilay Patel (Chicago) 10. Geetanjali June 5, 2012 at 11:48 pm Reply Gunjan..I was touched by your lines very well written. Human emotions are hard to deal with.Once they are hurt it is really hard to get back to original self. Sometimes life falls short for the same o Gunjan

June 8, 2012 at 6:39 pm Reply thanks ..geetanjali 11. Sumit June 6, 2012 at 12:14 am Reply Sometimes i wonder what works for this entire world. It s so damn broken. I mean i n every thing around you, you find something terribly wrong; surprisingly the sy stem is still functioning. I often ponder about this and then accept everything along with it s imperfections. It s extremely hard to deal with emotional let downs/ disappointments. For a while, non-attachment seems to work but then you fall into the same trap of attachment. Like someone mentioned above, at these moments you feel totally hapless on what s next; you don t know what to do next but still hope t hat things will fall in place in some near future. It s probably the hope that kee ps things going. Reminds me a quote from Shawshank Redemption Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111161/quotes ?qt=qt0470734 12. Venki June 6, 2012 at 1:59 am Reply Accepting the reality, the inevitable is easier said than done.. This message wa s given age ago by Gautama the Buddha. But Human beings want quick fix solutions . A God to drop in and save them. The idea of God and the associated myths have done both good and bad. I wish people were happy with the answer I DON T KNOW to som e unanswerable Qs than having wrong answers. We have failed to see humanity as a whole and the effect the society has on individuals. This failure has lead to m any problems that we face today. If we all lived this moment and for each other, the Heaven is here. 13. Preeti June 6, 2012 at 7:10 am Reply Very inspiring and true.. but where disappointments with human nature is concerned, i believe in having no expectations theory .that helps me hurt less One of your fans.. Preeti. 14. anshul June 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm Reply Quite a though provoking and real read. I can totally connect with what you are trying to convey because I have seen all of this happen to me at an early stage in life. I graduated from IIT in 2008. L ife was beautiful. Then comes year 2009. I was the biggest loser in real terms. I lost my dad , my first job and broke up with my bf.Wudn t be exxagerating to say that I knew then what it is to hit rock bottom in life. That phase has taught m e things none of education certificates could ever teach me . I was a profession al and personal failure. Condisering the kinda fun loving person I am when I look back now I realize deep down there is treemendous strength in each of us. Life teaches us things for be tter. All of us have our share of goof ups and lucky moments. Like u said Life go es on.. . 15. Shyam June 6, 2012 at 2:43 pm Reply Hari Om. Life is a mixture of joys and sorrows, victories and disappointments. We should try to be equanimous and focus on the Lotus feet of the Lord.this will give ud t he strength to face any situation in life. Be it joy or sorrow we should always remember the phrase This too shall pass away 16. Binita

June 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm Reply Sir, really true. for the last one year i have been trying accept everything hap pens to me.. good or bad. My disappointment is lessen. But what abt our system? It always makes disappointment and i cant accept all the happenings. 17. Atul June 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm Reply Hi Sir; Very well written blog. Few days ago i lost my mom. my biggest loss. Was going t hrough disappointment and failures. Lost the purpose of life. Thanks for inspiri ng and showing reality. I donno how i will cope with this but this article and l ife around me certainly made me think. Thanks again. Keep writing. 18. Hardik June 6, 2012 at 6:13 pm Reply I am being loved by sm1 crazily, but ignore her innocently. I love a girl crazil y but now she ignores me innocently.. Mom loves me truly, but may fail to love her that deeply.. I cracked GCET rudely, but unable to even get good in CAT.. Just few days back i used to live a magnificent lyf with a nice gang, now am alo ne and prescribe my self new ways to remain cheered.. What about you? 19. Naresh June 6, 2012 at 8:05 pm Reply In one of my books (The Zahir), I try to understand why people are so afraid of changing. When I was right in the middle of writing the text, I came across an o dd interview with a woman who had just written a book on guess what? love. The journalist asks whether the only way a human being can become happy is to fi nd their beloved. The woman says no: Love changes, and nobody understands that. The idea that love leads to happiness is a modern invention, dating from the late 17th century. From that time on, peo ple have learned to believe that love should last for ever and that marriage is the best way to exercise love. In the past there was not so much optimism about the longevity of passion. Romeo and Juliet isn t a happy story, it s a tragedy. In the last few decades, expect ation has grown a lot regarding marriage being the path towards personal accompl ishment. Disappointment and dissatisfaction have also grown at the same time. According to the magical practices of the witchdoctors in the North of Mexico, t here is always an event in our lives that is responsible for our having stopped making progress. A trauma, a particularly bitter defeat, disappointment in love, even a victory that we fail to quite understand, ends up making us act cowardly and incapable of moving ahead. The witchdoctor finds and gets rid of this accomm odating point . To do so, he has to review our life and discover where this point lies. Why? Because, according to the story that we were told, at a certain moment in our li ves we reach our limit . There are no more changes to be made. We won t grow any more . Both professionally and in love, we have reached the ideal point, and it s best to leave things as they are. But the truth is that we can always go further. Lov e more, live more, risk more. Immobility is never the best solution. Because everything around us changes (inc luding love) and we must accompany that rhythm. I have been married to the same person for 33 years, but methaphorically speakin g, the same marriage contains several new marriages during our relationship. Our b odies and souls changed, and we are still togeher. If we wanted to keep on as we were in 1979, I don t think we would have come so far. http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2012/06/05/the-accommodating-point-2/ 20. ashu chadha

June 7, 2012 at 5:39 pm Reply hi all,well written. life is like ECG. many ups and downs.positive thinking help s only when things start taking shape. but when no mistake of yours pulls you do wn then no SHIV KHERA,no DEEPAK CHOPRA book helps u and the peer pressure of soc iety breaks you like anything.To stand up in life after a fall becomes easy when one has the support and positive thinking of the whole society with you.And we ARE indianssssssssssss. HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN 21. Abhishek sharma June 8, 2012 at 11:06 pm Reply Hello, chetan sir. I read your book evolution 2020 Sir book was great, but one th ing confused me a lot in the last of story gopal did that something with call gi rls to show arti Sir what was that and why gopal did that ??? Please sir reply Thank you 22. Vivek June 9, 2012 at 11:02 am Reply It can always be dealt with one way, the right way. Do it Right. Do not run away or make any extremely harmful decision that might worsen your present. Ever dealt with a situation when you are driving to your office to attend a very important meeting and your Tyre runs flat? Problems are exactly like that, they occur when you least expect it. At such times, what is the first thing you do? You stop the car. Get out of the car and look for the wheel that is flat. (Analyze) That s exactly what you need to do. Stop your thinking and get out of the box and think for a moment, where might have I gone wrong? Accept the fact that you can go wrong at times and not have an arrogant attitude or a feeling of superiority over others. Anyone can make a mistake, that s how we learn. This doesn t mean that the world will stop revolving. Once you analyze all the four wheels of your car, you think whether I have the r ight tools to fix it myself? or Do I need to seek help? Call the Mechanic. At times when you are going through the worse, your family members and friends a re the ones who will surely help you. Don t ever be ashamed or hesitate to ask the m for help. This will never make you small. It is helpful to get others insights , a different way to solve a particular problem which you might not have seen. T he aim really is to get the car fixed, not to cry or mourn over it. Crying or mo urning has done no good to anyone. Don t ever forget the aim; the brighter side of it. One has to be positive minded at such times. Tenacity and sincerity will de finitely give you the right result. 23. manish June 9, 2012 at 12:40 pm Reply disappointments come to everyone The best way to deal is with to know that there will always be a lot of people who have bigger disappointments than what we are facing