Stepford Wives

(2004)
I can only barely remember the first Stepford Wives film and could tell you little about it other than that it starred Katherine Ross, who should have been a bigger star but somehow just never panned out. I dont think it was a film exactly crying out for a remake, and even if it was, it sure as hell wasnt crying out for this remake. Nicole Kidman stars in the Ross role, but the backstory has been updated (Im assuming). Matthew Broderick, her husband, takes her out to the burbs after shes been fired so that she can gather herself together and regain some sense of normalcy in her life. But things go quickly awry when Stepford proves a little too normal, and Kidman and co-star Bette Midler set out to find out just what is going on underneath all the pleasant civility. Trouble is, this version of Stepford is achingly predictable and about as subtle as a neon sign in Vegas. Kidman and Broderick are okay, and both Midler and Glenn Close as the head uber-wife are okay. Christopher Walken is actually less creepy than he should be, and the rest of the cast is adequate. The humor is broad and nowhere near as sharp as it thinks it is. The parody is both tired and overdone, evincing more winces than chuckles, and most of the film is handled in surprisingly ham-handed fashion by director Frank Oz (a sample idea of a joke in this film; the remote that controls the wife robots has a setting that can enlarge their boobs. And they say Americans lack a sophisticated wit). Even within its own very limited confines, the movie doesnt make sense; it changes concepts on the wives halfway through the movie, discrediting all evidence in the set up for a ridiculous and annoying conclusion. The film attempts to make a feminist statement about equality but predictably moves past equal rights squarely into all men are jackasses territory, which I could have gotten for free by tuning into Oxygen any night of the week. Stepford manages the dubious triple crown of being dull, unfunny and preachy, and last-minute attempts to supply a twist ending only make the movie less believable (it doesnt help that they swapped the entire new robot concept from an episode of The Avengers, down to the surprise ending that you can see coming a long way away). In the end, Stepford is merely an embarrassment, a weak antimale tirade, as unconcerned with equality as it is unfamiliar with a funny line in the script. This film should be avoided at all costs. I cannot recommend it to anyone, and I dont think you could program even robots to think this was funny. The only thing I can say about Stepford is that Van Helsing is no longer the crappiest film Ive seen all year. June 12, 2004