Analyzing Human Interactions

Purpose While it is used for psychotherapy, we will focus on its use as a communication tool to improve our relationships. Useful when ever people have to deal with people.

Its all about the way you Say it!

BASIC HUMAN EGO STATES

(PERSONALITY STATES)
THREE BASIC EGO STATES

FURTHER BREAKDOWN OF EGO STATES

P
(PARENT)

CRITICAL PARENT NURTURING PARENT

LECTURING, CRITICIZING, MANY OUGHTS, SHOULD &DONTS CONSOLING, TAKING CARE OF OTHERS, SYMPATHY OBJECTIVE, RATIONAL, ORIENTED TOWARD PROBLEM SOLVING, DEEMPHASIZE EMOTION MODIFIED BEHAVIOUR TO CONFORM TO ADULT EXPECTATIONS, MANUPULATIVE, SUMBISSIVE PLAYFUL, IMPULSIVE, NATULRALLY CURIOUS &CREATIVE, FUN LOVING, REBELLIOUS

A
(ADULT)

ADULT

C
(CHILD)

ADAPTED CHILD NATURAL CHILD

TYPICAL WAYS OF EXPRESSING EGO STATES ON THE JOB

CANT YOU TURN IN A IRPORT ON TIME JUST ONCE? YOU SHOULD CLEAN UP YOUR DESK ONCE IN A WHILE! IM SURPRISED AT YOU THIS PRODUCT SHOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETED A MONTH AGO.

CRITICAL PARENT

NURTURING PARENT

IM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU LET ME CLEAN UP THAT DESK FOR YOU, MR. SMITH YOUVE DONE A SWELL JOB, TOM. WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES? CANT WE REACH SOME SORT OF COMPROMISE? WHAT CONSEQUENCES WILL THIS ACTION HAVE? ANYTHING YOU SAY, SIR! SORRY, ILL TRY TO IMPROVE. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PICK ON ME THE OTHERS WERE IN ON THIS TOO! LET ME SEE HOW THIS GADGET WORKS. WONDER WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DO IT THIS WAY? LETS KNOCK OFF FOR TODAY! WHO WANTS TO WORK ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON ANYWAY? 5

ADULT

ADAPTED CHILD

NATURAL CHILD

A
C

A
C

A
C

A
C
CROSSED

A
C
ULTERIOR

A
C

COMPLEMENTARY

P A C

P A C

P A C

P A C

P A C

P A C
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EXPECTED RESPONSE, NO CONFLICT

PRODUCE CONFLICT, STOP COMMUNICATION, HURT FEELINGS

VERBAL COMMUNICATION NON-VERBAL HIDDEN MEANING

Complementary Transactions

P
A C
MANAGER
Youre three hours late, I want an explanation.

P
A C
EMPLOYEE
Im really sorry, I slept through the alarm, it wont happen again, I promise.

EXAMPLES OF COMPLEMENTARY TRANSACTIONS ON THE JOB

(1) SECRETARY: LET ME STRAIGHTEN OUT THAT DESK FOR YOU, (1) MANAGER: WHAT COULD WE DO TO MEET THE DEADLINE ON THIS PROJECT? EMPLOYEE: WE COULD TAKE A COUPLE OF PEOPLE OFF THE OTHER PROJECT FOR A WHILE AND PUT THEM ON THIS ONE. (1) FIRST MANAGER: GEE, I WISH I WERE OUT ON THE GOLF COURSE RIGHT NOW. SECOND MANAGER: LETS TAKE OFF. WHO COULD WORK ON A SUNSHINY DAY LIKE THIS ANYWAY?

(2)

MANAGER: YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF ME,

(2)

(2)

P A

(1)

P A

P
(1)

P A
(2)

P A
(1)

P A C
(2) 9

A C

(2)

C
ADULT TO ADULT TRANSACTION

NURTURING PARENT TO ADAPTED CHILD

NATURAL CHILD TO NATURAL CHILD

EXAMPLES OF CROSSED TRANSACTIONS ON THE JOB

(1) MANAGER: DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE PROFIT & LOSS STATEMENT IS? SECRETARY: WHERE DO YOU THINK IT IS? ON YOUR DESK, OF COURSE!. (1) MANAGER: COME OVER HERE! (DEMANDING TONE OF VOICE) (1) SUPERVISOR: HOW CAN WE MINIMIZE THESE MACHINE BREAKDOWNS?

(2)
(2)

EMPLOYEE: WHY DONT YOU COME OVER HERE? ITS JUST AS FAR!

(2)

OPERATOR: WHO CARES? IT ISNT OUR MONEY!

P A

(1)

P A

P A C

P A

P
(1)

P
(1)

A
(2)

A C

(2)

(2)

ADULT-TO-ADULT CROSSED BY CRITICAL PARENT-TOCHILD RESPONSE

PARENT-TO-CHILD CROSSED BY CRITICAL PARENT OR REBELLIOUS CHILD RESPONSE

ADULT-TO-ADULT CROSSES UP BY DISCOUNTED CHILD TO PARENT RESPONSE 10

Angular Transaction
P A C
SALES PERSON
Thats the latest iPod and theres 50% off at the moment, if you are interested

P A C
CUSTOMER
Wow, thats amazing Ill take one!

EXAMPLES OF ULTERIOR TRANSACTIONS

(1) EMPLOYEE: SORRY, I WONT HAVE THE DRAWING READY FOR TOMORROWS DEADLINE. (ULTERIOR MESSAGE: KICK ME, IM A BAD BOY.) MANAGER: ITS O.K. IVE BEEN THINKING OF ASSIGNING THE JOB TO SOMEONE ELSE ANYWAY. (HIDDEN MEANING: YES, YOU ARE A BAD BOY. HERES YOUR KICK. (1) SALESMAN: THIS MACHINE HAS GOT EVERYTHING YOUD EVER WANT FROM A TYPEWRITER BUT IT MAY BE TOO EXPENSIVE FOR YOU. (HIDDEN MESSAGE: LETS SEE IF I CAN HOOK THE PLAYFUL, IMPULSIVE CHILD IN YOU.) CUSTOMER: IT MIGHT BE WORTH IT IN THE LONG RUN. ILL TAKE IT. (HIDDEN MEANING: WHO DOES HE THINK I AM?)

(2)

(2)

(1) (1) (2) (2)

P
(1) (2) (1)

A
C

A
C

A
C

A
C
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(2)

STROKING
THE TYPES OF STROKES YOU SEEK DEPEND ON YOUR OKAYNESS

POSITIVE STROKES

NEGATIVE STROKES

CONDITIONAL STROKES

PRAISE COMPLEMENTS RECOGNITION AFFECTION REWARDS SYMPATHY CONSOLATION SELF-SATISFACTION FROM JOB WELL DONE

PUT-DOWNS CRITICISM

STROKES WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVES

DEGRADING
RIDICULE SCOLDING PUNISHMENT DISCOUNTING (1) (2)

STROKES GIVEN FOR WHAT YOU DO, RATHER THAN FOR WHAT YOU ARE:

PERFORMANCE ORIENTED STROKES ACCOMODATION & CONFORMITY ORIENTED STROKES

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BASIC PSYCHOLOGICAL (LIFE) POSITIONS: YOUR SELF IMAGE

1. IM OK; YOURE OK
THE WINNER, HEALTH, OPTIMISTIC, USUALLY ADULTTO-ADULT EGO STATE. IDEAL LIFE POSITION ON & OFF THE JOB.

3. IM NOT OK; YOURE OK

CHILD-TO-ADULT EGO STATE ACTIVATED. FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY; HERO WORSHIP; LOOKING FOR PARENT SUBSTITUTES. SEEKS DOMINANCE FROM OTHERS.

2. IM OK; YOURE NOT OK

USUALLY CRITICAL PARENT EGO STATE ACTIVATED. MAY EVOLVE FROM HURT OR DISCOUNTED CHILD GIVING HIMSELF STROKES. FEELS DISTRUST, ANGER, SUPERIORITY.

4. IM NOT OK; YOURE NOT OK

POOR MENTAL HEALTH; LACKS TRUST IN SELF & OTHERS. FEELINGS OF HOPELESSNESS OFTEN EXTREME DEPRESSION.

OUR OKAYNESS DETERMINES THE ROLES, GAMES, EGO STATES WE CHOOSE!

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Comment on the transaction styles of the characters in the video

ROLES IN GAME PLAYING

1. VICTIM (FAVORITE GAMES: POOR ME, KICK ME)
MANAGER: THE REPORT YOU GAVE ME HAS SOME GOOD POINTS IN IT, BUT IT NEEDS REWORKING VICTIM PLAYER: I GUESS I NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT FOR YOU.

2. RESCUER (FAVORITE GAMES: IM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU, WHAT WOULD YOU DO
WITHOUT ME)

EMPLOYEE: IVE GOT A PROBLEM WITH RESCUER MANAGER: DONT WORRY, ILL TAKE CARE OF IT FOR YOU.

3. PERSECUTOR (FAVORITE GAMES: UPROAR)

MANAGER: THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A SPECIALIST IN DEPT. X SUBORDINATE: GEE, ID SURE LIKE TO GIVE THAT JOB A TRY. PERSECUTOR MANAGER: YOU CANT HANDLE THE JOB YOU HAVE NOW.

P
(1) (2) (3)

A
C

A
C
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The Games
1.Yes, but
2. Im only trying to help

3.See What You Made Me Do 4. Sweetheart

The Golden Rules of Games

1. Games always appear as adult-adult interactions but arent. 2. Games cant be won by engaging. In fact, games cant be won full stop, they can only be defused. 3. Dont take responsibility for something that youre not responsible for. 4. The most productive interactions are adult-adult. 5. Stay aware of how youre feeling, stay curious of how the other person is feeling.

How often do these games appear in your life? What can you do to change these patterns?

Transactional Analysis: Understanding others through Simple Classification

How they see themselves: Boss: Nurturing parent Peers: Adults Subordinates: Mostly consider themselves adults except some admit to being natural children

How I see them: Boss: Critical parent Peers: Nurturing parents Subordinates: Most natural children, some adapted children, few adults

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Transactional styles Inventory for Managers

The 80/20 rule: 80 percent of your success is in managing people and 20 percent relates to doing your job well. If this is true, what is the level of okayness with your subordinates, peers, supervisors and most important clients? It is important to take the following self test to determine where you stand.

Transactional Analysis
Back to the 80/20 rule: This rule also says that your job environment is functional when 80 percent of your relationships at work are based on the I am OK you're OK principle. If the opposite is the case than your job is dysfunctional.

Most of us are somewhere in between.

You can still have a lot of not OK situations at work and still be effective it just wont be fun.

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Transactional Analysis

Keep in mind that the 80/20 rule can still be in your favor but you could still have major problems. Why? Because having an I am not OK your not OK relationship with your driver is irrelevant having this relationship with your boss is relevant. Keep this in mind for your home situation as well.

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Transactional Analysis: Role Playing 1.

Boss: I have a few comments on your performance -- I think you say yes too often to me, I think you try to be non confrontational with others in the work place. You know what, I dont think these are good qualities of a senior manager.

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Transactional Analysis: role playing 2

Boss: The report you gave me had some strong points but it needs polishing. Lets give it to Ms. X to finish it for you. Good job.

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Transactional Analysis: role playing 3

Peer: You really have to watch out, Mr. X really has it in for you. You should hear what I hear about you or what he says about you. Just dont tell him you heard it from me.

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Transactional Analysis: role playing 4

Peer: Honestly, I dont think you were being very professional when you promised the client a delivery for next week. You should have consulted me first. I will speak to the boss about this because you are always doing it.

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Transactional Analysis
Your people management skills are your key to success For example, I try to keep my adult mode active for as long as possible during the day I seldom achieve this and but I know when I have ventured away from adult mode In most instances you succeed because of you, or you fail because of you In most instances you reap what you sow.

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Transactional Analysis:
Understanding your relationships with others relates to gold stamps and gray stamps Whether we like it or not we accrue gold stamps for situations we handle well and gray stamps for situations we handle badly This is what defines our okayness with other people For some one gray stamp is enough to put you in the category of I am OK you are not OK For others a ton of gold stamps may not do much at all

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BASIC GUIDES WHICH CAN HELP YOU IN WORKING WITH PEOPLE

Cooperation cannot be forced

You communicate more through action than words Sentiment and emotion count.

Everyone likes to feel important

Everyone wants to know the significance of his job Dont forget to show appreciation for a job well done. Learn to listen to people Be sincerely interested in your employees and their welfare.

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PITFALLS OF T.A. IN MANAGEMENT

THE SOPHOMORE SYNDROME ENCHANTMENT WITH THE LANGUAGE OF T.A., RATHER THAN VIEWING IT AS A TOOL FOR GROWTH AND UNDERSANDING

USING T.A. MORE ON OTHERS THAN ON SELF DESIRE FOR CHANGING ONESELF MUST COME FROM THE INDIVIDUAL HIMSELF, NOT THE ORGANIZATION T.A. TRAINING MUST HAVE SPECIFIC OBJECTIVES

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Course Material available on: http:\\www.businessballs.com Mobile: 9717404844 E-mail: archana.shrivastava@bimtech.ac.in