GETTING OTHERS TO

LISTEN TO YOU
CHAPTER SIX

GETTING OTHERS TO LISTEN TO YOU

In order to achieve successful communication

we need to identify ways to influence
people to listen to us.
There are several ways to achieve this which
are:
Word choice
Nonverbal behavior
Tone of voice
Attitude
How you ask questions
How you give feedback

Nonverbals: Their effect on speaker

Consider how nonverbal behavior can motivate a

listener positively or negatively.
The use of Hmm in various tones and emphases
might provide encouraging and discouraging
messages.
Different individual interpret nonverbal behaviors
differently.
Silence could be a cold response, could be a
warm response to continue the conversation, or it
can be a neutral message to continue talking.

Nonverbals: Their effect on

speaker
Withdrawal may signify avoidance, stopped
listening, hearing at level 3 or listening at
level 1.
Movement is another behavior that can
motivate or distract the listener.
Nonmovement could signal that you have
withdrawn yourself or move to level 3
hearing.

Nonverbals: Their effect on speaker

Withdrawal may signify avoidance, stopped

listening, hearing at level 3 or listening at
level 1.
Movement is another behavior that can
motivate or distract the listener.
Nonmovement could signal that you have
withdrawn yourself or move to level 3
hearing.

Nonverbal Listening
Approach
Assume a leveling posture. This includes looking
1.

2.

3.
4.
5.
6.

straight at the listener, maintaining eye contact

60 % of the time, relaxed body posture, and a
straightforward attitude. Keep in mind the
characteristics of level 1 listening.
Be vocally attentive by using acknowledging
words such as I see. Vocal stroking is more
preferred.
Use positive movement.
Use facial expressions.
Minimize negative behavior.
Use the active, emphatic listening style whenever
appropriate to build rapport and trust.

Attitude
Fault -Finding

Empathetic

Dominating position (rigid,

frowning)

Leveling posture (open, relaxed)

Level 2 or 3 listening

Level 1 listening

Judgmental

Descriptive

Unaware

Aware

Superiority

Equality

Formulates rebuttals

Processes what it is said and

checks for understanding

Opinionated

Thoughtful

Restrained

Spontaneous

Control oriented

Problem-solving oriented

Im OK- Im not sure about you.

Im OK- Youre OK.

Ways The Talker Can Influence

Level 1 Listening
Guidelines for talkers:
Know what you want to say
Know as much about the listener as possible
Gain favorable attention-be aware of your
nonverbal behavior
Secure understanding
Aid retention
Encourage feedback

Know What You Want To

Say
You need to have the objective of your
message and your information clear in your
mind.
Being certain can create positive
communication.
If the message did not get through there will
be misunderstandings and arguments.

Know As Much About The

Listener As Possible
We tend to gather information consciously
and unconsciously.
By reading nonverbal cues, we can discover
the internal state of a person.
However, assumptions might lead to
communication barrier.
Therefore understanding should be based
on facts.
Listen to other peoples needs, interests,
and desires to get successful respond.

Gain Favorable Attention

This is gain by responding to the person
using the empathetic style of listening,
along with positive nonverbal behaviors.
At this point you can gain trust and
confidence.
Varying your vocal inflection and speed will
help you retain the listeners attention.
Anticipate the listeners interest in what you
are going to say.

Secure Understanding
Different people have different understanding.
When someone talks over a persons head, it
can be taken as a put down by the listener, and
the talker is often labeled as putting on airs.
On the other hand talking below a persons
understanding can also be perceived as a
putdown, because the listener feels talkeddown-to.
Thus, it is crucial to use appropriate language.
Start with an agreement and relate with
previous experience.

Aid Retention

To secure retention, associate new ideas

with those already familiar to the listener.

Summarize the items mentioned.

In order to be sure, ask the listener to

restate what he or she thought was
conveyed.

Encourage Feedback
People tend to overestimate their accuracy
as listeners.
Without feedback, we often think we
understood when in fact we havent.
Thus, it is useful for the listener to ask
questions about what is being said.
To encourage feedback, ask for ideas and
suggestions. Stop from time to time to ask
questions and allow listener to respond.

The Art Of Asking

Questions
Situation
Unfamiliar Phrases

Encourage without bias

Digressing
Going in Circles
Generalization
Clarification

Sample Questions
Could you elaborate on what you
mean by psychological barriers
to listening?

Expressing Facts Versus

Assumptions
When talking, it is important to keep your
thinking straight. Personal impressions are
not the same as facts.
Assumptions obtained from observations
often seem like facts.
Describing what you want to say will
establish credibility, making it easier for the
other person to listen you and understand
you more easily, and finally follow what you
are saying.

Expressing Facts Versus

Assumptions
When expressing an opinion without proper
evidence and fact, people begin to discount
what that person says.
Evaluating ideas and opinions on their own
merit, rather than a biased generalization,
helps establish understanding and decreases
misinterpretations.
Ask thought provoking questions, defines
terms, explores alternatives, and suspends
judgment until you have the facts will invite
listeners to listen.

Expressing Facts Versus

Assumptions
Statement of Fact

Statement of Assumption

Can only be made after

observation

Can be made anytime, before,

during, or after the event

Stays with what can be observed

Goes beyond observation

Approaches certainty

Low or high degree of probability

Limited number

Unlimited number

Leads to agreement

Leads to disagreement

Things we observe going on

around us

What we add to our observation

and take for granted as fact

Describing Behavior
Discuss the performance of the other
person such as performance appraisals, onthe-job training, discipline, making criticism,
and expressing negative feelings.
Do not label them, therefore word choice is
very important.

Describing Behavior
Dos

Donts

Be in the OK-OK attitude

Make the person not Ok

Stay with what a person does

Make comments on what you

imagine a person is

Use adverbs that relate to specific Use adjectives that relate to

actions.
labeling characteristics
Describe what has occurred

Use labels that judge what

happened

Avoid Advice Giving

Advice giving should be avoided as our
advice is given on our own beliefs and
values which might not fit the listener.
Find alternatives rather than answers and
solutions.
In order to express ideas, consider the value
it may have on listener not for you.

The Shortcomings of
Praise
Praise can be used to attract listeners.
However, sometimes the listener interprets
praise as negative.
Some believe that praises are threats,
something they need to defend against.
Praise could also mean criticism.
Therefore, the best response is to give
positive feedback and nonjudgmental
response.

The Shortcomings of
Praise
Nonjudgmental, Positive
Feedback

Praise

A positive comment with meaning A positive judgment with little

that specifically lets the listener
additional meaning
know what the sender values
Specific, related to a task

General and nonspecific

A statement of observation and

appreciation

Value judgment, right, wise,

good, nice

Identifies behavior, description of

what the listener did

Labels behavior, judgment of

what the sender believed the
listener did

Rings true

Can be taken as phony

QUESTIONS
Name 3 positive nonverbal behaviours.
Name 3 negative nonverbal behaviours.
There are 6 guidelines for talkers, name all.
What the advantages of stating facts and
not assumptions?
Why is describing behaviour better than
judging and blaming?