Assertiveness

(The art of saying No)

Dr Kossay ELABD

Aim of the Session

Enhance you assertiveness skills

Objectives of the
Session

The differences between assertiveness,

aggressiveness and submissiveness (passiveness)

To be aware of the language you use, your voice

and body language when you are trying to be
assertive

Why some people find it difficult to be assertive

How to be assertive when you are giving or

receiving feedback on poor performance

What is
Assertiveness?

Try to remember a situation when:

Faced with unreasonable request
Disagreed with someones opinion
Giving or receiving feedback about bad
performance.

What if the other person was an authority figure?

What if the other person was a close family or a

friend?

Examples

Asking someone in a non-smoking area to put-out their

cigarette.

Your colleague has been leaving early with no good excuse

and leaving extra work for you to do.

You are preparing for the ward round and you get a medical
student asking you to observe him while he is trying to put
intravenous line in one of your patients.

Assertiveness
Definition

How to disagree or decline a request without causing a

conflict.

Getting what you want or what you need while being fair to
others.

Standing-up for your own rights in such away that you do

not violate another person rights

Being firm

You suffer

Win- Win

Others suffer

Fight-or- Flight
Reaction

Instinctive / habitual response.

Function of the brain stem.

Perceive danger surge of adrenalin physical symptoms=

anxiety.

Natural response fight (aggressive) / flight (hide or become

submissive)

Is it difficult to be
assertive?

Instinctive response Flight- or- flight.

Afraid of being aggressive.

Rushed response (aggressive/Submissive).

You do not have enough confidence in yourself.

Is it difficult to be
assertive?

Some can be assertive at

home but tend to be passive
at work

(the art of saying

no)
1.

Voice

2.

Language used

1.

Body language

Voice
(volume, tone and
speed)

Aggressive: loud, high pitched, speak quickly.

Submissive: whisper, speak quickly.

Assertive: loud enough, slow and clear with low pitch

Language:

Aggressive: insulting, bossy and argumentative.

Submissive:

Mumble

Might over apologise

I am not sure, may be.

Assertive: polite, might apologise

Body language:

Aggressive: clenched fist, finger pointing, staring.

Submissive: Shrink, poor eye contact.

Assertive: Stand upright calm, good eye contact.

(the art of saying

no)

Remember we are all equal

Start your sentences` with I, do not hide.

Do not speak apologetically or aggressively others likely to

ignore what you say.

Say what you want directly and clearly without hinting or

flattering

Control your emotions= stay calm with good eye contact

Be prepared to say no or disagree remember everyone is

entitled to refuse unreasonable requests

(the art of saying

no)

Stand your ground if what you are saying or doing is

valid.

Be honest.

Do not pretend a two-hour job will take ten minutes.

Do not say maybe or yes if you mean no

When you are faced with unreasonable request from a

colleague, explain why you cannot comply, and
suggest an alternative

Aim for win-win results

Giving & receiving

Feedback

When giving feedback on poor performance:

Constructive feedback and not criticism
Always give credit to the personal achievements
Talk about facts: specific point which were wrong
do not just say it was full of faults
Encourage the other person to respond to your
description of the facts
Offer apologies if the other person is appropriate
Avoid personal comments.
Summarize

Giving & receiving

Feedback

Receiving feedback on poor performance:

Separate your natural dislike of being
criticized from the valid points being made.

Do not make invalid excuses

If you think you are getting general unfair

accusations, ask for specific examples.

Accept praise and be prepared to learn from it

Questions