Dealing With Cavers You Cant Stand

Dealing with Cavers You Cant
Stand: On Trips and Projects
How to Identify Personalities and

Deal with Potential Problems

Most cavers enjoy each other and the
sport of caving.
Grassy Cove Saltpeter Cave, Tennessee

Most cavers get along in large groups...
Baltimore Grotto Pumpkin Hunt, Franklin WV

And in small groups, where teamwork
is required to solve difficult problems.
Baltimore Grotto Pumpkin Hunt, Franklin WV

Cavers not only spend time together for
long hours on survey trips
Surveying in Memorial Day Cave, Germany Valley, WV

But also on vertical trips
Cass Cave, WV

And on other projects.
Gating Apex Cave, Germany Valley, WV

They also spend a great deal of time
living together between trips.
Breathing Cave Survey, Gangsta Mappers, Bath County, VA

When everyone gets along, the time
spent is a joy and makes the time spent
away from home like time spent with a
second family.
However, there are times on some cave
trips or cave projects in which difficult
cavers are involved.

In this presentation, personalities described by the
authors of Dealing with People You Cant Stand:
How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their
Worst are described in the context of caving
situations and problems.
Next, essential communication skills will be
reviewed.
Then, steps for dealing with difficult cavers will be
covered.
Last, suggestions for dealing with yourself when
you are difficult will be offered.

What are some examples of difficult
cavers who might be found on cave
trips or projects?

cavers who might be found on cave trips
or projects?
Overbearing members of trips or projects
who either want to extend a survey into the
wee hours, abandon a survey with one station
to go, push a trip too fast with tired or
inexperienced members, etc., all without
taking into account the other members needs
or wishes (The Tank)
Mohlers Cave, Cave Hill, Grand Caverns, VA

or projects?
Cavers who always know everything in
caves and on projects. They know every
detail of every story, and all of cave and karst
geology. They insist on lecturing you, and
are impatient when you dont know. They
also have a low tolerance for correction and
contradiction (The Know-It-All Caver)

trips or projects?
Cavers who are inappropriately rowdy
during caving down times,
demonstrating sexually inappropriate,
assaultive, or dangerous behavior while
intoxicated, or who are using serious
substances in public (The Grenade)

trips or projects?
Cavers who promise to complete tasks
because they want to please everyone,
but can never get around to the tasks,
typically because they are
overwhelmed with all of the other tasks
they promised everyone else they
would do (Yes Caver)

or projects?
Cavers who consistently bring inappropriate
guests into caves at the wrong level for them.
Examples include bringing preschool
children with little supervision, bringing non
cavers unconcerned about cave conservation,
or bringing unfit cavers on grueling trips
(Maybe Caver)
No Karst Cave, Germany Valley, WV

trips or projects?
Cavers whose caving skills are novice
level and whose social skills are such
that they cannot take direction so that
either they are in danger or the cave
could be compromised (Nothing
Caver)

trips or projects?
Cavers who on caving trips never cease
talking and whining about every
terrible thing that has happened to
them, responding to every suggestion
with an excuse why it wouldnt work
and making the trip miserable (Whiner)

trips or projects?
Cavers who on caving projects or on
cave trips just say No, it cant be
done; Thats not right; or That
wont work no matter what the
suggestion is (No Caver)

Regardless of what the problem is, many
times the remaining cavers prefer to suffer in
silence rather than do or say anything that
improves the situation.
This could be because it is difficult to know
what to say without hurting feelings or
creating more problems.
However, there are things to try to help
diminish problems with difficult cavers.

What to do when encountering
difficult behaviors
You can stay and do nothing
You can leave (walk away)
You can change your attitude about the
difficult caver
You can change your behavior

Understanding the behavior
motivations
Get the task (project, trip) done
Get the task (project, trip, life) done
perfectly
Get along with others
Get appreciated by others

Getting it done
The overbearing caver or surveyor (The Tank)
rolls right over those standing in the way of
getting it donenothing personal
The non socially skilled caver (Nothing Caver)
is motivated by doing the task, not how it is
done or his or her effects on others
The Know-It-All Caver controls people by
dominating conversations with lengthy
arguments and eliminates opposition by finding
flaws to discredit other views
Others are eventually worn down

Getting it done perfectly
Whining cavers believe they are
powerless to create change in their
lives, and abandon all thought of
solutions, yours or theirs
The No Caver is certain nothing will go
right, and is intent to give up now
Yes Cavers may also be motivated by
perfection, creating an impossibility for
completion of projects

Getting along with others
Maybe Cavers bringing inappropriate guests
are more motivated by the approval of their
friends than of the cavers they are with
Yes Cavers seek approval and avoid
disapproval by trying to please everyone
The Grenade or alcohol using caver that gets
out of hand was originally motivated by an
attempt to fit in and get along, but finds he or
she is unable to accomplish the task

Getting appreciated by others
Yes Cavers (non finishers) take on projects in
the hope of being appreciated for their hard
work
Extreme behavior cavers (The Grenade) are
appreciated by standing out in the crowd
The Know-It-All specializes in lengthy
authoritative lectures, advice, and unsolicited
opinions in search of appreciation for being
the authority on the subject

Summary
Behavior becomes more controlling when
the intent to Get it Done is thwarted
Behavior becomes more perfectionistic when
the intent to Get it Right is thwarted
Behavior becomes more approval seeking
when the intent to Get Along is thwarted
Behavior becomes more attention-getting
when the intent to Get Appreciation is
thwarted

Communicating with the Get it Done
as top priority caver
Let them know you recognize that
getting it done is their priority
Keep your communications with them
brief and to the point
Dont obstruct them except as
necessary using the skills to be
described

Communicating with The Tank
caver
Hold your ground
If attacked, interrupt by repeating their
name
Quickly backtrack to the main point
Aim for the bottom lineno extras
Give them the last word under your
conditions

Communicating with the Know-it-all
Caver
Be prepared with knowledge/material
Backtrack respectfully
Blend with doubts and desires
Present views indirectly
Turn them into mentors

Communicating with the Get it Right
as top priority caver
Let them know you recognize that they
value perfection
Pay a great deal of attention to the
details of your communication with
them
If its a task, be specific about the
problem behavior

Communicating with the Whiner
Listen for the main points
Clarify the problems
Empathize without trying to solve
problems
Minimize conversation or change
subject to something positivecaving
Dont try to share your own problems

Communicating with the No Caver
Go with the flow
Use them as a resource (What can be
done?)
Leave the door open
Go for the polarity response
Acknowledge their good intent

Communicating with the Get Along
with Others as top priority caver
Show you care with friendly chit chat
and considerate communications
This will increase cooperation and
decrease misunderstanding

Communicating with the Yes Caver
Make it safe to be honest
Talk honestly
Help them plan
Ensure commitment
Strengthen the relationship

Communicating with the Maybe
Caver
Establish and maintain the comfort
zone
Make conflicts surface, clarify options
Use a decision-making system
Reassure, and then ensure follow
through
Strengthen the relationship

Communicating with the Get
Appreciation as top priority caver
Dont oppose their needs.
Recognize their contributions with
words of enthusiastic appreciation

Communicating with the Get Appreciation as
top priority caver
Get their attention and give them a little attention
Clarify for specifics (for think-they-know-it-alls,
to bare their lack of knowledge)
Tell it like it is (I statements), addressing the
problem head-on
Give them a break (a way out so they dont have
to look foolish)
Use gentle confrontation and give credit when it
is due

Communicating with The Grenade
Get their attention and give them a
little attention. Be friendly
Let them know how much you care for
their hard work
Then reduce your intensity as they do
Time off for good behavior
Grenade prevention

What about when you are the difficult
caver?
Be aware of your motivations (Get it done?
Get it perfect? Get along? Get appreciation?)
Monitor the effect your behavior has on
others, and on the task at hand
Try alternative ways to reach your goals
without negatively effecting others or tasks
Allow others positive reactions to your new
behaviors to reward your attempts
Ask others for feedback

Summary
Problem cavers exist in several situations
Cavers vary in their personalities as well as
their motivations for their behavior
Good communication skills go a long way
toward solving many caver problems
Specific motivations require specific
interventions
Good luck!

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Dealing with Cavers You Cant

Stand: On Trips and Projects

How to Identify Personalities and