Domestic Violence

by
Jenny Amaya
Introduction
I chose to do my project on domestic violence because it
is a very personal topic to me. I grew up in a very violent
environment, in which my father was an alcoholic and drug
addict, and often beat my mother in front of myself and my
three brothers. Even though we were never the target of
physical abuse, all of us were deeply traumatized by what we
witnessed, and what occurred then, still haunts me today.
Even at a young age, I couldn’t understand why my mother
wouldn’t leave for herself and for us. The nightmares, the
sadness and the pain we experienced were overwhelming.
Sadly, I know that many girls here at Lindsay are in abusive
relationships as well. I wanted to better understand this topic
and explore options for change, especially because I want to
break the cycle of violence in my own family, and maybe help
other people who are going through the same pain that I
know all too well.
Shocking Truths
• 6 million American women are beaten each year by their husbands
or boyfriends. 4,000 of them are killed

• A women is nine times more likely to be assaulted in her own home

than on the street

• 25% of all female psychiatric patients who attempt suicide are

victims of domestic violence

• 85% of women in substance abuse programs are victims of domestic

violence

• 50% of the children in foster care are there because of domestic

violence

• A third of women in hospital emergency rooms at any given time are

there because of domestic violence

• Every 9 seconds a women is being battered

 Shocking Truths
• 30% of 911 domestic violence calls in the City of San Diego
come from children.

• Relationship violence is the #1 cause of injury to women ages

15-44; more than rapes, muggings, and car accidents combined.

• 80% of rapes are perpetrated by someone the victim knows.

• 42% of rape victims tell NO ONE about the assault.

• 1,247 women and 440 men were killed by an intimate partner in

the year 2000.

• In 2004, there were approximately two domestic violence

incidents reported to law enforcement each hour of every day.
What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is defined as a

pattern of behavior in any
relationship that is used to gain
or maintain power and control
over an intimate partner. In
almost all instances, domestic
violence is perpetrated by men,
against women and children.
Intimate Relationships
Violent relationships for the most
part start with romance and love.
In the beginning there are kisses,
flowers, long walks in the park
and even poems written with
tenderness. Once the abuse
begins, these relationships are
hard to escape because they start
out with romance and continue
being romantic even while they
are abusive. A healthy
relationship is based on trust,
communication, honesty, and
love. When some one loves
another person they care enough
to make sure their partner is
happy.
Healthy Relationships
Unhealthy Relationships
The Cycle of Violence
Abuse
When the time and circumstances
are right he begins his attack.
This is a display of power & control over his victim.

Set-up
The abuser creates a situation of
control in which the victim has no
choice but to act in a way that in his
mind will justify abuse.
Guilt
These are not normal feelings
for hurting someone, but guilt
over the possibility of being caught.

Fantasy Rationalization
Here the abuser fantasizes about past & future
abuses of the victim. These fantasies fuel the
abuser’s anger to help him move into the set-up
stage.
The abuser blames the victim to
justify his own behavior, “you
should shut up when I tell you
to, then I wouldn’t have to hit you.”

Normal Behavior
Here the abuser acts as if nothing has happened. Behavior is normal
This period gives the victim hope that won’t happen again.
Reasons They Stay

In many cases people wonder why women

don’t just leave their abusive partner. It is easier said
than done because women face many economic, social
& educational barriers that then pulls them back to the
conclusion that they are better off with him. These are
barriers such as “Where will I go?” and “How will I
support myself & the kids?”. Not only are these
women faced with the reality of where will they go,
but the partner also threatens that he will find her and
kill her. Abused women are often so isolated from the
world that they don’t know how to get help or where
they can go. The husband has destroyed all
communication with family or friends so there is door
opened for the abused women. Other times the man
has destroyed the women’s self esteem thoughts such
as, who would ever love me and I’m worth nothing.
Children & Domestic Violence
• 1 out of 4 children in CA is directly exposed to violence either
as a victim or witness

• In 2002, 707,707 children’s parents investigated for abuse or

neglect

• 3-10 million children witness DV/abuse each year in the US

• In a national survey of more than 6,000 families, 50% of the

men who frequently assaulted their wives also frequently
abused their children

• In families where the mother is assaulted by the father,

daughters are exposed to a risk of sexual assault 6.51 times
greater than girls in non-abusive families
Negative Effects on Children
Infants School Aged Children
Developmental delays  Depression
Attachment disorders  Sleeping problems / bed wetting
Failure to thrive  Eating problems
Hyper arousal  Loss of trust
Infants may be caught in “cross-  Violence
fire” and injured  Behavioral problems
 School failure
Adolescents
 Anti-social behavior
 Dating violence
 School failure
 Substance abuse
 Depression
 Eating disorders
Runaway
Children Suffer
Helping Our Children
Boys are swamped with influences outside of the home — from friends, the
neighborhood, television, the internet, music, the movies... everything they see
around them. They hear all kinds of messages about what it means to "be a
man" — that they have to be tough, be in control. Sometimes it’s hard to know
how to "be a man" in a relationship. So teach boys early, and teach them often,
that there is no place for violence in a relationship.

• Teach boys that violence against women and girls is wrong. Sometimes the only
messages young boys get are the wrong ones. Many young men need advice and
direction on how to behave towards women and they want to talk to you about
it.
• Teach Early. It's never too soon to talk to a child about violence. Tell him that
"hands are not for hitting." Let him know how you think he should express his
anger and frustration — and what is out of bounds.
• Bring It Up. A kid will rarely approach you and ask for guidance on how to
treat women. But that doesn't mean he doesn't need or want it. Try watching
TV with him or listening to his music. If you see or hear things that depict
violence against women, tell him what you think about it.
• Listen. Hear what he has to say. Listen to how he and his friends talk about
girls. Ask him if he's ever seen abusive behavior in his friends.
• Tell Him How. Teach him ways to express his anger without using violence.
When he gets mad, tell him he can walk it out, talk it out, or take a time out.
• Be a Role Model. Fathers, coaches and men who spend time with boys or teens
will have the greatest impact when they "walk the walk."
• Teach Often. Use every opportunity to reinforce the message that violence has
no place in a relationship.
 Are You at Risk?
Does your partner:
Embarrass or make fun of you in front of
your friends or family?
Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for
saying hurtful things or abusing you?
Threaten to hurt you, your children, pets,
family members, friends or himself?
Make you have sex when you don’t want
to or do things sexually that you don’t
want to do?
Interrogate you intensely about whom
you talked to and where you were; keeps
all the money; insists you ask permission
to go anywhere or do anything?
Treat you roughly- punch, shove, slap,
bite, kick, choke, or hit you; destroy
personal property or throw things
around?
Blame you for how they feel or act?
If you said yes to any of these questions,
you may be in a violent relationship.
Do You:
Become quiet when he/she is around and feel
afraid of making him/her upset?
Constantly make excuses to other people for
your partner’s behavior?
Believe that you can help your partner change
if only you changed something about yourself?
Feel like no matter you do, your partner is
never happy with you?
Stay with your partner because you are afraid
of what your partner would say if you broke
up?
Stop seeing your friends and family members,
becoming more and more isolated?
Find yourself explaining bruises to family or
friends?
 Warning Signs
 When person is with partner, the partner calls them names or puts them
down in front of other people
 Abuser acts extremely jealous when partner talks to people of the opposite
sex
 Person used to have more friends before the relationship began
 Before the relationship, the person was more outgoing and involved with
family, school activities, and friends
 Person becomes secretive about the relationship and doesn’t want to talk
about it
 Abuser is always checking up on partner, calling or text messaging her/him
and demanding to know where partner has been and who they were with
 Abuser discourages or criticizes person for their beliefs, interests, and ideas
 Abuser blames their partner for their anger
 Person being abused is afraid to disagree with their partner
 Person has injuries they can’t explain, or their excuses don’t seem to make
sense
 Abuser forces or talks partner into doing anything sexually that they don’t
want to do, such as forcing partner to have sex without protection
 Abuser displays controlling and possessive behaviors such as saying who
the partner can and cannot hang out with, what they can not wear, where
they can and cannot go, and who they can and cannot talk to
 Safety Plan
Safety Plan:
1) Pack a bag and leave it a friend.
2) Hide an extra set of car and house keys outside.
3) Keep a list of emergency phone numbers hidden.
4) Have a bank account in your name with money in it.
5) Consider obtaining an order of protection.
6) Plan and escape route and practice it.
Gather the following for You & Your Children:
 Birth Certificates
 Social Security Cards
 Driver’s License
 Keys
 Passports
 Green Card/Work Permit
 Welfare Identification
 Money
 Checkbook
 Credit Cards
 School Registration
 Restraining Orders, etc.
How to Respond
If a friend has been assaulted:
1) Validate feelings….BELIEVE THEM!!!!!
2) Encourage medical and police attention immediately.
3) Be a good listener.
4) Be supportive.
5) Point out their strengths
6) Don’t put their partner down, it may drive her away
7) Respect the privacy of the victim.

If you have been assaulted:

• Explore your options, it’s your decision to report to the
police.
• Do not shower, change your clothes, or brush your teeth( if
you’ve been sex assaulted)
• Get medical attention for injuries, possible STD’s and
pregnancy.
• Request a support person, such as an advocate.
Resources
• Annie Windrem – Program Specialist Office of
Violence Prevention: 858-581-5804
• San Diego Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-888-DV-
LINKS
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
• National Advisory Council on Violence Against
Women: 4woman.gov/owh/violence
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence :
ncadv.org
• National Latino Alliance for the Elimination of
Domestic Violence: dvalianza.org
• National Network to End Domestic Violence :
nnedv.org
I Fight Like a Girl
I fight like a girl who refuses to be a victim.
I fight like a girl who’s tired of being IGNORED and HUMORED and BEATEN AND RAPED
I fight like a girl who’s sick of not being taken seriously.
I fight like a girl who OFFERS and DEMANDS respect.
I fight like a girl who has a lifetime of ANGER and STRENGTH and PRIDE
I fight like a girl that knows that THIS BODY and MIND are mine
I fight like a girl who knows that YOU ONLY HAVE AS MUCH POWER AS I GIVE YOU.
I fight like a girl who FIGHTS BACK.
So next time you think you can distract yourself from your insecurities by victimizing a girl.
THINK AGAIN.
She may be ME and
I FIGHT LIKE A GIRL