The Five Love

Languages
By Gary Chapman
 There are many
different languages
in the world.
Ek is lief vir jou (Afrikaans)

Ngo oi ney (Catonese)

Ik hou van jou (Dutch)

Tora dust midaram (Farsi)

Je t'aime(French)

Ta gra agam ort (Gaelic)

Ich liebe dich (German)

Ayor anosh'ni (Navajo)

 If you do not
understand the
language..
Then what you mean to
say is lost.
 It is the same for
communicating love to
another person.
Gary Chapman came
to the conclusion that
people speak five
different emotional
love languages, plus
various dialects.
In order to
communicate love,
one must learn which
language of love to
speak.
 Everyone needs to
know they are loved.
It starts as a child.

and continues through

adulthood.
Being in love fills
this need
At least for a while!
During the in love
phase, you minimize
the flaws of the
beloved. You think
about them all the
time. You want to be
with them all the time.
 Then reality enters
in.
Should the toilet lid be up or
down?
Who does what chores?
Where do you spend the holidays?
Decisions on how to spend the
money?

The average romantic in love

experience lasts about two years
or a bit more.
 What do you do
when the love
leaves?
Never be with anyone again? (Thats lonely.)
Have an affair? (even that excitement only lasts so
long)
Divorce/break up? (And start again and again every
few years)
Or is there a different and better way?
The better way is to learn what your love language is,
learn what your beloveds is, and then learn to speak
that language.
 How many times
have you seen a
couple fall apart?
He doesnt care about me.

She doesnt care about me.

Both are reaching out to
each other in a language
the other does not
understand.
He brings her roses.
Hed like more
affection.
She cooks his
favorite meal. Shed
like help with the
kids.
 Like most people,
Each person is
trying to make it
work. Sort of
But, each person
speaks a different
language of love.
Like a foreign
language, they
are not
understood.
 There are five
languages of love.
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Lets look at each one.
 First language:
Words of affirmation
These are compliments or words of
appreciation.
It is not saying something nice so you can
get what you want from them.
Also included are words of encouragement.
The tone of your voice matters. Keep it kind!
If asking for something, make it a request,
not a demand.
 Language #2:
Quality time
Quality time is spending time with each other, without
being distracted by other things around you.

You are both doing an activity you enjoy (or one enjoys
and the other is willing to do), to be together, and the
focus is not on the activity as much as it is on being
together.

This means getting to know your spouse by talking with

each other. What do you think about..

No interrupting, no giving advice (unless asked for!)

Listen to what they are saying and respond kindly to it!

Be willing to share your feelings, wishes, and dreams.

 Language #3:
Receiving Gifts
A gift is a visual symbol of the love you have for
the other.
The cost of the gift does not matter, as much as
the thought and effort put into giving the gift.
Gifts may be homemade, bought, or found.
A single flower given a dozen times will have more
meaning than a dozen roses given one time.
Love is a difficult emotion to express,
and a gift is a visual symbol
of that
love.
 Language #4: Acts of
Service
Acts of service is love expressed by actions. You put
Acts of service is love expressed by actions. You put
thought, time, energy, and effort into deciding what
would please your spouse the most.

Love this way may be shown as helping with various

chores, such as cleaning. It may be taking the
children out for the afternoon so your spouse can have
some quiet time alone.

It takes time and effort to decide what specific actions

would mean the most to your spouse.
What is important to one is not
important to another.
 Language #5:
Physical Touch
No, its not just about sex.
It may include hugs, holding hands, a brief
touch to ones shoulder, or a brief kiss before
leaving home.
We all have a need to have
physical touch in our lives,
from the
time we are infants.
People who express love in
this way
have a greater need
than others.
 No matter what the
form of love you
show,
Its not really love if you are expecting
something in return.
Love is freely given, in a way that the other
person can understand, with no demands on
the other person to give back in the same way.
Real love is not as much an emotion as it is a
choice and a series to actions to express that
choice.
You cannot change the past, but you can
apologize and make the future different.
 Figure out your own
love language.
Take the simple assessment.
Then figure out the language of the person
you love. What things do they appreciate?
What do they ask for? What annoys them?
These give you clues. Try many ways until
you find out what means the most.
Sometimes there is a primary and a
secondary love language.
It is very rare that you both speak the same
love language.
 This works in any
relationship between
two people.
Learn your own love language.
Figure out what the love language is of
the other person.
Work at keeping their love tank
full by showing love in ways
that the other
person can understand.
 Maybe you dont
want to show love in
those ways.
Youll have to decide how
important that relationship is to
you.
Dont let your pride get in the
way.

The choice is
up to you.