Elements of Advance

Communication

ACCENT GRAMMAR Personality

Pronunciation Vocabulary
Intonation
Liaison
Knowledge
Americanism

CALL CENTER
 Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled
peppers
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper
picked
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled
peppers
Wheres the peck of pickled peppers Peter
Piper picked?
Betty Botter bought some butter
But she said, the butters bitter
If I put it in my batter, it will make my
batter bitter
But a bit of better butter will make my
batter better
So twas Betty Botter bought a bit of
butter, better!
How much wood would a
woodchuck chuck if a
woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, as much as he
could, and chuck as much
wood
As a woodchuck would, if a
woodchuck chuck could chuck
wood.
 I hate
grammar!!!
I HATE GRAMMAR!
But if we dont do grammar
From a forwarded text message
(telephone ringing)

Melanie : Hello?
Caller : Hello, good morning.
Id like to speak to
Joey, please.
Melanie : Oh, Joey? Wait
Please hang yourself
(long pause)

Hello? My brother Joey

is out of town. Would
you like to wait?
ENGLISH IS A QUEER LANGUAGE
We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes.
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.

Then one fowl is a goose but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may found a lone mouse or a whole set of mice,

Yet the plural of house is houses not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why should not the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that and three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural wouldn't be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats and not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say Mother, we never say Methren,

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine she, shis and shim?

So English, I fancy you will all agree,

Is the funniest language you ever did see!

AND THE FINAL IS ME!

a dedication to grammar
October 1996
To Marjie,
I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave
you. Why? What reason you can think about but
youre very fat body. I thought before that Dennis
only use me to his toy but sooner and later Im
realize that he really cant not beared or
stomached to be with you anymore because at first,
Dennis say he could not stand youre habit of
making paki-alam all his walks [lakad] and always
calling to their house what he go home or this or
that. And then he say he get ashame to met either
in school or in his family and then asking you to
exercise youre very very, very fat body. But you
hate it. Thoughth youre the most preetiest girls
he knows about. What do you think you are
Beautiful Girl of Jose Marie Chan?
 Even you are beautiful (to your think)
you do not have the right to called me
whatsoever or else different name or time or
the other for the real purposed to insults my
personality because Im never call you names
either in the front of Dennis or in the backs
of Dennis, but if you start already to calling
me different name, I dont have any other
choice but to call you other different name
to.
 Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED,
OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to
youre body that is to a BUDING. You cant not blame
Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more
sexier than you when you look to us in the mirror. Im
repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a
girl.

Love,
The Sexiest Girl of D.M.
 P.S. You say that Im the bad
breathe but who is Dennis want to
kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the
final is me. There you go.
ENGLISH PHONETIC SPELLING
 What is the English Phonetic Spelling?
Why is it important to the call center
agents?
 CALL CENTER BLOOPERS

TSR: It's C as in CAT.

Customer: What?
TSR: "C as in CAT. C-A-T...meow meow...

TSR: Ok, sir. Do you have a PEN and a

PENCIL ready?
Customer: What?!!
TSR: Oh, Im sorry, sir. Do you have a PEN
and a BALLPEN ready?
(applause)
 SECOND PAIR

TSR: Alright, we're going to perform a checkdisk.

That is for us to see if your hard drive has errors
in it. Please type in C-H-K- D-S-K...

Customer: What is that again?

TSR: "C-H-K-D-S-K...that is... C as in Charlie...H as in

Harley...K as in Karley...D as in Darley...S as in
Sarley...and K as in Karly."
 The Manager tells about a call center agent
whose spelling did confuse his customers. She
says, "Maybe this is due to the fact that he
actually came from a seminary."

For example:
P as in Psalm
E as in Eucharist
I for Immaculate Conception
TSR: Ok sir, we need to check if your PC has a valid IP address.
Cust: And how do you go about doing that?
TSR: Let's open the command prompt, click the start button then
select run and type c-m-d.
Cust: c-n-b?
TSR: No sir, c as in Charlie, m as in Mike, d as in Delta.
Cust: Oh, c-m-t!
TSR: No, it's C-M-D.
Cust: c-m-b?
TSR: CMD... C as in customer, M as in must, D as in die!!
 Let us review your standard
Phonetic Alphabet

After the phonetic alphabet was developed by the International Civil

Aviation Organization
It was adopted by many other international and national organizations,
including the
1. North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), basis for IPA
2. the International Telecommunication Union (ITU),
3. the International Maritime Organization (IMO),
4. the American Federal Aviation Administration (FAA),
5. the Alliance for Telecommunications Industry Solutions (ATIS)
6. International Amateur Radio Union (IARU).
I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and
dough.
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, laugh and
through.
Well done! And now you wish,
perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps.
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like
bird.
And dead-its said like a bed, not bead.
For goodness sake, dont call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat.
They rhyme with suite and straight and
debt.
A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in
brother,
And here is not a match for
there,
Nor dear and fear for pear and
bear.
And then theres dose and rose
and lose
Just look them up- and goose
and choose.
And cork and work and card
and ward.
And font and front and word
and sword.
And do and go, then thwart
and cart.
Come, come Ive hardy make
a start