What relationships do you have in your life?

Work Community Other Home

Mom
and Dad Boss
Brother Co-worker
Sister Mentor
Pet Customer

Doctor
Neighbor
Nurse
Friend
Police
Server
Firefighter
Store Clerk
Who is your boss?

Who are your co-

workers?

Who helps you at

work?

Who else do you

have a relationship
with at work?
 How do positive relationships make you feel?
How do positive relationships make others feel?
 Getting to know yourself better
 Understanding others better
 Gaining better human relations skills
◦ (a.k.a. People skills – soft skills)
 Learning how to apply the concepts and
knowledge to your personal and professional
life
 The better you know and work with people the
more successful you will be
 This is all about relationships!
 What’s “in it” is what you put in it!
 MYTH = Technical skills are more important than
people skills
◦ TRUTH = Job recruiters are looking for people with
communication & interpersonal skills (89%)who are
team players (87%)
 MYTH = It’s all just common sense
◦ TRUTH = “People” issues are prominent concerns in
business – high quality relationships are important to
success
 MYTH = Leaders are born not made
◦ TRUTH = Research tells us leadership skills can be
learned – millions of dollars are spent by corporations
on leadership training
• What kinds of interactions?
▫ One-on-one, groups, telephones,
other technology
• What kinds of situations?
▫ Formal/informal, old/new, work-
related/personal, emergencies,
school
• What kind of people?
▫ Family, friends, co-workers, bosses,
strangers, classmates, enemies,
community officials
• Best-managed organizations…
– understand work is done through
relationships
– are not simply being “nice to people”
– genuinely help employees come alive
through their work
– align goals of worker and workplace
 Study of all types of interactions among
people, including:
› Conflicts
› Cooperative efforts
› Group relationships
 Study of why beliefs, attitudes, and
behaviors can cause problems in
personal and professional relationships
 Service economy
 Some competitive advantages are easy
to copy (i.e., technology, financial
structure)
 Relationships key to sustainable
competitive advantage and they are
difficult to copy
 Rudeness, insensitivity, disrespect
 “Me” rather than “We” attitudes
 Workplace incivility threatens employee
and client relationships
 Wide range of interpersonal skills are
needed
 Contact with customers, clients, and
other workers
 Every relations differs in:
Age and Gender Work background Values
Communication style Work ethics Culture

 Each encounter offers new challenge

 People must manage three types:
› Relationships with ourselves
› One-to-one relationships
› Group relationships
 Positive self image and self-confidence is
good for relations with others
 Many people have negative ideas and
feelings about themselves
 Occupations with high client/customer
contact face this challenge every day
 Biases can be barriers:
› Racial
› Age
› Gender
› Communication-style
 Many assigned to work as members of a
team
 Lack of cooperation among members
can result in quality or productivity
problems
The rules for work are changing, and
we’re all being judged, whether we
know it or not, by a new yardstick—not
just how smart we are and what
technical skills we have, which
employers see as givens, but increasingly
by how well we handle ourselves and
one another.
Daniel Goleman
Author, Working with Emotional Intelligence
 A positive and supportive environment
can lead to:
› Greater personal career satisfaction
› Greater employee commitment
› Increased organizational productivity and
efficiency
 Requires full commitment and support of
management
 Understanding human behavior at work
begins with a review of the six major
forces that affect every employee
 Collection of shared values, beliefs,
rituals, stories, and myths that create a
common identity and feelings of
community among employees
 Every organization has unique culture
 Reflection of deeply held values and
beliefs of top management
 Managers hold key position to influence
employee behavior
 Spokespersons for the organization
 Philosophy, competence, and
leadership style establish image in eyes
of employees
 Establish perceptions of organization’s
concern for employee welfare
 Perceptions influence factors such as:
› Productivity
› Customer relations
› Safety
› Loyalty to the firm
Jobs do a lot more than merely provide
income. They provide the opportunity to
learn and enhance skills, to have some
control over one’s fate and, perhaps
most important, to gain a sense of self-
worth, a sense of carrying one’s own
weight.
William Raspberry
Syndicated Columnist
 Research has identified three functions
of group membership.
 It can:
› Satisfy social needs
› Provide emotional support
› Lend assistance in solving problems and
meeting goals
 Work has taken central stage in the lives
of many
 Can more than satisfy economic needs
 Provide sense of meaning, community,
and self-esteem
 All employees bring combination of:
› Abilities and interests Aptitudes
› Values Expectations
 Behavior often reflection of match
between environment and individual’s
characteristics
 Creating idea work environment to meet
all needs is a challenge
 Need for balance between work and
family
 Increase in dual-income families
 Problems on the job often linked to
family
 Many organizations attempt to create
family-friendly environment
 “Heart and soul” of communication
 Means by which we come to an
understanding of ourselves and others
 To grow and develop, we must
communicate skillfully and effectively
 Interpersonal communication can mean
the ability to relate to people in written
as well as verbal communication. This
type of communication can occur in
both a one-on-one and a group
setting. This also means being able to
handle different people in different
situations, and making people feel at
ease.
 active listening,
 giving and receiving criticism,
 dealing with different personality types,
and
 nonverbal communication.
 Most people want to be understood and accepted
more than anything else in the world.
 Knowing this is the first step toward good
communication. Good communication has two
basic components:
1. You listen to and acknowledge other people's
thoughts and feelings: Rather than showing that
you only care about broadcasting your feelings
and insisting that others agree with you, you
encourage others to express what they are thinking
and feeling. You listen and try to understand.
2. You express your own thoughts and feelings openly
and directly: If you only listen to what other people
are thinking or feeling and you don't express your
own thoughts or feelings, you end up feeling
shortchanged or "dumped on."
 Assertiveness, or confrontation, means
taking the initiative or first steps to deal with
a problem in a constructive, self-protective
manner. Assertiveness attacks the problem,
not the person.
 Aggressiveness attacks the other person
rather than the problem. It is a destructive
desire to dominate another person or to
force a position or viewpoint on another
person; it starts fights or quarrels.
 Aggressive Communicator: Get to the
point right away. Speak directly and
clearly. Since aggressive types can be
brutally honest and sometimes
inconsiderate, it is important to take
what they say with a grain of salt. Usually
their criticism and confrontational matter
isn't meant to be taken personally.
 Many causes of conflict arise due to
miscommunication.
 Once you understand your own
communication style pitfalls, you can
correct them and communicate more
effectively.
 Remember “Aggression breeds
Aggression”!
 Good relationships with others stem from
a better understanding of ourselves
 Increased self-awareness helps us
develop an understanding of how our
behavior influences others
 Becoming self-aware is the first step to improving
our interpersonal effectiveness.
 Most of our behaviours are natural for us.
 We aren't aware of the impact these behaviours
have on others. That leaves us with "blind spots"
that others don't want to mention to us because
they don't want to hurt our feelings, they are afraid
of a reaction from us, or they just don't care.
 Through self-awareness we learn what impact our
behaviours - both positive and negative - have on
others. That knowledge helps us become more
effective in our interactions with others.
 Once we become self-aware we can
examine and change behaviours that
need changing. The option is our own.
So are the consequences. When we
choose to seek ways to modify our
undesirable behaviours we begin the
process of self-regulation. This is a
conscious process through which we
may ask for input from our family, trusted
coworkers or friends, or a professional
therapist.
 The degree to which you like and
accept yourself is the degree to which
you can like and accept others
 Self-acceptance is the key to successful
interaction with others
 Able to cope better with change,
responsibility, diversity, and teams
 Do you know how other peoples see you? When
you leave a meeting or end a conversation, what
impression do you leave behind? What picture do
other people have of you? How do you think they
perceive you?
 We impact on others through our opinions, the
amount we contribute, the sound of our voice, the
effect of our silence, the expressions we use.
 Personal impact is about other things apart from
your looks of course. Improving your posture,
knowing how to shake hands properly, having
good manners, not fidgeting and controlling your
nerves in meetings, looking friendly and confident.
 Motivation of self
› Comes from within
 Motivation of others
› Comes from understanding complex
motivation theories and strategies
 Building block of successful relationships
 Trust
› Frank discussion
› Free exchange of ideas and information
 Lack of trust
› Reduced productivity and communication
› Stifled innovation, high stress, slow decision
making
 Self-disclosure is an intricate part of
building trust
 Constructive part of good
communication and helps eliminate
unnecessary guessing
 Conflict occurs in situations in which there is
opposition. Opposition occurs when a solution
cannot be found in a disagreement.
 Conflict is a disagreement through which the
parties involved perceive a threat to their
needs, well-being, interests or concerns.
 Perceive a threat can be physical, emotional,
power, status, intellectual, etc.
 Conflict is healthy and a normal part of any
human relationship.
 Make sure that you remain calm at all times.
 Speak with a non-provoking tone of voice; quietly,
slowly, and calmly.
 Listen to the other person carefully without
interrupting them.
 Respect the other person when voicing your own
opinion or point of view.
 Let the other person know that you understand
them fully by asking questions pertaining to his or
her understanding and repeating what the person
is saying.
 Use humour if possible.
 Try placing yourself in the other person's shoes.
 Try not to be judgmental. Do not do anything to
embarrass the other person. Do not accuse the
other person of anything. Also, do not punish or
scold them.
 Do not stand close to them. Stand a few feet away
from them.
 Make sure that your posture, body language, and
tone of voice is non-threatening.
 Do not talk with the other person in front of a group
of people. Go into an office or some other place
to discuss the situation. (Caution: Do not go into
place that will prevent you from receiving help if
you need it.)
 Make sure that what you say is simple, clear and direct.
 Do not take anything the other person says personally
when he or she is angry, because they probably do not
mean it.
 Make sure that you are not alone just in case the other
person becomes very hostile.
 If you are having a heated argument with another
person, save your feelings and opinions for another time
and place.
 Do not rush.
 Let the other person know that you do not want to fight,
but that you want to resolve the situation in a friendly
manner.
 Make sure that you apologize for anything you may
have said or done to offend them
 Better understanding of human behavior
in groups
 Can help you become more sensitive to
yourself and others
 Provides techniques for solving people-
related problems
› Act more wisely when problems arise
› Anticipate conflicts or prevent them from
escalating
 Knowing yourself and reasons for your
behavior helps you understand others
and increases your ability to interact in a
positive and productive way
 Knowing yourself helps you to prepare
for possible problems and gives you tools
for avoiding and/or eliminating them
 But “knowing” is not enough – we must
be able to “apply what we learn”
Make an assessment of your organization
relative to the strengths and weaknesses
you have in terms of your relationship with
your co workers and your client. Provide
ways on how you will improve your
weaknesses.
Human Relations with your co Human Relations with your client
workers
Strengths Weaknesses Strengths Weaknesses
• CALL PEOPLE BY NAME
▫ A person’s name is the most important sound to them
▫ But remember cultural standards
▫ If you use their name it makes them feel significant and validated
▫ Make an effort and practice learning names
• LISTEN TO PEOPLE
▫ Encourage others to talk about themselves – ask appropriate
questions – listening shows your interest – we generally don’t like
people who don’t pay attention or listen to us
▫ Make an effort to learn specific pro-active
listening skills
• HELP OTHERS
▫ A basic law of success!
▫ Don’t use others – be open and honest
▫ Remember what goes around comes around
 THINK FIRST BEFORE YOU ACT OR TALK
◦ Engage your brain before opening your mouth – don’t say things
you’ll regret later
◦ Don’t use offensive language
◦ Ok to feel your emotions – but control your behavior
◦ Remember how you say things is as important as what you say
◦ How important is it to be right if you harm others
 APOLOGIZE
◦ We are all capable of hurting someone’s feelings
◦ We are sometimes reluctant to apologize (men more than
women)
◦ A sincere apology (even if you think you were right) can help
repair and create more satisfactory relationships
 CREATE WIN-WIN SITUATIONS
◦ The best way to get what you want is to help others get what they
want and vice versa – “quid pro quo”
 NOTHING IS PERFECT - there will always be problems arising
 How you handle them is the key to your success
 A PSYCHOLOGICAL CONTRACT is the shared expectations between people – we
all have them
 When problems arise you must decide whether to avoid or solve them – solving is usually
best
 There are three ways to resolve problems
◦ 1. CHANGE THE OTHER PERSON
 Remember it takes two to tango – blaming others usually makes matters
worse – you can’t force someone to change
◦ 2. CHANGE THE SITUATION
 Remove yourself from the environment
 Work together or with some neutral entity to change the situation
◦ 3. CHANGE YOURSELF
 Remember – your own behavior is the only thing you really have any control
over
 Examine others behavior to determine why they are behaving the way they
are – try to understand – empathize
 Remain assertive but not aggressive
 Amazingly when you change, others usually do also
 THANK YOU
FOR LISTENING