CHAPTER 9:

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Objectives:

1. Discuss an understanding of teenage relationships, including the

a c c e p ta b le a n d unacceptable expressions of attractions;

2. Express his or her ways of showing attraction, love a n d commitment;

3. Identify ways to b e c o m e responsible in a relationship;

4. Appraise one’s relationships a n d make plans for building responsible

future relationships
RELATIONSHIP
“
Relationship is the way in which two or
more people, groups a n d countries,
am ong others, talk to, behave toward,
and deal with e a c h other.

A way in which more people or things are

connected.
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

 type of relationship which is closely associated to a person and which

c a n only have meaning to this person.
 involves a degree of commitment to another person/s.

Impersonal or Informal Relationships

 May have a degree of commitment to another person/s but not
specific person/s, but may b e to business entity, a principle, or a clause.
ELEMENTSOF PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIP
ATTACHMENT COMMITMENT

LOVE

ATTRACTION INTIMACY
ATTACHMENT
“Our succeeding relationships in the future are all shaped to
a large extent by our attachment to our parents.”
― JOHN BOWLBY

• Attachments are usually formed starting from the time a baby is in the
wom b of one’s mother.
• This kind of attachment is one dependency, and continues until such
time that the baby has grown to b e more independent.

THREEATTACHMENT STYLES:
1. Secure attachment
2. Avoidant attachment
3. Anxious-ambivalent attachment
Attachment Styles
1. Secure Attachment
• happens when the primary caregiver provides full-time
presence and attention to an infant.
• when all the emotional needs of an infant are met, provides
a sense of security to the infant.
• a child who is exposed to this style of attachment will grow up
to have more secure and stable relationships.
Attachment Styles
2. Avoidant Attachment
• happens when the primary caregiver is cold and detached,
and unresponsive to a child’s need.
• the child senses rejection and often leads to premature
detachment and self-reliance.
• person given this style of attachment will usually avoid getting
into meaningful relationships when they reach adulthood,
leads to isolation.
Attachment Styles
3. Anxious-ambivalent Attachment
• When the primary caregiver is not consistent in terms of
presence, and in meeting a child’s emotional needs.
• Often, experienced separation anxieties with a loved one.
• May have mixed feelings between hesitancy and
commitment when entering into meaningful relationships.
ATTRACTION
“ILIKEYOU”: The Magnet ofAttraction

• Interpersonal attraction, having positive feeling towards

someone.
• Covers many experiences such as feeling of liking, sense of
admiration, friendship, desire and love toward another person.

Factors for the development of

attraction:
1. Physical attraction
2. Similarities
3. Reciprocity of feelings
Factors in Attraction
1. Physical Attraction

• Attraction based on physical

appearance
• Function as one of the initial
mechanisms to identify whom we
want to interrelate with.
• Being physically attracted
significantly influences the course
of relationship.
• There is no common standard of
what an “attractive person” looks
like.
Factors in Attraction
2. Similarities

• Whether in friendship or romantic

relationships, people who are similar
in many ways foster attraction with
each other.
• Attraction c a n cultivate similarities
by influencing or opinion of the
other so an agreement isachieved.
• Liking towards what the other’s
interest is which relatively helps
strengthen the relationship.
Factors in Attraction
3. Reciprocity of Feelings

• Studies shows that people are

inclined to like those who like
them.
• “Like begets like”
• Possible by giving feedback to the
other which enhances the good
feeling that one has about oneself.
Activity 1: ATTRACTION
1. Answer the following questions:
a. Have you ever been attracted to someone of the opposite
sex?
b. What traits or characteristics make you attracted to
someone?
c. How did you feel when you see someone you admire?
d. How d o you express your feelings about someone you
admire?
2. Choose a partner. Share your answers with your partner.
3. Identify the similarities and differences of your answers using the
following table.

Feelings when yousee Ways of expressingfeelings

someone you admire with someone youadmire

Similarities
Differences
LOVE

“WHATISLOVE?”

A. BIBLICAL DEFINITION

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is
not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not
delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always
trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
LOVE

B. SCIENTIFICDEFINITION
Love is a powerful drive that excites the brain and sets neurological
condition, such that neurotransmitters release different chemicals
in the body.

Stage 1: LUST
This is driven by sex hormones; testosterone and estrogen
Stage 2: ATTRACTION
Dopamine, norepinephrine (adrenalin), and serotonin are chemicals in
the body that gives the feeling of being exhilarated, one gets this
feeling of being temporarily “insane”
Stage 3: ATTACHMENT
When a deeper relationship is developed which leads to a long, serious
commitment, there are distinct hormones which play an important part
especially when building a family and raising children; oxytocin and
vasopressin.
LOVE

C. PHILOSOPHICAL FORMULATIONS

 ARISTOTLE:“Love Is composed of single soul inhabiting two

bodies.”
 PLATO: “At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.”
 LAO TZU:“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

The Greeks have identified four different kind of love:

1.AGAPE – love of G o d for man
2. PHILIA– brotherly love that characterizes friendship
3. STORGE – love for family and close companions
4. EROS – romantic love
LOVE

D. PSYCHOLOGICAL POINTOF VIEW

Robert Sternberg proposed a Triangular Theory of Love which identifies
three major dimensions: intimacy, commitment, and passion.

♥ Intimacy – which encompasses Intimacy

feelings of attachment, closeness,
connectedness, and bondedness.
♥ Passion – which encompasses
drives connected to both
infatuation and sexual attraction.
♥ Commitment – Which
encompasses, in the short term, the
decision to remain with another,
and in the long term, plans m a d e
with that other.
Passion Commitment
TYPESOF LOVE
1. Liking or friendship – characterized by
closeness or connections
2. Infatuation – romantic attachment,
desire to b e with the person but often
does not last long
3. Empty love – there is commitment but
intimacy and passion are gone
4. Romantic love – emotional connection
and passionate expression
5. Companionate love – observed in
long-term marriages where passion is
no longer present
6. Fatuous love – commitment is m a d e
on the basis of passion without the
stabilizing influence of intimate
involvement
7. Consummate love – the complete
form of love, representing an ideal
relationship which people strive
towards
HEALTHY EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE
RESPECTEACH OTHER
Respect for e a c h other should reflect both in words and actions
Do not say words that hurt or downplay the other’s feelings, values and
dignity that may affect his/her self-worth and the regard of others about
him/her
Respect eac h other’s boundaries

EXERCISE GIVE AND TAKE

It cannot always b e your way, or the other cannot
have his/her way all the time
Learn how to compromise your time and schedules

GIVE EACH OTHERSPACE TO GROW

It is counterproductive to one’s personal growth to
put so much limitations to eac h other
Allow eac h other to grow
HEALTHY EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE
RED FLAGS!!!
Warning signs to watch out that could lead to unhealthy relationship:
Too much limitation that affect your growth. Too many do’s and don’ts
that give you little space to b e yourself
Abuse in form. Physically hurting the other person, embarrassing
the person, criticizing and berating when you don’t get what you
want
Conditional love. Love without asking anything in return
Forcing the other into doing sexual activities that violates the values of
eac h other
Always b e mindful of the consequences.
Activity 2: LOVE

1. Conduct a mini-survey among your relatives and friends

on how they maintain their relationships with their loved
ones.
2. Compare this to your personal style of keeping your
relationship intact.
INTIMACY
“A degree of closeness.”

• Intimate closeness may involve physical contact, shared

ideas and value principles, confession of emotions, and
involvement in sharedactivities.
• The amount of intimacy shared with acquaintances differs
from the amount of intimacy shared with friends, which, in
progression, varies from the extent of intimacy shared in
romantic relationships.
• Communication expectations for each type of relationship
also vary.
FRIENDSHIP
“A relationship of mutual affection between
two or more people.”

Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an

association.

Friends…
a c c e p t each other
confide in each other
trust one another to keep confidences
undisclosed
understand and provide emotional
support to each other
share significant interests
expect the relationship to endure
TYPESOF FRIENDSHIP
ACQUAINTANCES
Type of friendship whom you just join only once in a while or
occasionally such as fellow members of choir or school
organizations

COMPANIONS
Type of friendship where you share same interests through
regular interactions such as team mates in basketball team.

INTIMATES
Type of friendship where you give and receive opinions and
support. You find ways to regularly communicate through text
messages, telephone calls, or social media.
COMMITMENT

Commitment is not simply saying “I love you” and making

public declaration of feeling on special occasion
Commitment is a continuing process of showing love and
care
Act of fulfilling the promises or agreements m a d e with each
other; through b a d times and g o o d times
Commitment is saying yes, you are into this relationship and
will stick to it for as long as possible
COMMITMENT

1. There has to be an absolute

honesty
There is no right or wrong way to
commit as long as you are honest
with where you are and what you
want in a relationship.
The rest would b e decided by the
two of you as to what fits your
personalities and your lifestyle.
You may want to d o casual
dating, in which the level of
commitment is different from more
serious dating, or you may solidify
your relationship through
marriage.
COMMITMENT

2. Form A Routine Practice

If your goal is to get into a
committed and long-term
relationship, it may not b e easy to
change all the previous habits of
being on your own.
You may have to modify some
things to reinforce the new lifestyle.
COMMITMENT

3. Make specific plans as to how to

strengthen the relationship
Daydream, visualize, and imagine
what it is that you want from your
partnership and what it is that you
will gain from the commitment
COMMITMENT

4. Be Tolerant
Do not expect perfectionism, d o
not b e idealistic and d o not try to
mold your partner into your box of
how things "should" be. These are
all relationship killers.
Every one has shortcomings, and
you need to let some of these g o
unless there is a pattern that is truly
damaging, harmful, or neglectful
to you or the relationship.
COMMITMENT

5. Learn to build an internal sense of

integrity
Living with truth and in alignment
with who you really are is the key to
making it easy for yourself to b e
who you want to b e and to commit
only when you desire it
COMMITMENT

6. Take time to take care of yourself

Look g o o d and presentable, and
get as healthy as you possibly can.
People who take care of
themselves attract and stimulate
their partners more, and that makes
the process easier for everyone.
Activity 3: RELATIONSHIPGOALS

1. Create a plan on how you c a n improve your

relationships for the future.
2. Draw a mind m a p of your plan.