What influences a
parent’s choice of
99% of all parents want to
be good parents, and avoid
doing what they consider to
be a bad parent. Regardless
of their parenting abilities,
they love their child.
parenting style?
1. The way their parents
raised them.
2. The family structure,
whether it’s a nuclear
family, step-family,
single-parent family,
extended family, one or
both parents work
outside the home, etc.
3. Ethnic background
4. Individual parenting
skills and knowledge
All parents incorporate both love and limits in their style of parenting, with
the balance of love and limits determining a particular style. There are 4
parenting styles, and most parents use some combination of the 4. Each
style has strengths and/or weaknesses, but only the authoritative parenting
style combines both high love and high limits. It is considered the best style
in today’s society.
Authoritarian parents value Low love and high limits.
obedience, structure, and
respect. And they believe in a
family hierarchy, with dad
usually at the top, mom next,
and children last. They use
external control to teach right
from wrong, such as spanking,
and are quick to act on a
The parents make the rules, and the
discipline problem. Children in children obey them without question
these families would not or negotiation.
describe the relationship with If the young child asks “why should
their parents as close, warm, I?”, the parent responds “because I
said so” (often a legitimate answer).
and loving. The underlying
assumption in this style is that
“parents know best”.
 Low love and high limits.
Giving orders

This is the most traditional

parenting style historically, and
is based on the use of power.

The 1950’s sitcom called “Leave It To Beaver” showed a

perfect family scenario operating under an authoritarian
parenting style. The children were eager to please the
parents. There were few displays of affection for the
children, which were limited to an arm around the shoulder.
High Love and Parents have difficulty setting firm
Low Limits.
limits and are inconsistent. Sometimes it
Giving in works pretty well because children
generally want to please their parents.
Parents view themselves as their
children’s friend; they worry that their
children will not like them if they set
too many rules. Over time, children
often become selfish, self-centered, and
manipulative to get their own
way…because they know they can.
Parents take a "hands-off" approach,
allowing children to learn from the
consequences of their actions.
 Dr. Benjamin Spock was a leading child care
authority of the late 1940’s -80’s. He
encouraged a fairly permissive parenting
style, excusing all manners of misbehavior in
children as somehow perfectly normal. In
his later years, after having children of his
own, he expressed misgivings about some of
the advice he had given.
Permissive parents often become bitter
and resentful of their children. They
place their children’s needs above their
own, and tire of the lack of respect or
appreciation for all they do. The
children tend to have troubles with
responsibility, relationships, and
understanding the rights of others.
 Low Love and Low Limits
Giving up

Sometimes called an indifferent

parenting style due to it’s lack of
emotional involvement and
supervision of the child.
Generally considered as uncaring
and inadequate to meet the needs
of children.
They might be indifferent, distant,
unengaged, non-communicative,
self-absorbed, unstructured,
detached, and sometimes cruel.
These parents usually do not consider themselves to be bad
parents, but are operating under a mistaken set of beliefs
about what a good parent does. Their attempts to do what
they think needs to be done to raise their children ends up
being neglectful or abusive.

Many individuals or
couples are simply
not prepared for the
demands of good
parenting. Children
take time, money,
energy, effort, and
good parenting
skills.
A balance of freedom and High Love and High Limits.
responsibility. Sometimes called Giving choices
the democratic or balanced parenting style,
it relies on the principles of equality and
trust.
Parents and children are equal in terms of
their need for dignity and worth but not in
terms of responsibility and decision making.
Parents model right and wrong by their
words and deeds, and give reasons for
limits; discipline is used to teach and guide,
not punish or control.
Parents present expectations to gain a
child’s cooperation and respect, including
demands of maturity.
Children raised by this style learn to accept responsibility, make
wiser choices, cope with change, and are better equipped to
succeed in a work-force which relies on
cooperative problem-solving.

Although this 1950’s sitcom was entitled Father

Knows Best, it portrayed an authoritative
parenting style rather than authoritarian.
 68% of children live
with both parents;
Over the last 35 years, there has been an 28% live with one
increase in the number of people parent; 4% live with
choosing not to marry and living alone someone other than
in households, and a decrease in the a parent
number of married people living with
their children in households.
Although statistically the traditional nuclear family grouping is the
most successful one for raising children, it has not existed in the
majority of homes. It once reached 46% for an all time high.
Many factors have influenced the family picture historically,
including life expectancy/mortality, child labor trends, women in
the workforce, divorce rates, births to unwed mothers, etc.

The “traditional” nuclear

family, with a husband
wage-earner, wife
homemaker and
dependent children, now
accounts for less than 10
percent of all American
households.
 The family is the most
fundamental of society's
institutions, for it is within
the family setting that
character, morality,
responsibility, ability, and
wisdom are nurtured best in
children. There is a direct
correlation between a family There is no doubt, statistically,
founded on a lifelong that the children raised in a
marriage and low incidences household with both biological
of crime, addiction, abuse, parents are at an advantage.
illness, and Fathers and mothers, men and
underachievement. women, interact differently with
children.
 Fathers:
Roughhouses with children; plays louder
Encourage competition
Do not modify language for the child’s sake
Talk is brief, direct, and to the point, with
subtle body language and facial expressions
Help children prepare for harshness and
reality of the real world
Model traits of men and how to treat
women
Encourage children to take chances, push
limits
Stress justice, fairness, and duty
Encourages independence from family
Teaches a sense of right and wrong with
discipline
Mothers:
Gentle with children; plays quieter
Encourage equity
Simplifies words and talks on child’s
level
Talk is more descriptive, personal,
expressive of feelings, and verbally
encouraging
Help protect children from the
harshness and reality of real world
Model traits of women and how to
treat men
Encourages caution and protection of
self
Stress sympathy, care, and help
Encourages security in the family
Teaches a sense of hopefulness with
discipline
 A high amount of conversation and
level of interaction between parents
and children has an enormous,
positive impact on a child's
development. Even in intact families,
however, children suffer from a lack
of intimate time with their parents.
On the average, Dads spend 8 minutes, working mothers spend
11 minutes, and stay-at-home moms spend less than 30 minutes
face-to-face talking to their children each day.
Nearly 20 percent of students in grades 6-12 report that they
have not had a 10-minute conversation with at least one of their
parents in more than a month (texting doesn’t count).
Latest research indicates that children enrolled in early
childhood programs and day care centers may actually have an
edge in school over those who stay at home with a parent.
 Responsible adults make the
decision to have children… they
are not just “accidents”. A
couple must decide that the
children will be a priority in their
lives. They must be willing to
place their family’s needs in the
proper perspective in relation to
job, career, friends, personal
interests, finances, demands on
time, increased energy needed,
and their marriage. The focus of
the family must shift from “I
want” and “we want” to “they
need”.
FAMILY MUST BE #1