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The Philosophy of Assertion

• Assertion theory is based on the premise that every individual
possesses certain basic human right and these right should exists in
our everyday life.
• Every person’s fundamental rights
1. The right to refuse requests without having to feel guilty or
selfish.
2. The right to have one’s needs be as important as the needs of
other people.
3. The right to make mistakes
4. The right to express ourselves as long as we don’t violate the
right of others.
5. The right to be treated with respect
6. The right to ask for what you want
7. The right to choose not to assert yourself. 2
Assertion - A Definition
• The act of standing up for one's own basic human rights without
violating the basic human rights of others.
What Is It?
• It is a response style that recognizes boundaries between one's
individual rights and those of others and operates to keep those
boundaries stabilized.
Response Styles
• Unfortunately we do not all respond in this manner, we tend to drift
from aggressive to non-assertive responses. The following is the
response styles characterized on a continuum from aggression to
non-assertion.

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 Aggression
Description of effect on rights
I disregard the rights of others.
e.g. I respond "Certainly not! You've got to be kidding!"
All rights are infringed; their right to ask, their right to respect
And courtesy.
Emotions
Expressed outwards.
e.g. Inappropriate anger, rage, hate, misplaced hostility.
Tone is loud and explosive.
Body Language
Glaring eyes, leaning forward, pointing fingers, hands on hips, fists
clenched and voice raised, sniggering or haughty.

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Verbal Language
"You'd better...."
"If you don't watch out...."
"Come on" - Plenty of put downs
"You must be kidding"
"Anyone with half a brain would know..."
Results
Not usually happy (both sides). Reproach themselves later for what
they have said.
Basic Message
I'm OK, you're not OK!
This is what I think - you're stupid for believing differently.
This is what I want - what you want is not important.
This is what I feel - your feelings don't count 5
 Assertion
Description of effect on rights
• I take into 'account my own feelings, rights and beliefs while being
aware of and taking into account the feeling, rights and beliefs of
others in each situation.
• e.g. I appreciate your need for transport, but the car is too valuable
to me to loan it out.
• Maintained is their right to ask and my right to refuse, and not feel
guilty
Emotions
• Aware of feelings. Prepared to face them when they occur. "The
right to emotion“
• Tension is kept within a normal constructive range.

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Verbal Language
• statements. “I think”, “I feel”, “I want", "let' s”.
• "How can w~ resolve this"
• “What do you think"
• "What do you see to be the outcome”
Results
• Helps you stand up for your basic hrnnan rights in all areas of personal, social
and professional life.
• Saying "yes" and "no" "With conviction. Giving and receiving criticism.
• Initiating conversations.
• Resisting interruptions.
• Receiving compliments.
• Demanding a fair deal ass a customer/patient. Dealing 'With sexist or racist
remarks.
Basic Message
• I'm OK, you're OK!
• This is what I think.
• This is what I feel.
• This is how I see the situation.
• I wish to hear about what you think and feel and feel and maybe both OUI
• needs can be met.
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 Non Assertion
Description of effect on rights
I allow my right to be overlooked
e.g. I lend my car, or he will think I’m petty or distrustful, and then
I spend the rest of the day worrying and with I had refused.
Infringed is my right to say no, and not feel guilty.
Emotions
Expressed inwards.
e.g. fear, anxiety, guilt, depression, resentment, nervousness,
helplessness.
Feelings aren’t usually discussed.
Tone is passive.
Body Language
self-effacing dependent, down-cast eyes, shifting of weight,
slumped body, wringing of hands, whining, giggly, voice squeaky,
mumbling or pleading. 8
Verbal Language
“May be” , “Iguess”
“I wonder if you could”, “perhaps”
“would you mind very much”
“only”, “just”, “I can’t”
“don’t you think”
“oh well”, “you know”
“it’s not really important”
Don’t bother”
Behind the scenes subversive
Fillers-um, er, well
Negatives – it’s all right, don’t bother, I don’t mind
Results
Not necessarily happy
frequently think after the event what they should have said
Often feel hurt, resentful, or that others have taken advantage.
Basic Message
I'm not OK, you're OK!
I don’t count, you can take advantage of me.
My feeling don’t matter, only yours do.
My thoughts aren’t important, yours are the only ones worth listening to.
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 More on “I” Statements
• “I” statements are aimed at CLEAR ( brief and to the point),
CLEAN (unpolluted with blame, innuendoes, should, never or
always) COMMUNICATION and the main intention being an
opener to prevent defensiveness.

e.g. "When you interrupt my sentence I feel put down and what I'd
like is to finish my sentence"
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Assertion (TRAINING) Techniques
• There are a number of techniques associated with the use of
assertion. These techniques, practiced either in real life or role play
situations, can improve the effectiveness of your assertion.
Escalating Assertion
• Initial assertion should be at the level of the minimal effective
response. In other words, the person should use only the minimum
amount of assertiveness which could be successful at the outset, but
gradually escalate the degree of assertion as required to ensure a
successful outcome. For example, a health professional dealing with
a "pushy" salesperson may respond as follows:
– "No thank you, I don't want to place an order for these".
– "As I have already said, I do not wish to order any of these."
– "Look, I am not going to discuss this any further. Please leave
now." 11
 Every Person’s Fundamental Rights
1. The right to refuse requests without having to feel guilty or selfish.
2. The right to have one's needs be as important as the needs of other
people.
3. The right to make mistakes.
4. The right to express ourselves as long as we don't violate the right
of others
5. The right to be treated with respect.
6. The right to ask for what you want.
7. The right to choose not to assert yourself.

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It "s not what happens
to you that counts ...
But
How You Respond
To It!
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 Aggression
– I disregard the rights of others
– Tone is loud and explosive
– Glaring eyes, pointing fingers , fists clenched
– “You'd better...."
– Anyone "With half a brain "Would know..."
– Both sides not usually happy
– This is "What I "Want, "What you want is not important

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 Non-Assertion
– I allow my rights to be overlooked
– Tone is passive
– Feelings not usually discussed
– Down cast eyes, slumped body, voice squeaky
– “Maybe"
– "It" s not really important"
– Often hurt
– My feelings don’t matter, only yours do

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 Assertion
• I take into account my own feelings, right and beliefs
while being aware of and taking into account the feelings,
rights and beliefs of others in each situation
• Aware of feelings
• Standing comfortably, good eye contact
• “I” statements
• “I” wish to hear about what you think and feel and maybe
both our needs can be met

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 “I” Statements
• WHY?
– Allow you to express your feelings with less emotion
and without eliciting emotion in others.
• WHAT?

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 Example:
• Before
"You make me so annoyed when you interrupt me and
you must stop it now"
• After
"When I don't get to finish my sentence, I feel put down
and I'd like to be given the chance to have my say."

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