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Anger Management
Anger Management
A. Definitive
B. Distorted
Let’s look at the TWO ALL IMPORTANT
QUESTIONS To Ask Before We Act:
1. Is the action I’m considering positive; will
it deal with the wrong and heal the
relationship?
2. Is the action I’m considering loving? Is it
designed for the benefit of the person I’m
angry with? (This can be hard to do.)
Simply, is it positive and is it loving?
Five Steps to Handle Valid Anger
Step 1: Acknowledge to yourself that
you are angry
Obvious - right?
The problem is the emotion of anger can
come on quickly and we can find
ourselves caught in a verbal or physical
response before we ever acknowledge
the fact. So what do you do?
Step 2: Restrain Your Immediate
Response
Do and say nothing – for now!
- Explosive Anger
- Implosive Anger
Both are dangerous and are not
acceptable ways of handling
anger
Explosive Behavior
- Expressed either in word or actions
-- Verbal abuse
-- Physical abuse
- Uncontrolled anger is at the root of
both of these
Exploding verbally:
- Just as bad as physical – except the
scars are on the inside
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but
the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
From the book of Proverbs
-”Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory bank
of our children, friends, family, etc.” - Charles R. Swindol
A. Explosive
B. Implosive
Now, Redirected Anger
- Shows anger toward people not even involved
- Usually it’s redirected at family members
- Opens a huge can of worms
-- More people get angry - innocent people
-- When the person you redirected your anger
toward gets angry at you, you now get angry at
them for being angry at you – “How dare
them”
A Very Important Thing!!!!!!!
“Holding on to resentment –
not forgiving – is like drinking
poison and expecting the other
person to die.” (Forgiveness 101)
When You Encounter An Angry
Person:
- Their anger could be either definitive or distorted
- -Will be handled the same way
Seven Steps When Responding To An
Angry Person:
Step 1. Listen
Step 2. Listen
Step 3. Listen
NO KIDDING!
Step 1: The best thing you can do is listen to the
angry person
- Lets you determine how angry they are
- You’re getting some of the basics of the person’s
story
Step 2: After hearing the angry person’s story once,
have them repeat it
-- Lets the angry person know that you are taking
them seriously - that you want to understand
Step 3: Now that you have listened to their
story twice, ask some questions
-- Allows you to gather more information
to clarify your understanding of the angry
person’s situation
-- Allows the angry person to get out all of
their concerns
Step 4: Seek to understand the angry
person’s plight - the reason they’re
angry
-- Calls for you being empathic
-- Try to visualize how you would
feel if it were you
Step 5: Express to the angry person your
understanding of the situation
-- Spoken with kindness in your voice
-- Even if the person might have facts
wrong, don’t try to correct at this point
-- Affirm the person’s feelings of anger
Step 6: Share additional information that
may shed light on the subject
-- After hearing their story and seeking
clarification, you can now modify or
challenge their information
-- Must be done with respect and
empathy
Step 7: Confess any wrongdoing on your part and
perform restitution
-- If the person’s anger was definitive, you must
admit to the wrong and ask for forgiveness
-- Restitution means you might owe someone some
money or help in some form
A. Step 1 Listen
B. Step 2 Listen
C. Step 3 Listen
D. Step 4 Seek to Understand the angry person’s situation
– how they feel
E. Step 5 Express your understanding of the situation
F. Step 6 Share additional information with the angry
person
G. Step 7 Confess any wrongdoing and make restitution
This step is where you are being empathic with the
angry person.
A. Step 1 Listen
B. Step 2 Listen
C. Step 3 Listen
D. Step 4 Seek to Understand the angry person’s situation
– how they feel
E. Step 5 Express your understanding of the situation
F. Step 6 Share additional information with the angry
person
G. Step 7 Confess any wrongdoing and make restitution
[
Step might require you to actually pay for or
replace something the angry person owned.
A. Step 1 Listen
B. Step 2 Listen
C. Step 3 Listen
D. Step 4 Seek to Understand the angry person’s situation
– how they feel
E. Step 5 Express your understanding of the situation
F. Step 6 Share additional information with the angry
person
G. Step 7 Confess any wrongdoing and make restitution
After Maria listened carefully to angry Betty, Maria felt it
safe to tell Betty she might be mistaken and give her more
information about the situation.
A. Step 1 Listen
B. Step 2 Listen
C. Step 3 Listen
D. Step 4 Seek to Understand the angry person’s situation
– how they feel
E. Step 5 Express your understanding of the situation
F. Step 6 Share additional information with the angry
person
G. Step 7 Confess any wrongdoing and make restitution
In Summary, What We Have Covered: