Building Relationships of Trust

Building
Relationships of
Trust
R. Blair Condie, AAVP
BYU Human Resource Services
BYU Controllers’ Retreat, Oct. 22, 2002

TRUST:
Firm reliance on the
integrity, ability, or
character of a person or
thing.
Why are trusting
relationships so
important in the
workplace?
85% of problems in
the workplace are due
to interpersonal
problems, rather than
lack of technical skill.
Connecting
“The connections we make are what pull us
through hard times and give meaning to the
good. Simply put, we need one another. We
need connections that matter, connections that
are heartfelt. We need to connect--or
reconnect--to our friends, our families, our
neighbors, our communities. We also need to
connect--or reconnect---to our pasts, our
traditions, and our ideals.”
Edward M. Hallowell, M. D., Connect, 1999

Human Moments
“A human moment occurs anytime two
or more people are together, paying
attention to one another. These
connections are the key to what counts
in life, from a happy family to a
successful business to a sense of inner
peace, even to physical health and
longevity.”
Edward M. Hallowell, M. D., Connect, 1999

“We are not here necessarily
to run computers. All of
those things are simply
ancillary to the great
mission we have of
teaching the gospel to
every nation, kindred tongue
and people and bearing witness of the divinity
of the restoration of His Church in the
dispensation of the fullness of the times.”
President Gordon B. Hinckley, Insights & Perspectives, March 1996
.
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence, 1998
Emotional Competence
Results in Outstanding
Performance at Work
Emotional Competence
For star performance in all jobs, in

every field, emotional competence
is twice as important as purely
cognitive abilities.

THREE MOST DESIRED
CAPABILITIES OF EMPLOYEES:
• Communication Skills
• Interpersonal Skills
• Initiative

Good Communicators:
• Are effective in give-and-take, registering

emotional cues in attuning their message
• Deal with difficult issues straightforwardly
• Listen well, seek mutual understanding, and
welcome sharing of information fully
• Foster open communication and stay
receptive to bad news as well as good

Interpersonal Skills
The most effective people in
organizations naturally use their
emotional radar to sense how others
are reacting, and they fine-tune their
own response to push the interaction
in the best direction.
Initiative
Those with initiative act before
being forced to by external events.
Those who lack initiative constantly

react to events rather than being
prepared for them.
What’s Below the Waterline Makes the
Difference in Performance!
Necessary for top
Technical Skills performance, but not
Competencies: (e.g., presentation
delivery) sufficient
Easier to identify Knowledge
and develop (e.g., MS-Excel)
Underlying
Social Role behaviors of
(e.g., Leader) characteristics
Behavioral Self-Concept more critical to
(e.g., I am a Team
Competencies: Player)
“fit,” satisfaction
Harder to identify and success
Traits
and develop (e.g., Analytical
Thinking)
Motives (e.g.,
Drive to Achieve)
“Promoting the Power and Potential of People.”
Sinclair Community College. Dayton, OH. CUPA
Conference, 2002.
Star Performers
and the Nine
Work Strategies
Robert E. Kelley, How to Be a Star at Work-9 Breakthrough Strategies You Need to Succeed, 1999
Organizational Savvy
Followership
Networking*
Core Team-
Leader Initiative* Work
-ship Cognitive Abilities
Technical Competence
Self-Management
Perspective*
Robert E. Kelley,
How to Be a Star at
Work-
9 Breakthrough
Show-and-Tell Strategies You Need to
Succeed, 1999
Initiative
1. Manage the “white space.” Seek out
responsibility above and beyond the
expected job description.
2. Undertake extra efforts for the benefit of
coworkers or the larger group.
3. Follow-through to completion (don’t
delegate to the boss).
Initiative
Many Work Hard but

in the Wrong Ways
Perspective
For too many people, ten years of
work experience is merely the first
year’s experience repeated ten times;
there is no learning to move in and out
of the basic environment, no leap to
the perspective ability that defines
expertise.
Perspective
You need to learn

50,000 pieces of
information to be
come an expert
Perspective
• Seek out learning experiences

that push your limits of
knowledge
• Make sure you learn from it by
internalizing patterns and forms
Networking
Networking can have

dramatic impact on the
speed, quality, and
quantity of your output.
Networking
Build a knowledge network—a

relationship tree of many different
kinds of people representing many
different skills and interests.
The Bonds
That Make
Us Free
C. Terry Warner
“Two Ways of Being”
We all have a sense of the “two

ways of being” and the
differences between them…
C. Terry Warner, The Bonds That Make Us Free

Two Ways of Being…
I-It and I-You
I-It I-You
• Worried about self • Interested in others
• Scarcity-minded • Abundance-minded
• Resents others’ success • Delights in others’ success
• Insecure • Secure, peaceful
• Sees others as rivals • Sees others as friends
• Controlling • Trusting

I-It and I-You
I-It I-You
• Manipulative • Sincere
• Concerned with • Concerned with
quantity quality
• Selfish • Sharing
• Lonely • Supportive
• Reactive • Solicitous
• Guarded • Open

I-It and I-You
I-It I-You
• Anxious • Assured
• Suspicious • Trusting
• Fearful • Serene
• Rigid • Flexible
• Self-centered • Other-centered
• Defensive • Accommodating

Self-Betrayal

“The following chart illustrates
the perfect correlation between
various commonplace
accusations that self-betrayers
make and the resulting sense they
have of being victimized:”

Accusing Sense of Being
Judgment Victimized
“It’s your fault” “I’m suffering because of you”
“You’re not being fair” “I’m getting cheated”
“Our suppliers are unreliable” “We were prevented from

meeting our production quotas”
“The instructions weren’t
“You made me foul up the job”
clear”
“Now my whole career is
“You insisted on having this kid” going to pot”

CHANGE AND
HOW WE
REACT
Effects of Change
 …At the individual level, change can
engender emotions and reactions that
range from optimism to fear, anxiety,
challenge, resistance, ambiguity,
energy, enthusiasm, helplessness,
dread, motivation, and pessimism.
 http://www.microsoft.com/technet/Analpln/manorg.asp
“Everything that can
be invented has been
invented”
Charles Duell, 1899,
Director, U.S. Patent Office
“Who…wants to hear
actors talk?”
Harry M. Warner, 1927,

Warner Brothers
“Heavier than air
flying machines are
impossible”
Lord Kelvin, 1895,
President, Royal Society
Change
 “Change is fundamentally about
feeling: companies that want their
workers to contribute with their
heads and hearts have to accept
that emotions are essential to the
new management style .”
 Jeanie Daniel Duck, Managing Change, The Art of Balance,
 (Harvard Business Review on Change)
“To Improve Is to
Change; To Be
Perfect Is to
Change Often”
~Winston Churchill
Change
 “…The issue isn’t whether or
not people have “negative”
emotions [about change]; it’s
how they deal with them.”
 Jeanie Daniel Duck, Managing Change, The Art of Balance, (Harvard
Business Review on Change)
Communication and Change
 “Communication comes in both words
and deeds, and the latter are often the
most powerful form. Nothing
undermines change more than behavior
by important individuals that is
inconsistent with their words.”
 John P. Kotter, Leading Change--Why Transformation Efforts Fail, HBR, Mar-Apr 1995
“We hope that you are
happy in your work.
We hope that yours is
more than just a job,
that it partakes of the
spirit of the call, and
that you come to work
every day with a desire
to build the kingdom
and move forward the
work of the Lord. That
is why we are here.”
-President Gordon B Hinckley
Final Thought- Attitude
“I believe the single, most significant
decision I can make on a day to day
basis, is my choice of attitude. It is more
important than my past, my education,
my bankroll, my successes or failures,
fame or pain, what other people think of
me or say about me, my circumstances,
or my position. Attitude is that “Single
String” that keeps me going or cripples
my progress. It alone fuels my fire or
assaults my hope. When my attitudes
are right, there’s no barrier too high, no
Charles Swindoll,
valley too deep, no dream too extreme,
THANK
YOU!
BYU Human Resource
Services

Building Relationships of Trust

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Building

BYU Controllers’ Retreat, Oct. 22, 2002

Edward M. Hallowell, M. D., Connect, 1999

Edward M. Hallowell, M. D., Connect, 1999

For star performance in all jobs, in

Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence, 1998

Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence, 1998

• Are effective in give-and-take, registering

Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence, 1998

Those who lack initiative constantly

Many Work Hard but

You need to learn

• Seek out learning experiences

Networking can have

Build a knowledge network—a

We all have a sense of the “two

C. Terry Warner, The Bonds That Make Us Free

C. Terry Warner, The Bonds That Make Us Free

C. Terry Warner, The Bonds That Make Us Free

C. Terry Warner, The Bonds That Make Us Free

C. Terry Warner, The Bonds That Make Us Free

C. Terry Warner, The Bonds That Make Us Free

“You’re not being fair” “I’m getting cheated”

“Our suppliers are unreliable” “We were prevented from

C. Terry Warner, The Bonds That Make Us Free

Harry M. Warner, 1927,

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