Wordiness and Redundancy

Definition
• Wordiness
– Using more words than you need
– E.g. based on the fact VS because
• Redundancy
– Say the same thing twice
– E.g. could be perhaps because VS could be because

• Main concern: eliminate all unnecessary words

 Examples
Just say…
The results revealed that… Omit the entire phrase and start your
sentence with the word that would come
next
The obtained data showed… The data showed…
Participants for the study were Participants were…
The reason is because…/The reasons The reason is…
behind why…
The total of eight participants… Eight participants….
The results were statistically significant. Omit statistically
…has been previously found Omit previously
In his study, Smith found… Omit In his study
Distinctly different Choose one
Memory recall Choose one
 Examples
In spite of the fact/despite the although
fact
10 a.m. in the morning 10 a.m.

In the event that the child is If the child is sick

sick
was tardy and showd up late was late

As far as some supervisors re supervisors believed that

concerned
 Overreliance on Passive Voice
• Participants were administered a
questionnaire (drug, test, interview, and so
on).
– Participants take a test
– Participants fill in or complete a questionnaire.
• The experiment was designed by Smith to …
– Smith designed an experiment to
 Informal Language and Slang
• Research writing is not conversational or informal.
• Ex. Blooper – error
No-no – something that is forbidden
Look-out - search
freebies/give aways - product samples
okay - enough/ satisfactory
booze - alcohol
Went to Barcelona for the weekend. Lots to tell you.
We went to Barcelona for the weekend. We have a lot of
things to tell you.
 Informal Language and Slang
• Contractions are absolutely forbidden.
– Use aposthrophes only to indicate possessions
– Remember that when pronouns contain possessive meanings,
they do not do apostrophes (its, hers)
• Do not be afraid to use because.
– Being that is a poor replacement
– Since is specifically made illegal for this purpose in Publication
Manual
• Since is used to mean after the time.
• Use while (like since) in its temporal sense only
• Do not be afraid to use and.
 Informal Language and Slang
• Contractions are absolutely forbidden.
• Do not be afraid to use because.
• Use while (like since) in its temporal sense only
– If you cannot substitute simultaneously, perhaps you
should consider although and whereas.
• Do not be afraid to use and.
– The best substitute for while.
– See how many wordy phrases you can eliminate by
replacing them with and.
 Reminders
• Avoid long quotations and frequent brief
quotations
• Do not refer yourself as “we” or
write in the third person tone.
• Do not call the reader “you”
– “When you reach middle age, your vision and
hearing have already begun to decline.”
“When one reaches middle age, one’s vision and
hearing have already begun to decline.”
 Reminders
• Start every paragraph with a topic sentence
and never write one-sentence paragraph.
• Do not write he when you mean he or she
– Common error: begin with an individual and talk
about their score
– Solution: begin with plural (people, participants,
students, etc.) and then discuss their score.
 Reminders
• Do not leave prefixes hanging loose as words
– Non, pre, post, and sub are attached to words
• These words are plural nouns: data, criteria,
phenomena, stimuli, and hypotheses
• Learn to punctuate i.e. (that is), e.g. (for
example), et al. (and other things)
Source:
Szuchman, L. (2008). Writing with style: APA
style made easy. California: Thomson
Wadsworth.