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How To Laugh Off The Recession
How To Laugh Off The Recession
the recession.
20 jokes to cure your recession blues.
Joke # 1
It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to Rs. 100.
Joke # 3
A man in the dress business called a friend, also in the dress business, and
asked how things were going. “Couldn't be better," answered the friend.
"Even with the recession, our sales are up 40 percent. My son, the lawyer, just won a big case.
And his fee was a million dollars. My other son, the surgeon, was nominated
for the Nobel Prize in medicine …"
I'll phone you back later," the caller interrupted. "I didn't know you had someone with you."
Joke # 5
The economy is so bad, Iraqis can only afford to throw one shoe." - Jay Leno
Joke # 6
'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'
Joke # 8
Update on the Japanese Banking Crisis
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
You lose half your fortune and still have your wife.
Joke # 12
The stock market crashed this week, but market analysts are not calling it a crash.
They're calling it a 'correction.'
A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their name
and what their father did for a living.
The first little girl said: “My name is Mary and my Daddy is a postman.”
The next child, a little boy said: “I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”
And so it went until one little boy said:
“My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist in a gay club.”
The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject.
Later, in the school yard, the teacher approached Little Johnny privately
and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar.
Little Johnny blushed and said, “No, he’s really a Business Development Director
at Lehman Brothers, but I’m just too embarrassed to tell anyone.”
Joke # 15
A bond matures.
Joke # 16
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether
or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “I’m Joe Cohen, a stockbroker, in Noo Yawk City.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the stockbroker,
“Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
The broker goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the minister’s turn.
He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister,
“Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a stockbroker –
he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a minister, only get a cotton robe
and wooden staff? How can this be?”
“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter.
“While you preached, people slept; his clients, they prayed.
Joke # 17
Sharks were soon circling around. The sharks eat the priest.
The rabbi starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the sharks eat him as well.
The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as a shark is coming for him.
But instead the shark puts him on its back, carries him to shore, and lets him off.
The mortgage broker asks, “How come you didn’t eat me too?”
And the shark replied, “Professional Courtesy!”
Joke # 19
A: About 70 cents.
Joke # 20
Your paycheck.
OK, that wasn’t funny.