ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION 

Dr Shilpee A Dasgupta

 
 Introductio
n
• “Today we are faced with the pre-eminent fact that, if
civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of
human relationships.”
- Roosevelt, F. D., 1945

• “A people-centred strategy is an important source of

competitive advantage because, unlike technology, cost, or
new product development, it is difficult to imitate.”
- Pfeffer, J., 1998

• “People are human capital owners and investors”

2
- Davenport, T. ,1999
 Introduction
(Contd.)
• Employees consider emotional comfort as one of the major
elements of motivation and love to be managed by people-
centric leadership – one that has the human factor at the
centre of things (Bardwick, 2007).
• Great leaders through effective communication create
‘connection cultures’ that meet the emotional needs in the
people they lead (Bardwick, 2007).
• The human function embedded in communication of
managers/supervisors can affect the work relationships that
can facilitate or retard employees’/subordinates’ attitudes
and behaviours (Varona, 2002).
3
 Introduction
(Contd.)

• “Effective communication is the lifeblood of a

successful organization. It reinforces the
organization’s vision, connects employees to the
business, fosters process improvement,
facilitates change, and drives business results
by changing employee behavior…
communication is an important part of the
business landscape and cannot be taken for
granted”
-Wyatt, 2006. 4
Communication
• Communication is multidimensional and takes place at two
separate but interrelated levels:

1. The content level (‘what’)

2. The relationship level (‘how’)

Communication Style
• Communication style is “…the way one verbally, non-verbally,
and para-verbally interacts to signal how literal meaning should
be taken, interpreted, filtered, or understood” (Norton, 1983,
p.58).
Passive Communication
Soft voice
Overly agreeable, no point of view expressed
Avoidance
Withdrawn body language
Sound unsure
Beat around the bush
Sound hopeless or helpless
Some Passive Messages
“Uh…if that’s the way you want to do it…um, that’s fine with
me.”
“I don’t know if I could do that.”
“I’ll talk to him soon about that problem; I’ve just been really
busy.”
“I’m sorry to ask you.”
“I hate to bother you.”
“Maybe that’s a good idea.”
Passive/Aggressive
Communication
Appears to agree but really does not agree
Tells others but not the source of the concern
Makes subtle digs and sarcastic remarks
Keeps score, sets conditions
Nonverbal message contradicts the verbal message
Holds back expressing concerns or providing
assistance
Criticizes after the fact
Some Passive/Aggressive Messages

“I knew that wouldn’t work.”

“If that’s the way you want it…”
“How could you even think that?”
“ When was the last time you helped me?”
Aggressive Communication
Blaming, accusing
Intimidating body language
Demanding, ordering
Raised voice
Harsh, personal language
Verbal browbeating
Some Aggressive Messages
“You must…”
“Because I said so.”
“You idiot!”
“You always…”
“You never…”
“Who screwed this up?”
Assertive Communication
Takes responsibility
Takes initiative
Listens actively
Speaks up, is direct and constructive
Shows sincerity
Is solutions focused
Assumes a confident voice and body language
Addresses concerns directly to the source
Requests needs
Some Assertive Messages
“Yes, that was my mistake.”
“As I understand your point…”
“Let me explain why I disagree with that point.”
“Let’s define the issue and then explore some options to help
resolve it.”
“Please hear me out and then work with me to resolve my
concern.”
Some Assertive Messages

“Yes, that was my mistake.”

“As I understand your point…”
“Let me explain why I disagree with that point.”
“Let’s define the issue and then explore some options to help
resolve it.”
Don’t confuse aggressive with assertive.
Aggressive Assertive
Blunt Direct
Harsh in tone Firm in tone
Blame and Browbeat Collaborates on solutions
Push for your own way Speaks up, yet hears
One-way conversation others opinions
flow Two-way conversation
flow
 Comparison between the three communication styles

Passive Assertive Aggressive

Verbal
Apologetic words, hidden Statement of wants, needs, Loaded words, accusations,
meaning, hedging, failure desires, honest statement of subjective terms,
to come to the point, feelings, objective words, commanding, dominant,
disconnected, at a loss for direct statements which say superior words; blame or
words, failure to say what what one means (I put-down (you message).
one really means. message).
Non-Verbal
a) General
Actions instead of words, Attentive, listening, Exaggerated show of
hoping someone will guess generally assured manner, strength, flippant, sarcastic
what you want, looking as communication of caring style, an air of superiority.
if you don’t mean what one and strength.
says.
 Comparison between the three communication styles
b) Specific

Weak, hesitant, safe, Open, frank, direct eye Voice is tense, shrill, loud,
sometimes wavering voice, contact. shaky, cold, “deadly quiet”,
eyes are averted downcast, demanding and authoritarian.
teary, pledging, posture is Posture is stiff and rigid.
stopped; there is excessive
head nodding and tilting.
Hands are fidget and fluttery.

Feelings
Hurt, anxious, disappointed Confidence, self-respect, Angry, then righteous,
in self at the time and feels good about self at the superior, possibly guilty
possibly later. time and later. later.

Outcome
Does not achieve desired Achieves goals both long and Achieves desired goal by
goal, does not get needs met, short-term. Improves self- hurting, alienating and
accumulates anger, and feels confidence, needs are met, intimidating others.
The three basic styles:
• Passive style: Crippled display
• Aggressive style: Uninhibited display
• Assertive style: Tactful self-disclosure
The assertive communication style enables
a person to
 express his/her opinions and thoughts in a direct way without
attacking others
 refuse an unreasonable request without feeling guilty, give
people “constructive feedback” instead of “criticism”
 give recognition and praise to people at the right time and
create a motivational climate
 deliver a firm message by asking “questions” through a clever
approach or ask effective questions to probe for facts and
provoke for ideas
 trust people
 create a collaborative and congenial working environment
 make long term relationships
Thank You