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Working With Difficult People: Feels Like Getting Pinched by A Lobster Claw!
Working With Difficult People: Feels Like Getting Pinched by A Lobster Claw!
Working With Difficult People: Feels Like Getting Pinched by A Lobster Claw!
Difficult People
Feels Like Getting Pinched by a
Lobster Claw!
Presented by
Greg McKenzie, Oregon School Boards Association
Winton Goodrich, Vermont School Boards Association
2006 Federation Trainers Conference
Cowboy Words of Wisdom
“Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.”
“Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not
yelled.”
“Forgive your enemies. It messes with their minds.”
“Don’t corner something meaner than you.”
“Remember, silence is sometimes the best answer.”
Observations:
How we communicate is a habit
When our needs are not met, we react
Stronger the need, the stronger the reaction
Task Focus
2006 NSBA Convention 18
GRENADE NOTHING
SNIPER People Focus YES Person
THINK-THEY-
MAYBE Person
KNOW-IT-ALL
TANK WHINER
SNIPER NO Person
KNOW-IT-ALL NOTHING Person
Task Focus
2006 NSBA Convention 19
Dangerous Assumptions
“They are just like me.”
“They should act the way I expect them to
act.”
“I am right. They are wrong.”
“My view is the only valid view.”
“I know what they meant by that . . .”
“Their intention is obvious.”
C
A
O
S 10
O
S
P
E
E
R
R
T 20 10 0 10 20
A
I
T
V
I
E 10
V
E
20
TASK 22
2006 NSBA Convention
COMMUNICATION PROFILE GRID
PEOPLE
20
C
A
O
S 10
O
S
P
E
E
R
R
T 20 10 0 10 20
A
I
T
V
I
E 10
V
E
20
TASK
2006 NSBA Convention 23
Question #1
A C
s o
s o
e p
Expressive Amiable
r e
t r
i Driver Analytical a
v t
e i
v
e
Task Focus
2006 NSBA Convention 30
Which Style?
“Just do it. What’s next on the agenda?”
(Task/Aggressive - Driver)
“I think I’ll double check your figures.”
(Task/Passive - Analytical)
“Come see the award I won today.”
(People/Aggressive - Expressive)
“Let me help you with your project.”
(People/Passive - Amiable)
WHINER
TANK NO Person
SNIPER NOTHING Person
KNOW-IT-ALL
Task Focus
2006 NSBA Convention 32
Notes
1. All of these intents have a time and place
in our lives.
2. One quick indicator of a person’s intent is
their communication style.
3. When people have shared intent or
priorities, conflict is unlikely.
4. As intent changes so does behavior.
Different
New board member vs. Goals
the established Differences in
member, city vs. rural Position or Conserving resources
Status vs. expanding service
Absence of
TRUST
Mining
Real Time Permission
Personality Profiling
Fear of
CONFLIC
T
Absence of
TRUST
Fear of
CONFLIC
T
Absence of
TRUST
Avoidance of
ACCOUNTABILIT
Y
Lack of
COMMITMENT
Fear of
CONFLIC
T
Absence of
TRUST
Avoidance of
ACCOUNTABILIT
Y
Lack of
COMMITMENT
Fear of
CONFLIC
T
Absence of
TRUST
Verbal responses
Body language
Action Plan:
1. Monitor your voice’s tone, pitch,
volume, pace, etc.
2. Be positive about your response
3. Tactfully interrupt
4. Ask clarifying questions
5. Be ready to listen attentively
6. Blend and Redirect