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FACILITATOR PRESENTATION LOVE BITES

 GROUP AGREEMENT

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 SELF CARE

• Relationship Violence and Sexual Assault are

emotionally charged subject areas.
• If you need to take some time out during any of
the sessions, please feel free to do so.
• If you finish today feeling uncomfortable, please,
make sure you have some time with a trusted
friend or Adult that you can chat with.

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 RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES

• Step 1 Use masking tape to put a line down somewhere in the room. If you cannot use masking tape you might want to use
something else to make the concept of a line.
• On one side of the line: Not OK
• On one side of the line: OK
• On the line: Still deciding
• Step 2 Read out the following statements and ask participants to place themselves on the line depending on whether they
think the statement is OK, NOT OK or they are STILL DECIDING. It is OK for...
• ... me to want to know where my boyfriend / girlfriend is all the time
• ... me to text or call my boyfriend / girlfriend to check up on them
• ... me to listen to my girlfriend/ boyfriend’s opinions
• ... my boyfriend/girlfriend to hang out with their friends without me
• ... my girlfriend / boyfriend to hang out with the opposite sex
• ... my boyfriend / girlfriend to tell me what clothes I can wear
• ... my boyfriend /girlfriend to makes fun of me and call me names
• ... my boyfriend/girlfriend to have my passwords to check up on my phone, facebook etc
• ... me to say NO to hooking up / sex even if we have done it
• ... my boyfriend / girlfriend to get angry and break things and yell at me

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FACILITATOR PRESENTATION LOVE BITES

 LOVES ME LOVES ME NOT – ANGELA’S STORY

Skip to 12 min

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 KEY EVENTS DALES BEHAVIOUR
“Your family are trying to split us up” Isolating her from her family
Looking at the stars Kind
“I’ll kill myself” Threatening self-harm
Wait before and after work Constantly checking up on her
Drawing mad pictures Shouting and abusive
Angel and Dale meet Having fun together
At the park Beats her severely

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School crossing Possessive
News Years Eve Bashes her up and assaults neighbours

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 ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP
Questions about DALE

• Did Dale go to jail?

• Yes.
• How long did he get?
• 7 years.
• Is he out now?
• Yes. He got out in August 2010, with conditions.
• What do you know about Dale?
• He has shown no remorse.
• How could Dale do that to her?
• Dale was not diagnosed with any mental illness or substance abuse issues.
We hope that as we run the sessions you will understand how this can happen
and what you can do as young people to make sure it does not.

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 ATTITUDES AND BELIEFS

AGREE GIRLS PROVOKE GUYS INTO HITTING THEM

IT IS EASY TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE IF THEY ARE

ABUSIVE

WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE

ABUSIVE TO YOUR PARTNER
NOT
SURE
IF YOU HAVE GROWN UP IN VIOLENCE THEN YOU WILL
BE VIOLENT YOURSELF

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BEING STRESSED OUT IS AN EXCUSE FOR BEING
VIOLENT
DISAGREE
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 Defining Domestic Violence
THE NINE DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP VIOLENCE

• 1. Physical Violence This involves physical acts such as hitting, slapping, pushing,
kicking, pulling hair, choking, or threatening to harm someone in any way. It could
involve using a weapon or an object to threaten or hurt someone, smashing things or
driving a car dangerously to frighten someone. Hurting someone physically or
threatening to hurt them is a criminal offence.
• 2. Sexual Violence This involves pressuring or forcing someone to do sexual things
that they don’t want to do. If someone tries to manipulate or intimidate a person into
having sex when they don’t want to (if they say ‘you’d do it if you really loved me’ or
‘you’re frigid’), this is still sexual assault.
• 3. Cultural and Spiritual Abuse Includes when your boyfriend/girlfriend shows a
lack of regard, respect and is critical or belittling of your cultural and/ or spiritual
beliefs, values and practices. This includes putting you down in relation to your
accent, keeping you from important cultural events.

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• 4. Verbal Abuse This is when a boyfriend or girlfriend puts their partner down,
ignores them or calls them names about what they are wearing, or how they are
acting e.g. slut, stupid bitch, whore… They might also deliberately humiliate and
criticise the other person front of other people.

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 Defining Domestic Violence (cont.)

• 5. Emotional Abuse Is about making the person feel hurt or bad by constantly putting them
down or making them feel stupid. It can include emotional blackmail, like threatening to
commit suicide if their girlfriend/boyfriend leaves. It can also be the use of jealousy or anger
to intimidate or to control the other person’s behaviour.
• 6. Financial Abuse Is when one person demands or takes money off the other person in a
relationship, or when one person always pays for everything or is guilt-tripped into paying
for everything.
• 7. Stalking and Intimidation Stalking is when a person constantly follows someone around,
watching them, hanging around their home, work, or school. This can occur before, during
or after a relationship. It also occurs between people who are not in a relationship.
Intimidation includes harassment and behaviours such as making repeated phone calls,
sending repeated text messages, sending repeated e-mails etc.
• 8. Cyber bullying/harassment The use of e-mail, instant messaging, chat rooms, mobile

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phones, or other forms of information/digital technology to deliberately harass, humiliate,
embarrass, torment, threaten, target/pick on, or intimidate someone. Can constitute stalking
and is considered to be a serious offence.
• 9. Social Abuse Is when a boyfriend/girlfriend keeps their partner from, or turns them
against their friends, family and other supports. This can include constantly checking up and
demanding to know where the other person is and who they are with.

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 BEING A BYSTANDER

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 BEING A BYSTANDER
WHY WOULD SOMEONE STEP IN WHEN IT WAS LOUD MUSIC BUT NOT
WHEN IT WAS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
WHAT STOPS PEOPLE FROM STEPPING IN?
What is a Bystander?
A Bystander is someone who observes
a conflict or unacceptable behaviour.
It might be something serious or
minor, one-time or repeated, but the
Bystander knows that the behaviour
is destructive or likely to make
a situation worse
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What is an Active Bystander?
• An Active Bystander does
something
to make a difference!
• An Active Bystander
assesses the
situation to check out that
something
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needs to be done
• An Active Bystander thinks
about
different options and chooses
a safe
strategy for responding
 BEING A BYSTANDER
HOW TO BE AN ACTIVE BYSTANDER

1 NOTICE THE BEHAVIOUR THAT IS NOT OK.

2 USE YOUR ‘GUT’ FEELING THAT THIS IS NOT OK.
3 ASK YOURSELF “IF I WAS IN THIS SITUATION WOULD I WANT SOMEONE
TO HELP ME?”
4 DECIDE IF YOU HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY TO DO SOMETHING .
ASK YOURSELF “CAN I MAKE A DIFFERENCE HERE?”
5 THINK ABOUT WHAT KIND OF ACTION YOU CAN TAKE TO RESPOND TO
THIS BEHAVIOUR.

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6 THINK ABOUT YOURS AND OTHERS SAFETY.
7 IF YOU DO CHOOSE TO RESPOND.
8 DECIDE WHETHER TO ACT NOW OR LATER.

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 TIME FOR A BREAK……

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 CONSENT

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 Tea and Consent

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 EASY A cont….

• When it comes to hooking up and sex do guys and girls think about
it differently?

• Do guys and girls want different things?

• If girls hook up lots, how are they seen?

• If boys hook up lots, how are they seen?

• Is this fair? Where do these ideas come from?

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• How do they impact on relationships?

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 ATTITUDES AND BELIEFS

AGREE IF YOU GET REALLY DRUNK IT SORT OF IS YOUR

FAULT IF YOU GET SEXUALLY ASSAULTED

IF YOU DRESS IN A CERTAIN WAY THERE IS MORE

CHANCE YOU WILL BE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED

PEOPLE ARE USUALLY TELLING THE TRUTH IF THEY

SAY THEY HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED
NOT
SURE SEXUAL ASSAULT IS ABOUT SEX

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YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE ASSAULTED BY A
RANDOM

DISAGREE
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#Like a Girl

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 SEXUAL ASSAULT: NT

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 DEFINITIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT - NT

SEXUAL INTERCOURSE OR GROSS INDECENCY WITH A CHILD UNDER 16

It is a crime to have sex with or engage in other sexual activity with someone who is
under 16. It is still a crime even if they agree to it.
Maximum penalty: 20 years

INDECENT IMAGES
Child abuse material is anything that depicts a person under 18 engaged in sexual
activity or in a sexual, offensive or demeaning context.
Maximum penalty: 14 years.

GROSS INDECENCY WITHOUT CONSENT

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It is a crime to do something of a sexual nature to someone else without their
permission.
Maximum penalty: 14 years

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 DEFINITIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT – NT (CONT.)

SEXUAL ASSAULT
It is a crime to have sexual intercourse with someone without their permission
(consent) or without caring if they consent or not.
Maximum penalty: Life imprisonment
ATTEMPTED SEXUAL ASSAULT
It is a crime to try to sexually assault someone.
Maximum penalty: 7 years.
If the victim is under 16 years of age the penalty is 14 years.
ATTEMPTED SEXUAL ASSAULT WITH INJURY
It is a crime to injure someone while trying to sexually assault them.

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Maximum penalty: 14 years.
If serious harm is caused, 17 years
COERCED SEXUAL SELF-MANIPULATION
It is a crime to force someone to insert an object into themselves.
Maximum penalty: 17 years
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 TAKE A FEW MINS TO REFLECT….

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