Book Name

Daring Greatly

Author
Brene Brown

Submitted by
Joshi Aditya Bhausaheb (18428)
 Why this book?
Famed director Shekhar Kapur beautifully illustrated the importance of
being comfortable with our own vulnerability in his guest lecture. When I
looked into my mind, I realized that even I have a tremendous mental block
when it comes to being vulnerable in front of public. I have great fear of
being ashamed of among people. But as someone who dreams to start up
at some point in time in life, I decided to work on this issue and started
searching for books who would teach us how to be comfortable with my
vulnerabilities and how to be comfortable with my shame.

And then, I stumbled upon this book – Daring Greatly. This book teaches us
to be comfortable and resilience with our shames and vulnerabilities. It
teaches us to accept what we have and be happy with it.

The book also talks about how we can build a culture of taking vulnerability
with resilience at our home, school and workplace. Finally, we learn that
when we get rid of shame, we will ensure that we have more
entrepreneurs, more happy kids and more healthy families.

The author of this book is a celebrated shame-researcher – Brene Brown.

 Lesson 1 (1/3)
Shame is a part of our culture and it begets a
feeling of being unworthiness

1
The author starts the book outlining a concept of ‘never-enough’
culture. Author states that today, we are living in the world of
never-enough culture. We are constantly bombarded with the
updates from our friends on social media and we keep wondering
about the exotic vacations, professional connections, beautiful
partners and happy families of others. This gives rise to envy and we
feel a certain king of scarcity in our own lives. We feel that we do
not have enough. We compare ourselves with others and we feel
that we are not good enough. This gives rise to shame.

I can’t agree with author enough. Author has rightly picked the
nerves of current society and outlined the emergence of shame and
unworthiness in our lives. After pointing our the the most common
reason of feeling shameful these days, she moves on to narrate the
dangerous effects of feeling ashamed.
 Lesson 1 (2/3)
Shame is a part of our culture and it begets a
feeling of being unworthiness

1
In the feeling of being ashamed, we constantly want to gather more
goods or endlessly improve us because we feel that gathering more
goods or improving ourselves would get us the public approval and
somehow validate us. Often our comparisons are with the people
who are very affluent and high achievers. Hence, we burden
ourselves with expectations that we can not live up to.

This feeling leads to disengagement. We disengage from our

surroundings and stop improving ourselves. Thus, the never-enough
culture is a root of shame and the vulnerability that arises from it.

I can draw some parallel with the writings of the author in the case
of entrepreneurship. As an entrepreneur, we are bombarded with a
quotes and teachings and icons on the social media.
 Lesson 1 (3/3)
Shame is a part of our culture and it begets a
feeling of being unworthiness

1
We compare ourselves with so-called legends like Allen Musk and
then, we decide that we would never be as great as him. We also
compare ourselves with other successful startups founders and
declare that we are not good enough. We worry that our idea is not
good, our team is not good, our product is not good and that
thinking leads to a feeling of shame and dejection. The feeling of
shame makes us vulnerable and we fail to start up. We fail to launch
new product. We fail to share our idea with others.

I think that author has rightly pointed out the harmful effects of the
shame and the effects of feeling vulnerable. I see many people
around me undergoing the same after-effects after feeling
ashamed.

In the next few sections, author tries to argue the positive effects of
accepting our shame and the feeling of being vulnerable.
 Lesson 2 (1/2)
Vulnerability is not a sign of a weakness but it
is core of most of the positive emotions

2
The author makes a very powerful point here. She tries to establish
that the feeling of vulnerable is the core to the very positive
emotions that we feel in our lives - Allowing yourself to be
vulnerable shows your courage and strength. It is not a sign of
weakness.

She also states that the first step of being resilient to vulnerability, is
to understand the nature of it. In the society where we live,
vulnerability is often associated with failure and disappointment.
We often associate vulnerability with emotions like fear, sadness,
etc. But vulnerability is rather a facing a emotional risk or exposure.
Feeling vulnerable should not be felt bad, it just simply means that
we are able to experience emotions. When we expose ourselves to
people, we are being courageous. It is often easy to avoid taking
risk, avoid being exposed. But when you expose yourself, you take
the risk of failure.
 Lesson 2 (2/2)
Vulnerability is not a sign of a weakness but it
is core of most of the positive emotions

2
Thus, all of us need to imbibe the point just made by the author.
Someone who shows his or her vulnerability should not be looked
down upon. He or she is one of the most courageous people
around. For example, if an author writes a book and does not
publish it in a fear being ridiculed or ashamed, he is giving in to his
vulnerability and defending himself from the possible failure of his
book. But in that process, he is also missing out on a possible
success of his work. Now if he publishes it, he is being courageous
and showing strength in fighting his own fears. In the end of this
section, the author again leaves us with a powerful note. She
connects love and vulnerability. She states that often vulnerability
is the source of some of the most powerful emotions - like Love.
When we propose someone, we are being vulnerable. We expose
ourselves to the possible risk of being rejected. But many people
accept that vulnerability and express their love to get the affection
of their partner.
 Lesson 3 (1/2)
We should embrace our vulnerability and
activity work towards improving what’s lacking

3
In this section, author makes a simple yet important point regarding
winning against our vulnerability. She says that vulnerability is a
positive quality of human beings. It is a integral part of who we are.
So, simply, we should embrace it. Embracing our vulnerability is the
best way to develop ourselves socially and professionally.

She then goes on to outline some benefits of accepting our

vulnerability. She states that embracing our vulnerability helps us to
be more honest and open with others. It helps us to connect with
others. People mostly appreciate our honest nature and they
receive us positively when we open up about ourselves. Truly, we
connect with each other in the best possible way when we share
our vulnerable moments with each others. I agree with her. I think
the best possible relationships are formed then we are open to each
other about our vulnerable selves.
 Lesson 3 (2/2)
We should embrace our vulnerability and
activity work towards improving what’s lacking

3
Then the author outlines the benefits of accepting our vulnerability
in the professional set-up. She says that in terms of professional
development, we must expose our work to get feedback. Only
through feedback from others, we can develop ourselves
professionally. There is a possibility of failure after taking a risk. But
if we avoid that risk, we miss out on an opportunity to have new
experiences. Because even failure is like having a new experience.

Also, if we ignore to our vulnerabilities, there is a chance that they

grow further. For example, research establishes that people who
believe that they are invulnerable to the persuasive power of
advertising are the most susceptible to it.

And thus by accepting our vulnerability we cross the first stage of

becoming resilient towards our vulnerability. We get rid of shame.
Because shame is way with which we fight our vulnerability.
 Lesson 4 (1/2)
We should understand and verbalize our shame
so that we build our resilience to it

4
The second point the author makes in making ourselves resilient is
we need to verbalize shame. Shame often gains more power when
do not speak of it. And when it becomes powerful, we want to run
away from the judgmental glances and suppressed laugher of
others. Thus, all of us know that shame can be really awful. But how
do we resolve it?

We need to talk about our shame. If we talk about our shame, we

reduce its power and make ourselves resilient to it. Shame gains
more power when we do not speak of it. The less we talk about our
shame, the more it controls our lives.

But talking about our shame is not an easy task for us. Since shame
does not require the presence of other people, we maintain a many
shameful things in our own minds and constantly draw pain from it.
 Lesson 4 (2/2)
We should understand and verbalize our shame
so that we build our resilience to it

4
The author then adds that when we reach out to others when we
feel shame, we can actually feel empathy of others. We often feel
shame only when we fear other’s opinions of us.

We can become resilient when we reach out to others. Other

people can then empathize with us. They can understand our fears
and emotions. And then we can replace our feelings of shame with
that of empathy. We feel relief as we find people who can
understand us. It is a truly powerful weapon against shame.

Learning to communicate our shame is a key step towards building

resilience towards vulnerability.

I think I agree with the author. Sometimes, we feel that people do

not care but when approach them and express our feelings, we do
get true empathy which mitigates our shame and vulnerability.
 Lesson 5 (1/2)
Once we feel satisfied with what we have, we
would stop hiding our vulnerability

5
As a third step towards accepting our vulnerability, the author asks
us to be satisfied with what we have rather then dreaming to gather
everything to become happy.

It is a natural tendency that we feel like having more or make

ourselves perfect. We feel that by doing so, we can shield ourselves
from harm. We feel that if only we would be rich or famous, we
would be get rid of vulnerability but as stated above, but
vulnerability can not be overcome. It can only be hidden.

So, how do people hide it? People hide via behavioral patterns like
perfectionism and they also numb themselves in drugs and alcohol.
But instead of following perfectionism and running behind
garnering more stuff, if we would accept what we have, we would
reveal our vulnerability and reveal ourselves to others.
 Lesson 5 (2/2)
Once we feel satisfied with what we have, we
would stop hiding our vulnerability

5
So, by being satisfied with what we have, we embrace our
vulnerability. We free ourselves from seemingly impossible goals of
reaching perfection and we open up to others for possible criticism.

Thus, when we free ourselves from the masks, we are finally able to
see ourselves and enable others to see us.

I think being grateful and satisfied with what we have is a very

strong and important point which is being made by many wise
people from time immemorial. So, here the author is reiterating the
same powerful point and linking it to our shame and vulnerability. I
agree with her that if we are satisfied with who we are, we would
not get disturbed by the shame and vulnerability.
 Lesson 6 (1/2)
Accepting vulnerability can lead to increase in
creativity and innovation

6
After telling three ways to overcome vulnerability, author now
moves towards outlining the benefits of accepting our vulnerability.
One of the key benefits that she states is the increase in the
creativity and innovation. She states that many self-help gurus claim
that shaming people publicly can one of the ways to motivate them
towards a goal. Therefore, many schools read out grade report of
the students aloud and many companies discuss the targets
achieved by everyone in a open meeting. But, anyone has been
publicly shamed knows the hazardous effects of public shaming.
Firstly, shaming leads to disengagement. In order to save ourselves
from the effects of shaming, we disengage ourselves emotionally
and sometimes, it also leads to quitting. Secondly, disengagement
threatens creativity, innovation and learning. Whenever we work
in school or office, we often want to come up with creative ideas. It
is easier for us to come up with creative ideas if we feel involved in
the process.
 Lesson 6 (2/2)
Accepting vulnerability can lead to increase in
creativity and innovation

6
No work or office is going to function without creativity and
innovation.

The atmosphere of shame is counterproductive to the environment

of creativity and innovation. If the schools and offices want to be
productive, they must adopt an different set of motivational
strategies – they must teach people about accepting their
vulnerability.
 Lesson 7
Leaders should encourage accepting
vulnerability in their institutions

7
Author then states that onus of making a shame resilient culture
largely lies on the shoulders of the leaders of the organization.
Leaders like managers, teachers can play a pivotal role in cultivating
the culture of accepting the vulnerability and shame. They can
remove the methods of public shaming for encouraging people and
transform the values and culture of workplace or school.

Accepting shame and vulnerability creates an atmosphere of trust

which would further give rise to the working and learning
environment.

I think we share our vulnerable moments with only those whom we

trust a lot. So, creating a culture where people do not feel terrible
while sharing their vulnerable movements would automatically give
boost to a trustworthy environment.
 Lesson 8
Parents can play a pivotal role making children
accept their vulnerability from the young age

8
Finally, the author also outlines the importance of parents in
creating a shame-resilient society. She says that shameful
experiences can be extremely traumatizing for the children. The
memories of shame usually remain vivid for a very long time and it
can impact our whole life adversely.

On the other hand, if the children learn to accept the shame and
vulnerability, they feel belonged and loved. So, the children must be
taught to be happy with who they are and what they have.

Parents can do it effectively by inculcating this in their own actions

and setting a strong example for their children to be followed.
Final thoughts
I think that author does a great job in giving us three key rules of
fighting against the feeling of being vulnerable.
1. Embrace your vulnerability
2. Be vocal about it
3. Be satisfied with what you have

She then movies on to the outlining the benefits of building a

vulnerable-resilient cultures. She also talks briefly about the role of
leaders and parents in driving this change.

Overall, I would rate this book at 4/5. I think the book does leave a
strong impression on its readers and inspires us not to run away
from our vulnerabilities. For the people who want to take up
creative professions like writing or entrepreneurship, this book is a
must read. Finally, I would state the one key takeaway that I took –
being vocal about vulnerability is not an sign of weakness but it’s
a sign of being courageous because not many have guts to do it.
Thank you