Personality Development and

Public Relations 5
•Culture
•Values
•Family
•Filipino Family Values
•Filipino Concept of Shame
•General Etiquette and Protocol
•Business Etiquette Basics: Relationship and Communication
•Business Meeting Etiquette-Business Negotiation
•Dress Etiquette
•Business cards
The Study of Culture
What is Culture?

The word culture is derived from the Latin

word culture which means care, or cultus,
meaning “civilization”.

This is based on the fact that the human person

has a long period of dependency and has to be
taken care of by the people around him.
 What is Culture?
The culture of the group to which an
individual is born provides him the needed
care and attention as he grows into a mature
person.

It is along this framework that the

differences in the culture of different places
become evident as reflected in the care and
training provided to the individual.
 The Study of Culture

When we meet someone from a different culture, that

person’s culture becomes immediately evident to us.

We notice his clothing, mannerism, language, beliefs,

taste for food and among others.

The characteristics which may contrast sharply with

our own, alert us to broad differences in the way the
person was raised – to that person’s culture.
 The Study of Culture
Culture consists of material things, such as art, tools,
weapons, dwelling units, utensils, machinery, clothing
and others.
Culture also has non-material aspects, the general
beliefs and patterns of behavior common to a group of
people.
While many anthropologists interested in material
culture, sociologists develop primary interests in non-
material culture for it provides broad framework
within which people interpret life and the lens through
which they see the world and perceive reality.
 Definitions of Culture
Edward Taylor
Culture – refers to that complex whole which
includes knowledge, beliefs, art, morals, law,
customs and any other capabilities and habits
acquired by man as a member of society.

Robert Redfield
Culture – an organized body of conventional
understandings manifest in art and artifacts which
persisting through tradition, characterizes a human
group.
 Definitions of Culture
Culture is a man’s social heritage which has
been transmitted from one generation to another
through language. It tells what man does, and it
tells man what to do, and how to do things.

Culture represents the design ore recipes for

living, the interrelated network of norms and
roles. It encompasses mode of thinking, feeling
and acting commonly found in a society and
include what man has acquired as a member of
that society.
 TYPES OF CULTURE
Material Culture – includes physical objects
or artifacts- things that human beings create
by altering the natural environment.
They are easy to observe and often impressive.
Examples –dwelling units, tools, weapons,
clothing, stone axes, wooden chair and other
concrete elements of culture that can be
perceived as important part of product of any
behavior system of man, past, present and
future.
 TYPES OF CULTURE

Material Culture – refers to the concrete

and tangible things that man creates and
uses.
They range from the prehistoric stone
tools of the primitive man to the most
advanced computer of the modern man.
 TYPES OF CULTURE
Non-Material Culture – consist of words
people use, the habits they follow, the ideas,
customs, behavior of any society profess
and to which they strive to conform.
Laws, techniques, lifestyle and knowledge
are included.
The non-material aspect of culture is the
meaning and substance inherent in culture.
 Components of Culture

Things covered under the broad headings

material and non-material culture are the
components of culture.

1. Norms
2. Values
3. Language
4. Fashions, fads, crazes
1. Norms(Components of Culture)
Often described as social norms.
These are guides or models of behavior
which tell us what is proper and which are
appropriate or inappropriate, right or wrong.
Norms regulate people’s behavior in a given
society.
Norms are usually in the form of rules,
standards or prescriptions followed by people
who follow certain standards or roles.
 Forms of Social Norms
Folkways – are customary patterns of everyday life that specify
what is socially correct and proper in everyday life.
Examples – shaking of hands, bathing frequently and regularly,
keeping one’s lawn cut and orderly, not drinking liquor in church
and others.

Mores – In contrast to folkways, mores are seen as extremely

important and considered vital for the group’s welfare and survival.
While folkways specify socially correct and proper behavior, mores
–define what is morally right and morally wrong.
They are folkways with ethical and moral significance.
They are social norms associated with strong feelings of right and
wrong.
 Forms of Social Norms

Laws – they are norms that enforced

formally by a special political
organization.
These are components of culture
regulating or controlling the people’s
behavior and conduct.
Enforcing agencies- police, courts,
prisons and others.
2. Values(Components of Culture)
Another important component of culture are
values.
Unlike norms which constitute standards for
behavior, values represents the standards we
use to evaluate the desirability of things.
Values define what is right, good and moral.
The values of a society shape its normative
system and guide the behavior of its people.
By analyzing the norms of society, one can
determine the basic values of that society.
Major Value Orientations of Many
Societies – Robin Williams
Achievement and success-many people
emphasize personal achievements
specially occupational success. They
admire the rags to riches stories and value
the self-made man.
Activity and work – work is regarded
not only as a means to success but as an
end itself. Some people place high value
in work and dedication to it.
Major Value Orientations of Many
Societies – Robin Williams
Moral orientation – Many people see the
world in terms of right and wrong, good and
bad.
They tend to judge their conduct and that of
others against ethical principles.
Humanitarianism- One ideal for any person
is material generosity. Some people believe in
helping others individually as well as
collectively through organized charities and
philanthropies.
Major Value Orientations of Many
Societies – Robin Williams

Efficiency and practicality – efficiency

has become standard by which some
people judge their activity.
Their emphasis on efficiency is associated
with the importance they place on
practicality and technology.
Filipino Values – Jaime Bulatao
Emotional Closeness and Security in The
Family – The family is seen as having a
double function 1. It provides an outlet for
the need of a person to get out of himself
and come out into contact with another
person in a free and unguarded emotional
exchange. 2. It provides understanding,
acceptance, a place where, no matter how
far or how wrongly one has wandered, he
can always return.
Filipino Values – Jaime Bulatao

The Authority Value – This refers to the

approval by the authority figure and by
society’s surrogate.
Due to its past orientation, the Filipino
family places high authority on the
elders(parents, older siblings or even
grandparents). The family tends to be
authoritarian.
Filipino Values – Jaime Bulatao
Economic and Social Betterment – It appears most often
as a desire to raise the standard of living of one’s family
or of one’s hometown, often as a repayment for one’s debt
of gratitude(utang na loob) to parents and relatives.
Patience, Suffering and Endurance – It appears in stories
when the frustrating force, whether poverty, injustice,
sickness or anything else is conceived as too powerful to
be overcome.
It is in this value which has become fused with the
religious value since it seems that God is called upon
when other means fail.
This value is associated more with women than with men.
3. Language(Components of Culture)
It refers to a system of symbols that have specific and
arbitrary meaning in a given society.
It is symbolic communication or language that sets human
beings apart from other species.
With the use of language, we can go beyond just transmitting
simple feelings and emotions in the here and how.
It enables us to talk and think about the past and the future.
Language makes it possible for us to learn from other’s
experiences and to accumulate knowledge from one
generation to the next.
Through language we are able to transmit our learning to
others.
4. Fashions, Fads and Crazes
They are more short-lived social norms with
which people are expected to comply with.
They may operate as of social change.
Examples – new styles of clothes, bags,
shoes and hairdo.
They may also include new styles of houses,
cars, appliances, shows and even music.
Then prestige and status of a person depends
on his use of these styles.
 Characteristics of Culture
Culture is learned and acquired.
Culture may take the form of habits, skills, values, and knowledge
which constitutes one’s culture acquired during the course of one’s
life, not transmitted genetically.
Culture may be acquired through imitation, conditioning, suggestion,
formal or informal instruction or mass media.
Its acquisition follows a system of reward and punishment.
Culture is shared and transmitted.
Culture is ideational.
Culture gratifies human needs.
Culture is social.
Culture is adaptive.
Culture tends toward integration.
Culture is cumulative.
 Functions of Culture
A culture exists to systematize the
satisfaction of the social needs of people.
The means for this satisfaction are the
various major and subsidiary institutions
that constitute the culture.
The culture as a whole performs number
of functions distinct from the objectives
of the various institutions.
Two Major Uses of Culture

Culture as a Category- for the classification of

phenomena. Through classification which use
categories, man is able to segregate things that must
occupy his priority.

Culture as a Tool in Prediction – prediction of social

behavior depends upon understanding how the human
organism will react to its environment.
Because culture is learned and internalized by all
individuals in a society, it is part of their usual
subjective way of responding to stimuli.
Modes of Acquiring Culture
1. Imitation – the process of socialization plays a very
important role in the development of every individual.
As the child grows, he imitates the things around him:
the language of the people around him and his parents
behavior.
He also acquires the values he sees in his family.
He imitates even the undesirable traits from his peer
group.
The process of imitation becomes possible because of
the examples set by the social environment and the
individual continually undergoes the process of
imitation even in his adult life.
Modes of Acquiring Culture
2. Indoctrination – This may take the form of formal
teaching or training which may take place anywhere the
individuals finds himself interacting with his fellow humans.
This formal teaching takes into account the cultural
components of the society where the learning individuals
lives.
3. Conditioning – Through the social norms prevailing in
one’s social and cultural milieu, the individual acquires a
certain pattern of beliefs, values, behavior and actions
through the process of conditioning.
This process reinforced by a system of reward and
punishments found in the cultural system.
 QUIZ

Illustratethe main differences between

material and non-material culture.

Think of yourself going abroad. When

you are already in a foreign country, how
will culture become adaptive?
 PHILIPPINE VALUES
What are Values?

 The third millennium finds the country in a flux of

change and beset by multifarious problems – political
crisis, economic crisis, poverty, environmental
degradation, graft and corruption, etc.

To top it all is the imbroglio and breach between

President Gloria Arroyo and the opposition parties,
constantly we hear that some people, especially the
politicians, have lost their sense of values and gone are
the days when politicians were real statesmen.
 PHILIPPINE VALUES

Archbishop Gaudencio Rosales, in the

height of the political crisis said that the
cause of the nation’s problems was the
erosion of our values.

We have lost our christian values of

sacrifice and discipline.
 WHAT ARE VALUES?
According to Cariño(1997:160) Values – are moral
or ethical standards signifying what are intrinsically
desirable.

They are different from the technical norms which

refer to the norms through which the desired state is
reached.

These values are society’s moral imperatives that

deal with what ought to be, what is good or bad,
what is desirable or undesirable.
 WHAT ARE VALUES?
They express the general goals and set broad
guidelines for the society.

They are conveyed in stories, myths and fairy

tales and what our parents, teachers, priests and
ministers and others tell us what to do and to
avoid.

They are the expectations of how we should

present the self in varied settings.
The Department of Education, Culture and
Sports States that;

A thing has value when it is perceived as good and desirable.

Food, money and housing have value because they are
perceived as good and the desire to acquire them influences
attitudes and behavior.

Not only material goods but also ideals and concepts are
valuable such as truth, honesty and justice.
Example – if truth is a value for us, it commands in us an inner
commitment which in turn translates itself into our daily
speech and action.
Truth is good and desirable, it influences attitudes and
behavior.
 What are Values?
Values are the bases for determining what behavior
and attitudes are correct.
They are emotion laden.

The members of a culture share a value such as

religiosity or honor because they feel that it is right.

Values indicate the social conscience of the people.

The culture’s values are organized in a hierarchy or
a set of priorities.
 The Basis for Philippine Value
Orientations

The Filipino of the twenty-first century is a

blend of various social strains and cultural
elements – Aeta, Indonesian, Malaysian,
Hindu, Arabian, Chinese, Spanish, American
and more recently, of the global community.

In short he/she is cosmopolitan in nature,

basically Oriental and a bit Occidental.
 The Basis for Philippine Value
Orientations
Filipinoshave been exposed to conquest and war, to a wide variety
of experiences and cultural elements such as educational exchange
programs, cultural exchanges, socio-economic development
programs, mass media, multinational business and corporate
communities, increasing overseas employment and the balikbayan
program.

We endured twenty years under a dictatorship amd were liberated

through the EDSA Revolution.
We celebrated on June 12, 1998, the centenary of the Philippine
Independence.
On January 20, 2001, President Joseph Estrada was forced to
resign.
 The Basis for Philippine Value
Orientations
As we stand on the first decade of the twenty-first century, we are
confronted by a serious political crisis.
There are efforts being made to change the form of our government
from presidential to parliamentary.

The political and economic structures have been badly shaken.

People in dismay cry out that we have lost our sense of values.

People also decry the erosion of our traditional family and spiritual
values.
And so the schools, government, media and socio-civic
organizations have embarked on programs of moral recovery and
national renewal.
 The Study of Values
Anthropologists and sociologists have been interested in the study
of values.

They are not concerned with the evaluation or endorsement of

values as being inherently “better” or “worse”.

Sociologists are concerned about values as they are used by

individuals or groups as the standards by which they live and
define their goals, make decisions, judge social norms, beliefs,
material objects and persons as good or bad; rank these into
varying degrees of goodness or badness and relate these to a given
situations or events.
 The Study of Values

Since values are abstract, they cannot be

readily identified.

They can be deduced from social interaction

or the behavior of individuals or from a
study of language, from what people do,
think, or feel one can derive meanings and
study the motives for certain actions.
 The Family Traditional Values
The family is the central unit that defines a
Filipino’s set of personal responsibilities and
obligations and network of social relations.
The Filipinos are family centered for clannish.
They learn the value of maintaining a good
interpersonal relationships with their kin which
is strengthened by reciprocal obligations.
The personalism and familism that permeates
much of our social relationships underlie the
cultural themes or values.
 SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE
Through observation of what Filipinos say and do,
or do not say and do, the choices they make or do
not make, the actions they reward or punish came
out wit a set of values which become the basis for
comparison between Filipinos and Americans.

Three basic values were identified:

1. social acceptance 2. economic security 3.
social mobility – which motivate and control the
behavior of Filipinos.
 SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE

The goal of social acceptance and the value of smooth

interpersonal relationships are generally in agreement with the
values ingrained in the family where the members are taught to
recognize or accept one another and maintain harmonious
relations within the family.

Social Acceptance is defined as being taken by one’s fellowmen

for what one is or believes he/she is and treated in accordance with
his/her status, not rejected or improperly criticized.

The major concern is social approval and acceptance by the

members of the group so one’s behavior is greatly dependent on
what he/she thinks others will think about, say, or do to him/her.
 SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE

In the Philippines, social acceptance operates within the

closely knit nuclear family and its range of kinship structures.
In the social process, children learns to cultivate goodwill
and to avoid conflicts.

Early in childhood, they are taught not to quarrel with others

and to learn to get along with them and be considerate of
them.
When one gets along well with others and is socially
accepted by them, he/she can reap future economic, social,
political and economic gains.
 SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE
Jocano questioned the methodology of comparing Americans
and Filipinos.
He averred that social acceptance is also highly valued in the
United States, but there is difference in the framework for its
operation.

In the Philippines social acceptance is within an interpersonal

framework, while in the United States it operates as
institutional framework.
Americans strongly desire social acceptance, they strive to be
worthy members of a church, community fund drive or a
fraternity in order to be accepted by the other members of the
group.
 THE FAMILY
The family plays important role in the life of any nation.
It is the basic or most fundamental unit in any society.
DEFINITION OF FAMILY

Sociologist and anthropologists – define family as a group of people

who are united by ties of marriage, ancestry, or adoption and who are
reorganized by the community as constituting a single household and as
having responsibility for rearing children.
United States – define family as two or more persons who are related to
each other by blood, marriage, or adoption and who live together.
The family may be viewed as a sub-system with interacting
personalities.
The members interact with one another in their reciprocal roles,
supported by set of norms, attitudes and values drawn mostly from the
larger society.
 THE FAMILY
The family may also be seen as an agency playing a vital
role in the development of one’s personality and in the
process of values formation and development.

Itis an influential factor in the determination of the

social organization of the entire society.

Its is regulated by customs and laws and gives continuity

to the society as it does its reproductive function.
It is a group that first socializes the individual and
provides for his basic social needs.
 Characteristics of the Family
The family as a social group is universal and is a significant element in man’s
social life. According to Murdock, the family exists because there is no other
social unit which can fulfill its vital functions in and for the society.
It is the first social group to which the individual is exposed.

Family contact and relationships are repetitive and continuous. They extend
over a long period of time, often a lifetime. It is said that the individual’s
earliest and longest experience in living takes place in a family setting.

The family is a very close and intimate group. This is very true to the Filipino
and other Asian families, where family ties among members are close.
It is the most intense emotional experiences during the lifetime of the individual
– birth, childhood, puberty, adolescence, marriage and death. The family
influence on personality and character is significant and pervasive.
Characteristics of the Family
The family affects the individual’s social values,
dispositions and outlook in life. The family is the source
of individual’s ideals, aspirations, and basic motivations
in life.

The family has the unique position of serving as a link

between the individual and the larger society.

The family is also unique in providing continuity of social

life. It is the meeting ground of generations not only in
terms of biological traits but also socio-cultural heritage.
 Classification of the Family
1. According to organization, structure and membership.
a. The nuclear family – also known as the primary or elementary
family.
It is composed of a husband and his wife and their children in the
union recognized by the society. Any individual belongs to two
kinds of families: Family of orientation and family of procreation.
The family of orientation – is that into which one is born and
where one is reared and socialized.
The family of procreation- is established by the person through
marriage.
b. The extended family – this is composed of two or more nuclear
families related to each other economically and socially.
 Two Types of Families Derived from
Classification

1. The conjugal family –this considers the spouses

and their children as of prime importance and which
has a fringe of comparatively unimportant relatives.
The marriage bond is important and stressed.

2. The consanguineal family – this considers the

nucleus of blood relatives as more important than
the spouses. The relationships of the persons with
the blood kin formed during childhood are of prime
importance.
 Classification of the Family
2. According to place of residence-this classification
includes patrilocal, matrilocal, bilocal, neolocal and
avunlocal.
Patrilocal family – requires that the newly married
couple live with the family of the bridegroom or near
the residence of the parents of the bridegroom.
Matrilocal family – requires that the newly wed
couple live with or near the residence of the bride’s
parents.
Bilocal family – provides the newly wed couple the
freedom to select where to reside, whether near the
groom’s or bride’s parents.
 Classification of the Family
Neolocal family – permits the newly wed couple to
reside independently of their parents. They can decide
on their own as far as their residence is concerned.
Avunlocal family – prescribes that the newly wed
couple resides with or near the maternal uncle of the
groom.

Inthe Philippines, the place of residence is influenced

by the close ties prevailing among family members,
economic dependence of children on their parents,
ownership of property or parent’s decision.
 Classification of the Family
3. According to descent – the relationship existing
among family members may also be used as basis in
classifying the family. Families may patrilineal,
matrilineal or bilateral.
Patrilineal – affiliates a person with a group of relatives
related to him through his father. The child is also
related to his mother’s kin but in terms of closeness, he
turns to his father’s kin.
Matrilineal descent – affiliates a person with a group
of kinsmen related to him through the mother.
Bilateral descent – affiliates a person with a group of
kinsmen related to him through the mother.
 Classification of the Family
4. According to authority – families may be patriarchal, matriarchal,
equalitarian or matricentric.

Patriarchal family – is one which authority is vested in the oldest

male member, often the father or grandfather or in the absence of
parents, on the oldest male member. This characterized by family
solidarity and ancestor worship. The double standard of morality
exists.
Matriarchal family – is one which authority is vested in the elder of
the mother’s kin. This is rarely found in societies. However, many
societies have the mother dominating the household.
Equalitarian family – is one where the husband and wife exercise a
more or less equal amount of authority.
Matricentric family – is one where the absence of the father who may
be working gives the mother a dominant position in the family.
 Classification of the Family
 5. According to terms of marriage – under this classification,
families may be either monogamy or polygamy.
 Monogamy permits the man to have only one spouse at any time.
 Polygamy is plural marriage. It assumes any of the following
forms: polygyny, polyandry and group marriage.
 Polygyny – refers to the marriage of one man to two or more
women at a time. It involves a common household, economic
cooperation and sexual reproduction.
 Polyandry – is the marriage of one woman to two or more men at
the same time. This form of marriage is very rare.
 Group marriage – refers to the marriage of several men and
several women at a time.
 The Future of the Family in the
Philippines
The Filipino family remains to be a strong and vital
institution in molding the character of the young members.

Though there are forms other than the nuclear family that
may emerge in the future, we believe that the young
generation will still recognize its importance.

But definitely we foresee a decrease in the size as younger

couples realize the value of having fewer children, not
only because of the economic costs but also because of the
moral and emotional investments involved.
 The Future of the Family in the
Philippines
Though we see the proliferation of agencies and services available to
assist working women burdened by housekeeping, working women will
continue to assume some of their traditional roles as principal socializers
to their children.

Though some pessimists foresee the dissolution of the family , this

particular traditional role of the women as mothers will remain.

But more men will share in the traditional roles of women as they begin
to recognize that their relationship with their housewives is egalitarian
and complementary.

More men will begin to be supportive of the women’s right to pursue

their careers after marriage.
 The Future of the Family in the
Philippines
Women who are career-oriented will put off marriage.

The proposal of the late Senator Rene Cayetano to lower the age of marriage for
women to 14 years and men to 16 years, will not materialize as younger
generations because of interest in education and pursuit of career, will not marry
early.

More and more men and women would want to have stable jobs before marriage
as they realize the responsibilities which accompany the formation of a family.

neffect, compared to the past, more women will work outside the house after
marriage and will significant contributions to the family income.

More and more couples will have a variety of family experience during their
lifetime.
 GENERAL ETIQUETTE AND
PROTOCOL GUIDELINES

Meeting Etiquette

Initialgreetings are formal and follow a set of protocol

of greeting the eldest or most important person first.
A handshake with a welcoming smile is the standard
greeting.
Close female friends may hug and kiss when they meet.
Use academic, professional or honorific titles and the
person’s surname until you are invited to use their first
name, or even more frequently , their nickname.
 Guidelines for Living
The world is too much with us.

While scientific and medical advancements have made

life easier over the years, the stresses and strains that
have come with population density, technological
advancements, all-pervasive news and entertainment
media, and a redefinition of the family have resulted in
a whole new set of challenges.

People behave no worse than they used to(rudeness and

other social offenses are nothing new) but the pressures
of modern life make it all more difficult to stay civil.
 Guidelines for Living
What’s needed for this day and age is new guidelines for courteous
behavior especially in a time when it often seems that anything goes.

It’strue that a more casual approach to dressing, communicating and

entertaining has taken hold, but that’s hardly something to be concerned
about.

The history of human inter-action is one of change, and manners by

their nature adapt to the times.

Today’s guidelines help steer our behavior as we move through our daily
routines – no matter what difficulties we face, how informal the
occasion or event, or which surprises are sprung.
In fact it can be said that we need manners more than ever to smooth the
way.
 Guidelines for Living

Although today’s manners are more

situational, tailored to a particular
circumstances and the expectations of
those around us, they remain a
combination of common sense, generosity
of spirit, and a few specific rules that help
us inter-act thoughtfully.
 Guidelines for Living
Respect

Consideration

Honesty


Respect

Respecting
 other people means recognizing their value as human beings regardless of
their background, race, or creed.

A respectful
 person would also never treat a salesperson, a waiter, or an office assistant
as somehow inferior.

Respect
 is demonstrated in all your day-to-day relations –refraining from demeaning
others for their ideas and opinions, refusing to laugh at sexist jokes, putting prejudices
aside, and staying open-minded.
 RESPECT
Self-respect is just as important as respect
for others.
A self-confident person isn’t boastful or
pushy but it secure with herself in a way
that inspires confidence in others.
She values herself regardless of her
physical attributes or individual talents,
understanding that honor and character
are what really matter.
 CONSIDERATION
Thoughtfulness and kindness are folded into consideration for
other people.

Consideration also encapsulates the Golden Rule: Do unto others

as you would have them do unto you.

Being thoughtful means thinking about what you can do to put

people at ease.

While kindness is more about acts.

Taken together, these qualities lead us to help a friend or stranger

in need, to bestow a token of appreciation, to offer praise.
 HONESTY
Has more to do, with ethics than etiquette,
but the two are intertwined.

What could be more unmannerly than being

deceptive?

Honesty ensures that we act sincerely and is

also the basis of tact: speaking and acting in
ways that won’t cause unnecessary offense.
 HONESTY
A tactful person can say something honest
about another person without causing
great embarrassment or pain.
In other words, tact calls for both
empathy and benevolent honesty.
“I like the other bathing suit on you
better” is honest, while “That bathing suit
makes you look fat” may be equally true
but amounts to an insult.
 Two Other Essential Qualities
Graciousness
Deference
Graciousness – is the ability to handle situations with flexibility,
while showing deference can be easy as removing one’s hat in a
place of worship.
The mark of a gracious person is his ability to put people at ease
and spare them any embarrassment. (You’re being gracious when
someone forgets your name during an introduction and you say, “Oh,
please don’t feel bad! I’m always drawing a blank when I try to
remember names.”) It’s easy to forget that gracious is the adjective
form of grace which dictionaries variously define as “good will”;
favor; thoughtfulness toward others and a sense of what is right and
proper.
By any definition, grace is a quality anyone should strive to achieve.
 Two Other Essential Qualities
Deference – is primarily a means of recognizing a
person’s experience and accomplishments.
Courtesies like standing when an older person
enters a room, giving a senior executive the head
seat at a conference table, and addressing authority
figures by their titles and last names(unless they
specifically request otherwise) do not demean
anyone.
Far from it. Deferring politely reflects well on the
person who defers by demonstrating that he values
other people for their achievements.
 Four Things Etiquette Is Not
Misconceptions about etiquette and the
need for it abound, which makes it
necessary to list four things that etiquette
is most certainly not:

A set of rigid rules.

Something for the Wealthy or Well-born.
A thing of the past.
Snobbishness.
 A Set of Rigid Rules

Manners change with the times and today

are more flexible than ever before.

Etiquette isn’t a set of prescriptions for

properness but merely a set of guidelines
for doing things in ways that make people
feel comfortable.
Something for the Wealthy or Well-Born

Etiquette is a code of behavior for people

from all walks of life, every socio-
economic group, and of all ages.

No one is immune to having his life

enhanced by good manners.
 A Thing of the Past

Sometimes it seems that yesterday’s

standards have gone out the window, but
today’s more casual approach to things is
something that sits on the surface.

The bedrock principles of etiquette

remain as solid as they ever were.
 Snobbishness

Little violates the tenets of etiquette more

than snobbery which more often than not,
is just another name for pretentiousness.

A person who looks down on others

shows himself not as superior but small –
the kind who’s anything but respectful
and considerate.
 Actions Express Attitude
People who really pay attention to others have little trouble translating
what they see and hear into courteous behavior.
Courteous people are empathetic – able to relate emotionally to the
feelings of others.
They listen closely to what people say.

They observe what is going on around them and register what they see.
A self-centered person might say, “ I know exactly how you feel” to
someone in a traumatic situation and then immediately start describing
his own experiences.
An empathetic person is more likely to say something like, “ I can’t
know how you feel right now, but I can understand your grief(or anger
or sadness). And if you want to talk about it, I’m here to listen”.
 Actions Express Attitude
Thisconcerns for other leads to another characteristics of courteous
people.

They are flexible – willing to adjust their own behavior to the needs and
feelings of others.
This doesn’t mean that well-mannered people are pushovers or lack
strongly held principles.

But courtesy means understanding that nobody is perfect.

Courteous people aren’t so concerned about forms(using the right fork or
introducing people in the correct order) that they would embarrass or
denigrate others for simple breaches of etiquette.

Courteous people would never use another person’s mistakes as an

excuse to react with callous words or cruel acts.
 Why Etiquette Matters?
Grounded as it is in timeless principles, etiquette enables
us to face whatever the future may bring with strength of
character and integrity.

This ever-adaptive code of behavior also allows us to be

flexible enough to respect those whose beliefs and
traditions differ from our own.

Civility and courtesy (in essence, the outward expressions

of human decency) are the proverbial glue that holds
society together – qualities that are more important than
ever in today’s complex and changing world.
Greetings and Introductions
Its like chemical catalysts.
They get things going.
It’s hard to imagine daily life without friendly greetings and
introductions to bring people together in a spirit of goodwill.
These courtesies are observed in all societies, through the forms
of differ.
From the most casual wave to the most formal presentation,
greetings and introductions are a basic to civilized interaction
today as ever.
Every greeting and introduction is a chance to show your
respect for others and to create a favorable impression of
yourself.
 The Essentials of Greetings Others

 A greeting is an acknowledgment of someone else’s presence.

 For most people greeting others is so ingrained that they hardly notice doing it.

 Yet when people fail to greet someone they know, the omission may cause hurt
feelings and misunderstandings.

 If a normally courteous person doesn’t wave at her neighbor or say “good

morning” to co-workers, they may feel snubbed or think that the person is
behaving oddly.

 Such failures happen for a variety of reasons- the person is preoccupied or

distracted, she’s late for an engagement. She forgot her glasses and just doesn’t
see someone she knows.
The Essentials of Greetings Others

Itcan usually be corrected with a warm

greeting the next time around.

But such failures demonstrate the first

essential of good greeting manners:
taking notice of other people.
 Informal Greetings
It can be spoken, gestured or both.
These days the classic spoken greetings in the United
States are “hello” and “hi” or “hey” in some regions,
accompanied by the person’s name if you know it and
said with a pleasant smile.
Good morning, good afternoon and good evening are
still commonly heard, though they may be popular in
some regions than others.
Children and teenagers have their own greeting lingo,
but they should be discouraged from using the current
slang with people outside their circle of friends.
 Informal Greetings
Saying hello doesn’t obligate you to stop and chat, so don’t
hesitate to greet someone just because you’re in a rush.
If the person wants to talk, explain your hurry( “Hi Brenda. I wish
I had time to talk, but I’m on my way to the dentist’s office) and
part graciously.
Good manners often earn good treatment in return.
Sometimes a spoken greeting isn’t possible, as when someone is
too far away to hear or when a greeting would disturb others.
A smile or a nod or wave will do in public places such as theater,
concert hall, or restaurant.
But if any gestures is likely to indicate lack of attention or to
distract others ( as waving and nodding might during a religious
service, lecture, or live performance) it’s polite to smile and save
your greeting for later.