Conversation Skills

BY-Karan Sahni

A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks
to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who
talks to you about yourself.
 What is Conversation?

Speaking and listening in a sequence.

Oral exchange of sentiments, observations,
opinions and ideas.
Social Context: informal talk in which people
exchange views, feelings and thoughts.
Professional Context: informal discussion of
an issue by representatives of
institutions/groups.
 Element of Informality
Element of informality distinguishes
conversation from debates, public speaking,
negotiations or business discussions.
Relaxed and friendly without being restricted
by rules of correct behavior.
Spontaneous, friendly and casual.
Employed for creating friendly togetherness.
 Social Conversation
Expresses desire to establish a sociable atmosphere.
Shares feelings of togetherness, rather than communicate ideas
or any specific meaning.
Phatic communion-a type of speech in which ties of union are
created by a mere exchange of words.
The togetherness of the talking, is the most important element in
social conversation, the subject matter is only secondary.
Social error not to say these things even if we don’t mean them.
Phatic utterances are used to break silence. Purpose is to initiate
conversation.
Eg: it was a pleasure meeting you/How are your parents?/ Do
come again/how do you do?/take care/nice morning, isn’t it?
*Phatic:
Phatic: used
used to
to convey
convey general
general sociability
sociability rather
rather than
than communicating
communicating a
a specific
specific meaning.
meaning.
How to break Ice through Small Talk?
Compliment others about what they are wearing, saying or doing.
Ask others about things they told you in previous conversations.
Be ready to ask open ended questions to learn more.
Be enthusiastic about other people’s interests.
Tell others something interesting or challenging about what you
do.
Present main ideas first and then add supporting details.
Accept a person’s right to be an individual with different ideas
and beliefs.
Reintroduce yourself to someone who is likely to have forgotten
your name.
 Start and end conversation with the person’s name and a
handshake or warm greeting.
 Direction of Conversation

Rejection Disagreement Consideration Agreement Commitment

Conversation moving to left depicts moving

away from you and against you or towards the
right from the point of consideration on to
agreement and commitment.
 Art of Managing Negative Responses
Show
 that you do not doubt the positive intentions of the other
person.
Use expressions such as “ you are right, but…..”

When in conversation we notice the signs and cues of doubt,

disagreement or rejection, we should pause and summarize whatever
has been so far discussed and ask the other person whether the
summary is correct. The acceptance of summary is first act of
agreeing with you.
 Use this psychological positivity for further agreement by asking

what should be done further.
Look for concern and feelings of other person and ensure they are

fully taken care by you.
Never get frustrated or angry when you confront rejection and

disagreement.
To be Assertive Without being Aggressive
Assertive- not say yes when you want to say no,
instead say no in a positive and firm manner.
Indicate your response without hesitating in
simple and clear words.
When the negative consequences are foreseen
as a result of expert critical thinking, its
assertion is a valuable contribution to the
discussion and decision making.
 Conversational Attack and Controlled
Response
Answer emotion with cool facts only.
Try to change the direction of conversation.
Listen silently and respond with self control.
Avoid using abusive language that may
complicate the situation.
Speak in a level tone.
Avoid harsh, strong or insulting expressions.
Don’t react emotionally. Draw attention to
objective facts.
Conversation Control-skill of listening and talking in
a positive and meaningful way at an appropriate time
Includes-
Techniques of changing the direction of
conversation smoothly.
Ability to allow discussion to develop along key
issues in an uninterrupted way towards the
desired end.
Helps us conclude our conversation effectively
on a note of satisfaction as a result of mutual
understanding and agreement.
 Verbal and Visual indicators
Verbal indicators-cues given and clues
received
Visual indicators-signs given and signals
received
 Ability to notice Cues and Clues
Cue-keyword or phrase a person uses when he/she
wants to indicate that something is important to
him/her.
Clue- word or set of words that someone else
gives to us.
Watch out for words- pressurized, concerned,
angry, worried, annoyed, unhappy, enthusiastic,
keen, excited, inspired, doubt, concern.
Listen and carefully notice natural pauses persons
use after saying something that is important.
Interpreting Signs and Signals
Signs-frown, smile, eye movements… that we
give to others.
Signals –behavioral indicators others give us.
Parallel Conversations
Countering the original statement with
another statement just parallel to it.
Two parallel statements cannot meet and
can’t be linked together to resolve the issue.
No dialogue, just statements shot at each
other.
No attempt to get to the meaning behind the
words used by the other person.
Example-Parallel Conversation
X: It is necessary that we increase our export.
Y: I think it is most important for us to reduce
our manpower immediately.
X: By increasing our exports we can build our
brand image.
Y: By reducing the number of workers we can
cut down our cost.
 Sequential Conversation
Converse in a skillfully controlled way
Make statements in a sequence to what is said by other person.
Logical link between statements made by speaker and listener.
Listener receives carefully and waits for his proper turn to say
clearly and forcefully.
Carries forward the conversation in a connected and sequential
form.
Within a short time ideas and thoughts are developed in a
structured pattern.
Possible only when listener attaches some value to what is said
by speaker.
Reflection and Empathy
Show the other person that you are genuinely
interested in his/her statements.
Pick up the cue words and reflect upon their
meaning.
Play them back objectively, without changing
or adding or altering them in anyway.
Don’t criticize or question or add to what
someone says.
Body language should show real interest.
Inter-Cultural Conversation
Besides language difficulty, the intercultural
interaction is deeply affected by the lack of
familiarity with business and social norms and
conventions belonging to the respective
cultural groups.
THANK YOU