Influencing and

negotiating skills
 Housekeeping

› mobile phones
› break times
› toilets
› emergencies

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 Workshop overview

At this workshop the following will be addressed:

› the characteristics of people who can effectively influence others

› techniques for successful negotiation
› building relationships that enable cooperation and successful
negotiation outcomes

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 Workshop expectations

What do you know about the topic?

What do you need to know?

What outcomes do you expect from this workshop?

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 Influence:

the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force

on or produce effects on the actions, behaviour, opinions, etc., of
others.

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 Activity

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 Topic 1

Understanding influence.

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 Activity

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 Power, influence and negotiation are interrelated.

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 Influential people are:

›confident

›trustworthy

›positive

›focused

›goal oriented

›action oriented

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 7 behavioural styles:

›assertive

›autocratic

›democratic

›emotional

›logical

›negotiating

›persuasive

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 Activity

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 Topic 2

Perspectives

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 Sphere of influence

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 Circle of concern and influence

Circle of concern

Circle of
Things I truly cannot influence Things I think
control I cannot control
Things I can
control

Things about which

I care

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 Listening

A good listener hears what is said AND hears what is meant.

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 Take the time to understand what others say.

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 Perspectives

Your Objective
own observer’s

Other
person’s

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 Activity

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 Topic 3

Influencing behaviours

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 Listening

‘We have two ears and one tongue in order that we may hear more
and speak less.’

(Diogenes)

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 Rapport

‘Always get to know the other party. Never negotiate with a stranger.’

(Somers White)

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 Acuity

uptime – attention focus totally external

downtime – attention focus totally internal

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 Calibration

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 Framing

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 Emotional framing

Harness positive messages.

Eliminate the negative.

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 End framing

‘The two words 'information' and 'communication' are often used

interchangeably, but they signify quite different things.
Information is giving out; communication is getting through.’

(Sydney J. Harris)

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 Activity

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 Topic 4

Advanced communications

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 Passive people:
›do not express their views, feelings and beliefs
›make it easy for others to disregard their views
›put themselves down to accommodate others
›avoid confrontation at all costs
›place themselves only in easy situations
›let others make decisions
›expect others to know what they want or mean

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 Aggressive people:

›set out to win at the expense of other people

›put others down or override their wishes, feelings or views
›believe their needs are more important
›express themselves in unsuitable, inappropriate ways
›are verbally or physically abusive
›frequently use authoritarian words such as should or must

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 Passive-aggressive people:
› respond indirectly and control others by manipulation
› make others feel guilty, awkward or inadequate, to get what they
want
› use insincere flattery, sarcasm, barbed humour or telling body
language
› appear to think highly of others but disapprove underneath
› use silence as an intimidation strategy

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 Assertiveness:

communicating needs, wants or opinions in a clear, direct, honest

manner AND maintaining respect and sensitivity to the needs of the
other party

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 The 3 step response

1. Declare your understanding of the other party’s need.

2. Express your feelings and respond to the request.

3. Suggest an alternative course of action.

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 Conflict

‘…Celebrate diversity, practice acceptance and may we all choose

peaceful options to conflict.’

(Donzella Mitchell Malone)

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 Negotiating

‘Negotiations between conflicting parties is like crossing a river by

walking on slippery rocks...it's risky, but it's the only way to get
across.’

(Hubert Humphrey)

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 Strategies:

›stay calm
›be positive
›address issues not personalities
›validate the other's point of view
›be sure of your facts
›avoid exaggeration
›state your needs
›strive for a resolution in which everyone gains something

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 Dealing with aggression

Respond assertively.

Refuse to participate unless the other party modifies their

behaviour.

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 Fight or flight instinct

Thicken your skin, make a joke, be assertive.

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 Activity

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 Topic 5

Negotiating

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 Goals

Establish your goals.

Know what you are prepared to lose and how you can compromise.

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 Tips

‘Negotiation in the classic diplomatic sense assumes parties more

anxious to agree than to disagree.’

(P Dean Acheson)

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 Work together

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 To deal or not to deal?

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 ‘Influence may be the highest level of human Skills.’

(Thomas Kempis)

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 Activity

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 Summary

leaving today please share:

›1 thing you learned
›1 new practice you will undertake at work
›1 activity you enjoyed

Thankyou for your attendance and participation.

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