Unit:5

Professional Ethics and Morality: Family Ethics

Prof. Dr. Anis Ahmad*

Prof. Anis is meritorious professor of comparative ethics and religion and Vice Chancellor, Riphah
International University, Islamabad. He is also Editor of Quarterly Journal West & Islam, Islamabad.
He can be contacted at anis.ahmad@riphah.edu.pk and anis@anisahmad.com
 1

• Islam creates a culture and thought which is guided in all its

activities by din. Individual life, family ,society and economy all
are synergized. They are organically related. Islam rejects
celibacy as a manifestation of piety , taqwa, or spirituality. It is a
societal faith, a holistic world view, a total way of life.
2 Human beings are created as responsible persons as
Allah’s Khulafa

“Behold, your Lord said to the angels: “I am about to place a vicegerent

on earth….”
al-Baqrah 2:30
1. Independent origin
2. Freedom of the will
3. Equipped with knowledge
4. With a mission
 3 Pre Islamic concept of falah , success

Pre-Islamic concepts of success (falah, sa‘adah) and redemption included:

• Individual purification through worship
• Spiritualism, asceticism and meditation
• Success through intercession (shafa‘ah)

• Islam offers a revolutionary approach to falah, and success through

observation of huquq of Allah and huquq of His servants.

• Rejects totally celibacy, asceticism and divide between spiritual and
martial.
4 Creation in pairs: A complimentary universal phenomenon
• The Qur’an refers to creation of complimentary pairs among the human
beings, yin yang

“And of everything we have created pairs, perhaps you will take heed”
al-Dhariyat 51:49

“Originator of the heavens and the earth, He has appointed for you pairs of
your kind and pairs also of your cattle's, thus does He multiply you”

al-Shura 42:11
 5 Family as building block of society and culture
• Islam visualizes individuals in the context of family. There is no conflict
between ‘religiosity’, ‘spirituality’ and living in a family life.

“We indeed sent many messengers before you and we gave them wives and
children; and no messenger had the power to produce a miraculous sign
except by the command of Allah”
al-Ra’d 13:38
6 Objective of nikah: Sustainability of civilization

“O People fear your Lord who created you from a single being and out
of it created its mate; and out of them spread many men and women” .

al-Nisa 4:1
7 Nikah source of love and mercy

“And of His signs is that He has created mates for you from your own
kind, that you may find peace in them, and He has set between you
love and mercy. Surly there are signs in this for those who reflect”.
al-Rum 30:21
8 Nikah a social obligation

“And marry those of your male and female salve that are righteous. If
they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. Allah is
immensely, Resourceful, All-Knowing.

al Nur 24:32
9 Nikah-a firm covenant

“And they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant”.

al-Nisa 4:21
10 Nikhah to be done publicly

“Wed them with the permission of their own folk (guardian) , and give
them their mehr, according to what is reasonable”.

al-Nisa 4:25
11 Ethical behavior towards wife

“Live with your wives gracefully”

al-Nisa 4:19

‫أكمل المؤمنين إيمانا ً أحسنهم خلقا ً وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم‬

The Prophet PBUH said,: “Among believers best is one who is best
in morality (khulq) and better is one who is best in conduct with his
wives.
Tirmidhi, Kitab an-Nikah
12 Seeking pious progeny

“It is He Who created you from a single being, and out of it He made its
mate, may find comfort in her and when he covers her, she bears a light
burden and goes about with it. Then when she grows heavy, they pray
to their Lord : “If you bestow upon us a pious child we will surely give
thanks”.
al-A'raf 7:189
13 Ethics of intimate relationship

“They are your garments and you are their”.

al-Baqarah 2:187
 14 Dower as a Condition

“Give women their bridal due with sincerity , but if they willingly
remit any part of it, consume it with good pleasure”.
al-Nisa 4:4

“Thus has Allah allowed for you, All others as lawful, provided you
seek (them in marriage) with mehr from your property”.
al-Nisa 4:24
 15 Amount of Mehr (gift)

َ ‫ف أُوقِيَّ ٍة َو َذ ِل‬
 ‫ك َخ ْم ُس ِمائَ ِة ِدرْ هَ ٍم‬ ُ ْ‫اج ِه ْاثنَتَ ْى َع ْش َرةَ أُوقِيَّةً َونَ ًّشا هَلْ تَ ْد ِري َما النَّشُّ هُ َو نِص‬
ِ ‫ص َداقُهُ فِي أَ ْز َو‬
َ ‫ان‬ ْ َ‫قَال‬
َ ‫ت َعائِ َشةَ َك‬
Sayyeda ‘Aisha reports that the mehr of ummahatul mu’mineen was 500
dirham.
Muslim, Kitab an-Nikah
ِ َ‫ق أَرْ بَ َع ِة آال‬
. ‫ف ِدرْ هَ ٍم‬ َ ‫ُول هَّللا ِ صلى هللا عليه وسلم َعلَى‬
ٍ ‫ص َدا‬ ِ ‫ان ِم ْن َرس‬ َ ‫ َز َّو َج أُ َّم َحبِيبَةَ بِ ْن‬،‫ي‬
َ َ‫ت أَبِي ُس ْفي‬ ِ ‫أَ َّن النَّ َج‬
َّ ‫اش‬

Najashi gave Umm Habibah R.A. in the Prophet’s nikah with four
thousand dirham.
Abu Dawood, Kitab an-Nikah
15.1 No limit for Mehr

“But if you decide to take one wife in place of another, even if you had
given the latter a whole treasure for dower, Take not the least bit of it
back: Would you take it by slander and manifest wrong?”
al-Nisa 4:20
15.2
The Prophet (PBUH) preferred lower limit but made it a condition for
Nikah. It is reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said whoever married a
woman with intention not to pay mehr he is adulterer (zani) and who
borrows with intention not to pay is a thief (sariq).

“I have given her to you in marriage for the part of the Qur’an which
you know”
(Sahih Muslim Hadith#3316, English tr. Abdul Hamid Siddiqui, Lahore,
1976, Vol II pg 718
16 Attitude of ‘adl with wives

“If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans,
Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if you fear that
you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a
captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to
prevent you from doing injustice”
al-Nisa 4:3
16.1 ‘Adl (fairness) with wives

“You are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is
your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so
as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If you come to a
friendly understanding, and practice self-restraint, Allah is Oft-
Forgiving, Most Merciful”.

al-Nisa 4:129
17 Financial and security responsibility

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has
made one of them excel over the others, and because they spend out of
their possessions (to support them).Thus righteous women are obedient
and guard the rights of men in their absence under Allah’s protection.
As for women of whom you fear rebellion, admonish them and remain
apart from them in beds and beat them. Then if they obey you do not
seek ways to harm them.For Allah is Most High, great (above you all)”.
al-Nisa 4:34
18 Attitude of forgiveness

“Believers! There are enemies to you from among your spouse and
your off springs so beware of them! But if you forgive and overlook
their offence and pardon them, then surely Allah is Most Forgiving
Most Compassionate.”

al-Taghabun 64:14
19 Graceful living

“Women have the same rights against their men as men have against
them but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is
Exalted in Power, Wise.”

al-Baqarah 2:228
 20 Proper training and education of children is an
obligation

“Believers guard yourselves and your kindred against a Fire.

Whose fuel is human beings and stones…..”
al-Tahrim 66:6

“O Lord, grant us that our spouses and our offspring be a joy to

our eyes, and do make us the leaders of the Allah fearing (waj’alna
lil muttaqina Imama).”
al-Furqan 25:74
 21 Extended family

“There is no blame on the blind, nor any blame on the sick nor on
yourselves that you eat in your own houses, or your father’s houses, or
your brother’s houses or the houses of your sisters or the houses of your
mother’s sisters or in the houses whose keys you possesses, or those of a
friend. There is no blame you eat together or separately. But when you
enter such houses greet each other with a salutation appointed of Allah,
a salutation that is blessed and good.”
al-Nur 24:61
22 Even when relatives misbehave, to be kind to them

“Let those among you who are bounteous and resourceful not swear to withhold
giving to the kindred, to the needy, and to those who have forsaken their homes
in the cause of Allah, rather, let them forgive and forbear (wal ya’fu wal
yasfahu). Do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? Allah is very Forgiving.
Most Merciful.” al-Nur 24:22
A close relative of Hazrat Abu Bakar joined the munafiqin of Madina in
slandering against Sayyeda ‘Aishah.
A Hadith Sahih reported by Ibn ‘Umer the Prophet (P.B.U.H. said: A person who
cares in return, his relative has not done true silah rahmi, the height of silah
rahmi is when your relatives disassociate, you associate with them and deliver
them their due.”
Bukhari, Al-Jami‘al Sahih
 23 Obligations towards parents

“Your Lord has decreed: Do not worship any but Him; Be Good (ihsanan)
to your parents; and should both or any one of them attain old age with
you, do not say fee to them , neither chide them, but speak to them with
respect. And be humble and tender to them and say “Lord show mercy to
them as they nurtured me when I was small”
Bani-Isra’il 17:23-24
*Similar message is conveyed in Al-Nisa, 4:36
 23.1 Obedience to parents
.‫ َو َس َخطُ ال َّربِّ فِي َس َخ ِط ْال َوالِ ِد‬،‫ضا ْال َوالِ ِد‬
َ ‫ضا ال َّربِّ فِي ِر‬ َ َ‫َع ْن َع ْب ِد هللاِ ب ِْن ُع َم َر ق‬
َ ‫ ِر‬:‫ال‬
It is reported from Abdullah bin ‘Umar R.A., that the Prophet said:
“Allah’s pleasure is in the pleasure of father and Allah’s anger is in the
anger of father”
Tirmidhi, Kitab al-Birr
:‫ من أحق الناس بحسن صحابتي؟ قال‬،‫ يا رسول هللا‬:‫جاء رجل إلى رسول هللا صلى هللا عليه وسلم فقال‬
‫ «ثم أبوك‬:‫ ثم من؟ قال‬:‫ «ثم أمك» قال‬:‫ ثم من؟ قال‬:‫ «ثم أمك» قال‬:‫ ثم من؟ قال‬:‫»«أمك» قال‬
Someone asked the Prophet (PBUH) who has more rights on him? The
Prophet responded by saying thrice “your mother”, then “your father”
(reported by Abu Hurrayrah R.A.)
Bukhari, Kitab al-Adab
23.2 Limit of obedience to parents

“We enjoined upon man to be dutiful to his parents. His mother bore
him in weakness upon weakness and his weaning lasted two years.
Give thanks to Me and to your parents. But if they press to associate
others with Me in My Divinity, do not obey them”
Luqman 31:14
23.3 Spending on parents

“People ask you what they should spend. Say: whatever wealth you
spend let it be for your parents and kinsmen, the orphans the needy
and the wayfarer. Allah is aware so whatever good you do.”

al-Baqarah 2:215
24 Equality in rights

“Women have the same rights against their men as men have against
them but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is
Exalted in Power, Wise.”

al-Baqarah 2:228
 25 The population issue

One important issue relates with the size of family - For the continuity
of human race and development of society Islam questions the
economic argument on population.

“Do not kill (wala taqtulu) your children for fear of want (resources).
We will provide for them and for you. Surely killing them (inna
qatlahum) is a great sin.”
(Bani-Isra‘il 17: 31)
26 Positive thinking in order to save marriage

“…Live with your wives gracefully. If you dislike them in any

manners its may be that you dislike something in which Allah has
placed much good for you”

al-Nisa 4:19
27 Conflict resolution

“If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no

blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between
themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are
swayed by greed. But if you do good and practice self-restraint, Allah is
well-acquainted with all that you do.”
al-Nisa 4:128
 28 Mediation by relatives, tahkim

ۭ ‫ق هّٰللا ُ بَ ْينَ ُه َما‬

ِ ِّ‫صاَل ًحا ُّي َوف‬
ْ ِ‫ق بَ ْينِ ِه َما فَا ْب َعثُ ْوا َح َك ًما ِّمنْ اَ ْھلِ ٖه َو َح َك ًما ِّمنْ اَ ْھلِ َھا ۚ اِنْ ُّي ِر ْي َدٓا ا‬ ِ ‫َواِنْ ِخ ْفتُ ْم‬
َ ‫شقَا‬
َ ‫اِ َّن هّٰللا َ َك‬
‫ان َعلِــ ْي ًما َخبِ ْي ًرا‬

“If you fear a breach between the two, appoint an arbitrator from his
people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both want to set things
right, Allah will bring about reconciliation between them. Allah is All
Knowing, All Aware”.

al-Nisa 4:35
29 Ethical way of terminal talaq

ۢ ۢ ‫سا‬
‫ان‬
ٍ ‫س‬
َ ‫ح‬
ْ ِ ‫ا‬ ‫ب‬
ِ ِ‫ح‬
ٌ ‫ي‬
ْ ‫ر‬ ‫س‬
ْ َ ‫ت‬ ‫و‬
ْ َ ‫ا‬ ‫ف‬
ٍ ‫و‬
ْ ‫ر‬
ُ ‫ع‬
ْ َ ِ َ ‫ق َم َّر ٰت ِن ۠ فَاِ ْم‬
‫م‬ ‫ب‬ ‫ك‬
ٌ ُ ‫اَلطَّاَل‬

“The divorce is twice, after that either you retain her honorably on
reasonable terms or release her with kindness ”.

al-Baqarah 2:229
 30 Khula’
‫اح َعلَ ْي ِھ َما فِـ ْي َما ا ْفتَ َدتْ بِ ٖه‬َ ‫ن‬ ‫ج‬ ‫اَل‬َ ‫ف‬ ۙ ‫فَانْ خ ْفتُم اَاَّل يقيما ح ُدو َد هّٰللا‬
َ ُ ِ ْ ُ َ ُِْ ْ ِ ِ

“ Then If you fear that they would not be able to keep the limits (hudud)
ordained by Allah, then there is no sin on either of them if she ransom
herself ”.
al-Baqarah 2:229

‫ف َۭحقًّا َعلَي ا ْل ُمتَّقِ ْي َن‬ ٌ ۢ ‫ت َمتَا‬

ِ ‫ع ِبا ْل َم ْع ُر ْو‬ ِ ‫طلَّ ٰق‬
َ ‫َولِ ْل ُم‬

“ Likewise let there be a fair provision (mataun bi al-ma‘ruf) for divorced

women. This is an obligation on the Allah-fearing”
al-Baqarah 2:241
31 Waiting period

‫هّٰلل‬ ‫وا ْلمطَلَّ ٰقتُ يتَربص َن با َ ْنفُسهنَّ ثَ ٰلثَةَ قُر ۗوء ۭ واَل يحل لَهنَّ اَنْ ي ْكتُم َن ما َخلَ َ هّٰللا‬
ِ ‫ق ُ فِ ْٓي اَ ْر َحا ِم ِهنَّ اِنْ ُكنَّ يُ ْؤ ِمنَّ ِبا‬ َ ْ َّ ُ ُّ ِ َ َ ٍ ْ ُ ِ ِ ِ ْ َّ َ َ ُ َ
‫ال‬
ِ ‫لر َج‬ ْ ‫صاَل ًحا ۭ َولَ ُهنَّ ِم ْث ُل الَّ ِذ‬
ِ ‫ي َعلَ ْي ِهنَّ بِا ْل َم ْع ُر ْو‬
ِّ ِ‫ف ۠ َول‬ ْ ِ‫ق ِب َر ِّد ِھنَّ فِ ْي ٰذلِ َك اِنْ اَ َرا ُد ْٓوا ا‬
ُّ ‫َوا ْليَ ْو ِم ااْل ٰ ِخ ِر ۭ َوبُعُ ْولَتُ ُهنَّ اَ َح‬
‫َعلَ ْي ِهنَّ َد َر َجةٌ ۭ َوهّٰللا ُ َع ِز ْي ٌز َح ِك ْي ٌم‬

“Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly

periods. Nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah Hath created in
their wombs, if they have faith in Allah and the Last Day. And their
husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they
wish for reconciliation. And women shall have rights similar to the
rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a
degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.”
al-Baqarah 2:228
32 Truth about Halalah

‫فَاِنْ طَلَّقَ َھا فَاَل تَ ِح ُّل لَ ٗه ِم ۢنْ بَ ْع ُد َح ٰتّي تَ ْن ِك َح َز ْو ًجا َغ ْي َر ٗه‬

“ And if he has divorced her (the third time ) then she is not
lawful unto him thereafter until she has married another
husband”

al-Baqarah 2:230
 33 Ethics of social Interaction
‫هّٰللا‬
‫صنَ ُع ْو َن‬ْ َ‫صا ِر ِه ْم َويَ ْحفَظُ ْوا فُ ُر ْو َج ُه ْم ۭ ٰذلِكَ اَ ْز ٰكى لَ ُه ْم ۭ اِنَّ َ َخبِ ْي ۢ ٌر بِ َما ي‬ َ ‫ض ْوا ِمنْ اَ ْب‬ ُّ ‫قُ ْل لِّ ْل ُم ْؤ ِمنِ ْي َن يَ ُغ‬
‫ض ِر ْب َن بِ ُخ ُم ِر ِهنَّ َع ٰلي ُجيُ ْوبِ ِهنَّ ۠ َواَل يُ ْب ِد ْي َن ِز ْينَتَ ُهنَّ اِاَّل‬ ْ َ‫ظ َه َر ِم ْن َها َو ْلي‬ َ ‫صـا ِر ِهنَّ َويَ ْحفَ ْظ َن فُ ُر ْو َج ُهنَّ َواَل يُ ْب ِد ْي َن ِز ْينَتَ ُهنَّ اِاَّل َما‬ َ ‫ض َن ِمنْ اَ ْب‬ ْ ‫ض‬ ُ ‫ت يَ ْغ‬ ِ ‫َوقُ ْل لِّ ْل ُم ْؤ ِم ٰن‬
‫س ۗا ِٕٕىِـ ِهنَّ اَ ْو َما َملَ َكتْ اَ ْي َمانُ ُهنَّ اَ ِو‬
َ ِ‫لِبُ ُع ْولَتِ ِهنَّ اَ ْو ٰابَ ۗا ِٕٕىِـ ِهنَّ اَ ْو ٰابَ ۗا ِء بُ ُع ْولَتِ ِهنَّ اَ ْو اَ ْبنَ ۗا ِٕٕىِـ ِهنَّ اَ ْو اَ ْبنَ ۗا ِء بُ ُع ْولَتِ ِهنَّ اَ ْو اِ ْخ َوانِ ِهنَّ اَ ْو بَنِ ْٓي اِ ْخ َوا ِن ِهنَّ اَ ْو بَ ِن ْٓي اَ َخ ٰوتِ ِهنَّ اَ ْو ن‬
ْ َ‫س ۗا ِء ۠ َواَل ي‬ ِ ‫ط ْف ِل الَّ ِذ ْي َن لَ ْم يَ ْظ َه ُر ْوا َع ٰلي َع ْو ٰر‬ ِّ ‫ال اَ ِو ال‬ ٰ
َّ‫ض ِر ْب َن بِا َ ْر ُجلِ ِهنَّ لِيُ ْعلَ َم َما يُ ْخفِ ْي َن ِمنْ ِز ْينَتِ ِهن‬ َ ِّ‫ت الن‬ ِ ‫ۭ التّبِ ِع ْي َن َغ ْي ِر اُولِي ااْل ِ ْربَ ِة ِم َن ال ِّر َج‬
“(O Prophet) enjoin believing men to cast down their looks and guard their private
parts. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is well aware of all what they do.
And enjoin believing women to cast down their looks and guard their private parts and
not reveal their beauty except that which is revealer of itself (illa ma zahara minha),
and to draw their veils over their bosoms and not to reveal their adornment save their
husbands or their fathers or the fathers of their husbands or the brothers or sons of the
brothers or the women with whom they are associates or those that are in their
bondage or the male attendants in their service free of sexual interest or boys that are
yet unaware of illicit matters pertaining to women. Nor should they stamp their feet
on the ground in such manner that their hidden ornaments become revealed”
al-Nur 24:31-32
34 Dignified living and ethics in speech
‫َوقَ ْر َن فِ ْي بُيُ ْوتِ ُك َّن َواَل تَبَ َّر ْج َن تَــبَ ُّر َج ا ْل َجا ِهلِيَّ ِة ااْل ُ ْو ٰلى‬

“And stay in your houses and do not go about displaying your

allurements as in the former time of Jahilliyah..”
al-Ahzab, 33:33

‫ض َّوقُ ْل َن قَ ْواًل َّم ْع ُر ْوفًا‬

ٌ ‫ي فِ ْي قَ ْل ِب ٖه َم َر‬ َ ‫س ۗا ِء اِ ِن اتَّــقَ ْيتُ َّن فَاَل تَ ْخ‬
ْ ‫ـض ْع َن بِا ْلقَ ْو ِل فَيَ ْط َم َع الَّ ِذ‬ ْ َ‫س ۗا َء النَّبِ ِّي ل‬
َ ِّ‫ستُ َّن َكا َ َح ٍد ِّم َن الن‬ َ ِ‫ٰين‬

“Wives of the Prophet you are not like other women if you fear Allah, do
not be too complaisant in your speech lest those with diseased hearts
should covet you; but speak in a straight-forward manner.”
al-Ahzab, 33:32
 Conclusion

• Living a family life is ma‘ruf , ethically good and desirable. Living

life of celibacy is against the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu
alaihi wasallam.
• Protection of family life is one of the objectives of shari‘ah.

• Family is the building block of civilizations because it is the main

source of transitions of values and culture.
Wama tawfiqi illa billah
wa
Shukran

Thank You

March 26, 2021