Friendship in Our lives

&
Committed Romantic Relationship
KELOMPOK 8:
Mirtsa Zahara 117192033
Willy Suhandy 117192039
Friendship in Our Lives
 The Nature of Friendship

• Friendship is a unique relationship. Unlike most

relationships, friendship is voluntary. No ceremonies to
recognize friendships and no formal standards to guide
interaction between friends
• Kids have ways to symbolize friendship, but adults don’t.
They would symbolize friendship using rings, or any other
item. How about adults?
• Regardless of race, sexual orientation, gender, age and class,
most westerners share five basic expectations of friends and
friendship
Willingness to
invest
Friendships grow out of personal
investments. We expect to invest
time, effort, thought, and feeling
in our friendship, and we may
also invest materially by lending
or giving money, gifts, and other
items to value. The investments
that we make tend to stoke our
commitment to friendship
Emotional
Closeness
Emotional intimacy grows out of
investments, such as time, talk and
shared experience. As people spend
time together, they tend to become
more comfortable being together and
increased sense of bonding. There are 2
types of closeness.
- Closeness through dialogue
- Closeness through doing
Acceptance
• We expect friends to accept us,
including our flaws. Each of us has
shortcomings, and we count on friends
to accept us in spite of them. Because
we tend to put on our best face to
impress people we barely know.
• Usually, people may count on friends
for acceptance because social and
familial acceptance sometimes is
lacking for them
 • A key component of close friendship is trust, which has 2
dimensions. First, trust involves confidence that others
will be dependable. We count on them to do what they
say they’ll do and vice versa. Second, trust is rooted in
the belief that a friend cares about us and our welfare
Trust • The level of trust that develops between friends
depends on number of factors. It looks in the individual
history and consistently received love and nurturing care
will be easy to gain trust.
Support
• We expect friends to support us. There are many
ways to show support such as using message “I care
about you”, listening to their problems, how we
respond on their problem, offering helps, and by
letting they know they are not alone. The main
important is availability
• Women and men tend to differ somewhat in how
they support friends. Mostly women provides more
verbal emotional support than men do. They are like
to talk in detail about feelings and emotion, while
men support friends through “covert intimacy” by
communication, giving advice, offering assistance, etc.
Workplace Friendship
Friends can make work a lot more bearable.
The study found that friends on the job help
workers cope with pressures. They can also
provide support and companionship. People
who have friends in their workplace are
more likely to stick with a job
Having more workplace friends increases the
likelihood that at least one will be available if
you need support another research also
state that employees who experience less
social support in workplace networks are
more like to leave.
The Development of Friendship

GROWTH STAGES DETERIORATION STAGES

Pressures on Friendship
• Internal Tensions
Internal tensions are relationship stresses that grow out of people and their
interactions which has 3 that needs to be considered:
- Relational dialetctics
- Diverse Communication Styles
- Sexual Attraction
• Extenal Pressures
Friendships may encounter pressures from outside sources. 3 such pressures are:
- Competing Demand
- Personal Changes
- Geographic Distance
 Social media offer us a range of ways to make friends and to
maintain existing friendships. With social media we can keep
in touch with friends and also make new friends in cyberspace.
Social Media
and Friendships Social media also can be used to engage in cyberbullying,
which is text messages, online comments, and rumors,
embarrassing pictures posted online and videos and fake
profiles thar are meant to hurt another person and are sent by
email or smart phones or posted on social networking sites.
Guidelines for Communication between Friends

1 2 3 4
Engage in Dual Communicate Grow From Don’t Sweat the
Perspective Honestly Differences Small Stuff
COMMITTED ROMANTIC
RELATIONSHIP
COMMITTED ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
• Committed romantic relationship are relationships between
individuals who assume that they will be primary and continuing parts
of each other’s lives and cannot be replaced with other individuals.
• Committed romantic relationships involve romantic and sexual
feelings, which are not typically part of relationships with coworkers,
neighbors, family members, and most friends.
• Another distinctive quality of romantic relationships is that they are
considered primary and enduring, connected to a romantic partner
permanently or at least for a very long time.
 Dimensions of Romantic Relationship
• Passion describes intensely positive feelings and fervent desire
for another person. Passion is not restricted to sexual or sensual
feelings. In addition to sexual feelings, passion may involve
powerful emotional, spiritual, and intellectual excitement.
• Commitment is the intention to remain involved with a
relationship. Although often linked to love, commitment is not
the same thing as love. Commitment is a decision to remain in a
relationship. The more we invest in a relationship, the greater
our commitment is likely to be.
• Intimacy is feelings of closeness, connection, and tenderness.
Intimacy is abiding affection and warm feelings for another
person.
Styles of Loving
• People differ in how they experience and
express love (Lee, 1973, 1988). Just as there
are three primary colors, there are three
primary styles of loving. In addition, just as
secondary colors are combinations of two
primary colors, secondary love styles are
combinations of two primary ones.
Secondary styles are as vibrant as primary
ones, just as purple (a secondary color) is as
dazzling as red or blue (the primary colors
that make up purple).
Primary Styles of Love
• The three primary styles of love are eros, storge, and ludus. Eros is a
powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and
dramatically. Eros is the most intuitive and spontaneous of all love styles,
and it is also the fastest moving.
• Storge is a comfortable, even-keeled kind of love based on friendship and
compatibility. Storgic love tends to develop gradually and to be peaceful
and stable. In most cases, it grows out of common interests, values, and
life goals (Lasswell & Lobsenz, 1980).
• Ludus is playful love. Ludic lovers see love as a game. It’s an adventure full
of scheming, challenges, puzzles, and fun, but love is not to be taken
seriously. For ludics, commitment is not the goal.
Secondary Styles of Love
• The three secondary styles of love are pragma, mania, and agape. Pragma is
pragmatic or practical love. Pragmatic lovers have clear criteria for partners,
such as religious affiliation, career, and family background.
• Mania/ Manic lovers have the passion of eros, but they play by ludic rules—a
combination that can be perilous. Typically unsure that others really love them,
manics may devise tests and games to evaluate a partner’s commitment.
• Agape is a blend of storge and eros. The term agape comes from Saint Paul’s
admonition that we should love others without expectation of personal gain or
return. People who love agapically feel the intense passion of eros and the
constancy of storge. Generous and selfless, they put a loved one’s happiness
ahead of their own without any expectation of reciprocity.
THE DEVELOPMENT OF ROMANTIC
RELATIONSHIPS
• Growth, six stages of growth included individuality, invitational
communication, explorational communication, intensifying
communication, revising communication, and commitment.
• Navigation is the ongoing process of staying committed and living a life
together despite ups and downs, and pleasant and unpleasant surprises.
Couples continually adjust, work through new problems, revisit old
ones, and accommodate changes in their individual and relational lives.
• Deterioration, relational deterioration as happening through a five-
stage sequence: intrapsychic processes, dyadic processes, social
support, grave-dressing processes, and resurrection processes.
SOCIAL MEDIA AND ROMANTIC
RELATIONSHIPS
• Before social media existed, our choices of relationship partners were
largely limited to the people we encountered face to face. In addition,
the primary way to check out potential partners was through dating,
which requires some expense and time to learn what we can now learn
quickly through online profiles.
• In many ways, social media have made it far easier to form and maintain
romantic relationships.
• At the same time, social media have introduced new challenges for
people seeking romance such as deception or giving false information,
potential for cyberstalking, also offer opportunities for infidelity.
GUIDELINES FOR COMMUNICATING IN
ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
• Engage in dual perspective, we want to know and be known by that person.
We want to understand and to be understood by that person and we want
to feel that she or he takes our perspective into account when interacting
with us.
• Practice safe sex, The principles of effective interpersonal communication
can help ease the discomfort of negotiating safer sex.
• Manage conflict constructively, people who engage in dual perspective
(Clements et al., 2007) and who develop skills in identifying and expressing
their emotions and in managing conflict are less likely to resort to violence
in their romantic relationships.
• Adapt communication to maintain long-distance relationship.
GUIDELINES FOR COMMUNICATING IN
ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
• In sum, four guidelines for communication in romantic relationships
are to engage in dual perspective, to practice safe sex, to manage
conflict effectively to avoid intimate partner violence, and to maintain
communication in long-distance relationships.
• Commitment, flexibility, and effective interpersonal communication
help partners meet the challenges of keeping romance healthy and
satisfying over the life of the relationship.
Thank You