Lecture

Lecture 1.
1. Unit
Unit II
II

Building Communication
skills using TA

DEI University
Objective of Lecture

1. Understand what is TA and its link with

communication effectiveness .
2. Understand how our communication depends
upon our inherent ego styles which we acquire
during our primitive growth stage.
3. Use the ego styles in way that leads to effective
communication at work place and personal
relationships
4. Understand how communication styles are linked
to our TA profile .
Learning's at the end of the lecture
1. What is transaction analysis & different ego styles
that constitute the communication transaction.
2. What are different ego styles that get used in
communicating with people.
3. How our communication style is depended upon
the dominant ego in the transactions.
4. Effective communication involves mix of three
ego styles of personality of individual.
5. TA link with assertiveness , passiveness and
aggressiveness in communication
6. How does one communicate by judicious use of
ego styles for building relationship , getting work
done , influencing others .
What is communication

 Communication :Transference of message

from one person to other and many other
persons with some purpose thru verbal or
non verbal means .
 Gossip : ??? (without purpose )
 Different kinds of communication ;With purpose
Kinds of communications

1. Social communication
 Focus is on relationships
2. Academic Communication
 Focus is learning
3. Cultural Communication
 Focus is on entertainment
4. Religious communication
 Focus is on getting peace
5. Business Communication
 Focus is getting desired behavioral outcome
1. Concept of communication in
Business (organizational perspective )
 As soon as you move one step from the bottom , your
effectiveness depends on your ability to reach
others ( for getting desired outcome ) through the
spoken or written word. And farther away your job
is from manual work , the larger the organization ,
the more important it will be that you know how to
convey your thoughts in writing and speaking ( without
the need for clarifications ) . In large organizations , the
ability to express himself ( verbal or written ) is perhaps
the most important skills a person can possess
(Peter Drucker.)
Business Communication
( Individual perspective )
 Communication is the most important skill in
almost any job. How you communicate your
achievements to others is reflection of your
quality of work. Sure , you must know how to
do the job to accomplish great results but that
only a portion of the professional success .Good
communication skills are required to report your
results to others , persuade colleagues to take
action , and sell your success in Management .
( Don Zatyko )
Communication :Transaction

 A set of transactions ( in the form of ego

styles ) constitute a message .
 Ability of managers to understand the
messages in terms of ego styles and frame
their replies in the desired style is key to
success in Business world.
1.1 What is transaction analysis & different
ego styles.
 Transaction is just a simple message that
goes out from individuals in the form of
words / body responses (ego styles) when
receiving or responding to others .
 A simple message may contain one of two
transactions at a time .
 Please don’t come to me house today ( in simple
tone may be only one transaction )
 Please don’t come to my today ( with aggressive
tone or anger ) may have two transactions.
Transaction is nothing but

 Signals that our verbal and non verbal

communication sends to other person .
 The signals we normally send depends on
previously stored responses in our mind .
 The stored responses are called ego styles .
 The other person decodes the signals based
on his stored responses ( ego styles ) and
responds .
 Two sides of mind contain three kinds of ego stayles

RATIONAL
EMOTIONAL
MIND
MIIND
3. Adult
1.Parent
2. Child
 How
How is
is TA
TA linked
linked to
to Communication
Communication skills?
skills?

 The signal (input) received by a person is processed

by the unique processor in the mind, which processes
the information based on available store of past
learning's & experiences, and then accordingly it
responds.
 It is necessary for the individual to understand the
specifications of the processor so that he/she knows
his/her strengths and limitations.
 Such self awareness helps in responding to situations
with careful thought.
 Transaction
Transaction Analysis
Analysis

 TA is model for explaining why and how

of
 People think like they do
 People act like they do
 People communicate and interact with others
 Based on work done by
 Eric Berne ;Games people play
 Tom Harries : I am ok you are ok
 Born to win : Dorothy Jongeword
 Transaction
Transaction Analysis
Analysis

 Definition: A system for analyzing all personal and interpersonal

communication behaviors and transactions .
 People communicate from their Ego states
 Three distinct part of personality called Ego states that are
present in every individual. Individual exhibits one or the other
ego state while communicating with others.
 Ego states are known as:

 Parent Ego state

 Adult Ego state
 Child Ego state
 What
What is
is PAC?
PAC?

 Parent : This is a set of feelings, thinking and

behavior that we have copied from our parents and
significant others. One gives judgment based on
his experience /recordings
 Adult : Uses information and data for decision
making. Updates the information available from old
experiences
 Child : Uses the information / experience available
in mind about what his father said or learnt in a
school or from a society
 What
What is
is aa Mental
Mental Processor?
Processor?

Records how the parents & other

We act, feel or think like those
influential people behave and act
who raised us

We examine facts
Parent /or get facts & analyze

Records events Mind

as one sees, Child
observes & feels
as a child
Adult

As one grows learning

Through exploration, books
We behave or feel as we did when etc & updating the stored
we were small child data
Parent ego state contains

 Thoughts , feelings ,Beliefs , traditions being

subjected to or copied from parents .
 Should not , or should
 Prejudicial views :religion , Traditions
 Nurturing views :Care and concern, love ,
affection ( you are ok )
 Critical views : Blame , criticism , firing
,Controlling others . ( you are not ok )
Adult ego state

 Thoughts , feelings based on

objective analysis and data
 Makes decisions based on logic

and analysis and reasoning and

not emotions or traditions
 ( I am ok and you are ok )
Child ego state

 Thoughts feelings , attitudes based on child

like emotions , impulses we have
experienced
 Examples
 Happy , pleasure seeking
 Angry , fearful
 Rebellious and reacting
 Curious
 Eager to please and follow what is told

(I am ok or I am not ok)
 Further
Further division
division of
of EGO
EGO States
States

 Parent : Two predominant styles

1. Nurturing
2. Controlling
 Adult : Only one style :Rational and data based

 Child : Two
1. Free & Natural
2. Adapted or Aggressive or destructive child
 1.2
1.2 Ego
Ego styles
styles that
that Communicate
Communicate

People interact with their EGO STATES: The interaction becomes

complimentary or cross depending upon how one responds .

P P

A A

C C
Person A Person B
 Two
Two Ego
Ego styles
styles that
that Communicate
Communicate

EGO STATES: Complimentary

India is one of the worst cities

P P

What is the time ?

A A
It is 2.15 pm

C C
I totally agree with you ( Child comes from giving respect .he may not disagree although his views
are different. In traditional culture , it is normally expected to respect the elders)
 Two
Two Ego
Ego styles
styles that
that Communicate
Communicate

EGO STATES: Cross

X=India is one of the worst cities

P P

Y= I am not sure if one can

reach such judgment. Pl A A
give me data to support
your views

C C

In this situation , X having predominant parent style feels person Y is not

showing respect as he is asking questions.
 Ego
Ego styles
styles that
that Crossed
Crossed

EGO STATES: Cross

Wife Husband

P P

Wife ;search it yourself

than only you would learn to keep
A A
it carefully

C C Husband Where is my watch (while

Going to office in the morning in a hurry
PARENT (NURTURANT) ego style ; don’t WORRY
CHILD ego style ; I wd just search it for you
I would help you out

Parent (controlling ) : You are totally careless . I can not help every day items
that you misplace .
Styles create Interpersonal relationships
or breaks it
 Complimentary : Builds
relationship
 Cross : Breaks

relationships
 Exercise
Exercise

Statement A: A know Pakistanis well .They sent terrorists

for Mumbai blasts . They must be punished .

Statement B: If it is correct that Pakistanis are behind

Mumbai Blasts, then they need to be dealt with strong
hands.

Statement C: It is always Pakistanis who have attacked India

in the past .they have done it in Mumbai also. I am going
to hit them.
 Exercise
Exercise

Parent: strong judgmental focus; Conclusion

reached)
Adult: Analytical Ego state: Conclusion is
dependent upon the data)
Child: Picks up old data/experience to come
to conclusion and wants to take action
immediately
Awareness & use of right Ego styles gives
edge
 Statements reveal predominant style
of communication of people
 Ability to understand self and others
ego styles in communication gives
edge in relationships
 One should learn to hold back and use
adult (in him or her ) to use the
response required at that stage .
 Success
Success in
in communication
communication

 It depends upon which ego state is being used by you

in responding to various situations.
 OFFICE situation :Normally in Office matters , predominant
ADULT personality is highly successful stance for all official
interactions . But Child helps in bringing fun element
required in day to day situations.
 Household situation , it is more of parent and child in
transactions between parents and children. Ability to swich
modes to adult when child grows is essence of successful
relations in family/
 In Games , picnics etc , Child ego enjoys the situation .One
can be in child ego state rather than use adult or parent
state .
Communication style is depended upon the
dominant ego in the transactions
 Because of our past stored exposures and
experiences , every one has a typical personality
consisting of Parent , adult and child .
 The mix of these varies from person to person
 Some one who was exposed to only strong control
and directive behavior , may adopt either punitive
parent or adapted child personality.
 Some who has parents , who were fun loving and
gave lot of freedom may turn to be natural style in
his /her dominant behavior .
1.4
1.4 Effective
Effective commutation
commutation isis mix
mix of
of different
different
ego
ego styles
styles

 For effective communication , it is necessary

to use mix of styles .
 Awareness of our own style gives us
advantage of curbing using pre stored
dominant style and adopt required style .
 Let us take few real life situations in work
place .
 Case
Case // Exercises
Exercises

1. Giving feedback to subordinate who has not met his targets

2. Convincing a customer to buy a product who is not buying
your product today .
3. Responding to a customer who is very angry because Car
sold by your company has major quality problems . Its brakes
are making noise .
4. You found that one of subordinates has lost his cool in a
meeting while dealing with co- employee from other
department as other employee blamed him for non supply of
product to customer . You felt embarrassed as this could
have been dealt in a way where other employee could have
been cornered by asking data rather than losing temper .
Giving a feedback
 The purpose of feedback is to energize and
motivate the receiver to improve and acquire new
skills /knowledge or traits for better performance
 It needs to give facts and data to the subordinate and analysis
of same .
 The concerned individual to be in a mental state that he /she
takes the feedback with open mind .
 He/she need to be guided about how to acquire and act on
gaps
 He should be told about consequences of not learning and not
acquiring .
 An effective review system need to be agreed to see the
progress card .
Convincing a customer to buy a product

 ???
 Preparation
Preparation for
for meeting:
meeting: Use
Use Adult
Adult ego
ego state
state

 In case you are asked “Can you sell addition 25% this year?
Never say “Yes” if you have not done the analysis.
First ask for clarification whether the boss wants a guess or concrete
answer (Adult)
 A Child state would mean some answer to be give to
avoid negative stroke. He may Yes immediately
 A Parent response would be “We have never done more
than 110% of target in the past and hence not possible
 Preparation
Preparation for
for meeting:
meeting: Use
Use Adult
Adult ego
ego state
state

 In case you are asked for some clarification, do not respond if you
do not have facts. Its better to say:-
 “I will get back to you”. (Adult)

 Maintain the minutes of the meeting

 Always have a follow-up
 Preparation
Preparation for
for meeting:
meeting: Use
Use Adult
Adult ego
ego state
state

 In case you are asked for some clarification, do not respond if you
do not have facts. Its better to say:-
 “I will get back to you”. (Adult)

 Maintain the minutes of the meeting

 Always have a follow-up
 communication :
three ego styles get
linked to three styles of
communication
Communication

The way we respond can be classified in

3 ways :
1. Passive Communication

2. Aggressive Communication

3. Assertive communication
 1. Passive Communication
 Allowing our own rights to be violated by failing to express our
honest feelings
 The goal is to avoid conflict no matter what
 Little risk involved – very safe
 Make assumption in favor of “yes” without finding
alternatives.
 Little eye contact, often defers to others’ opinions, usually
quiet tone, may suddenly explode after being passive too
long.
A Passive Person : Style, tone, voice

Passive people usually:

 Speak softly and hesitantly.

 Use fillers like “uh” and “um.”
 Avoid eye contact.
 Allow other people in their personal space.
Examples of Passive Communication

 “Ok Sir” , Yes Sir

 “I don’t know”
 “Whatever you think”
 “You have more experience than I. You decide”
 “I’ll go with whatever the group decides”
 “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me”
 “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. . . NO!”
2.Aggressive Communication
 Protecting one’s own rights at the expense of
others’ rights – no exceptions
 The goal is to win at all costs; to be right
 This person thinks they will always get their way.
 Eye contact is angry and intimidating; lots of
energy; loud and belittling; manipulative and
controlling. Often uses violence or verbal abuse.
An Aggressive Person :Style, Voice , tone
 Aggressive people often:
 Raise their voices when they lose control.
 Shout and use accusatory language like “You should”
and “You must.”
 Stare people down and may invade other people’s
personal space physically.
 Show your anger/disgust /annoyance etc while
responding to other person
Examples of Aggressive Communication

 “I don’t know why you can’t see that this is the right
way to do it.”
 “It’s going to be my way or not at all.”
 “You’re just stupid if you think that will work.”
 “That kind of logic will sink the company.”
 “Who cares what you feel. We’re talking about
making things work here.”
3. Assertive communication
 An honest, direct, and Appropriate
expression of one's feelings, thoughts, and
beliefs in an appropriate way showing full
empathy to others need.
 Communicating your rights in such a
way that you do not violate another
persons rights/ Ego .Expressing your
needs, wants, opinions, feelings and
beliefs in such a way that is appropriate
to the situation
Indicators of Assertive Communication

 Protecting your own rights without violating the rights of

others.
 The goal is to communicate with respect and to
understand each other; to find a solution to the problem.
 Takes a risk in the short run with others in the short run,
but in the long run relationships are much stronger.
 Eye contact; listens and validates others; confident and
strong, yet flexible; objective; presents wishes clearly &
respectfully.
 An Assertive Person
 Assertive people usually:

 Speak calmly and confidently

 Notify other people of their feelings with statements
starting with “I think” and “I feel.”
 Maintain eye contact, have good posture and are
poised and in control
Examples of Assertive Communication

 “So what you’re saying is. . . .”

 “I can see that this is important to you, and it is also
important to me. Perhaps we can talk more
respectfully and try to solve the problem.”
 “I think. . . I feel. . . I believe that. . . .”
 “I would appreciate it if you. . .”
Linking Assertiveness to TA
Assertiveness as defined in TA
 Assertiveness is converting emotional response into
intellectual or adult response. The emotional
response is of two types

 Child state: Do what old man says or respond with

emotional outburst.

 Parent state: Say no because you feel it that way

based on your perceived or stored notions in your
mind.
Incident

 Boss (angry ) :You are useless. You can

never do work in time .(Punitive parent)
 Subordinate (adult ): I think I have made you
angry with my work. I would be really
grateful if you can guide me areas where I
could have done well. (assertive response )
 Why Assertiveness Is Important?
 Effective communication brings about the achievement of individual
and/or shared goals.
 Assertiveness increases your ability to reach these goals while
maintaining your rights and dignity.
 If you don’t know how to be assertive you might experience:
Depression.
 From anger turned inward, a sense of being helpless, hopeless, with
no control over your life.
 Resentment. Anger at others for manipulating or taking advantage of
you.
 Frustration. How could I be such a wimp? Why did I let someone
victimize me?
 Why we are not Assertive
 Mental conditioning from childhood not to question
elders. Respect them
 Training of our mind. Fight, fear, withdraw
 Fear of wrong appraisal by boss
 Fear of social rejection
 Fear of being misunderstood as Egoist
 Fear of counter attack
Video –