Revising Your Paragraph:

Achieving Coherence &

Continuity
Yang Ying

2010
What to cover in today’s class?

 1. Understanding coherence & continuity

 2. Learning strategies to improve continuity

 3. Improve coherence & continuity in your

own writing
What is coherence and continuity?
Coherence:
ideas are
 connected

 developed around a central idea

 heading towards a single conclusion or goal

Continuity
 flow/link between sentences

two closely related concepts

Understanding Coherence: an
example
Compare the two paragraphs on page 1 of your
handout

 Pair work: Read and identify which one is better

 Whole class discussion: Why is one better than the
other?
 Understanding Coherence (1)
Monticello, his home in Virginia, was Thomas
Jefferson's central interest throughout his life. What’s the topic/subject
His interest began when he was a small boy;
according to legend, he dreamed even then of of discussion?
building a house on the mountain where he
often played. He began to make his dream a What is the controlling
reality in 1764, when he drew up the plans.
Although he had no training in architecture, he idea?
studied the drawings of Andrea Palladio and
based his drawings plan on them because he
admired the grace and simplicity of Palladio's
Is this controlling idea
drawings of Roman buildings. After he drew his
plans, Jefferson supervised the actual
developed throughout
construction of the house over a period of thirty
years. He began the building before he was
the paragraph?
married but allowed it to lapse when his wife
died. After living in France for several years, he
What is the pattern of
resumed work and added a wing to the original
plans. In 1802, the mansion was completed.
organization used in
From the time he began living in the house until
his death in 1826, Jefferson invented many
this paragraph?
ingenious devices, including a giant clock to tell
the day of the week besides telling the hour. He How does the author end
conceived of the idea of storm windows to keep
out the cold and designed most of the furniture. his paragraph?
Monticello was the product of a lifetime.
Understanding Coherence (2)
Every year thousands of tourists visit Monticello, the home of
Thomas Jefferson, third president of the United States.
They are also fascinated by the gadgets that show
Does the
Jefferson's inventive mind. He supervised every detail in
the building of the house. The construction took thirty
paragraph
years to complete, with an interruption after the death of have a
his wife, and was completed in 1802. Jefferson designed
much of the furniture and even invented a kind of storm central idea?
window to keep out the cold. The plans that Jefferson drew
were based on drawings by Andrea Palladio, a sixteenth
What is the
century builder who designed many Italian buildings.
Jefferson admired the simplicity and grace of Palladio's
pattern of
drawings. He was interested in Roman culture and was a organization
student of the classics. Some of his political philosophy
was derived from his reading of the Latin authors. used in this
Monticello charms everyone who visits it. There is even a
giant round clock that tells the day of the week as well as
paragraph?
the hour. The surroundings are beautiful as the house
itself. The house is located on the top of a small mountain
Examine the
where Jefferson played as a boy. The legend is that he topic in each
dreamed even then of building a house there. Jefferson
was one of the great men in our history and the first true sentence.
liberal. He wrote the Declaration of Independence.
Coherence
 Parts forming a whole
 In-depth exploration of a subject
Change of subjects -- brief and superficial
treatment of a lot of subjects
 A pattern of organization appropriate for the
development of the controlling idea
 Clarity of ideas -- easy to understand
Current Problems in Students’
Writing
 Body deviates entirely or partly from
controlling idea in topic sentence
 Switches of topic/jumping suddenly to a
different point
 Sentential level accuracy may be achieved
 Lack of flow
 Clarity of ideas is affected
Improving Coherence through Improving
Continuity between Sentences
 Do sentences link to each other?

 Do ideas build towards an overall controlling

idea?
Learning Strategies to Improve
Continuity Activity 1: group work
Time (10 minutes)

Step 1: read the two paragraphs given

Step 2: decide which one has better coherence & continuity

Step 3: underline the parts that are different

Step 4: analyze the differences by answering the questions given

Step 5: share with class

group leader to make sure every member contributes to the discussion

Compare two paragraphs (1)
 (1) Each of the U.S. manned space exploration projects had specific
major goals. (2) Whether or not human beings could survive and
function in outer space is important to study in the Mercury project.
(3) Rockets with the new Mercury space capsule, which could hold one
person, are tested. (4) Some scientists also launched the Gemini
project to examine if two people could work in the weightless
environment of space. (5) Gemini astronauts took "spacewalks."
(6) They floated outside their spacecraft in a spacesuit, connected to it
by a tether. (7) Gemini astronauts tried out new flying skills. (8) Some
astronauts flew two spacecraft extremely close together; people
called this procedure "rendezvous." (9) On some Gemini flights,
astronauts physically linked two spacecraft together. (10) Linking, or
"space docking," was what the astronauts often did on the Gemini
program. (11) Three astronauts on the Apollo project tested
spacecrafts and skills so that people could actually fly to the Moon
and land on it. (12) Performing scientific experiments on the lunar
surface and collecting rocks for study on Earth were also important to
find out.
Comparing two paragraphs
(1) Each of the U.S. manned space exploration projects had specific major
goals. (2) For example, the Mercury project was designed to test whether or
not human beings could survive and function in outer space. (3) In addition,
the Mercury project tested rockets with the new Mercury space capsule,
which could hold one person. (4) As another example, the Gemini project
was intended to find out whether two people could work in the weightless
environment of space. (5) One way of doing this was by having Gemini
astronauts take "spacewalks." (6) That is, they floated outside their
spacecraft in a spacesuit, connected to it by a tether. (7) Gemini astronauts
also tried out new flying skills. (8) For example, some astronauts flew two
spacecraft extremely close together; this procedure was called
"rendezvous." (9) On some Gemini flights, astronauts physically linked two
spacecraft together. (10) This linking, or "space docking," was a major goal
of the Gemini program. (11) Finally, the Apollo project, with three astronauts,
had the goal of testing spacecraft and skills so that people could actually fly
to the Moon and land on it. (12) Other goals included performing scientific
experiments on the lunar surface and collecting rocks for study on Earth.
Paragraph Analysis:
1 2

(1) Each of the U.S. manned space exploration projects had

specific major goals.
(2)
(2)For
Whether
example,
or not
thehuman
Mercury
beings
project
could
wassurvive
designed
andtofunction
test
in outer space
whether or not is
human
important
beings
to study
could in
survive
the Mercury
and function
project.
in
outer space.with the new Mercury space capsule, which
(3) Rockets
(3)
could
In addition,
hold onethe
person,
Mercury
are project
tested. tested rockets with the
new Mercury space capsule, which could hold one person.
(4) Some scientists also
launched the Gemini project to
examine if two people could
work in the weightless
environment of space.
(5) Gemini astronauts took
"spacewalks." (6) They floated
outside their spacecraft in a
spacesuit, connected to it by a
tether.
(7) Gemini astronauts tried out
new flying skills.
(8) Some astronauts flew two
spacecraft extremely close
together; people called this
procedure "rendezvous."
(9) On some Gemini flights,
astronauts physically linked
two spacecraft together.
(10) Linking, or "space
docking," was what the
astronauts often did on the
Gemini program.
(4) As another example, the Gemini
project was intended to find out
whether two people could work in
the weightless environment of
space.
(5) One way of doing this was by
having Gemini astronauts take
"spacewalks." (6) That is, they
floated outside their spacecraft in a
spacesuit, connected to it by a
tether.
(7) Gemini astronauts also tried out
new flying skills. (8) For example,
some astronauts flew two
spacecraft extremely close
together; this procedure was called
"rendezvous."
(9) On some Gemini flights,
astronauts physically linked two
spacecraft together. (10) This
linking, or "space docking," was a
major goal of the Gemini program.
(11) Three astronauts on
the Apollo project tested
spacecrafts and skills so
that people could actually
fly to the Moon and land on
it.
(12) Performing scientific
experiments on the lunar
surface and collecting
rocks for study on Earth
were also important to find
out.
(11) Finally, the Apollo
project, with three
astronauts, had the goal of
testing spacecraft and
skills so that people could
actually fly to the Moon
and land on it.
(12) Other goals of the
project included
performing scientific
experiments on the lunar
surface and collecting
rocks for study on Earth.
Summary of Strategies to Develop Continuity
(1)
 1: Repeating/rephrasing key words

e.g. project, goal, test,

Summary of Strategies to develop continuity (2)

 2. Placing known information before new

information

e.g. mention project first before

introducing the specific goals of a
project
Strategies to develop continuity (3)

 3. use transitions/logical connectors (e.g.

effective use of Pron references)

e.g. for example, in addition, as another

example, finally

that is, this procedure, this linking

Strategies to develop continuity (4)

4. Use Parallel structures

e.g. The Mercury project was designed to…

The Gemini project was intended to…
The Apollo project had the goal of…
One more example
 (1) It is commonly recognized that dogs have an extreme
antagonism toward cats. (2) This enmity between these two
species can be traced back to the time of the early Egyptian
dynasties. (3) Archaeologists in recent years have discovered
Egyptian texts in which there are detailed accounts of canines
brutally mauling felines. (4) Today this type of cruelty between
these two domestic pets can be witnessed in regions as close
as your own neighborhood. (5) For example, when dogs are
walked by their masters, and they happen to catch sight of a
stray cat, they will pull with all their strength on their leash until
the master is forced to yield; the typical result is that a feline is
chased up a tree. (6)The hatred between dogs and cats has
lasted for so many centuries; it is unlikely that this conflict will
ever end.
Identifying strategies for maintaining
coherence & continuity
 (1) It is commonly recognized that dogs have an extreme
antagonism toward cats. (2) This enmity between these two
species can be traced back to the time of the early Egyptian
dynasties. (3) Archaeologists in recent years have discovered
Egyptian texts in which there are detailed accounts of canines
brutally mauling felines. (4) Today this type of cruelty between
these two domestic pets can be witnessed in regions as close as
your own neighborhood. (5) For example, when dogs are walked
by their masters, and they happen to catch sight of a stray cat,
they will pull with all their strength on their leash until the master
is forced to yield; the typical result is that a feline is chased up a
tree. (6)The hatred between dogs and cats has lasted for so
many centuries; it is unlikely that this conflict will ever end.
Comments on the paragraph
 1. All the sentences effectively relate back to the topic sentence
 2. All of the sentences have something to do with dogs not liking
cats.
 3. There is a flow of thoughts and ideas among the sentences
 4. There are good transitions employed in the paragraph.
 5. The writer also presents her idea in an orderly fashion
that the reader can follow easily.
 6. The paragraph is developed. The writer gives herself enough
space to develop the topic.
 7. She gives us at least two reasons to defend her argument
 8. She incorporates examples in order to give those
reasons more validity.
Positive examples

 Children cannot talk to adults about being

bullied because they are afraid of retaliation.
This fear causes children to have no choice
but to keep their problems in mind, leading to
stress.
Positive examples

 To satisfy the requirements of the population,

new industries are built every day. These
industries, in the process of producing goods,
release a lot of air pollutants like sulphur and
nitrogen oxides.
A student’s sample writing
Academic-related matters occupy a huge proportion of young
people’s life in this modern world. Inevitably, improper
management of academic work has become one of the main
causes of stress for young people nowadays. Statistics from
tertiary education institutes such as NTU and NUS has shown an
uprising trend in the number of requests for counseling advice
especially during the critical ‘examinations’ period. For instance,
there is a case about a tertiary student resorting to suicide as a
means to resolve all his difficulties. In this case, the student had
his scholarship revoked, in addition to many hiccups and
problems in his Final-Year Project. He was obviously not coping
well with his academic matters at that point of time and the
revoking of his scholarship further dealt him a huge blow which
he could not grapple with. Hence, these supports have further
reinforced the fact that improper handling of academic-related
matters will inflict immense stress on young people.
Revised version
 Academic-related matters occupy a huge proportion of young
people’s life in this modern world. Inevitably, difficulties or failure
in the management of academic work has become one of the
main causes of stress for young people nowadays. Statistics
from tertiary education institutes such as NTU and NUS has
shown an uprising trend in the number of requests for counseling
advice especially during the critical ‘examinations’ period. In a
more extreme case recently, a tertiary student resorted to suicide
as a result of insurmountable stress caused by academic
difficulties. In addition to many hiccups and problems in his Final-
Year Project, the student had his scholarship revoked due to
disappointing academic performance, which further dealt him a
huge blow which he could not grapple with. The above examples
have further reinforced the fact that problems related to
academic-related matters will inflict immense stress on young
people.
Practice work
 Activity 2:
Time: 30 min
Step 1: Read the excerpts from students’
writing
Step 2: Improve the excerpts’ coherence &
continuity by using the strategies
learned.
Step 3: Share your improved version
Excerpt 1

 Students have a chance to learn both in and

out of class. For example, communication in
everyday life helps them use and practice
language more effectively.
Reference Answer for Excerpt 1

 Students have a chance to learn English both

in and out of class. In class, they listen to the
professors’ lectures, make oral presentations
and even take notes in English. Outside
class, communication in English in their
everyday life helps them use and practice the
language more effectively.
Excerpt 2

 These days, the number of people that

commit suicide is increasing. We need to
think about this fact from two aspects.
Reference Answer for Excerpt 2

 These days, the number of people that

commit suicide is increasing. This alarming
fact can be examined from two aspects.
Excerpt 3

 Another aspect is the suicide of adults. This

is caused by the recession. In Japan, it is
culturally perceived that males go to work to
earn money for their family and females work
in their homes as housewives.
Reference Answer for Excerpt 3

 Another aspect is the suicide of adults, which

may be caused by the recession. For
example, in Japan, a man may be driven to
kill himself if he loses his job in recession as
it is culturally perceived that males go to work
to earn money for their family. When failing to
do so, …
Excerpt 4

 Student suicide can be led by many causes,

among which pressure may probably be the
most common one. Successful students
mostly set very high standard for themselves
and worked extremely hard.
Reference Answer for Excerpt 4

 Student suicide can be led by many causes,

among which pressure may probably be the
most common one. For example, students
who are keen to succeed mostly set very high
standards for themselves and worked
extremely hard. In the process,…
Excerpt 5

 Students are going overseas to pursue study

instead of studying locally might be due to
better educational opportunities. One major
reason is that local institutions might have
limited number of seats allocate to students.
Reference Answer for Excerpt 5

 Students may go overseas to pursue study

instead of studying locally for better
educational opportunities. Overseas
institutions generally offer more seats than
local institutions…
References

 Adapted from: http://

www.engl.niu.edu/sourcebook/II-3-8.html
 Students’ writing samples