Romantic Love and

Intimacy in Relationships
The Psychology of Women:
UCF: W. Steven Saunders, Psy.D.
 History of Romantic Love

• Romantic love includes idealization of another.

– The loved one is imagined to be perfect, even in his or her
faults.
• Even in cultures where marriages are arranged and
romantic love is officially prohibited examples are
found, although never with one’s spouse! It is secret
and conducted at great risk.
• Love is a basic, primitive human emotion.
 Romantic Love and Marriage
• Western cultures (and only relatively recently) have
been pretty much alone in supporting the concept of
romantic love being a good reason to marry.
• Men returning from the Crusades engaged in a
nonsexual “courtly love” of married ladies whom
they worshipped from afar much as the Virgin Mary
was worshipped for her purity. This emotionally
intense love was not expressed within marriage.
• Romantic love was not linked with marriage until the
16th or 17th century.
 Friendship vs. Romantic Love
• Friendship includes characteristics most people desire
in their spouses and lovers too
– Enjoyment of each other’s company most times
– Acceptance of one another
– Mutual trust; you hold each other’s best interests
– Mutual assistance in times of need
– Ability to confide in one another
– Understanding each other’s behavior
– Spontaneity; freedom to be yourself
 Love is different from
friendship…
• Fascination – preoccupation with the other
• Exclusiveness – not having the same
relationship with others
• Sexual desire – physical intimacy
• Giving the utmost – sacrificing for the other
• Physical attractiveness – preference for higher
levels of attractiveness and social status
• Feeling “in love” vs. loving
Is this love?

• Unreciprocated love
• Obsessive relational
intrusion
 Star Crossed Lovers
Tristan & Iseult
the star crossed lovers archetype fits into the story of Tristan and Iseult
in a couple of different ways. The first way is that their love is forbidden
because Iseult is married to Tristan’s uncle, King Mark of Cornwall. In one
of the common versions of Tristan and Iseult (not shown in the movie)
Tristan and Insults' paths only crossed because they each drank a love
potion that made them fall in love. If not for that, their destinies would not
have been interrupted and their stars would not have been crossed. The
second way the star crossed lovers archetype fits into the story of Tristan
and Iseult is that they both die in the end. “And out of her breast there grew
a red rose. And out of his breast a brier.” ~Ballad of Lord Lovel
The relationship Tristan and Iseult had with the people around them was
very distorted and disloyal. For example, King Marc was Tristan's’ uncle
yet Tristan was sleeping with King Marcs’ wife, Iseult. And Iseult was
married to King Marc, but she was having an affair with one of his knights,
Tristan.

w the Tristan and Iseult’s favorite class would be creative writing because they
o
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T o are really good at coming up with creative ways to hide their affair.
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and
mom s torn fail are said to be “star-crossed” (frustrated me o
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by the stars), because those who believe in R t
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Juli and
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 The Vampire
Characteristics
•The Vampire is a mythic creature associated The first story I read was
with both blood-sucking and eroticism. about a Serbian Peasant, Peter
Vampires require blood, which they get by Plogojowitz, who lived in Kisilova
biting the neck of their victims during a and was believed to be a
nocturnal visit. The female victim has been
portrayed in the paradoxical circumstances of
vampire. After he died people
wanting to repel the Vampire while at the allegedly saw his corpse walking
same time welcoming the erotic nature of the around the village. They decided
connection. to exhume his body and they
•Symbolically, this relationship speaks of the found that he had no decayed.
power dynamics that frequently drive male-
female relationships, in which the male drains the
Believing he was a vampire they
power of the female for his own psychic survival, staked him in the heart and he
and, once bitten, the female submits even though was seen on more.
this will eventually take all of her power. (In
some relationships, of course, the roles can easily The second story I read was
become reversed.)
almost identical to the first. An
ex solider was attacked by a
vampire. He had found a way to
ward the vampire off but not to
"I had seen my becoming a vampire in two reverse the curse. He later died
but the same things happened in
lights: The first light was simply his village. In one week four
people died. They exhumed his
enchantment... But the other light was my body and staked him also.

wish for self-destruction."

 How do I know if this is really
love?
• The physiological response is like a natural high
(heavy breathing, pounding heart, dry mouth, sweaty palms).
• Feelings of romantic love are associated with 3 brain
chemicals (dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine
– like amphetamines)
• Our cognitive (thinking) brain tries to figure out why
we feel this physiological arousal, considering
environmental cues.
– Is it because I’m in love?
– Schacter & Singer’s research
• Love junkies
 Companionate Love
• Companionate love is based on togetherness, trust,
sharing, affection, and a concern for the welfare of
the other (more so than passion).
– Realistic and not based on fantasy or ideals.
– Characteristic of the stable type of love found in lasting
adult relationships.
– Associated with chemicals oxytocin & vasopressin.
– Perhaps these substances give long-term lovers a sense of
calm, peace and security.
– Often includes a good, satisfying sexual relationship
 Passionate Love
• Researchers equate the word love with companionate
love, and the expression of feeling in love with
passionate love.
• Passionate love – intense longing for union with
another and a state of profound physiological arousal.
– More sexualized than companionate love
– Tends to decline with time
• Attachment type love – comforts of predictability and
security but little else.
 Sex without love; love without
sex
• Some people argue that love is unnecessary for
sex; sex can be enjoyed for its own sake.
– Some simply prefer independence over emotional
involvement. Romance is a cultural concept.
• Love is a feeling, not an act.
– Many couples prefer to reserve their sexuality for marriage
or other committed relationship.
– Celibacy allows time and focus to develop other aspects of
the relationship and finding other ways to express love.
• The processes that lead to affectional bonding and
sexual desire evolved independently.
 Personal Reflections
• How important to you is loving and being
loved?
• Do you believe that you could enjoy sex
without love? Why or why not?
• Could you enjoy being in a romantic love
relationship for an extended period of time if
the relationship did not include sex? Why or
why not?
 Unconditional Love
• Conditional love (deficiency love) – the other
satisfies our needs and fulfills our desires; it is
positively reinforcing. When our needs are no longer
met we fall out of love.
• Unconditional love (“being love”) does not depend
on the loved one meeting certain expectations or
desires.
– The ideal of parent-child relationships.
– Romantic partners can eventually transcend conditional
love. “I want you to be.” St. Augustine.
 Cross-Cultural Perspectives
Love and Marriage
• Romantic love as a basis for marriage is generally
found in cultures that do not have strong sanctions
against female sexuality, and that have a permissive
attitude about premarital sex…predominantly in
individualistic cultures.
• Polygyny is more common in societies with strong
fraternal interests (with dowries given at marriage) or
where there is warfare for the capture of women and
land for expansion is plentiful.
• Love may or may not develop in arranged marriages,
depending largely upon the culture.
 Prerequisites for Love –
Self-Acceptance
• Self-esteem – If you cannot accept and love
yourself, it will be impossible to you to accept
that someone else might love you.
• People who feel confident and self-sufficient
do not require external validation (neediness).
• The manner in which one is raised is important
for acquiring a positive self-concept.
Do you have
positive self-
esteem?
How does
your level of
self-esteem
affect your
ability to
participate in
a loving
relationship?
 Prerequisites for Love –
Self-Disclosure
• A person cannot really love you until they get to
know the real you; this distinguishes love from
infatuation.
• Self-disclosure – a mutual exchange of
vulnerabilities; emotional intimacy.
• Women tend to find self-disclosure easier than men
and tend to self-disclose slightly more than men.
• Well-timed self-disclosure makes a person more
likable throughout a relationship.
 Theories of Love –
Attachment Theory (1)
• Studies of Americans showed that the strength
of the infant-caregiver attachment bonds relate
to relationship styles in adulthood.
• Four styles:
– Secure
– Anxious-ambivalent
– Avoidant (2 subtypes – dismissive and fearful)
– Secure, preoccupied
 Attachment Theory (2)
• Secure attachment – children learn that parents are a
source of security and trust.
– Secure romantic attachment love is the norm in 79% of
countries studied.
• Adults do not fear abandonment and find it easy to
get close to others.
– More than half of adults are “secure,” have positive views
of themselves and others, are well liked and strive for a
balance of closeness and independence.
– They freely give hugs and other physical comfort, and
show active, positive involvement during conversations.
 Attachment Theory (3)
• Anxious-ambivalent – parents are inconsistent,
leading to uncertainty in the child
– Actively seek to be near the parent
– Angry sometimes and ambivalent other times
• Adults feel negatively about themselves, are insecure
in relationships, fearing rejection
– Can be desperate in trying to get close to their partners and
end up giving up their independence.
• Secure, preoccupied is similar to Anxious-
Ambivalent.
– This style is more common in East Asian cultures.
 Personal Reflections
• What type of attachment style do you display
in your romantic relations?
• Do you have negative or positive views of
yourself? Of others?
• How has this affected the nature and quality of
your romantic relations?
Robert Sternberg’s Triangular
Theory of Love
 Sternberg’s three components
• Intimacy – friendship, emotional closeness,
high regard and caring for the other, trust,
mutual understanding, happiness together, etc.
• Passion – physical attraction, fascination,
romance and sexual relations.
• Decision/commitment – decision to commit
to loving the person through good times and
bad and to maintain the relationship over time.
 Incomplete triangles
• None of the components are strong = nonlove; this
characterizes a casual relationship.
• Intimacy alone = liking; an important friendship with
real warmth, caring, bondedness.
• Passion alone = infatuation; love at first sight,
obsession with the fantasy of love.
• Commitment alone = empty love; the end of a
stagnant relationship or beginning of an arranged
marriage.
 More complex but still
incomplete
• Intimacy + passion = romantic love; the deep
friendship of liking plus the attraction and
excitement of passion.
• Intimacy + decision/commitment =
companionate love; most romantic relationships
that survive lose some of their passion and
develop into this kind of love.
• Passion + decision/commitment = fatuous love;
whirlwind romances with high risk of break up.
 Consummate Love: the ultimate
achievement
• Intimacy + passion + decision/commitment =
consummate love; commitment is made based
upon a deep knowing and appreciation of one’s
partner as well as the excitement of passion.
• This is the type of love that most of us strive for
in our romantic relationships.
• Tip: the word “romantic” is used in a general
sense here but has specific meaning as one of
Sternberg’s 8 types of love.
John Lee’s Many Colors of Love
• In Lee’s model, different love styles are
portrayed as different colors; mutual love
results from two styles of colors that make a
good match.
• Ask not how much you are loved but how (in
what style) you are loved; and how you love.
Do you and your partner match or clash?
Instead of red,
blue & yellow,
Lee’s “colors”
are Eros,
Ludus and
Storge, at the
points of the
triangle within
the circle.
 Lee’s “primary colors”
• Eros – emotional feeling of love follow strong
physical attractions; they fall in and out of love
often (similar to Sternberg’s infatuation).
• Ludus – self centered in pursuit of fun; enjoys
the chase but doesn’t maintain a commitment
(similar to Sternberg’s fatuous love).
• Storge – affection that develops from friendship
(similar to Sternberg’s companionate love).
 The Secondary Colors
• Pragma = ludus + storge; a practical style of loving,
carefully seeking a mate with their list of desired
traits.
• Mania = eros + ludus; intense, obsessive emotional
dependency on the attention and affection of one’s
partner.
• Agape = eros + storge; selfless, devoted lover, putting
partner’s interests above their own. Similar to
Maslow’s “being love” and Sternberg’s “empty love”
– not very common.
 Finding a Good Match
• Men tend to be more ludic and women tend to be
more pragmatic, storgic and manic.
– Asian Americans tend to be more pragmatic and storgic
than other ethnic groups.
• We can learn from our experiences and change our
style of love.
• With the exception of mania and ludus, a good match
generally results from two styles that are close on the
chart. (e.g., Pragmatic and storgic are a good match)
 Personal Reflections
• How do you define love?
• Which of Lee’s love-styles best describes you
in your present or last relationship?
• Do you think that you are locked into this style
for future relationships? Why or why not?
 Which Theory is Correct?
• Some focus on structure; others focus on
process.
• Hierarchical Model
– Top level = love as a single entity
– 2nd level = clusters of smaller entities such as “hot”
passion, “warm” companionship.
– 3rd level = clusters contributing to how we feel,
such as sexuality, trust, sincerity, compatibility,
fulfillment, mutual need, and intimacy.
 Jealousy
• Jealousy is aroused when a person perceives a
threat to their relationship of sense of self.
• Emotional components include anger,
humiliation, fear, depression, & helplessness.
• Most likely in people with low self-esteem,
unhappy with their lives, who place great
value on things like popularity, wealth, fame,
and physical attractiveness, or persons with a
preoccupied attachment style.
 Culture and jealousy
• Men and women have different styles of responding
to jealousy; both feel inadequate at first, then women
try to make themselves more attractive but men tend
to seek outside relief.
• Withdrawal prolongs the feelings of jealousy.
• Most likely to occur in cultures that consider
marriage as a means for guilt-free sex, security and
social recognition.
– Americans show more distress to a partner’s imagined
infidelity than Chinese men and women.
 Avoiding
Jealousy
• Never purposely try
to make your
partner jealous.
• Establish mutual
trust, and respect
your partner’s need
for some personal
freedom.
 Personal Reflections
• Do your ever have feelings of jealousy?
• Are they so strong that they interfere with your
relationship(s)?
• What are the conditions that usually cause you
to become jealous?
• Does your partner ever try to make you
jealous?
• What might you do to control these feelings?
 Maintaining a Relationship
• Proximity, similarity and physical
attractiveness play important roles in initiating
relationships.
• Similarity is key to staying together.
• For continued development, a relationship
must include mutual self-disclosure, equity
and commitment.
• Change and the need to adapt to change is
unavoidable in any long-term relationship.
 The Decline of Passion
• Habituation – repeated exposure to even the
most positive stimulus will eventually lead to
less intense response to the stimulus and
boredom.
• A large component in passion is novelty and
fantasy, which can keep sex lives from
becoming ritualized.
• Declining passion must be replaced with
things that lead to companionate love.
 Growing Together/Growing
Apart: Will Companionate Love
Develop?
• Habituation can lead to growing apart as each
individual finds new interests.
• A major predictor of marital success is the number of
shared pleasurable activities.
• Couples in happy, long-lasting relationships
frequently say that their partner is their best friend;
they have fun together.
• Couples must make time to have fun together.
• Gottman’s ratio of 5 positive to 1 negative emotional
interaction.
As couples grow and
change, efforts to
maintain a significant
number of
pleasurable similar
interests and
activities is critical to
maintaining a
satisfying
relationship.
 Personal Reflections
• For those presently in a long-lasting
relationship: Have the activities you share with
your partner changed since you first began
dating?
• Have new shared activities replaced old ones?
• Are you growing together or growing apart?
• If you feel that you are growing apart, what
can you do to change this?
 Coping with Breakups
• Obsessive review – preoccupation with what
went wrong; this is okay for awhile if you
actually learn from it and make changes in
your life to prevent the same problems in
future relationships.
• Emotional and social loneliness – not only
losing your partner but friends you had in
common.
• Most break ups are a process.
 Help for the brokenhearted
• Express your emotions to a sympathetic
listener; write down your thoughts.
• Figure out what happened; writing your
thoughts down may help you gain insight.
• Focus on your ex as a real person vs. ideal
• Prepare to feel better; expect to heal.
• Avoid social isolation; let your friends help
you.
• Look at this as a change; this is a new start.
 Becoming More Intimate
• True intimacy requires mutual understanding of the
good as well as the “bad.”
• Accept yourself as you are. Your ideas and feelings
are legitimate.
• Recognize your partner for what that person is;
intimacy is not possible with a “perfect” person.
• Become comfortable expressing yourself in both
positive and negative situations.
• Learn to deal with your partner’s reactions.
 Personal Reflections
• Do you reveal your true needs, feelings, emotions,
and values to your partner? Why or why not?
• Do you think that your partner reveals his/her true
needs, feelings, emotions and values to you? Why or
why not?
• Do you deal with your partner’s reactions when he
or she does not like you to express your true
feelings, or do you back up and/or apologize? Why
or why not?
What is this thing we call love?

• “Love is an active power in man; a power which

breaks through the walls which separate man
and his fellow men…In love the paradox occurs
that two beings become one yet remain two.”
– Erich Fromm, 1956
 Individual Differences and
Relationship Conflicts
• Different Expectations
– Many men are goal (orgasm) oriented during sex,
whereas many women are partner-directed.
• Different Assumptions
– People often assume that what feels best to them
must feel best for others as well.
• Differences in Desire
– It is the couple that has the problem; not the one
who wants more sex or the one who wants less.
Difference is not necessarily a matter of
who is right and who is wrong.

• One half or more

of all couples have
had, or eventually
will have, sexual
problems at some
time in their
relationship.
 Personal Reflections
• What do you do when your partner desires sex and
you are not in the mood?
• What would you expect your partner to do if you
desired sex and he or she was not in the mood? Why?
• Have you ever pretended to be tired or feeling poorly
in order to avoid sex with your partner? If so, why?
• Do you think that responses like these are the best
way to communicate with your partner about sexual
needs?
 Relationship Conflicts
• Sometimes couples conflict over differences in
preferred sexual behaviors.
• If a couple is experiencing relationship problems
there will likely be sexual problems as well.
• Working together to find solutions requires being
able to talk about differences.
• Choose a properly trained and certified Marriage and
Family Therapist. www.aamft.org
 Personal Reflections
• Are you able to comfortably communicate
your sexual values and needs to your sexual
partner or your potential partner?
• If not, what barriers are preventing you from
doing so?
• Do you create any barriers that may prevent
your partner from comfortably communicating
his or her sexual values and needs to you?
 Sexual Therapy
• Psychoanalysis – long-term, intensive exploration of
childhood causes for adult problems. Not commonly
used today.
• Cognitive-behavioral therapy – short-term, focusing on
attitudes, beliefs and how they affect our behaviors.
• Psychosexual therapy – insight into causes of the
problems; successful with sexual aversion and low
sexual desire.
• Medical model – looking for and treating organic
causes for sexual problems.
 The PLISSIT Model
• Each level represents a successively deeper level of
therapy and is only explored if necessary.
• P = Permission (defining your own sexuality)
• LI = Limited information (a little education)
• SS = Specific suggestions (behavioral techniques)
• IT = Intensive therapy (psychotherapy; only 10%
need this level)
 Sexual Therapy Techniques
• Medical history – possible organic causes
• Sexual history – attitudes, behaviors, and
partner reactions and involvement
• Specific suggestions
– Systematic desensitization (reduce anxiety)
– Self-awareness and masturbation (know yourself)
– Sensate focus (non-demand mutual pleasuring)
– Specific Exercises
Sensate Focus
• A nondemand
mutual pleasuring
technique in which
a couple learns
how to touch and
be touched without
worrying about
performing or
reaching a goal.
 Personal Reflections
• Stop and reflect on the physical interactions you have
with your partner(s).
• In most of your interactons, are you able to engage in
extended nongenital touching and caressing of your
partner, or are you usually in a hurry to achieve some
immediate genital or breast touching?
• Is your partner able to caress your arms, legs, neck
and so on, without you quickly attempting to steer the
behavior toward sexual play? Why or why not?
 Male Sexual Problems
Sexual Desire Disorders
• Hypoactive Sexual Desire (0-3% of men)
– Primary – never having had normal level of desire
– Secondary or acquired – distress at a significantly
lower level of desire than in the past
– Causes may be organic (e.g., low testosterone) or
psychological (e.g., repressive upbringing, severe
stress, anger at one’s partner, depression)
– Behavior and cognitive therapies
• Sexual Aversion Disorder – more extreme
 Sexual Arousal Disorder:
Erectile Disorder (Erectile
Dysfunction) (1)
• Persistent or recurrent inability to get or
maintain erection, and distress
• Primary vs. Secondary
• Global vs. Situational
• 80% have a physical basis; REM sleep test
– Circulatory problems, neurological disorders,
prostate surgery, low testosterone, groin injuries
 Sexual Arousal Disorder:
Erectile Disorder (Erectile
Dysfunction) (2)
• ¼ due to medications prescribed for other conditions
(especially antidepressants and beta-blockers)
• Smokers and drinkers at higher risk
• Vacuum devices, injectable drugs, oral medications
(Viagra, Levitra, Cialis), penile implants
• Psychological issues – trauma, performance anxiety,
stress and life changes, depression, spectatoring
• Sensate Focus – nondemand pleasuring
• Counseling – personal and relationship issues
Teasing procedure used after
success with Sensate Focus
 Personal Reflections
• Have you ever experienced performance
anxiety during sexual relations (e.g., anxiety
about pleasing your partner, maintaining an
erection, reaching orgasm)?
• If so, what do you think is the cause of the
anxiety?
 Male Orgasmic Disorders:
Premature Ejaculation
• Absence of reasonable voluntary control of
ejaculation, and distress
• May lead to low self-esteem and performance
anxiety, which may lead to erectile problems.
• Organic or psychological causes.
• Squeeze technique
• Side-by-side or woman-on-top coital positions
 Male Orgasmic Disorder
• Primary vs. Secondary
• Most cases have psychological causes
– Strict religious upbringing, fear of getting a woman
pregnant, hostility toward partner, maternal
dominance, too much focus on performance
• Organic causes may include use of drugs,
alcohol or neurological disorders.
• Bridge maneuver
 Male Sexual Pain Disorders
• Dyspareunia
– Prostate, bladder, or urethral infection
– Phimosis
– Peyronie’s Disease
• Priapism
– Drug use, damaged valves, tumors, infection
– Emergency Room treatment is most effective
• Benign coital cephalalgia – sex headache
– Relaxation techniques, medication for high blood pressure, or anti-
inflammatory drugs taken before sex
 Female Sexual Problems
Classification of Sexual Disorders
• The DSM-IV-TR does not adequately describe
women’s sexual problems.
– New attempts focus on meaning rather than function
• Sexual Interest/Desire Disorders: Hypoactive
Sexual Desire and Sexual Aversion
• Persistent or recurrent deficiency of sexual
fantasies/thoughts and/or desire for or receptivity to
sexual activity which causes personal distress.
– About 1/3 of women experience Hypoactive Sexual Desire
– Sexual Aversion disorder; more severe; phobic
 Causes and treatments for
hypoactive desire or sexual aversion
disorders
• Psychological and/or organic causes
– Sexually repressive upbringing, past sexual traumas,
depression, some medications (esp. antidepressants), low
testosterone (not common), coexisting sexual problem
(such as painful coitus).
• Often, relationship issues contribute
– Betrayal, dislike, fear of partner, partner’s abuse, partner’s
negative patterns of communication, insufficient emotional
intimacy
• Behavioral-cognitive therapies plus couples therapy
 Female Arousal Disorder
• Persistent or recurrent inability to attain or
maintain sufficient sexual excitement, causing
personal distress
– Lack of subjective excitement
– Lack of genital swelling and/or lubrication
– For some postmenopausal women; low testosterone
– Therapy must focus on psychological factors and
partner relationship issues
– Persistent sexual arousal syndrome
 Female Orgasmic Disorder (1)
• Most common reason women seek sex therapy.
• Persistent or recurrent difficulty, delay, or absence
of attaining orgasm following sufficient sexual
stimulation and arousal; causing personal distress.
• Large numbers of women have difficulty reaching
orgasm during sexual intercourse as opposed to
during masturbation or oral-genital.
• Primary/absolute vs. Secondary/situational
 Female Orgasmic Disorder (2)
• Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach
orgasm; this normal for women.
– Men should not feel inadequate.
– Clitoral stimulation during intercourse is not cheating!
• A healthy, positive attitude about sex and pleasure is
also very important.
– Primary cases often associated with strict religious
upbringing where sexual feelings are seen as sinful.
 Female Orgasmic Disorder (3)
• Sexually assertive women have higher frequencies of
orgasm than less assertive gals.
– Women often get more sexually assertive as they get older.
• Masturbation therapy
• Performance anxiety
• Unrealistic expectations
• Sensate focus, hand-riding, woman-on-top
• Sexual satisfaction often related to emotional involvement
in the overall relationship.
 Personal Reflections
• Are you able to “let go” totally during sex (i.e.,
no anxieties about nudity, sweat, odors, noises,
facial expressions, etc.)? If not, why not?
 Female Sexual Pain Disorders
• Dyspareunia - recurrent or persistent pain associated with
sexual intercourse.
– Inflammation of vestibular bulbs, endometriosis, PID, yeast, urinary
or other infections
• Vaginismus – recurrent or persistent pain during attempted
sexual intercourse.
– Involuntary muscle contractions
– Past sexual trauma, hostility or fear of men, extreme fear or guilt
about sex
• Noncoital pain disorder – during arousal or orgasm
 Hypersexuality: Compulsion,
Addiction, or Myth?
• No such DSM-IV-TR category
• Sexual compulsion aka sexual addiction
– Recurrent failure to control the behavior
– Continuation of the behavior despite significant
harmful consequences
• Sexual compulsives engage in sex (or
masturbation) compulsively to reduce anxiety;
usually finding little or no emotional
satisfaction.
 Sexual compulsion on the
internet
• Some sexual compulsives restrict their
behaviors to internet sex; some simply add
internet sex to sex in person.
• Hypersexuality results from intimacy
dysfunction; often victims of childhood sexual
abuse.
• Therapy treats the interpersonal discomfort and
also helps the individual find healthy, adaptive
ways of dealing with emotional needs.
 Cross-Cultural Perspectives
Sex Therapy
• Therapies discussed here are linked to a
Western cultural belief system.
• In large parts of northern Africa and the Middle
East, sexual pleasure is reserved for men.
– Sensate focus and mutual pleasuring would not be a
good cultural fit.
• Tantric Scriptures urge people to view sexuality
as an opportunity for spiritual growth and
union.
 Sexual Problems Among
Homosexuals
• In addition to problems already mentioned,
– Issues related to HIV/AIDS
– Issues related to social prejudice which may be internalized
• Orgasm problems are not common among lesbians, but
many lesbians have negative feelings about cunnilingus.
• Many gay men have negative feelings about anal sex.
• Success rates of sex therapy higher for homosexuals
than heterosexuals.
 Personal Reflections
• Almost all people experience sexual disorders at
some point in their lives.
• If you were in an ongoing relationship and were
consistently experiencing a problem, would you go
to a sex therapist? Why or why not?
• If “yes” how long would you wait before deciding
to go?
• Most therapists believe that the earlier therapy is
initiated, the better the chance for a cure.