Развој на емоционлна

писменост кај деца

1
Приказна за виолинистот
ITZHAK PERLMAN
Роден е во 1940 година
во Тел Авив, Израел. Бил
чудно бебе: секогаш кога
слушал музика, ги
затворал очите и мавтал
со рацете како да влече
лак преку жиците на
виолина.
Почнал да
свири
виолина во
третата
година.
Во четвртата година
се разболел од
полио.
Понекогаш се
движел во
инвалидска количка,
но најмногу на
штаки.
Живеел за
музика.
Деновите ги
поминувал
вежбајќи.
На 13 години
победил на
конкурсот за
млади
виолинисти и тоа
му овозможи да
замине во
Америка.
Брзо се здобил
со слава во
Америка.
Критичарите го
фалеле, а
публиката го
сакала.
На почетокот на еден
концерт, по првите
неколку тактови, му
пукнала жицата од
виолина.
Публиката очекувала
маестрото да ја смени
жицата или да земе друга
виолина.
Но, Иџак само му дал знак на
диригентот да продолжи а тој
да свири на преостанатите
три жици.
Сите знаат дека е
невозможно да се
свири на три жици
она што е наменето за
свирење на четири ...
Ицак исто така го
знаел тоа.
Затоа свирејќи
импровизирл,
додаваше,
прекомпонирал
музика ...Звучело
прекрасно убаво...
... Помеко, постраствено од било
што досега...
Целиот се
вложил во
правењето
музика.
Публиката
плачела од
емоции.
На новинарско
прашање зошто
одлучил да го
продолжи концертот
само со три жици, тој
се насмевнал и
одговорил:
Пукањето на жицата го сфатив како
предизвик. Знаев дека ќе свирам одлично
на четири жици.
Но со само три ...
Јас сум уметник. Морав да се обидам да
правам музика со она што ми остана.
А животот е уметност. И
во животот треба да
научиме да правиме
најдобро што можеме со
она што го имаме.
Емоционалната
интелигенција е
поинаков начин да се
биде паметен.
Тоа вклучува да
знаеме што
чувствуваме и да ги
користиме
сопствените чувства
за да донесеме добри
одлуки во животот.
Емоционалната интелигенција е
вештина за добро управување со
неубавите расположенија и
вештина за контролирање на
инстинктите.
Тоа значи и дека сме мотивирани
и остануваме полни со надеж и
оптимизам дури и кога
доживуваме неуспеси на патот
до целта.
Емоционалната интелигенција
е исто така емпатија, вештина
да се чувствуваат емоциите на
другите луѓе и способност да
се разберат нивните емоции.
Човечките лица се
огледала.
Ја гледаме нашата слика
на лицата на нашите
најблиски.
Каква е таа слика, убава
или не?
Тоа зависи од нас самите.
 Честопати не
можеме да ја
промениме
реалноста, но
СЕКОГАШ
можеме да го
промениме
начинот на кој
гледаме на неа и
реагираме на
неа.
 Животот на
човекот е
изграден од 10%
од она што
навистина му се
случува во
животот и 90% од
начинот на кој го
гледаме.
„Забележав дека мојот противник имаше солзи во очите.
Не можев да се концентрирам и ја изгубив желбата за
победа“
 Чувства
Повеќето луѓе научиле дека
постојат два вида чувства: добри и
лоши.

25
 Чувства
• Не постои такво нешто како лошо
чувство бидејќи сите чувства се
израз на искуство.
• Кога ги категоризираме чувствата
како добри или лоши, ги
категоризираме и луѓето кои ги
имаат како добри или лоши.

26
 Чувства
• Наместо да ги нарекуваме
чувствата како добри или лоши,
можеме да ги групираме во
пријатни и непријатни чувства
• На тој начин тоа се чувствата што
ги означуваме, а не луѓето кои го
имаат тоа чувство.

27
 Пријатни чувства
• Љубов.
• Мир.
• Радост.
• Среќа.
• Задоволство.
• Сите други чувства кои влијаат на
личноста на позитивен начин.

28
Непријатни чувства
– Омраза
– Гнев
– Љубомора
– Лутина
– Фрустрација
– Тага

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 Непијатни чувства
• Целта не е да се негираат
непријатните чувства
• Целта е да управувате со
чувствата за чувствата да не го
заземат вашиот живот.

30
 Како да управуваме со
нашите чувства
• Свесност

– Начинот на кој вашето тело реагира

на чувство.
– Името што го давате на чувството.
– Свесност за ситуацијата или слични
ситуации кои генерираат конкретни
чувства.

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 Како да управуваме со
нашите чувства
• Прифаќање
• Вториот чекор во управувањето со
чувствата е општо прифаќање дека
што и да чувствувате е во ред и дека
не сте лоша личност за да имате
такви чувства.
• Наместо да прифатат чувство, многу
луѓе го негираат, преправаат или
маскираат чувството.

32
 Како да управуваме со
нашите чувства
• Комуникација

– Кога станува збор за

изразување чувства,
таквата комуникација
може да биде или
вербална или
невербална.
– Сите чувства имаат
енергија која им дава
живот на чувствата.

33
 Како да управуваме со
нашите чувства
• Три корисни правила за
изразување на енергијата се:
– Почитувајте се - не повредувајте ги
другите.
– Почитувајте ги другите - не ги
повредувајте другите.
– Почитувајте ја околината - не
уништувајте имот, животни или
природа.

34
 Криење на нашите
чувства
• Кога минатите искуства во
нашите животи биле многу болни,
многумина од нас имаат
тенденција да избегнуваат да се
справуваат со болката.
• Примерите се смрт на сакана
личност, раскинување на значајна
врска, лошо вложување пари или
некое болно искуство во
детството.  
35
 Криење на нашите
чувства
• Или се обидуваме целосно да го
заборавиме искуството, или се
обидуваме да се ослободиме од
болните чувства со тоа што ќе ги
скриеме под чергиче.
• Ниту едното ниту другото не
функционира многу добро на
долг рок. Болните чувства не
исчезнуваат; тие едноставно се
надвор од видното поле. 36
Криење на нашите
чувства
• Многу рано учиме да не се
справуваме со болка или други
чувства на непријатност.

37
Помагање на децата да се
справат со нивните чувства
• Како ги подготвуваме нашите
деца да се справат со нивните
чувства ќе влијае на квалитетот
на нивниот живот повеќе од кој
било друг елемент на
родителството.
• Најлошото нешто што можеме да
го направиме како родители е да
не ги подготвуваме децата за
задачите и предизвиците во 38
 Помагање на децата да се
справат со нивните чувства
• Децата кои учат да се
справуваат со своите
чувства развиваат
чувство на
компетентност.

39
Емоционална комптентност
• Емоционалната компетентност е
способност родителите и децата да
можат да ги препознаат и изразат
своите чувства на соодветни начини.

40
 Начини за градење
емоционална компетентност
• Дајте им до знаење на децата
дека сите чувства се во ред.
• Децата треба да веруваат дека
сите чувства се добри и корисни
во комуникацијата.

41
 Начини за градење
емоционална компетентност
• Обележете го чувството што го
гледате или мислите дека го
гледате.
• На пример, „Изгледаш „среќно“.-
Ова ќе му даде на детето чувство
дека му се верува и почитува.

42
 Начини за градење
емоционална компетентност
• Не доминирајте во
разговорот.
• Оставете го детето да
зборува.
• Поттикнете го
споделувањето така
што ќе бидете
заинтересирани за
она што вашето дете
го кажува. 43
 Начини за градење
емоционална компетентност
• Промовирајте го образложението
зад чувствата.
• Поставете го прашањето „Зошто?“
• На пример:„Зошто мислиш дека
се чувствува така?
• „Зошто се чувствуваш толку
тажно?

44
 Начини за градење
емоционална компетентност
• Кога детето сака нешто,
почитувајте ја неговата желба.
• Децата чувствуваат дека ги
разбирате и цените нивните
желби.
• Штом децата ќе сфатат дека
нивните чувства се почестени,
тие се поотворени да ја слушаат
логиката зошто не можат да го
имаат она што го сакаат. 45
 Начини за градење
емоционална компетентност
• Teach children how to express their
emotional energy.
– All feelings have energy that need
expression.
– Brainstorm a list of physical things
children can do to release their
energy.

46
 Начини за градење
емоционална компетентност
• Praise, praise, praise.
– When children are expressing their
feelings appropriately, let them know
you like what you hear.
– Remember, the behaviors you pay
attention to are the behaviors that are
being reinforced.
– Catch your children behaving well.

47
 н а а

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Ра
Психосоцијален развој
i. Емоционални потреби на детето

ii. Фази во психосоцијален развој

Емоционални потреби на
детето
 Емоционални потреби на детето

1. Love and warmth

 Највитална потреба
 Колку повеќе детето добива љубов, толку подобро ќе
може да се соочи со тешкотии (разделба, смрт, физичка
агресија...)
 Кога има недостаток на љубов и топлина, детето може
да доживее:чувство на осаменост, недостаток на
интерес за активности, проблеми со воспоставување
врски
 Emotional needs of the child
2. Acceptance

 Секое дете има своја личност

 На пр.. Интроверт наспроти екстроверт
 Не можеме да влијаеме на личноста на детето

 НО
Emotional needs of the child
Неопходно е да се развие чувство на самодоверба

Кога има недостаток на почит, детето може да се

чувствува: инфериорно, изолирано или
покажува агресивно однесување,…
Emotional needs of the child
4. Order and Discipline

 Потреба од авторитет, ред и ограничувања

 Треба да се даде од страна на родителите/старателите на
разумен и праведен начин
 Фрустрација: детето треба да научи дека не може да
добие сè
Emotional needs of the child
5. Performance

 Потребата да се учи со имитација на другите

 Со тоа што ќе му дадете простор на детето да
експериментира и да греши
 Ризично е кога родителите/старателите се премногу
критични или премногу вознемирени
 Emotional needs of the child
6. Independence

 Со растењето, детето сака и има потреба од поголема

одговорност, без да се остави во несигурни ситуации

 Неопходно е да се изгради чувство на самодоверба

Emotional needs of the child
7. Recognition and appreciation
• Потреба за важност и вреднување

• Родителите/старателите не треба да ги гледаат само

недостатоците на детето
• Недостатокот на препознавање може да доведе до
чувство на несреќа, обесхрабрување,
некомуникација,…
 Фази на психосоцијален
развој
• Основни емоционални потреби
Наспроти
• Специфични потреби во различни
фази на психосоцијалниот развој
 Идентитет
 Што е идентитет?
 Кој е некој; особините што ја прават одредена личност
различна од другите
 Како се формира нашиот идентитет?
 Начинот на кој ние сме третирани од други влијанија кои
сме/стануваме
 Секој поминува низ повеќе или помалку исти фази во тоа
како се гледаме себеси и другите
 Фази на психосоцијален
развој
Формирање на идентитет
 Фаза 1 (0 - 18 месеци) Фаза 4 (7-12 години)
градење основна учење за извршување
доверба на задачите
Фаза 2 (18 месеци – 3 Фаза 5 (13 – 18 години)
години) развој на постигнување
автономија идентитет
Фаза 3 (4 – 6 години) Фаза 6 (18 + ) рана
добивање чувство за зрелост
иницијатива
 Фаза 1
Building
 Мајка (негувателка) = најважна личност
 Стекнување доверба во старателот, знаејќи дека
таа ќе се грижи за мене што и да се случи:
 Ме хранат кога сум гладен
 Ме тешат кога сум несреќен
 Тие се враќаат откако ќе ги нема

Кога ќе се добие доверба, детето ќе може да го открие

светотОд чувство на тага, лутина, среќа до поголем
емоционален опсег како љубомора, лутина, фрустрација,…
 Фаза 2
 Детето сака да прави сè самостојно и мисли дека
се му припаѓа
 Многу тврдоглави
 Развој на емоција на срам
 Родители:Давање автономија во давање разумни
избори и во соодветно водство
 Одржување авторитет без да доминирате над
детето
 Фаза 3
Developing Sense of Initiative:

 Детето сака да биде како возрасни и сака да го разбере

светот (« зошто? »)
 Потребно е да преземете мали иницијативи (помагајте да
готвите, купите нешто во продавница)
 Детето станува посоцијално: способно да си игра со другите,
да гради односи со други лица отколку со старателите
 Фаза 4
Learning to Accomplish Tasks:

 Период кога детето учи да ги исполнува задачите и обврските

 Покрај играњето, детето сака завршена работа,
постигнување цел, реализација на нешто
 Детето развива чувство за лична компетентност
 Социјалниот контекст на детето станува се поголем
 Родители: поттикнување на позитивни резултати
 Фаза 5
• Физичко созревање (пубертет, телесни
промени, нова слика за себе)
• Ги доведува во прашање сите компоненти на
идентитетот елаборирани во минатото
• Процес на одвојување од семејството,
поголемо значење на односите со пријателите
• Адолесцентниот период може да се доживее
многу различно во различни култури (ритуали
на крајот на адолесценцијата)
 Фаза 6
Early Adulthood:
 Почетокот на оваа фаза е многу различен од една култура
до друга
 Интимна врска со партнерот
 Создавање семејство, раѓање деца
 Social and Emotional
Competence of Children

Sometimes children need help

expressing their feelings and
emotions. Parents and
caregivers can help children
learn to communicate clearly,
recognize and regulate emotions,
and build and maintain
relationships.

“Perhaps the closest thing to a general law of parenting

is that supportive, warm, sensitive, and responsive child
rearing is associated with the development of social
competence in the young” (Peterson & Hann, 1999, p. 336)
 Social and Emotional
Competence of Children

Children need to learn social skills, such as sharing and

being respectful, and emotional skills, such as using words to
express feelings and emotions
• 753 kindergarteners followed for 20 years. Those rated high
in social competence skills were… (i.e. “resolves peer problems”,
“listens to others”, “shares materials”, “cooperates”, is “helpful”) (at age 25)
– More likely to attain higher education
– Working in higher paying jobs
– Experiencing better mental health
– Less likely to drop out, abuse drugs & alcohol,
need government assistance & have a criminal
record
 Parenting and Emotions
Fish swim, birds fly, people feel

• Emotion Dismissing
– Unhappy emotions should go away/be
minimized.
– “There is no reason to be _____” or
“Just get over it!” or “Cheer up, it’s not that
bad”
– Discourages children from sharing feelings or

trusting their own feelings.

• Emotion Disapproving
– Emotions are(Based
a onsign
Emotionof weakness
Coaching: – Children
The Heart of Parenting, John & Julie Gottman, 2013)
 KEY!

Emotion Coaching Understanding

and Empathy

A parenting style that promotes positive behavior

5 Steps
1. Be aware of your child’s emotions
2. Recognize emotions as opportunities
for connection and teaching
3. Listen with empathy and validate
feelings
4. Label their emotions with words
5. Set limits and problem solve

***ALL
feelings and wishes are acceptable***
***NOT all behaviors and actions are acceptable***

(Based on Emotion Coaching: The Heart of Parenting, John & Julie Gottman, 2013)
 Emotional Mirror

Children need caregivers to respond appropriately to

their emotions, especially their strong emotions.
They need an environment where they feel safe
expressing their emotions.

“Mirror”
children’s
emotions

From a mirror kids want an

image, not a sermon
 Messages of Love

• There are at least three “languages” of love:

– Show Me (e.g. time, gifts, service)
– Tell Me
– Touch Me

• Parents and caregivers can

send a message of love by:
– Noticing what children ask for
– Noticing how children send
messages of love
 Bids for Connection

• Three ways to respond to bids for connection:

– Turning away
– Turning against
– Turning toward

Why do children make so many bids?

Can you think of examples?
Why is it important to “turn toward” bids
for connection?
What might turning toward children’s bids for connection
teach them in their own relationships?
Granting in Fantasy What
Can’t be Granted in Reality
• If wishes can’t be granted, grant them in
fantasy.
– It does not give them what they want, but it gives
them the next best thing – knowing you heard
them and understand.
How do positive responses to children
build emotional and social competence?

• Early experiences (positive & negative) impact brain

development, including “adverse childhood experiences”

Genes cause brain cells to form

connections – but so do positive
interactions with caregivers –
including reading and responding!

• Resilience is possible – secure warm relationships have a

protective effect
• Positive attention & stimulation cause new connections to
form neural “learning pathways” & strengthens existing ones.
 Children with Special Needs

• If you have a child with special needs, what do

you need from others in order to support his/her
social/emotional development?

• If you work with families who

have children with special
needs, what do you already
do to support their social/
emotional development?
 Social and Emotional
Competence of Children

Key Principles:
• Parents and caregivers serve as the primary role models for children.
• Children need messages of love that are unique to them.
• Children do best when parents and caregivers
turn toward their bids for affection, attention,
and connection.
• Children need an environment where
they feel safe expressing their emotions.
• Feelings must be dealt with before
behavior can be improved.
• Grant in fantasy what you can’t grant in reality.
• Parents should model the principles.
 Emotional Intelligence
Characteristics
• The ability to assess and supervise
one’s emotions, thoughts, and self.

• To be aware of the emotions of others

and of groups.

• To discriminate among emotions and

thoughts and use this information to
guide future thinking and actions.
 Emotional Intelligence Skills

• Self-awareness
• Self-assessment
• Self-
empowerment
• Crisis
management
• Problem solving
• Positive thinking
• Communication
 Your Example
• Children learn how to treat others by how
their parents treat them
• Children learn how to manage their
emotions by watching how their parents
value emotions
• Children learn to focus attention and
accomplish tasks by growing in a calm
environment
 Critical Skills
• Self-awareness
• Social Awareness
• Self-Management
• Responsible Decisions
• Relationship skills
• Vocabulary of Emotions
• Respect for feelings
• Empathy
 Communicate Consistently

• Focus on strengths
• Use specific words for feelings
• Ask the child about feelings
• Respect the child’s choices
• Ask helpful questions
• Encourage sharing and helping
• Manage your own feelings
 Exercises in Communication
• Play word games: the first player names a
feeling word, the next player finds a word
that begins with the last letter of the word
chosen by the first player: anger to rage to
excitement
• Mime (portray without words)
• Make masks, or use puppets, to talk about
hard things
• Reminder: all behavior is communication,
so ask what is my child trying to say?
 Encourage Competence
• Ask what the child learns each day
• Help your child get involved
• Listen with full attention
• Explore the feeling words
• Help the child to do things for themselves
• Express your own feelings appropriately
 Exercises in competence
• Have the child help with everyday tasks—
cooking, setting the table, folding laundry
• Assign the child their own ‘special’ tasks
and thank them for their contribution to the
family
• Cook simple things together
• Garden together, or give the child their
own garden in a pot to care about and
observe
• Reminder: praise and encourage the work
 Exemplify Cooperation
• Attend school functions
• Participate in the community
• Engage your child in positive activities
• Coach your child in conflict resolution and
responsibility
• Do not react, choose to explore
 Exercises in Cooperation
• Volunteer with your child to do something
in your community, i.e. Beach clean-up
• Take your child with you to church or other
social functions and share your pleasure
• Help your child to participate in games and
sports for enjoyment, with good
sportsmanship
• When disputes occur, help your child to
find a resolution without violence or hurtful
words
• Reminder: your child watches you
 Participate
• Be clear about your goals as a parent
• Understand the goals of the school
• Demonstrate respect
• Develop empathy
• Appreciate your own strengths
• Share your gifts
 Exercises in Participation
• Do something you truly care about and engage
your child in helping you do it
• Go with your child to school events
• Volunteer to do something for someone else and
ask your child to help you do it
• Go to the public library and sit with your child in
story time, or take out books or videos that you
will enjoy
• Reminder: your actions as you live are what
teach your child who you truly are
 Explore
• See learning as an adventure
• Discover your child’s talents
• Encourage discovery and creativity
• Be critical of the media and find non-
electronic play
• Show your child how you learn
• Support each other and ask for help as
parents
 Reminders
• What you say is not as important as what
you do, or how you say something—is
your tone of voice kind?
• Somewhere a child is watching you all the
time, and will know the world through what
they see
• Take time to discover your child, and take
time to discover who you are
• Expect to find JOY!
 Time for a Poll!
Activities to build emotional intelligence would benefit
students academically and when they enter the
profession.
 Conflict Self-
Resolution Awareness

What Skills
Can Schools
Teach
Group Successfully? Self-
Interaction Empowerment

Comm
Skills
 Understand negative thought processes

 Recognize relationship between thoughts,

Self-Awareness
feelings, and actions
 Teach students a process to interrupt negative
thinking
  Identify limiting beliefs

 Teach students a process for soothing themselves

Self-Empowerment
and stepping back from a situation

 Use goal setting and follow up to demonstrate

power to change destiny
  Understanding others

 Paying attention to body language cues

Communication Skills
 Learning models of good communication
use of “I” statements
like the

 Recognizing communication blockers

 Practicing active communication

 Learn to be a leader

 Learn to be a follower

Group Interaction
 Value contributions of all participants

 Recognize emotional triggers

 Follow through on commitments

  Step out of the emotional spiral

 Understand the factors at play in a conflict

Conflict Resolution
 Identify wants and needs

 Manage emotions

 Seek an equitable resolution

 Simple Ideas to Promote EI
• Teach Processes
– Any adopted process must be used
consistently by all
• Assess Grading Procedures
– Shift some of the emphasis of grading points
to personal development activities and group
interaction
• Identify and Value Differences
– Myers-Briggs & Learning Styles for example
• Share Feelings
 SAMPLE
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
ACTIVITY

Are We Progressing?
 Are We Progressing
• Breaks stuck patterns of interaction
• Positive way to voice concerns about group
dynamics
• Builds accountability for how the group
functions

• Important: Use this activity consistently

– After each discussion
– One time a week
– At pre-determined intervals
 SAMPLE
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
ACTIVITY

Mood Check
 Mood Check
• Develops awareness of mood
– How it effects academic performance
– How it effects learning environment
– How it effects others
– How to refocus and regain
a more positive attitude
 Mood Check
• DIRECTIONS
– Make laminated chart
– Post by classroom door
– Ask students to make a dot by those words
that best describe their moods
– Process the findings before classes
• Many Uses
– Before activity
– After activity
– Any time motivation is low
 Processing Responses to the Mood Check
– As we look at the board and where people have
placed their dots, what patterns do we see?
– How might these emotional patterns affect the
classroom experience today?
– How aware of your mood were you when you
walked through the classroom door?
– How aware of the moods of your fellow classmates
were you when you walked through the door?
– Did anyone in the class influence your mood when
you walked through the door? How?
– What can we do to change the classroom mood to
make it more productive? OR How can we
capitalize on the classroom mood to get the most
 NEXT STEPS
 Class dynamics early
 Add emotional intelligence content to
classes
 Give points for emotional intelligence
 Plan personal growth activities with a
point value
 Plan group activities where students take
clearly defined rolls
 Supporting children to
understand & express
emotion
Emotional Literacy in Children:
Labeling Emotions
 What is Emotional Literacy?

Emotional literacy is the ability to identify,

understand, and respond to emotions
in oneself and others in a healthy
manner.
 Key Concepts About Emotions
• Emotions change
• You can have more than one emotion
about something
• You can feel differently than someone else
about the same thing
• All emotions are valid – it is what
you do with them that counts
Activity 1- Experiences of parenting
children's emotions
• In groups
• What are your positive experiences ?
• What are your negative experiences ?
• What helps / works for you?
• Feedback
What did we learn ?
 Activity 2 – Group -Think-Share
• Group with a partner

• Identify the emotions associated with each

face (identify emotions)

• Think about why (understand emotions)

• Share your thoughts

 Activity 2
• Identify emotions
– Which emotions do the following faces
express?

• Understand emotions
– How do you know?
Identify & Understand Emotions
How do we respond to our children
when they are ?
• Happy
• Sad
• Embarrassed
• Scared
• Nervous
• Angry
Children With Emotional Literacy:

• Tolerate frustration • Are less lonely

better
• Are more focused, less
• Get in fewer fights impulsive

• Exhibit less • Demonstrate greater

destructive behavior
academic achievement
• Are healthier
 What Can Adults Do?
– Express Your Own Feelings

– Label Children’s Feelings

– Play Games, Sing Songs, and Read Stories

with New Feeling Words
 Feeling Activities
Drawing their emotions
Mirrors
Mood Collage
Music
Checking In daily
Singing
Reading
Watching films naming emotion
 How Parents can help?
• Accept your child’s emotions and their emotional
responses. 
• Label their emotions with them.
• Encourage your child to talk about their feelings. 
• Help them to think about how others may be feeling. 
• Teach them how to calm down and press their
imaginary ‘pause button’. 
• Teach children alternative ways of expressing their
frustrations. 
• Model how to remain calm and in control when you
are tired, angry or fed up. 
 Additional Resources

• https://www.annafreud.org/parents/resources-
for-parents-by-parents/

• https://www.parentkind.org.uk/blog/8719/Helpi
ng-children-develop-emotional-literacy

• Parents worksheets.

• Feedback forms
 POGREŠKE U
ODGOJU DJECE
Odgoj djece u obitelji jedan od najtežih i
najodgovornijih zadataka svakog člana
obitelji.
Jedan od životnih paradoksa je taj da previše pravila
i smjernica ubija život u nama, a premalo njih vodi
u kaos opasan po život.
 Da bi postali dobri roditelji, svima
je potrebna vježba, te jasna
struktura i provođenje promjena
koje treba biti postupno ali i
dosljedno.
 nekoliko smjernica za razmišljanje:
• Ne možete promijeniti ono što ne želite
priznati, a to što ne priznajete obično određuje
pravila

• Djeca se neće slomiti ako ih pustite da odrastu

• Malobrojna pravila, dosljedno i nenasilno

primjenjena, vrijede više nego brojna pravila
koja se nedosljedno primjenjuju

• Život nije test, to je eksperiment – zato

iskušavajte novo.
 Nekoliko pogrešaka u odgoju
djece;
1. Razmaženo dijete
Najčešća i najteža pogreška u
odgoju djece jest popustljiv odgoj i
maženje.
Razmaziti dijete ne znači često ga milovati i
pokazivati mu ljubav i nježnost,
već pretjerano ga pomagati i posluživati,
te umjesto njega obavljati sve one zadatke
koje ono može već samo izvršiti.
• postaju samovoljni, nesamostalni, sebični,
preosjetljivi a često i nedruštveni

• bježe od sistematskog rada, izbjegavaju

dužnosti i uvijek traže tko će ih umjesto
njih izvršavati.
 2.Prestrogo odgajanje

• Kad roditelji izgube strpljenje s razmaženim

i hirovitim djetetom, često prelaze na
strogost, uvjereni da će se stanje popraviti.
Previše strogo i grubo odgajana djeca
izmišljaju razna
obrambena sredstva
da bi izbjegli kaznu
i neprilike.
3. Vi ste svome djetetu najbolji prijatelj
• Kada roditelji i djeca imaju vrlo slabe
međusobne granice, rezultat je kaos
a kada postoji vrlo kruta granica između
njih, rezultat je udaljavanje i izolacija.

Ukoliko je granica između roditelja i djece

jasna i fleksibilna, sustav puno bolje
funkcionira.
 Djeca i roditelji nisu jedno biće, oni su
ljudi za sebe.

• postoje određene stvari koje roditelji

trebaju raditi međusobno ili sa drugim
odraslim osobama, a ne sa djecom.
 Kako ukloniti neodgovarajuće
ponašanje djece?
• Ako nešto namjeravate učiniti, onda i
učinite; ne kolebajte se!

• Ustrajte u svemu do kraja!

• Ne pokušavajte raspravljati s djetetom

koje je izvan kontrole!

• Jasno definirajte poželjno ponašanje!

 Najbolje stvari koje roditelji mogu
učiniti:
• Ako vam vlastita prošlost stoji na putu,
tada ju raščistite.

• Razgovarajte s drugim ljudima o svojim

roditeljskim problemima.

• Vaša djeca nisu tu da vas služe, savjetuju

ili budu vaše stalno društvo i potpora.

• Pokažite vodstvo, a ne vlasništvo.

• Ne bojte se isprobavanja novih stvari.

 Jeste li postali riba koja se hvata na
mamac vlastitog djeteta?
• Imate li možda dijete s osjećajem za
dramu? Na svakom koraku nalazi neki
emocionalan izazov? I kod normalne
razine stresa reagira izrazito
emocionalno? Lupa vratima?
Drama kraljice ili kraljevi, reagiraju
emotivno. Vrlo često izvode "predstave" koje
bi bez problema mogle biti nagrađene
Oscarom, a kao i svakom dobrom glumcu
za takvo što im je potrebna publika.
U velikoj većini slučajeva ta publika
su roditelji.
 Što se zapravo događa?
Djeca nastoje dobiti pažnju roditelja na
jedan, mogli bismo reći negativan način.

Kada su tako emocionalni, roditelji dolaze

do njih, dodiruju ih,razgovaraju s njima i
provode s djetetom određeno vrijeme da
bi ga smirili.

Što im više pažnje posvećuju,češće se

ponavljaju takvi ispadi.

Vrte se u krug ne znajući kako ga

prekinuti.
 Takvo ponašanje djece mogli bismo
usporediti s ribolovom.
Djeca su u tom slučaju izvrsni ribiči, koji
spremaju mamac za kapitalan ulov, svoje
roditelje.

Mamac mora biti privlačan i dobro pogođen da bi

uhvatili ribetinu.

Ribiči koriste različite vrste mamaca za različite

vrste riba. Dakle nakon što ribič pripremi
mamac, baca udicu i čeka.

Riba pliva i kad ugleda mamac…gric…zagrizla je.

Tada započinje natezanje. Ribič na jednu, riba
na drugu stranu.
Pa što bi roditelj trebao učiniti da ne
bude riba?

Kada dijete dolazi s emocijama (čitaj

mamcem), ok je da roditelj reagira s
empatijom i razumijevanjem, bez želje da
tog trenutka riješi djetetov loš osjećaj.
Ponekad je ok i loše se osjećati.
 Ono što je učinkovito u toj situaciji je
ostati miran.
Možete mu reći :
“Dođi kada se smiriš, ovako mi je
naporno pričati s tobom“ ili
"Ne razumijem te kada vičeš, možeš
ponoviti polako“ ili
"Ide mi na živce tvoje vikanje i ne da
mi se tako razgovarati.“
Nemojte biti riba koja se hvata na
mamac, naučite dijete da na taj
način neće dobiti ono što želi.
 Važno je napomenuti

• da djeca to ne rade svjesno i

namjerno

• nije im namjera izluditi roditelje.

• nekada su na nesvjesnoj razini

zaključili da na taj način mogu
dobiti pažnju.
I zato budimo
PODRŽAVAJUĆI RODITELJI
Odlučni i dosljedni u svojim postupcima.
Postavljajmo jasne i čvrste granice.

• djetetu ulijeva osjećaj sigurnosti, jer zna što smije, a što

ne smije.
• ono tako preraste svoju bojažljivost.

Različiti problemi su sastavni dio života.

Rješavajući male probleme stječemo
sposobnosti za suočavanje s velikima.
Ne zaboravite:
NEMA SAVRŠENIH
OBITELJI,RODITELJA I DJECE

Roditeljstvo je težak posao, koji samo

Vi možete dobro obaviti
 What is Emotional Literacy?

Claude Steiner (1997) psychotherapist

‘To be emotionally literate is to be able to handle emotions in a way that

improves your personal power and improves the quality of life around you.’

‘Emotional literacy improves relationships, creates loving possibilities

between people, makes co-operative work possible, and facilitates the
feeling of community.’
 What is Emotional Literacy?

5 Key Elements:

1. Knowing your feelings

2. Having a sense of empathy
3. Learning to manage our emotions
4. Repairing emotional problems
5. Putting it all together: emotional interactivity
 What is Mental Health?

‘ a state of well-being in which every individual realizes his

or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of
life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make
a contribution to her or his community.’

‘not merely the absence of disease or infirmity’

World Health Organisation (2001, 2004)

 Youth Mental Health Difficulties
UK
• 1 in 10 children aged 5-16 suffer from a diagnosable
mental health disorder (2005, 2008)
• 50% of mental health problems are established by age
14 (2005)
www.youngminds.org.uk
www.mentalhealth.org
 What are the Benefits for
Pupils?

• Pupils feel very supported by having ‘special time’ and being listened to
• Pupils develop greater self-awareness
• Pupils learn to talk about difficulties
• Pupils develop coping strategies
• Pupils interact more successfully with others
• Pupils feel better about themselves
• Pupils manage better in school

http://www.elsanetwork.org/files/ELSA%20evaluation%20report%20July%202009.pdf
 What are the Benefits for
School?

• Access to prompt support for pupils in need

• Positive changes in pupils with behavioural, emotional or social
difficulties
• Improved learning for target pupils and their peers
• New skills/ideas cascaded to other staff
• Increased confidence in managing ‘problems’ from within

http://www.elsanetwork.org/files/ELSA%20evaluation%20report%20July%20200
9.pdf
Parental Support
Whole School Support
 Human beings
develop in 4
different aspects
of growth. The
areas are all
inter-connected,
so when one is
affected it may
Social
influence the
others.
Physical

Intellectual

Emotional development involves the recognition

Emotional and expression of feelings and emotions.
 JOY ANGER
CARING

HATRED
LOVE
Only children know how they feel,
and they may not be able to
verbally express it; all feelings are
JEALOUSY valid; children must learn how to
control and show feelings; society
has expectations of how they
HAPPINESS should feel and how they should
show it
EMPATHY
 Achieving happiness can be accomplished in
several ways. It may be due to an individual
“making reasonable progress towards the
realization of a goal”, or as the result from positive
input into the five different sensory systems
(hearing, smelling, vision, touch, tasting).

Being “happy” can be

“learned”. Children
can discover, within
themselves, attitudes
and methods of
coping with everyday
life and challenges
that cause them to be
happy. The
satisfaction they feel
stimulates the
pleasure center of the
brain, which in turn
releases chemicals
that sustain the
feelings of elation.
 Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy,
human emotion. Anger usually results from feeling
hurt, threatened or frustrated in some way.

To help a child deal with

anger, use the old adage
of “count to 10”. Anger
releases strong
chemicals such as
adrenaline into the
bloodstream and affects
judgment. Teach the
child to take a couple of
minutes to calm down,
breathe deeply, and think
carefully. They may need
to put some space
The goal is not to suppress anger but to express
between them and the
it in non-aggressive ways. Blaming,
person that made them
accusations, threats, physical contact and
angry.
name-calling are aggressive responses. Verbal
communication is a passive and a far more
effective way to respond in the midst of conflict.
 Jealousy becomes a recognizable emotion before
the age of 2 years. Jealousy includes feelings of
envy, protectiveness, suspicion, or resentment.

Sibling rivalry is another common form of

One of the most common
sources of jealousy in the
young child is the resentment
of affections the mother and
father have for each other. The
child does not understand that
the parents have enough love
for everyone.
jealousy. It is a competition between
brothers and sisters for the attention or
affection of the parents. It often occurs
when a new baby is born into the family, or
when one child has a health condition that
demands a parent’s attention. In older
children it is often an issue concerning
“fairness” or “equality”.
 Periods of sadness are to be
expected in children, and normal,
but most are resilient and
memories of distressing
situations fade over time and
have little or no long-term impact.

Symptoms of depression: frequent sad look,

cries often, and frequently talks about sad
thoughts and memories, trouble concentrating,
prone to angry outbursts, difficulty finding
enjoyable activities, changes in eating habits,
exhibits attention-getting behavior, develops
sleep disturbances, suffers unexplained Heredity, inconsistent parenting,
daytime fatigue, difficulty with peer
and exposure to negative ways of
relationships, school avoidance or school
phobia; changes in home relationships and viewing the world can lead to
interactions, a desire to be alone most of the increased incidence of sadness
time, chronic physical complaints; declining and excessive/prolonged sadness
school performance, poor self-esteem. called depression.
 Being fearful and learning to cope with those
fears is a major part of emotional development.
Fears may be real or perceived. Fear is a
protective response, as the child must decide
“should I run away or stay and face it?”
The emotion of
fear is first
exhibited early in
infancy. The baby
expresses
reactions of fear to
loud noises,
sudden
movements, or of
the sensation of
being dropped.
Around 8 months. Children
become fearful in social situations
involving strangers or being
separated from parents. As the
child’s mobility increases through
crawling, they may become
fearful of heights or new sounds.
The toddler may fear the dark,
animals, stories, monsters,
imaginary creatures, and
storms.

The focus of the caregiver

regarding the toddler’s
fears must be two-fold.
The toddler must learn to
confront imaginary fears,
but learn to understand
the real and reasonable
fears such as strangers,
fire, and heights.
 The older school-age child develops
new fears based on life’s realities.
Personal knowledge or experiences
may have introduced fears such as war,
divorce, and death. Children need
honest answers and enough
information to clarify concerns and
calm these real fears.

They learn about, and are afraid

of the supernatural. This is a
time to monitor TV watching.
 As children approach adolescence, they fear
failure or not belonging. Being part of the group
and having friends becomes critical at this time.
The adolescent
worries about
the future,
asking
questions like
“who am I?”
and “what will I
be?” They
may even fear
high school
graduation
when they are
expected to
make these
decisions.
A constant emotional struggle persists throughout the development of the
child into an adult. It is the battle between the dependence of childhood
and the independence (autonomy) of adulthood. This struggle is normal,
but does not happen without conflict.

The parent must monitor their child’s

The newborn human infant is totally
dependent upon the parent. The job
of the parent is to meet the basic
human needs of the child, and
prepare them to live on their own.
level of maturity and ability to make well-
thought out decisions. Until the child is
able to live a successful life
independently, the parents must maintain
control and judgment.
 Security is one of a child’s most basic needs, ranking
just above food, water, and shelter. The child who uses
the security blanket is balancing the need for security
with a desire for independence. The “security friend”
is an important way the child has to soothe himself –
the way his parents used to soothe him as an infant.
With a security friend the child is in control; the child
is doing the holding; the “friend” is a source of
warmth and comfort.
Children often find the need for a security
friend between the ages of 15-18 months.
Holding it is often accompanied by other
rhythmic movements such as rocking,
thumb-sucking, or hair-twirling. The
attachment may be temporary, or intense
and lasting for years. Most children drop
this psychological dependence long before
the age of 5.
Research shows no psychological
difference in people who had or did not
have a security friend during childhood.
 By the age of 1 year, children recognize the
difference between being “good” and being
“naughty”. When they know they have been
good, they seek a sign of approval.
Caregivers can now begin to set limits.

Children naturally test the limits

set for them. They may use the
word “no”, but continue the
unacceptable action anyway.
They often do this to fulfill their
need for attention. They are not
capable of understanding or
considerate of another person’s
point of view. They are
egocentric.
 Using imagination and developing creativity
is essential for cognitive, social, and
emotional development of children. Creativity
is essential for problem-solving.
Symbolic representation:
using an object or symbol to
represent something else.
This is not a sock; it’s a
talking creature. This is not
a cardboard box, it is an
airplane; it’s not a bunch of
wooden blocks, they are
wild horses.

In order to foster imagination and creativity,

adults should allow preschoolers
unstructured time for child- directed play
and provide a variety of materials. This will
help children realize their creative potential,
instill a love for learning and develop an
internal motivation for completing tasks.
 "Imagination is more important than
knowledge.
For knowledge is limited to all we now know
and understand, while imagination embraces
the entire world, and all there ever will be to
know and understand."
-ALBERT EINSTEIN

 
Imaginary friends are created in the
minds of children for the purpose of
companionship, play, as a scapegoat,
someone who consoles, a protector,
an extra conscience, or as a way of
coping with stress. They show up at
around 3 years of age and usually
disappear in early elementary school.
Having an imaginary friend is rarely a
sign of emotional problems, but is
simply one form of creativity.
 The Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny are
examples of folklore mythology which adults know are
fiction, but which is sometimes presented to children as
fact. Although some parents consider the promotion of
such myths as outright lies to their children, who may
challenge their credibility at some later date, the
psychological community in general does not consider it
harmful. Some families participate in the roles of these
myths long after the child has discovered the fiction as a
form of play or tradition.
There may be some good purposes in
promoting childhood myths. The tooth
fairy encourages children to look
forward to the loss of a tooth, rather
than to fear the process. It gives
children a reason to give up a part of
themselves that they may have grown
attached to. They also develop a sense
of faith in things unseen, and may help
them understand the difference
between “real” and “imaginary”.
 In order to live within a society, a child must
be able to follow certain standards and
regulations. This is conformity.
Conformity also provides an
opportunity for “belonging”,
which is critical for self-esteem.

Children use conformity, however, as they strive for greater independence

from the parent. Nearing adolescence, the child begins to conform to their
friends ideas, separating themselves from their parent’s ideas. They like the
same music groups, movies, manner of dress and speech, activities, and
video games as their friends. Eventually the child will begin to express their
own individuality. If parents overreact, children get defensive.
 Stress can be positive or negative. It can be a
reaction to an exciting or important event such as a
major test or big sporting event. This kind of stress,
within limits, is positive and can help challenge a
person to do their best.

Some stress is negative, distress, and can cause feelings of fear,

hopelessness, worry, anxiety, and doubt. Mild or moderate levels of distress
are normal, and needed to teach children coping skills. Intense feelings of
distress can interfere with a person’s ability to function normally.

Common causes of
stress in children
include conflicts with
others, poor health or
unhealthy habits,
having an overly-full
schedule, major life
changes such as
divorce, death, or
moving.
 The brain releases stress
hormones , one of which
is called cortisol.
A child under stress may exhibit one or more
signs:
Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
Explosive crying or screaming
Verbal or physical aggressiveness
Cruelty to pets and playmates
Physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat,
headaches, fatigue, restlessness,
upset stomach or neck pain
Loss of humor or sense of joy
Nightmares, sleep-walking, or teeth-grinding
Hair twisting, nail biting, stuttering, excessive
fidgeting
Threats to harm someone or destroy property
Immersion in computer, e-mail, or TV
Jumpiness or fear of sudden sounds
 Nightmares are bad dreams, starting between the
ages of 3 and 6, and affecting 10 to 50 percent of
children. They tend to increase when children are
Dreams are a sequence under stress, especially after traumatic experiences,
of images that appear and may reflect how a child views the events of the
involuntarily while day. Nightmares tend to occur a few hours before a
sleeping; often a child awakes, when dreaming is more intense.
mixture of real and When awakened by bad dreams, children can often
imaginary characters, remember some details and may want to talk about
places, and events. All them. When you comfort a child during a nightmare,
human beings dream. he or she will most likely respond well to your
reassurance.

A night terror usually occurs just

a few hours after a child falls
asleep. He may sit up, struggle,
moan, talk or scream. His heart
may race and he may sweat. The
event can last anywhere from 10
to 30 minutes. The child may not
be aware of the parent’s
presence, and the child will
probably have no memory of
waking up at all.
A value is a STRONG BELIEF. Developing values
and making decisions consistent with those
values can influence emotional well-being.
Money or what
it can buy

Career
Good health

Miss Popularity Education

Country

Friends
Religious faith Family
 A goal is some point you want to reach
within your value system.
There are 2 types of goals: 1. long term goals;
they make take months or years to achieve
2. short term goals; they may be
accomplished in hours or days

Standards are “limits or conditions or

the manner” in which you go about
reaching your goals.
When expressing standards verbally, you
tend to use words like “no matter what…”,
“even if…”, “only if…”, “as long as…”
 Children learn values, usually from parents, but
influenced by caregivers, friends, teachers,
religious leaders, siblings, grandparents, etc.
When children are able to set goals within a value
system and work successfully to achieve them, it
is part of self-actualization or fulfillment. This
creates the emotional well-being.
QUESTIONS