Write the opening part of a story setting your character in

this scary location.

Character Development: Using strong sentence structures
Look back at the criteria we
wrote yesterday
The skin was wrinkled and worn, torn apart
by life’s never-ending chaos.

His mind was a sea of thoughts, destined for

the abyss perfectly reflecting/ emanating the
architecture of the building.

The disheveled mind coupled with mountains

of hair loss: it resonated a feeling of sorrow
and pity from passers-by. Some too sad to
stare; others too selfish to care.
Examples from Literature:
• Her skin glistening in the neon light coming from the paved court through the slits in the blind, her
soot-black lashes matted, her grave gray eyes more vacant than ever.”

• His hand was over his eyes. He looked like a failed soldier. Dirt seemed so worked into him that the
lines of his face were like writing.”

• Mama Urn stood watching us—a little jet-black woman. Her elbows stuck out like wings, and a huge
white enameled tub occupied the space above her head, somewhat miraculously holding steady
while her head moved in quick jerks to the right and left.”

• He was a compact, clearcut man, with precise features, a lot of very soft black hair, and thoughtful
dark brown eyes. He had a look of wariness, which could change when he felt relaxed or happy,
which was not often in these difficult days, into a smile of amused friendliness and pleasure which
aroused feelings of warmth,
Now you have a vivid character: why not add some flashback memories?

Flashback ideas:
1. A soldier returning to his home that was terrorized/ destroyed by the enemy- waves of the destruction
while fighting come back (describe the noise, fear, panic, destruction, things flying around)

2. A business woman with little regard for the past beauty of buildings planning to destroy the only
remaining one (subtle clues as to why she hates the building-tragic/ lost relative/ bullied)

3. An old man remembering his first date or his days with wife where they used to attend here
TASK: Proof-read your writing. You are looking for and
correct/adding in:

✔SPAG errors (Spelling, Punctuation and Grammar).

✔Does everything make sense?
✔Range of punctuation?
✔Variety of sentence types?
✔Paragraphing?
✔Is it original? Not clichéd?
✔Does it build tension?
✔Does it answer the question?
TASK: Peer assess their work in
green pen. Use the editing checklist
to help you.
WWW
Write down 2 clear bullet points
about the story’s strengths.
EBI
Write down 1 clear bullet point
about how they could improve
their work. (it can NOT be on
handwriting – it must be what
they’ve written)
Marked by…
✔SPAG errors (Spelling,
Punctuation and Grammar).
✔Does everything make
sense?
✔Range of punctuation?
✔Variety of sentence types?
✔Paragraphing?
✔Is it original? Not clichéd?
✔Does it build tension?
✔Does it answer the
question?