UNIT 3 EMOTIONAL

INTELLIGENCE
How well do you recognize and understand
emotions: yours and those around you?
How well do you react under pressure?
Can we control our impulses under stress?
Can we cope with sudden emotional demand?
 Introduction
We often prioritize our rational world. We go to school and learn about things
but what about the challenge of educating ourselves about our emotions?
We struggle to understand why we respond in certain ways. Why feelings e.g.
joy, anger, fear can hold such sway over our lives. Do you find yourself looking
at someone and try to second guess his behaviour or wonder what is going
on in his head?
How successful are we in understanding and managing the emotional
content of our lives as well as those whose path we cross?
These questions feed into the big question of this session: How can EI be
used to improve individual’s lives, groups and organizational performance? Is
there a connection between experiencing our emotions and recognizing,
managing and utilizing them appropriately?
Defining Intelligence and Emotion
Intelligence refers to the ability to acquire knowledge and skills because of maturity
and experience. Although it is often conceptualized in a general way (as the g factor),
there is a variety of specific skills that can be useful for particular tasks.
The word emotion indicates a subjective, affective state of feeling that is relatively
intense and occurs in response to something we experience. Emotions are often
thought to be consciously experienced and intentional.
We can be at the heights of joy or in the depths of despair or feel angry when
betrayed, fear when we are threatened, and surprised when something unexpected
happens.
The basic emotions, are those of anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and
surprise. They have developed in part to help us make rapid judgments about stimuli
and to quickly guide appropriate behaviour
 What emotions do you experience most often
and how do you express them?

How did you feel the last time you were faced with a challenge at work or home (excited or energized
at first)?
How about when more difficulties than expected surfaced: some dropped responsibilities, others stop
supporting you?
How do you deal with disappointment: unfair treatment, no promotion or bonus:
Do you understand how others involved felt?
People with high EQ will stop and analyze their feelings and how these feelings are impacting their
behaviour and choices, recognize how others are feeling and empathize with them.
Emotions
Emotions are not consciously controlled. They are strongly linked to
memory and experience. Your emotional response to a particular
stimulus is likely to be strong if you had an unpleasant experience with
that stimulus.
 Emotions are also closely linked to values: an emotional response
could indicate a challenge exist to one of your key values. Under-
standing this link to memory and values gives you the key to managing
your emotional response.
Text messaging has given birth to the emoticon i.e. a group of keyboard
characters representing facial expression when viewed sideways e.g.>:
( represents anger.
The Expressive Component
Common Email “Emoticons”
EI Development
The development of EI early in life is linked to the amygdala (a section
of the brain responsible for flight/fight – our instinctive emotional
responses to threat and challenge). As we grow we develop and control
our responses to all threats real or imagined. E.g. a child knows that his
parent will discipline him so he may try to run away (flight) or argue/
throw tantrum (fight). As we develop so do our emotional strategies.
We may accept punishment as deserving for wrong doing rather than
trying to run or fight. As we get more sophisticated we might try to
reason with our parents and reassure them that what happened will
not reoccur.
What is emotional intelligence

The battle of EQ in the brain, its presence vs. absence, is something you
experience multiple times a day. Controlling behaviour against a wave
of intense, often negative emotions is the crucial element of EQ. It is
what is needed to ensure survival and success in professional and
personal lives.
Emotions
Your emotional responses do not necessarily have much to do with the
current situation, or to reason, but you can overcome them with reason and
by being aware of your reactions.
• You can choose how you feel.
• You cannot control other people, but you can control how you react to
them. - Anon.
E.g. Suppose you are afraid of being in the dark because once you got shut in
a dark room when you were a child. You always have an emotional response
to the dark because of your earlier experience. You can remind yourself that
you are now grown up and that there is nothing to frighten you. All you have
to do is walk over to the light and turn it on.
Emotional Intelligence
For years we thought a person was intellectually sharp if he scored high on
a test and we predicted that he will be successful in his endeavours.
Schools still struggle with this concept: somehow high grades equal high
levels of success at work and home.
This myth has been debunked by Goleman. He found that scores on an
entrance exam had nothing to do with career success.
A person’s emotional intelligence carried much more weight in determining
which individuals would emerge as leaders. If you want to get ahead or be
successful just being smart would not do it as academic intellect is not
enough, you need EQ, a unique intersection of the heart and head.
Is there correlation between IQ and EI scores
IQ and emotional intelligence attempt to measure different forms of
human intelligence; along with personality, these measures make up an
individual’s psyche.
Academic aptitude (IQ) has no connection with how people
understand and deal with their emotions and the emotions of others
(EI). We have all met very clever people who had no idea about how to
deal with people, and the reverse.
Some people have high IQs and low emotional intelligence and vice
versa, while some people score highly on both and some do not.
Logic vs Emotion
Do you use logic or emotions as a guide for appropriated behaviour? Do you
ever wonder how someone so smart can do act so dumb?
There are two competing ideas around the value of emotions in life and work:
passionate emotions are dangerous causing people to act foolishly in fits of
anger and exuberance. Emotions are critical for providing motivation, purpose
and meaning in daily life.
EI can help people make better decisions. Smart decision making requires
more than intellect as measured by the traditional IQ
This concept of EI was developed as a way to understand why people behave
in the way they do. It can include insight into how people lead, why they get
into conflict, what help/hinder motivation and trust in others.
 Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Defined by Daniel Goleman as the capacity for recognizing and
understanding emotions in oneself and using this awareness to manage
one’s behaviour and relationships. It is a different way of being smart and
involves knowing your feelings and using them to make positive decisions.
Emotional Intelligence allows us to manage distressing moods well and
control impulses. Be motivated and remain hopeful and optimistic when
experiencing setbacks in goal attainment. Be empathic; knowing what the
people around are feeling.
It is a social skill that allows us to get along well with others, manage
emotions in relationships, be able to persuade or lead others, and take
responsibility for our actions. It is knowing what to say to whom, knowing
when to say it, and knowing how to say it for maximum effect.
 How to Improve Your EQ
• Observe how you react to people (What your triggers)
• Do a self-evaluation (we know what is happening outside us but can we critic self
• Examine how you react to stressful situations (know why people behave in a
particular way and be aware of what is happening.
• Take responsibility for your actions (just flying off the handle is not EQ: know
what cause the anger, avoid embarrassment when cool down.
• Before you act, imagine how your actions will affect others
You are able to manage your response when you know your triggers and
understand your feelings. E.g. seeing a cup in the sink can connect you to negative
experiences of the past. Understand what cause the trigger, how you feel and now
learn how to deal with this. You can decide this cup is not in my house so I will walk
away and leave it there.
Components of Emotional Intelligence
Self-Awareness

Self-Management

Social Awareness/Social Skills

MOTIVATION
Components of Emotional Intelligence
Self-awareness is the skill of being aware of and understanding your
emotions as they occur and as they evolve (identify your own emotional
states). Think of emotions as appropriate or inappropriate instead of
positive or negative. E.g. anger is associated with negativity. It can be
completely reasonable and appropriate in certain circumstances –
emotional intelligence allows us to recognise our anger and understand
why this emotion has occurred. – It allows us to recognise and be able to
name our feelings.
Self-awareness involves understanding oneself: knowing one’s
weaknesses, strengths, drivers, values, and impact on others.  It is about
being confident with a thirst for constructive criticism.
 Components of Emotional Intelligence
It is challenging to state feelings directly, since we all have a tendency to
over-complicate how we feel and / or blame another person. A
frightened passenger in a car is more likely to say ‘You’re driving a bit too
fast. (meaning please slow down) or ‘You’re driving like a manioc
(blaming the driver) rather than ‘I’m scared’. There is also language to be
avoided, (I / you should), obligation (I / you must) and blaming (you are
insensitive, you are making me jealous).
Ways to improve self-awareness
Pay attention to how you are feeling at any given moment throughout the day. 
• How do these emotions influence how you respond? Do the things you are feeling
have an impact on the decisions you make or how you interact with others?
Take stock of your emotional strengths and weaknesses. 
• How well do you communicate with others? Do you find yourself experiencing
impatience, anger, or annoyance often? What are some ways you can deal with these
feelings effectively? Recognizing your weaknesses allows you to look for ways to deal
with such shortcomings
Remember emotions tend to be fleeting and can change quickly. 
• A co-worker might irritate you or your boss might give you a frustrating task to
complete. Before you react, remember that these things are temporary, so making
rash decisions based on intense emotions can be detrimental to your long-term goals
and success. Recognise the difference between feelings and behaviour
Components of Emotional Intelligence
Self-Management/Regulation
The ability to understand your emotions and then use that understanding to
turn situations to your benefit. It is also the ability to use your feelings to
reason well and act intentionally.
It involves having control over mood swings, disruptive impulses, and the
propensity to suspend judgment thus not allowing them to disrupt one’s
quality of life. Its trademarks include openness to change, integrity, reliability,
an ease in accepting ambiguity and to think before acting.
You often have little control over when you experience emotions. You can
however have some say in how long an emotion will take by using a number
of techniques to alleviate negative emotions e.g. anger, anxiety, or
depression. A few of these techniques include restating a situation in a more
positive light, taking a walk, meditation or pray.
Components of Emotional Intelligence
Self-Management/Regulation
This goes from knowing yourself to knowing how to conduct yourself. Anyone can be
angry but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for
the right purpose and in the right way…. That is not easy.
Self management goes beyond spontaneous reacting to thoughtful responding. You
know how to use your self awareness to conduct yourself appropriately and
effectively.
It will not work to tell the world “this is whom I am take it or leave it or I will do what
ever I want whenever I feel like.” This is emotional stupidity. If you are in a heightened
state of anger you cannot make good decisions or reason well. How would your life
change if you think before acting and talking?
Never react emotionally to criticism, analyze yourself to determine if it is justified. If it
is, correct yourself, otherwise go about your business.
Self management goes beyond victim to owner’s mentality. When there is a set back
resist asking what is wrong with me instead ask how can I fix it.
Ways to start improving your self-regulation
skills
• Find techniques to help you deal with stress e.g. engage oneself in
hobbies, physical exercise.
• Keep your cool when things get stressful. Accept the fact that you
cannot control everything, and seek out helpful ways to respond
without adding fuel to the fire.
• Take time to think before making decisions. Emotions can overwhelm
you in the heat of the moment, but you can make a calmer, more
rational choice if you give yourself a bit of time to consider all of the
possibilities.
Social skills
Encompasses a wide range of relationship and interpersonal skills. These
range from leadership through influencing and persuading, and managing
conflict, as well as working in a team.
The term ‘social skills’ covers a wide variety of skills and competencies,
many of which are rooted in self-esteem and personal confidence. You also
become more charismatic and attractive to others by developing your
social skills, being easy to talk to, being a good listener, being sharing and
trustworthy.
This in turn improves self-esteem and confidence which makes it easier for
positive personal dialogue and a greater understanding and acceptance of
your own emotions.
 Social Skills
Social awareness refers to the ability to perceive and understand the social
relationships and structures in which you and those around you are
operating.
It involves being able to understand how others are feeling and validate
those feelings. Sense what others are feeling, understand situations from
others’ perspective, cultivate relationships with a diverse range of people
It requires being able to recognize relationships and structures within your
organization/social network and understand that individuals happiness is
dependent upon assisting others to achieve their own happiness as well.
 Empathy
A competency of social skill that can be most difficult to experience especially in a
heated argument or debate. Empathy allows one to get into the place of another and
see the argument /situation from another side. The person then gains understanding as
to why another feels/behaves as he does and the motivation for the feeling/behaviour.
Then one can employ EI tools to manage or influence the emotion and behaviour of
others.
People with empathy are able to constantly pick up on emotional cues, and they can
appreciate not only what people are saying but also why they are saying it.
Individuals in which this competency is highly developed:
• Are attentive to emotional cues and listen well
• Accurately read people’s moods or nonverbal cues
• Respect and relate well with people of diverse backgrounds
• Shows sensitivity and understand others’ perspectives
• Help out based on understanding other people’s needs and feelings
Ways to work on your empathy
• Try seeing things from the other person's point of view. It can be
challenging at times, especially if you feel like the other person is
wrong. Spend time looking at the situation from another's perspective
instead of allowing disagreements to build up into major conflicts. It
can be a great first step toward finding a middle ground between two
opposing points of view.
• Pay attention to how you respond to others. Do you let them have a
chance to share their ideas? Do you acknowledge their input, even if
you disagree? Letting others known that their efforts have merit often
helps everyone feel more willing to compromise.
Ways to strengthen social skills
• Listen to what others have to say. Active listening involves showing attention,
asking questions and providing feedback.
• Pay attention to nonverbal communication. The signals that people send
through their body language can convey a lot about what they really think.
• Hone your persuasion skills. Being able to carry influence in the workplace
and convince team members and supervisors to listen to your ideas can go a
long way in advancing your career.
• Avoid office drama be capable of managing conflict. Stay out of the petty
office politics that sometimes take over the workplace, but be aware that
conflicts are not always avoidable. Focus on listening to what others have to
say and look for ways to solve problems and minimize tensions.
Intrinsic Motivation
Another key component of emotional intelligence. People who have a
strong EQ tend to be more motivated to achieve goals for their own sake.
Rather than seeking external rewards, they want to do things because
they find them fulfilling and they are passionate about what they do.
People who are highly successful are usually motivated by something
more than money, status, and acclaim. They are passionate about what
they do, committed to their work, love taking on new challenges, and
their enthusiasm can seem contagious. They do not give up in the face of
obstacles and they are able to inspire others to work hard and persist in
order to achieve goals.
Importance of developing EI
Recent research suggests that the competencies associated with emotional
intelligence can indeed be learned and developed. There are many benefits
associated with developing your own emotional intelligence capabilities, and those
benefits range from the personal to the organizational.
The higher your emotional intelligence, the more likely you are to succeed in
personal and professional relationships.
There is a strong correlation between well-developed emotional intelligence and
personal self-satisfaction and overall self-confidence.
Having a good understanding of yourself, your strengths, and weaknesses is
essential to superior performance when on the job.
When your emotional intelligence is fully developed, it is easier to work well under
constantly changing circumstances and to act on your ideas in ways that benefit the
organization.
How Does Emotional Intelligence Help Us?
Identifying emotions provides awareness of emotions and the ability to accurately read
other people’s emotions. Using emotions provides a means to generate ideas, a feeling,
or a team spirit. Understanding emotions offers insights into what motivates people and
others’ points of view. Finally, managing emotions allows you to stay open to your
emotions, which have valuable information, and use them constructively.
There is evidence to suggest that emotionally intelligent leadership is the key to creating
a work climate in which employees are nurtured and encouraged to do their best.
In a study at Johnson and Johnson, high performing managers had higher levels of self-
awareness, self, management capability, social skills, and organizational savvy which
are all considered part of emotional intelligence and are learned responses that are
needed for superior leadership.
•
 Conclusion
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to understand and manage emotions in positive ways
to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges
and diffuse conflict. Those with high EQ are able to recognize one’s emotional state and
that of others and engage with people in a way that draws others to oneself. That
understanding of emotions can be used to relate better with others, form healthier
relationships, achieve greater success at work and lead a more fulfilling life.
We are being judged by a new yard stick not just how smart we are, or by our training and
expertise but also how well we handle ourselves and each other.
EQ is not about being nice all the time – it is about being honest, being aware of our
feelings and those around. It is being smart with our emotions.
Research suggests that one of the key benefits of emotional intelligence is that it helps
people “surf on the edge of chaos.”  Instead of getting overwhelmed by the complexity, EQ
skills help us manage it.