NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION

 
DATA ON DIFFICULT CONVERSATION DEPICTS

In the UK, the hardest top three conversations are work related.
NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION (NVC)
The underlying principle to NVC is
1. Authentic communication that is to be able
• To say what you feel
• To do what you say
• To practice honesty

2. Empathy: To be able to understand the situation from other’s lens and

be aware of what you feel about it.
What is Non-violent Communication?

Non-violent Communication (NVC) is a Conflict

process to resolve disagreement,
negotiation and conflict. It helps to build Negotiation
more effective relationship both in
professional and personal space. Disagreement

Marshall Rosenberg (October 6, 1934 – February 7, 2015) was

an American psychologist, mediator, author and teacher. He
had been a victim of racial violence in his youth. In early
1960s he developed Non-violent Communication, as a
process for supporting partnership and resolving conflict
within people, in relationships, and in society.
Skill Development Through Non-violent Communication
The following skills can be developed through Non-violent Communication:

Ability to connect and Ability to express what

understand what is going is going on inside
on inside ourselves ourselves to others

EMPETHATIC
SELF EMPATHY
EXPRESSION
CONNECTION

Ability to connect with

what is alive in others
How do I prepare myself to communicate with NVC?

Non-violent Communication
Giving and Receiving from heart

Emphatically Honestly
Receive Express

• To connect with • To express our

others understanding and
State Observation
• To be aware about needs honestly.
others needs Express Feeling • To break down
• To allow us to put the barrier to
ourselves into connect with
Convey Need
other’s shoes others
Make Request
COMPONENTS OF NVC

• It is to carefully observe what is happening without

any evaluation or judgement.
OBSERVATION •State what you see and hear.
•Mention data for the observed action.
Example: You were late five times in the past one week.

•Differentiating feeling from thoughts

• Being able to identify and express internal feeling
FEELING states.
•No judgement, criticism or blame/punishment.
In relation to what you observe
COMPONENTS OF NVC

• Connect with human needs and values.

NEED • What is the expectation that is not being met?
• Make it clear that the expectation is not being
met.

• Request concrete action that can be carried out in the

REQUEST present moment
• This is a request and not demand.
NVC is a two way process where in, you should be able to empathise and
use OFNR for self as well as others.

SELF OTHERS

Observation
Feeling
Need
Request
Look carefully at the picture. What do you OBSERVE?
If you had to comment about this picture, what would you say?
OBSERVATION 1:
Would you state your observations as following?
1. The kids are not interested in what teacher is saying.
2. They want to have fun and play.
3. The kids are enjoying.
4. The teacher seems angry.

OR

OBSERVATION 2:
Would you state your observations as?
1. There are two kids in the classroom wearing school
uniform.
2. One of the child has a paper plane in his hand.
3. The other child has thrown something in the air.
4. The teacher who is standing at the back is observing
something and has a chalk in her hand.
LET’S PRACTICE- OBSERVATION

Given below are list of sentence; in the column given beside write ‘O’ if the
sentence shows observation and ‘E’ if the sentence is an evaluation.

Sheetal is wearing a pink saree.

Dhanush is a loser.

When I see you walk around with a friendly

smile, I feel you are approachable.

You have been yawning all day, I am sure you

didn’t get enough sleep.
LET’S PRACTICE – Verify your answers

Given below are list of sentence; in the column given beside write ‘O’ if the
sentence shows observation and ‘J’ if the sentence is an Judgement.

Sheetal is wearing a pink saree. Observation (O)

Danish is a loser. Judgement (J)

When I see you walk around with a friendly

smile, I feel you are approachable. Judgement (J)

You have been yawning all day, I am sure you

Judgement (J)
didn’t get enough sleep.
LET’S PRACTICE- FEELING

Differentiate between ‘Feeling’ and ‘Thought’

When you don’t greet me in the morning , I feel

neglected.

I feel you ignored me when I came to your table.

I feel that you should get a hair cut like that actor.

I am feeling sad that you had to leave so early.

I am worthless.
LET’S PRACTICE – Verify your answers

Differentiate between ‘Feeling’ and ‘Thought’

When you don’t greet me in the morning , I feel

neglected.
Feeling

I felt ignored when you did not speak after you

Feeling
came to the table.

I feel that you should get a hair cut like that actor. Thought

I am feeling sad that you had to leave so early. Feeling

I am worthless. Thought
LET’S PRACTICE- NEED

State which is a ‘NEED’ and which is ‘NOT A NEED’.

“I feel irritated when you leave the task

incomplete as it affects my deadline.”

“I am grateful that you offered me dinner at

your place, as I was hungry.’’
“It is my responsibility to make sure that you
complete your task on time as it impacts the
department’s outcome.’’
“I felt helpless that you were not present in the
meeting.’’

“I want to feel appreciated by my boss when I

perform well at my work sphere.’’
LET’S PRACTICE – Verify your answer

State which is a ‘NEED’ and which is ‘NOT A NEED’.

“I feel irritated when you leave the task

incomplete as it affects my deadline.”
NOT A NEED.

“I am grateful that you offered me dinner at

NOT A NEED
your place, as I was hungry.’’
“It is my responsibility to make sure that you
complete your task on time as it impacts the NEED
department’s outcome.’’
“I felt helpless that you were not present in the
meeting.’’ NOT A NEED

“I want to feel appreciated by my boss when I

perform well at my work sphere.’’
NEED
PREFIX FOR MAKING A REQUEST

Considering that we have to use Non-violent way of communication. The

words that you would use should be polite yet should cater to the need
of the word.
NOTE: The negative feelings shouldn’t dominate the situation.

PHRASES THAT CAN BE USED:

1. It’s a humble request..

2. I would like it, if..
3. It would be nice/supportive of you, if..
4. Could you please..
5. Its for our welfare..
LET’S PRACTICE- REQUEST

STATE INFRONT OF THE STATEMENTS, WHETHER IT IS A REQUEST OR A DEMAND?

“ I would like you to prepare dinner for me

tomorrow.”

“Will you be able to come to my office after

lunch, as we have to decide agenda for the next
meeting?”
“ I am very strict about deadlines. Therefore you
have to finish the report by today itself. ’’

“You should attend tomorrow’s meeting.’’

“ Please take Mr. Yadav’s help to finish the work

within the due date.’’
LET’S PRACTICE – Verify your answer

STATE INFRONT OF THE STATEMENTS, WHETHER IT IS A REQUEST OR A DEMAND?

“ I would like you to prepare dinner for me

tomorrow.”
REQUEST

“Will you be able to come to my office after

lunch, as we have to decide agenda for the next REQUEST
meeting?”
“ I am very strict about deadlines. Therefore you
have to finish the report by today itself. ’’ DEMAND

“You should attend tomorrow’s meeting.’’ DEMAND

“ Please take Mr. Yadav’s help to finish the work

within the due date.’’
REQUEST