BUILDING CHILDREN’S

POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR
Basic Theories on Child Behaviour
A. Behaviour is primarily the result of
heredity.
B. Behaviour depends on
environmental influences
C. Children go through stages of
behavioural development.
D. Misbehaving in children is normal.
Common Behaviours of Children Today
Shouting/yelling
Belittling
Shaming
Name calling
Comparing
Highlights with the following:
Many parents realize that our children’s
attitudes and behaviours are different
today than when we were children.
LEARNING POINTS
Some believe behaviour is primarily the
result of heredity.
Others believe behaviour depends on
environmental influences.
Children go through the different stages of
behavioural development.
One major theory is that of Erick Erickson
on the 8 stages of psychosocial development
 There is a need for you, parents, to
understand behaviour and to accept that it
is normal for your children to misbehave
sometime.
There is a reason when your children
misbehave.

The parents should appreciate positive

behaviours of their children to better
perspectives.
 Erikson’s Eight Stages of
Psychological Development
Erikson’s Eight Stages of Healthy Process Unhealthy Process
Psychological
Development

Infancy ( 0-2 ) Child needs food, love, rest, Child’s needs are not met.
recreation, security and Feels hungry, cold,
stimulation met by abandoned, pain
caregivers. Develops trust in (MISTRUST).
others, feels valued, feels a
sense that life is good
(HOPE).

Early Childhood ( 2-3 ) Child discovers control of Child is punished for

himself through bladder and wetting, soiling his
bowel movement, saying underwear, child is yelled at
“no”, choosing certain food, or abused for not behaving
etc. Develops autonomy, (SHAME and DOUBT).
feels a sense that he exists
as an individual, discovers
“me” (WILL).
Erikson’s Eight Stages Healthy Process Unhealthy Process
of Psychological
Development

Play Age ( 3-6 ) Child develops certain Child is rarely praised,

initiative, develops a only put down and/or
sense that he can “ do punished, abused or
things”, climbs, draws, ignored. Normal
puts puzzles together, curiosity is
goes to school, discouraged, mistakes
develops friendships, are punished (GUILT).
makes things through
crafts. Develops
initiative, develops
sense that he can
create and be
successful
(PURPOSE).
Erikson’s Eight Stages Healthy Process Unhealthy Process
of Psychological
Development

School Age (6-12) Child discovers that he is Child never belongs to

part of a society, he can anyone is not wanted is
be part of human society not allowed opportunities
and learn skills that to develop friendship,
enable him to survive in abilities are criticized.
that society. Develops (INFERIORITY).
industry, has a sense
that he has a valuable
contribution to help
others (COMPETENCE).
Erikson’s Eight Stages Healthy Process Unhealthy Process
of Psychological
Development

Adolescence (13-19) Child discovers his Child is misunderstood,

unique values, abused, cannot develop
personality – even within values or goals, spends
a group of peers and energy rebelling against
adults, chooses a society, does not learn
career. Develops (ROLE CONFUSION).
identity, a sense of
relating to others as he
is accepting and caring
for others as they are
(FIDELITY).
Erikson’s Eight Stages Healthy Process Unhealthy Process
of Psychological
Development

Young Adult (19-40) Adult discovers his life Young adult cannot form
becomes better when he successful relationship
can share and love. with others, is
Chooses a partner, has promiscuous
children (SHARE). (ISOLATION).
Erikson’s Eight Stages Healthy Process Unhealthy Process
of Psychological
Development

Adult (40-65) Adult discovers his life in Adult experiences

others – has disappointments – no
grandchildren, enjoys enjoyment in past life –
and reaps benefit of wishes to begin all over
parenting and working. again (STAGNATION).
Develops generosity, a
sense that he has made
a positive contribution to
life process (CARE).
Erikson’s Eight Stages Healthy Process Unhealthy Process
of Psychological
Development

Mature Age (65-Death) Adult discovers he had Adults knows that he did
what he wanted in life not get what he wanted
and feels content and out of life – is depressed,
satisfied with life sad, sometimes very ill
process. Develops (DESPAIR).
integrity, a sense of
getting old, coming to
terms with death, feels
life is worthwhile
(WISDOM).
Young Children Misbehave
Due to Many Reasons
POWER- Power-seeking children most often
feel they are only significant if they are the
boss. They want all their desires granted. If
parents do succeed at times in making their
children follow them, that success is only
temporary. The exchange would weaken
relationships with children.
When dealing with power-seeking children,
parents must refrain from getting angry.
They must disengage themselves from the
power struggle.
 Using power tactics will only make the
situation even worse and lead children to
know and feel more of the value of power
and therefore desire it more.
If the power struggle continues, the
children usually feel that they cannot
defeat their parents; hence, they will
pursue the next goal – revenge.
REVENGE- Revengeful children find
their place by being cruel and disliked.
They feel that they are not lovable and
resort to hurting others to find meaning.
Parents of these children are very hurt
by the retaliation. These parents need
to realize that revengeful behavior
stems from discouragement.
If revenge continues and children come
to feel defeated, they may give up and
exhibit feelings of inadequacy.
Attention- Children desire attention.
They prefer to gain attention in useful
ways. If they are not able to achieve it,
they seek attention in useless ways.
Parents should focus on the
constructive behavior of children
through ignoring their misbehavior or
paying attention to it in ways not
expected. This places emphasis upon
giving attention rather than on getting
it.
Parents should “catch” and
acknowledge good behavior.
DISPLAY OF INADEQUACY- Extremely
discouraged children signal feelings of
inadequacy. They give up hopes of
succeeding. To help the child who feels
inadequate, parents must eliminate all
criticism and focus on the child’s
assets and strengths. The parents must
encourage any effort to improve, no
matter how small it seems.
BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES FOR
YOUNGER CHILDREN (2-12 YEARS OLD)
Causes of Young Children’s Misbehaviour
A. Power-seeking
B. Revenge
C. Desire for Attention
D. Display of Inadequacy
Ways of Handling Misbehaviour of Younger Children
A. Modelling good behavior h. Rewards/praise
B. Establishing family rules i. hugging/pat on the shoulder
C. Accepting/supporting Positive Behaviour
D. Time-Out
E. Loss of Privileges
F. Restitution/Replacement
G. Ignoring
Means of Preventing Misbehaviour of Younger
children

Provide proper training to act in

appropriate ways.
Communicate with them.
Give proper attention to their needs.
Love them.
 BEHAVIOUR MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES
FOR ADOLESCENT (13-19 YEARS OLD)
Qualities / Characteristics of Adolescent
A. Independent F. Growing Pains
B. Assertive G. Wild & Free, Excited
C. Demanding H. Interest in music, cars
&
D. Makes decision the opposite sex
E. High Energy I. Moody
Causes of Misbehaviour Among
Adolescents
A. Feeling of Inadequacy
B. lacking in Feeling of
Belongingness
C. Needing Sense of Status
Adolescent stage is the most crucial period for all parents to
give guidance and supervision.
Adolescents become independent and wants to establish
their own identity.
Remarkable physical changes are also evident in teenagers
at this stage: rapid physical growth, sexual development,
expansive cognitive abilities. These changes create stress
and a tendency to make them moody and inflexible.
Teens become more assertive and demand rights and
independence.
There is broadening of their peer network.
Parents should be creative and skilful in managing
behaviour of teens.
Parents should relax their restrictions or there will be conflict.
Self-regulation should be allowed and practiced.
Parents should communicate a clear set of values and family rules
to their teens. This will serve as their guide in self-regulation.
Misbehaving children are discouraged children.
Misbehaviour is an expression of a feeling of inadequacy, lack of
belongingness and/or sense of status.
Effective parenting requires that you treat your teens like equals.
Let go and let your teens experience life.
Praise them when they do the right thing.
Encourage them to start again when they make a mistake.
Show that you trust them in the decisions they make
Basic Ways of handling adolescents include:
.Reflective listening – requires open exchange of feelings and opinions, responding
to nonverbal messages and understanding the feelings and meanings of their
messages.
. Exploring Alternatives- means assisting your teen to evaluating the many possible
courses of action and then obtaining a commitment to action.
. Determining “who" owns the problem” by answering;
* Whose problem is it?
* who is expecting difficulty with whom?
* Whose purposes/needs are not being met?
. Use of “I” message-describes how their behaviour makes you feel.
The focus is on and not on teen. This will avoid sending any feeling of blame to the
adolescent.
. Use natural and logical consequences- allows the teen to make his won decisions
and be responsible for them. It permits him to learn from the reality of the social order.
. Provide background parenting- to remind them that you are there in the
background to give them a feeling of security. Always be there for them but maintain a
non-judgemental attitude.
Some Ways of preventing misbehaviour of Adolescents:
* Improve communication – talk to them and treat them
like adults. Listen to them and never force your views.
Never belittle them either.
* Improve conflict resolution skills- relate well through
dialogue. Talk, think and decide together to meet each
other’s expectations and needs.
* Establish discipline and limits- provide guidance in
making friends, dating, sexuality, money, school, career
and leisure activities to help them clarify and reflect on
their choices, behaviour and attitudes.
* Allow increased autonomy- allows them the capacity
to decide on their needs and concerns, Avoid criticisms,
sarcasm and verbal confrontations when act of
misbehaviour is committed. Focus behaviour that affect
relationship with one another.
Emphasize use of natural and logical
consequences- enhances them to become
more responsible in their behaviour and
skills in deciding which is best for them.
Affirmation and praise- always affirm with
words and actions any good behaviour
done. It helps improve your relationship as
well as build your teens self-esteem
RESPONDING TO RISK-TAKING
BEHAVIOUR OF ADOLESCENTS
Risk-taking activities
A. fighting
B. truancy
C. risky sexual behaviour
D. smoking cigarettes or tobacco
E. alcohol use
F. illegal substance use
G. dangerous driving
H. illegal activities, trespassing & vandalism
Ways to Prevent Adolescent from
Getting Involved in Risk-taking
Behaviours:
A. Help your child learn to assess risk
B. Work out some agreed ground rules
C. Talk about values
D. Keep an eye on your child
E. Keep the lines of communication open.
F. Be a good role model
G. Encourage a wide social network
H. Give teenagers a way out
 Remember to love your adolescents in
spite of their weakness and mistakes. Do
not love them only when they are good. It is
when they are not doing so well that they
really need you to understand, guide and
have the time to be there for them. All
parents are busy with work. But if you
become too busy even for your own children
there is something wrong with your priorities.