CONFLICT DEFINED

DESTRUCTIVE
CONFLICT
LECTURER – AURICA WILLIAMS - EDWARDS
CHECK IN

HOW ARE YOU FEELING? NAME AN ANIMAL WHICH WHAT STOOD OUT FROM DID YOU EXPERIENCE ANY
BEST REPRESENTS HOW LAST WEEK’S DISCUSSION? CONFLICT THROUGHOUT
YOU ARE FEELING. THE WEEK? HOW WAS IT
ADDRESSED?
WHAT IS CONFLICT?
WHAT IS YOUR APPROACH TO CONFLICT?

Where are you on the following ratings describing your approach to conflict?
• I love peace and harmony and will go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
• I sometimes will willingly engage in conflict, but only if I can see no other good choice.
• I like the give-and-take of a good verbal conflict and am not particularly wary of getting involved.
• I enjoy constructive conflict.
• My adrenaline gets going and I like to see what can come of it.
• I even seek out conflict at times.
• I count on conflict to help clear the air, solve problems, and get us to a “different place.”
 CONFLICT DEFINED

“Conflict is an expressed struggle between at least two

interdependent parties who perceive incompatible
goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in
achieving those goals.”
 • MILD DIFFERENCE
• DISAGREEMENT
CONFLICT VARIES
BASED ON… • DISPUTE
Intensity and Range
• CAMPAIGN
• LITIGATION
• FIGHT OR WAR
COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT

• Communication is central to conflict and they are related in the following

ways:
• Communication behaviour often creates conflict.
• Communication behaviour reflects conflict.
• Communication is the vehicle for the productive or destructive
management of conflict.
THE DEVELOPMENT OF CONFLICT
Destructive versus Constructive
WHAT STATEMENTS DO YOU THINK WORSEN CONFLICT?
CRITICISM WORSENS CONFLICT

• “YOU ALWAYS ….” • “YOU NEVER …”

COMPLAIN

• TEND TO BE STRONG AND ASSERTIVE

• AVOID BLAMING
• USE “I”STATEMENTS
• DESCRIBE INSTEAD OF JUDGING
• ENCOURAGES CHANGE
• OPEN AND HONEST
HOW CAN YOU SHIFT THESE CRITICISMS TO
COMPLAINTS?
• You always leave your clothes on the floor!
• You never support me!
• You are the most selfish person I know. I need your help to wash the dishes.
• This online learning is a mess!
DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

• Conflict interaction can be productive or destructive depending on many factors, including the
context in which it occurs (Camara and Resnick 1989) and the kinds of communication used.
• Develops from behaviours (e.g. defensive communication) that escalate a conflict.
• Worsens quickly leading parties to forget the issues at hand and instead shift their focus on
getting even, retaliating or hurting the other person.
• Initiates future conflict as no one is left satisfied with the outcome, and possible gains are not
realized.
• Fueled by WIN/LOSE mindset.
DEFENSIVENESS

• When people use defensive communication, they are communicating a

desire to protect themselves against pain, fear, personal responsibility, or
new information.
STONEWALLING

• Occurs when one person withdraws from the interaction.

• A less destructive form is known as “holding back”.
CONTEMPT

• Any statement or nonverbal behaviour that puts oneself on a higher plane than one’s
partner.
• Contempt is accompanied by sarcasm, ridicule, and hostile jokes.
• Contempt is almost never present in healthy relationships.
DISCUSSION

• Which of the four communication modes has been used against you in harmful ways?
• Which of the four do you use, and in what circumstances?
• Choose an example of your own of one of the four destructive modes explained above.
• Can you think of a way you could communicate more honestly and constructively?
CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

• Develops from beneficial behaviours that are adaptive to the person, situation or issues at
hand.
• Appropriately balances the interest of both parties in order to maximize mutual gains.
• Contains creative adaptation with consideration for the interest and goals of both parties
in order to derive a mutually acceptable outcome.
• Conflict can be adequately resolved if there is focus on the process itself and not just the
desired outcome
SHIFTING TO A MORE CONSTRUCTIVE
APPROACH
• Communicate as clearly as possible
- Directly ask whether your perception of the expressed struggle is accurate.
- Let the other party know how his or her actions affect you.
- Disclose your goal and ask about the other person’s goal.
- Examine available resources
- Examine if the perception of the other party can get in the way of your goals.
CONSTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION
TIPS
• Ask directly what is going on
• Tell others your own reality
• Look for flexible solutions
• Remember your history together may not affect your future
• Never underestimate a cooperative move.
A BETTER APPROACH…
LETS PRACTICE

• Think of destructive criticism, maybe that you have used, or that others have used against
you, and practice brainstorming about how to change these critical comments to
legitimate complaints or to communicate in more constructive ways.