Love and Friendship

By
Rev. Dr. Sulpicio “Pepe” Vincoy, DM-HRM
Mt. 19:3-12
Some Pharisees approached him, and tested him, saying, “Is it lawful for a man
to divorce his wife for any cause whatever?” 
He said in reply, “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made
them male and female’  and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father
and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” 
They said to him, “Then why did Moses command that the man give the
woman a bill of divorce and dismiss [her]?”
He said to them, “Because of the hardness of your hearts Moses allowed you to
divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 
I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) and
marries another commits adultery.” 
[His] disciples said to him, “If that is the case of a man with his wife, it is
better not to marry.” 
He answered, “Not all can accept [this] word, but only those to whom that is
granted.
Some are incapable of marriage because they were born so; some, because
they were made so by others; some, because they have renounced marriage for
the sake of the kingdom of heaven.
Whoever can accept this ought to accept it.”
Introduction

Jesus, in our gospel reading, put the highest priority on preserving the bond
between husband and wife.
Why Jesus put marriage as the highest priority to be preserved?
The reason is simple.
Man and woman in marriage should no longer be two but one flesh, and what
God has united no mere man can divide it
Marriage is a relationship where love and friendship should be the norm and
ideal.
In any relationship, love and friendship should be the norm and ideal.
 Difference between love and friendship:  

Love
Friendship
is a feeling of personal
is a relationship
attraction for another
between two or more
person.
people.
Love
Friendship
refers to a romantic
does not involve any
relationship between
such kind of interest.
just two people.
Friendship, a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust
between peoples.
In all cultures, friendships are important relationships throughout a person's
life span.
 Many Faces of Love

•EROS: PASSIONATE LOVE.

•PHILIA: GOODWILL LOVE. ...
•STORGE: FAMILIAL LOVE. ...
•AGAPE: UNIVERSAL LOVE. ...
•LUDUS: UNCOMMITTED LOVE. ...
•PRAGMA: PRACTICAL LOVE. ...
•PHILAUTIA: SELF-LOVE.
EROS: PASSIONATE LOVE
For most of us, the modern picture of love has molded into this automatic
imagery of an intense whirlwind romance. 
Eros no longer needs a lengthy introduction as people label it as the sexual
kind of love, though it has evolved into the innate human desire to reproduce
with people one finds attractive.
As you can tell from its name, this love is based on the Greek god Eros, who
is also known as Cupid.
In a relationship as predictable and fleeting as the arrows of Aphrodite’s son,
rationality and logic often become the biggest weaknesses in a purely erotic
relationship.
As euphoric as it is, this kind of love only seldom goes far because it lacks the
maturity that philia has and the familiarity that storge has.
PHILIA: GOODWILL LOVE
What eros lacks in maturity and stability, philia makes up for it. Coming from
mutual benefit, it only makes sense why we explain philia in terms of
friendship.
A philia relationship is built on companionship, dependability, and trust.
The friends involved in a philia relationship often find themselves seeking a
deeper meaning in life by providing each other insights, confronting the other
in times of the other’s wrongs or character flaws, and providing genuine
concern for the other’s well-being.
That’s why some of the best eros relationships start from intimate friendships
where the lovers have gotten accustomed to communication between the two
parties, as well as mutually benefitting from the other.
Those in such relationships hence have lesser problems developing and
strengthening their now romantic relationship.
STORGE: FAMILIAL LOVE
Commonly mistaken as agape, familial love is defined as storge.
Not to be confused as blood family relationships, storge is the fondness people
feel for others that they are familiar with or dependent on—regardless of the
presence of biological relationships and the personal qualities of the person.
Perhaps you’ve seen instances of friends who seemed to have nothing in
common but were as close as family.
Most newly formed romantic relationships wrongly anticipate the eventual
arrival of storge.
Once the desire of eros and stability of philia disappears, these relationships
crumble under pressure.
With the right time and effort spent on a relationship, it blossoms into storge.
AGAPE: UNIVERSAL LOVE
A love that does not depend on familiarity, filiation, or physical attraction
is agape.
Much like Christian love and charity, agape is defined as an unselfish concern
for the living things and environment around us.
It is the altruistic human being’s drive for giving things to those in need without
expecting much in return.
Holding a broader perspective, agape blooms from the genuine kindness
anyone can feel for large populations of people, animals, or nonliving things.
LUDUS: UNCOMMITTED LOVE
Does meaningless flirtation or a casual relationship ring a bell?
This is where ludus comes in as the flighty temptation that it is.
The ludus kind of love can be seen in simple activities like dancing, teasing,
pecking, or activities such as seduction and copulation.
In today’s world, a relationship often goes wrong when one person starts
mistaking the evanescent, no-strings-attached ludus as the passionate and more
long-term eros.
Although uncommitted and uncomplicated, this kind of relationship works best
when all parties involved are mature, self-sufficient, and fully aware of where
the relationship stands. 
PRAGMA: PRACTICAL LOVE
As more people in various parts of the world grow increasingly concerned
about their free will and choice in marriage and love, we find things such as
arranged marriages decreasing.
While the younger generations find it unfathomable to love a complete
stranger, pragma was the only kind of love that the older generations knew.
Priorities such as shared goals and supposedly compatibility are the reasons
why “strictly business” political or celebrity marriages continue to exist.
We see this kind of love in the relationships that form more out of obligation
than personal choice of companion.
PHILAUTIA: SELF-LOVE
Whether unhealthy or healthy, philautia is any love directed towards oneself.
Related to self-esteem, a person with a healthy sense of self-love feels adequate
about their personal achievements, characteristics, and value in the world.
As good as philautia seems, we also see it in the growing number of individuals
who place themselves above others.
A hubristic level of self-love cultivates an inflated sense of accomplishments,
status, and qualities.
In this world of prevalent materialism and increased pressure to present the best
image of oneself, philautia makes itself known in the modern-day Narcissus
who loves themselves a little too much.
Failing to see themselves in a just and truthful perspective, hubristic people find
their excess philautia becoming their downfall.
Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different
reasons.
However, there are also some characteristics that most healthy relationships
have in common, such as mutual respect, trust, and honesty.
In a strong, healthy relationship you also:
•Maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other. You each
make the other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled.
•Are able respectfully disagree. You need to feel safe to express things that
bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without
humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.
•Keep outside relationships and interests alive. To stimulate and enrich your
romantic relationship, it’s important to sustain your own identity outside of the
relationship, preserve connections with family and friends, and maintain your
hobbies and interests.
•Communicate openly and honestly. Good communication is a key part of
any relationship. When both people know what they want from the
relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, it
can increase trust and strengthen the bond between you.
Essence of Christianity
 The essence of Christianity
is in loving, and the essence
of loving is in giving.
It is possible to give without
loving, but it is impossible to
love without giving.
Therefore, if we cannot be
Christian without loving, we
cannot be Christians without
giving.
The poor widow gives
from her poverty,
offering everything she
has to live on.
She is giving what she
is sacrificing or denying
herself of.
 The widow has an
intense feeling of deep
affection.
She gave her love
totally to the Lord.
 Three (3) Degrees of Love
1. The Essence of Love
According to Dr. Scott Peck,
the author of the classic
personal and spiritual growth
book, The Road Less
Traveled, it is to extend ones
self for the purpose of ones
own or another’s spiritual
growth.
That greater sense of love is
truly serving the highest
good of another.
 Giving respect, concern, and kindness
 Respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when
they’re different from you or you don’t agree with them.
 Respect in your relationships builds feelings of trust, safety, and wellbeing.
 Concern is to cause worry to someone.
 Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.
2. The Logic of Love
When you give love; Love is given back to you.

The desire and wanting to

take care of the person you
love.
It is a love that involves
tending to someone’s
needs as well as having
and expressing feelings of
compassion for them.
 When you give love; Love is given back to you.
 The desire and wanting to take care of the person you love.
 The ability to form healthy relationships is one of the most important skills
we will gain in life.
 What you give is what you get. (law of the echoe)
 Etc.
3. The Folly of Love
To be fool for love

To have a great
attachment to and
affection for.
 To have a great attachment to and affection for.
 Once touched by love, our lives can never be the same.
 Jesus Christ touched us by giving up His life on the CROSS.
 Our model in living this kind of love is no other than our Lord Jesus…
Realities
Realities in Relationships

1. Non-Marital Cohabitation: It is an arrangement where two people are

not married but live together.

2. Contemporary families are inclusive of:

a. Single parent families,
b. Blended families,
c. Step-families
d. Homosexual families to name a few.

3. LGBTQ
 Single Sex Issues: Homosexuality and Lesbianism

Christians believe that the clear teaching of the Bible enables us to conclude
that nobody should marry someone of the same sex.
The practice of homosexuality was once regarded as some kind of sinister
perversion.
Is sexual orientation a choice?

No, human beings cannot choose to be either gay (homosexual) or straight

(heterosexual).
Sexual orientation emerges in most people in the early teen years without any
sexual experience.
We do get to act on our feelings, but psychologists do not consider sexual
orientation to be a conscious choice.
Many people feel attracted to people of the same sex.
This can lead someone to wonder whether or not they are gay.
Deciding you are gay often happens gradually, it may not be something you
can initially put a name to, and it can feel very confusing.
The 2019 study is the latest in a hunt for “gay genes” that began in 1993,
when Dean Hamer 
linked male homosexuality to a section of the X chromosome.
As the ease and affordability of genome sequencing increased, additional
gene candidates have emerged with potential links to homosexual behavior.
So-called genome-wide association studies identified a gene called SLITRK6,
which is active in a brain region called the diencephalon that differs in size
between people who are homosexual or heterosexual.
Homosexual has smaller while heterosexual has bigger.
Males with a genetic condition called androgen insensitivity syndrome can
develop female genitalia and are usually brought up as girls, despite being
genetically male – with an X and Y chromosome – and they are attracted to
men.
The child will grow up to desire men.
Similarly, girls who have a genetic condition called 
congenital adrenal hyperplasia are exposed to unusually high levels of male
hormones like testosterone while in the womb, which may masculinize their
brain and increase the odds of lesbianism.

The hypothalamus is a gland in your brain that controls your hormone
system.
It releases hormones to another part of your brain called the pituitary gland,
which sends hormones out to your different organs.
These include: Adrenals
Adrenal glands, also known as suprarenal glands, are small, triangular-shaped
glands located on top of both kidneys. Adrenal glands produce hormones that
help regulate your metabolism, immune system, blood pressure, response to
stress and other essential functions.
Heaven is our life’s destiny
We may not all be saints and angels, but our Father, who made us all in
heaven have only one wish for us,
to be with Him in His everlasting Kingdom.
 Holiness
God’s will is for us to be holy, which
includes avoiding sexual immorality.
“It is God’s will that you should be
sanctified;
That you should avoid sexual immorality;
That each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and
honourable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.”
(1 Thes. 4:3, 4)
Thoughts as well as actions
• Watch your thoughts; they become words.
• Watch your words; they become actions.
• Watch your actions; they become habits.
• Watch your habits; they become character.
• Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny.
 Friendship With Jesus Christ

Lazarus was a good friend of Jesus.

Didn’t it strike you that Lazarus was referred to as the one whom Jesus
loved?
Jesus says the same thing to each of us – the one He loves.
Jesus said, “I no longer call you slaves for a slave does not know what his
master is about. Instead, I call you friends.”
Lazarus was a friend of Jesus so I am.
Lazarus was a friend of Jesus so you are – a very good friend of Jesus.
Lazarus represents all of us.
Stop thinking that because you are suffering God holds a grudge against you.
God does not keep grudges against His friends.
If God has called you His friend and His loved one,
He will not keep a grudge against you.
St. Teresa of Avila suffered persecutions.
She was even persecuted by the Church authorities
She was misunderstood by her own confreres
She was distressed and suffered dryness in her prayers for so many years
Finally, in prayer, she asked the Lord,
“Why do you allow all these persecutions to come to me?”
And the Lord appeared to Teresa of Avila and said, “Teresa, that is how I deal
with my friends.”
And Teresa responded, “Now I know the reason why You have a very few
friends.
Because to be your friend means to suffer with You.
To suffer is to give up life rather than be a part of sin.
It is rooting out from life whatever threatens our relationship with God.
Rooting out may be painful.
“It might seem like cutting out part of our own body, but if we are to know real
life, real happiness, real peace, it must go.
It is consoling to say that we are friends of God.
Another point we should consider is that Jesus loved, Lazarus so much that he
wept upon learning that Lazarus died.
It is good to laugh with friends.
When we laugh with friends, our joy is doubled.
But when your friends laugh at you, it hurts.
Have you experienced having your friends cry for you or cry with you?
That is the mark of true friendship – when you are able to cry for, or with, your
friend.
To cry is a sign of love.
If you have never experienced how it is to cry for somebody, you don’t know
what you are talking about when you talk of love.
But loving does not end with tears.
Just as Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, our friendship with Jesus will end
in the giving of new life.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, “At the hour of death when we come face to
face with God, we are going to be judged on love, not on how much we have
done, but on how much love we put in the doing.”
Biblical Citation on Sexual Sins

1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Flee sexual immorality.
Every other sin that a person commits is outside the body,
but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.  
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you,
whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 
For you have been bought for a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
 
Proverbs 6:27-29
Can a man take fire in his bosom And his clothes not be burned?
Or can a man walk on hot coals And his feet not be scorched?
So is the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
Whoever touches her will not go unpunished.
Homosexuality is linked with “sexual perversion.”
“Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.”
(Lev 18:22)
“Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts….
Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the
due penalty for their perversion.”
(Rom 1:26-27)
1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?
Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor
effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor
revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.
 
Colossians 3:5-6
Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality,
impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry.
For it is because of these things that the wrath of God will come upon the sons
of disobedience.
 

Romans 13:12-14
The night is almost gone, and the day is near.
Therefore let us lay aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.
Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in
sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy.
But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard
to its lusts.
Abstinence makes sense

• Some medical journals in the United States regularly publish articles

encouraging healthcare professionals to recommend abstinence.
• One such journal stated, “Abstinence is the greatest sexual health promotion
behaviour available to Americans, especially to adolescents.”

Postgraduate Medicine 1995; 97:121-34.

There are many medical arguments as well as biblical ones which indicate
that premarital abstinence is the most effective response to the current
decline in teenage sexual health.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual
immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in
holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not
know God.

That you should avoid sexual immorality;

That each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy
and honourable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know
God.” (1 Thes. 4:3, 4)
“What is the greatest sacrifice in your relationship you ever
made for someone?”